Читать книгу The Tao of Influence - Karen McGregor - Страница 7

Introduction

It was the day of my father’s funeral. I woke up in the basement of my parents’ home, and slowly walked up the stairs, reflecting on what it meant to no longer have my dad in my life—to never hear his hearty laughter and never see his brilliant smile again. I was only thirty-four, and my dad had been a big influence on my life.

I opened the front door to get some fresh air and noticed a letter tucked under the doormat that was addressed to the Brust family. Hoping to spare my grieving mom from having to read what I suspected was yet another sympathy card, I opened the envelope and found inside it a piece of paper that had been folded several times. The gesture seemed to suggest that the contents were important; that the note shouldn’t be ignored or tossed in a pile with similar sentiments.

I carefully unfolded the paper, revealing a handwritten letter from someone I didn’t know. I learned from her letter that she was a neighbor who lived directly across the street, and she was almost due to give birth to her second child. The letter began as most sympathy cards do. “I’m terribly sorry for your loss.” But then she shared something that stuck with me all these years later.

“I never knew Gunther. We never spoke a word to each other, but I would gaze out my window every day and watch him build a birdhouse or a new piece of furniture in the back yard, putting up a new fence, and fixing things that needed repair. I watched him do these things with a smile on his face, and I thought to myself, ‘Wow, I hope that my husband will be the kind of man Gunther is.’ He gave me hope and inspired me to have a beautiful home and family too. He changed my life, and he didn’t even know it. Now, I want you to know it.”

Tears welled up in my eyes, and I couldn’t speak as I took the letter to my mom. I had always thought of my dad as a simple man who loved nature, stories, and a good laugh several times a day. But I realized that day, and again later at his celebration of life, that my dad influenced people in many ways—some obvious and some not. And so, I was inspired to understand the nature of influence. What causes people to be influential, and why? What traits do people have in common that influence the world for the better?

I knew one thing for sure: I wasn’t searching for typical answers found on the internet or in one of the hundreds of books written on the topic. I wasn’t interested in antiquated definitions of influence that pit “getting” vs. “giving” or manipulating vs. inspiring. I knew that those who ignite profound change in our world have often acted as sacred messengers of a higher order of influence. Their influence, in fact, is not necessarily neatly packaged; it grows in depth and richness as it is embraced and experienced.

So, my journey had begun; I wanted to explore the mystery of influence from all sides and angles. I attended talks with inspirational speakers and received training to become a speaker myself, eventually being guided to train messengers around the world to have more influence. I interviewed accomplished business owners about their influence and success, and then dove into entrepreneurship myself in the field of public speaking and sales training. I studied with spiritual mentors to understand influence from a different angle. Each experience and each conversation led me to observe influence from yet another perspective.

My explorations expanded before me. Any time I started to think that I finally had a handle on what influence was, I would inevitably be guided to new conversations with people who shared with me what influenced them to make lasting changes, and how they influenced others. I witnessed my own impact on my public speaking clients in ways that I could not predict. While I observed, researched, and interviewed, I read everything I could about the finer subtleties of influence, and learned much more. Yet, there was one powerful text that I continued to come back to—a wisdom text that invited me to experience over and over again the nature of true influence: the Tao Te Ching.

Influence and the Tao Te Ching

The Tao Te Ching is a collection of eighty-one verses written over four thousand years ago by Lao Tzu, a Chinese prophet. He wrote it in response to a desert gatekeeper, Yin Hsi, who begged him to record the profound teachings he had been sharing. Many scholars consider the Tao Te Ching one of the wisest books ever written. When applied to influence, the principles of the Tao Te Ching shift the fabric of our thinking and behaviors to help create a vibrant world of growth and potential.

Today, more than ever, we find ourselves in a crisis in which many of us are yearning for positive influencers. We are hoping for real, authentic, heart-driven people who can create lasting change on the planet. In less than two decades, we have watched the rise of technology contribute to excess noise, distractions, and a myriad of choices that keep most people unfocused and uncertain as to what to believe. At the same time, we’ve observed the fall of corrupt companies, institutions, and leaders. While we have lost faith and belief in them, we have not yet replaced them with positive alternatives. We feel a tangible void, and like nature, the vacuum eventually gets filled—one way or another. The question is: with what?

This void puts us at a vulnerable point in history—we can choose to step into it and become a positive influence, or we can allow more and more apathy and darkness to fill it. There is currently a trend of celebrity influencers; while some of them are indeed creating positive change, those are not typically the ones that the masses are paying attention to over the long term. Huge numbers of people are following those who are loud, large, and spiritually bankrupt. They are voting them into public office. The consequences of doing so are now coming to light, but the masses feel they have nowhere else to turn.

Yet, if enough of us turn inwards to our own capacity to create change—real, lasting, evolutionary change on the planet—we can fill the void, and create a new world rooted in love. The Tao Te Ching’s principles and philosophies support influential thinking and actions that are based in love. This book aims to help you ground the wisdom of the Tao into your everyday reality through practical, daily steps.

As we begin our journey, it’s useful to look at the current situation of old-world influencers: the clear majority of whom came from educational, political, and religious environments consisting of traditional schools, churches, and government-led organizations. The majority of these influencers went on to work in those same establishments, where they generated a great deal of good, and upheld strong values. Yet, now we find these institutions crumbling at our feet, the Millennials and Generation Z having no wish to follow in their footsteps. The reason? The type of influence they stood for is not lasting. Young people are saying ”no” to patterns of behavior that, although they have become the accepted norm over a long period of time, rarely foster real and powerful change within ourselves and in our world.

Three Stages of Influence

Because most of us have witnessed both the positive and negative results of people’s influence over others, let’s first examine the development of influence, and how it shows up in our lives. In my research, I’ve learned that most people go through three stages of influence, and you may notice this progression in yourself. The first stage is self-centered, aligned with the old paradigm of influence, and all about attempting to get something we want. For example, we may have good intentions, such as providing for our young children, qualifying for a first mortgage, or getting that dream job, but the focus is entirely on “me,” and what I need and want for my life. Sometimes, manipulation, greed, control, or another fear-based behavior shows up. Consequently, results are minimal, and often don’t last beyond the individual’s goal.

The second stage of influence happens when the influencer understands that the goal is a “win-win.” They want everyone involved in the decision or action to benefit. Influencers at this stage care deeply enough to ensure that everyone feels that their own desire and goal has been met.

The third stage of influence is when the influencer is working toward a powerful outcome for all—for the planet, the community, and the evolution of humanity. This is the Tao at work—selfless contribution, where the leader’s invisible strength ignites great change. The Tao Te Ching reminds us that the sage “does not claim greatness over anything. He’s not even aware of his own greatness.” Influencers in this third stage are not concerned about getting something for themselves or about being seen or noticed. They no longer require that their personal needs get met; they’re focused on working toward change on the planet. As Satyen Raja, one of my spiritual mentors, shared with me, “The heart of influence is devotion to people’s evolution. That’s the source of it being the purest, and most powerful.”

The Three Stages of Influence

• Self-centeredness

• Win-win Mentality

• Selflessness

The most powerful influencers don’t try to be influencers for egoic reasons. They are not struck by the praise or recognition of having an impact. Raw food advocate and superfoods expert David Wolfe, says, “I don’t like to be after influence for influence’s sake. Influence has to do with our ability to alter the direction that our world is heading. To me, that’s a spiritual directive.” David says he wants to see the world different than it is now, and as an activist, promotes far less use of chemicals, a vast decrease in artificial synthetic materials going into the environment or being disposed of in the environment, and huge changes in methods of farming and interacting with the earth. David’s message and action over the last two decades has transformed many people’s choices, and he continues to influence people worldwide to wake up to their personal and collective choices for themselves, and for the earth. He demonstrates the heart of influence: acting for the good of all, and for our planet.

The Four Pillars

While training people over the past decade to share their messages on stage and reach for their full potential, I came to identify four pillars of influence that determine whether lasting, sustainable change occurs. These pillars are: Power, Presence, Purpose, and Potential. Understanding these four pillars from a spiritual and personal perspective and integrating them into our lives allows the principles of the Tao to naturally become part of everyday life. Real and lasting positive change begins to happen. Movements ignite. People awaken. Miracles become the norm. That’s why I wrote this book.

Life itself is all about navigating personal power, so the first pillar, Power, delves into your relationship with it. In every choice, in every thought, in every action you make, you either accentuate or diminish your power. And each time you do so, you impact not just yourself, but everyone and everything around you. In this book, we will look at all the places where power has been distorted and bring it back to light. By doing so, you’ll see the Butterfly Effect at work: the smallest of choices can set in motion a myriad of consequences. Walking in the Way of the Tao, you’ll learn to choose, so that your personal power has the greatest impact. You’ll learn to understand and activate the power of your words, your thoughts, and your commitment to that which you wish to change.

The second pillar is Presence, and we will explore your relationship to it. Presence is the ability to exist in the moment with no thought of past or future. All great spiritual teachers have noted that the key to fulfillment and joy is to learn to be in the now. It is also critical to developing influence, since people who are present and in the fullness of life as it exists here and now are the same people who are fully trusted, counted on for their wisdom, and able to move mountains with their words. Gandhi, Jesus, and Mother Theresa were all examples of people who shifted the course of history and taught great things with their presence and power. As Gandhi said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” And by being that change, we influence others to do the same.

Presence, like power, has always existed within us. In fact, presence is who we are when we strip away all that we are not. When our doubts and fears and illusions of fear-based beliefs are dissolved for good, then presence can be with us always. Presence enables us to experience leadership without experiencing the push and pull of agendas and motivations, and so is foundational to the wisdom teachings of the Tao. In Verse 4 of the Tao Te Ching, Lao Tzu says, “Tao is empty, yet it fills every vessel with endless supply. Tao is hidden, yet it shines in every corner of the universe.”

The third pillar of influence is Purpose, of which there are two types. The first type is our soul’s purpose, that is, what we have come here to do and the potential we’ve come to this world to fully express. When we focus on fulfilling the mission of our purpose, we will either naturally influence others to take up our mission or we will inspire them to pursue and fulfill their own mission. In many cases, our journey will provide clarity to people who feel lost and without purpose themselves. The second type of purpose consists of the reason that we came to this earth—the bigger Divine Purpose we all share—which is to love. Period. No other purpose, but to love.

The final pillar of influence is Potential. What is possible for us, for others, and for our evolution as a species? How open are we to create a new reality? Albert Einstein once said, “I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious.” Developing an openness to potential is a core component of being a change-maker. Please note that I did not say, “disrupter.” In the Way of the Tao, leaders do not push, pull or destroy; they work in flow and harmony to create something new. When we are in creation energy—the energy of possibility—positive, lasting influence is more likely to occur.

The Four Pillars

• Power

• Presence

• Purpose

• Potential

Our relationships to potential, like power, presence, and purpose, are relationships that invite us to observe our thoughts, actions, and choices. Making space for potential, treating it as sacred, and asking for assistance from both your earthly team and your Divine Team is critical.

One of the least talked-about characteristics of powerful influencers is their reliance on Divine support—the unseen, the intangible, the mystical. When influencers speak of potential and possibility, they are visionaries asking us to see things that are not yet recognized by the human eye. They pull things into existence that were never there before, because they have faith in, and are working collaboratively with, Divine Power.

About This Book

As a part of my research for this book, I had the great pleasure of interviewing numerous global influencers, all of whom had something in common: their journeys were launched on a foundation of personal development. They each journeyed within first and came to know themselves through the process of self-examination. Bestselling author of Mass Influence, Teresa de Grosbois, said it this way: “The biggest turning point for me was the moment I made the decision to do my own personal development work. During that time, my business had failed, my marriage ended, and my health was in a tailspin. So, I had an idea to renovate my home, and as I was in the bathroom working on the tiles, the only thought I had was how utterly unhappy I was. I could not point to a time in the past ten years that made me feel happy. I decided that I needed to be renovated, not the bathroom. It was from that point forward that life slowly started to transform for me. Change had to start with me, and changing myself. You have to do the inner work to do the outer work.”

This book guides you to do the inner work, in keeping with the principles of the Tao. Through these pages, you will have the opportunity to dedicate yourself to become a change-maker and influence others for the collective good. It may be challenging at times, but it is worth it. As Robert Frost put it, “It has made all the difference.”

This book is designed to help you evolve your personal capacity for influence and empowerment and guide you to explore your potential both in the earthly realm and the Divine realm. Your ability to walk in both worlds is what I call the Holy Flow, which leads to enduring and infinite influence.

Within each chapter, you will discover how the ancient truths of the Tao can become your current reality. At the end of each chapter, you’ll have an opportunity to reflect on, and take steps to integrate many of the profound teachings of the Tao into your life. Like all sacred teachings, each one is eternal and can sustain you consistently. When you apply them to the Four Pillars, using the practical, everyday processes in this book, you will discover a new state of influence: the Way of the Tao. In that state, people will feel your heart, soul, and your commitment, and be moved to act in ways that serve the greater good.

I will also describe how you can bring your mystical relationship with the Divine into much-needed action. We will explore mastery, and the ability to create at a high level. You might be motivated to begin or join a movement, for example, or to become an activist. As the Tao Te Ching often states, it is vital that our influence not be self-indulgent and expressed only within our own private desires. It’s important to support the many people and the environment in ways that alleviate widespread suffering and destruction of all that is good.

The words “Tao Te Ching” mean “living and applying the Great Way.” What is the Great Way? Scholars have debated that for centuries. But, since I will be referring to the Way of the Tao frequently throughout this book, the closest explanation I can offer is to say that it is the essence of love. The Tao speaks to what often gets in the way of love; the awareness of interruption in our natural state of love is at the heart of the Tao. And with awareness, comes transformation. I quote liberally from the Tao Te Ching (Translator, Jonathan Star) so that you can experience the Way of the Tao, influencing real and lasting change.