Читать книгу Hey Dorothy You're Not in Kansas Anymore - Karen Mueller Bryson - Страница 9

I guess I haven’t mentioned yet how I supported myself. Well, first and foremost, I was an actress. I have a degree in theatre from the University to prove it! Even though I had been out of college for a few years (three), I had yet to land a gig that paid more than $150. The following is a list my professional acting credits:

—Customer #3 in the local television commercial for Three Wise Men Plumbing

—Surprised Panelist on the infomercial for Mega-Handi Car Shampoo and All Purpose House Cleaner

—Beach tourist with camera in the straight-to-video thriller Beach Babe Murders III: A Psycho on Waterskis (I could have had a speaking role in that one but I would have had to appear topless. My line would have been, “No, please don’t stab me with that fish carving knife. Nooooo!”)

And last, but certainly not least, my appearance as…

—The Waitress in the never-made-it-to-television pilot of U.S. Coast Guard Undercover: Vessel Command.

But I did have an agent and, as crazy as she was, she still sent me on auditions. Well, sometimes she did but maybe not as often as I would have liked.

I still thought of myself as an aspiring actress. And I still had my dreams of stardom. But that really doesn’t explain how I supported myself, does it? Temp work through Ms. Gulch’s Office Mates temporary office workers; odd jobs like delivering phone books, grading standardized tests and selling Vita-Vex vitamin supplements and the worst possible job ever known to man (and woman): SUBSTITUTE TEACHING! Now, I could probably write a book about the tales of a substitute teacher, and maybe someday I will. But you're here for another story entirely—so let's get on with it.