Читать книгу Wish Me Tomorrow - Karen Rock - Страница 12

CHAPTER THREE

CHRISTIE TOSSED ANOTHER magazine on the floor and stepped back to study the effect. She dragged a hand through her hair. Still not messy enough. Eli would know she’d organized his apartment if she’d didn’t put it back to rights—or wrongs—but still. She should have listened to Becca’s warning but hadn’t believed anyone would prefer a messy house. After speaking to Eli, though, she understood she was wrong. It was his home and the way he wanted it. She respected that. In fact, there was a lot about the gruff Mr. Roberts she was starting to admire. He was a loyal friend, protective father and considerate employer.

If only he understood that shielding his children from his cancer did more harm than good. They needed to talk about their feelings, not bottle them up. Becca barely spoke to him. How much longer before Tommy followed suit?

Her gran always said, “There are no unmixed blessings in life.” Eli had regained his health but was losing his family. How could she help him understand? And was it her place to? He hadn’t asked for help, though his children had.

She tugged some books from a shelf and checked her watch—10:00. Why hadn’t Eli called? Surely he had John’s test results by now. Maybe his cell battery had quit? Or he and John were visiting? She scattered pillows on the floor. If only he’d give her a quick call and reassure her.

Without warning, the lights went out, plunging her into complete darkness. The soft hum of the refrigerator quit along with the whirring central air conditioning. She froze, a tingle of alarm running up her spine. The building was old. Had its power failed? Her claustrophobia returned with a vengeance.

Everything felt close, the heavy blackness pressing all around, dragging her down like... She clutched a pillow to her galloping heart, the remembered sound of thudding dirt on a lowered casket echoing faintly in her ears. She inhaled and exhaled slowly. No. She hadn’t had those nightmares in a long time. Why were so many memories resurfacing today? Perhaps John’s close call had shaken them loose.

Christie felt her way to the glass wall and raised the shades. Light glowed softly from covered windows across the street, the overcast sky obscuring the moon. No help there. She sank into a nearby chair and focused. Laura had taught her that if she altered her thoughts they’d change her emotions and behavior. Instead of cowering like a scared mouse, she’d find candles. Yes. Hadn’t she seen some tapers in pewter holders on the mantel? There must be more.

No sense sitting in the cloying murk. She needed to open the windows and strike some matches.

Eli’s home was overdue for some fresh air and light.

* * *

“HERE WE ARE, SIR,” the cabbie announced at the Broome Street address.

“Thanks.” Eli thrust a twenty at the driver and jumped out of the cab.

He peered up at his dark building. What a wild night. He’d attended his first cancer-support-group meeting, met a woman who both frustrated and fascinated him, helped save his best friend’s life, and now this—a building power outage. So much for the promised update to its faulty electrical system.

He shook his head. Christie probably had a fanciful saying about life having some sort of plan. But he knew better. Everything, every single thing, happened by chance without consideration for timing or convenience. Random events could be kind or cruel. And meeting someone who piqued his interest, at this point in his life, felt like a little bit of both.

He unlocked the building’s leaded glass door and shut it behind him. For once he was glad the super refused to update the antiquated entrance. A key in a lock always worked, regardless of an overtaxed electric system. The thought of his children alone in the dark made him take the stairs two at a time.

A sixth-floor penthouse was as safe as you got in a power failure. But still. His kids were all he had. And nothing bad would happen to them as long as he lived. If he lived. His chest tightened.

Exactly how long would that be? Would he teach Tommy and Becca to parallel park? Admire them in their graduation robes? Walk Becca down the aisle and shake Tommy’s hand when each of them got married...hold his grandchildren? His eyes stung at the thought.

He paused on the fourth-floor landing and rubbed his aching calf. It’d never been the same since they’d replaced his diseased fibula with titanium. In fact, nothing seemed the same. Surviving cancer felt like living in a house of cards. At any moment, everything he’d built could fall apart.

A couple of minutes later, he found his door and fumbled for the lock, the metal key scraping against the wooden panels. After several attempts, the tip of the key slipped in. He slammed through the door in an instant.

“Take one more step and it will be your last,” warned a voice in the dark.

O-kay. Not exactly the homecoming he’d looked forward to. He wasn’t used to knocking on his own door.

He peered into the dim room and saw the outline of a slender woman standing on a chair.

“Christie?”

“Eli?”

She clutched something large over her head, the chair wobbling. He lunged as the object—a hefty volume from his bookshelves, he realized—fell from her grip.

“Ouch!”

“Oh, my goodness. Did that hit your foot?”

“Yes,” he grunted, sliding off his shoe to rub his big toe. “Lucky you didn’t get my head.”

She took his offered hand and stepped lightly to the floor. “Lucky you still have my rabbit’s foot.” Her white teeth flashed in the dark.

“I would have preferred steel-toed boots.” He limped into his living room. His very tidy living room, he noticed, now that his eyes were adjusting to the dimness. Had she organized despite what he’d told her?

“How about an ice pack instead?” she called from the kitchen. He heard the freezer door open. “It’s a little melted, but still cold.”

“Sounds fine.” He looked around the candlelit room. “I like what you’ve done with the place,” he said, meaning it, to his surprise.

She’d lined up their shoes and arranged Tommy’s action figures in dramatic poses. The sewing area resembled a tailor shop with Becca’s costume materials sorted and folded. Wow. He’d never spend another hour searching for lavender sequins again. Christie’s version of order felt homey rather than sterile. Perhaps he’d been wrong to insist on the chaos.

“Oh, about that—” She leaned close to place a cold bag across his toes. “I clean when I worry. When you asked me not to touch your things, it was too late.” She sat beside him on the couch. “But since the kids went to bed, I’ve been making it messy again.” She gestured to a few books and pillows on the floor.

This was her version of a mess? He almost laughed until he took in her apologetic expression.

“It’s fine.” He spread his hands, glad she hadn’t headed out the door as soon as he returned home. He was way too keyed up to sleep, and he couldn’t deny he just flat-out wanted to know more about her. “Actually, it’s great. Really.”

Her soft sigh whispered past his ear as she settled deeper into a corner of the sectional. “That’s a relief. How’s John?”

“Good. He’s gotten back most of his movement and all of his speech.” He inhaled her wildflower scent, the subtle aroma wreaking havoc with his senses. Stay focused. “In fact, he asked for some Jameson.”

She laughed, the jubilant sound infectious. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d enjoyed sharing a laugh with a woman. Strange. He’d won back his life, but he hadn’t really been living it, he realized. There was danger in wanting things, in dreaming of a future when you couldn’t guarantee tomorrow.

“John will be asking to go to the White Horse Tavern, then.”

“Have you been there?” It was a popular neighborhood pub. Did she live in SoHo?

“My gran lives on Bleecker and I’m on Spring. I take her there every Sunday after church.”

The contradictory nature of cities, living near people you never met, surprised him anew. What would have happened had they run into each other years ago?

“Is she Irish?” he asked. A breeze from an open window blew her fragrant hair against his cheek.

“To be sure,” she said with an exaggerated inflection then laughed. “Gran immigrated when she was twenty.” She pulled her hair back and began braiding. “How did you know?”

He resisted the urge to touch the soft strands tickling his neck. “Something in your voice. And this.” He held out her lucky rabbit’s foot.

Her fingers brushed his as she took it.

“I wished I’d had it when your elevator trapped me.”

He frowned. His super would get a call tomorrow. First the power, now this. That gate was a menace. “How long were you stuck?”

Her laughter sounded again in the softly lit room. “No more than a minute. But it was enough. I’m claustrophobic. And a bit dramatic, if I’m honest. Perhaps I should have gone into acting instead of nursing—well, pediatric grief counseling now.”

“No,” he exclaimed. Her face reflected the surprise he felt at his outburst. Well, now he’d need to explain. “You’re so good at what you do. Trust me. You’d never want to go into entertainment.”

She cocked her head and toyed with the fringe on a pillow. “And why is that, I wonder?”

“I’ve photographed actors and models. It’s an artificial world and you, you’re so—” He grappled with how to finish his thought.

“It’s all right.” She looked down at her hands. “I know I’m no beauty.”

What? He studied the adorable tilt of her nose and the curve of her generous lower lip, the shadowed light enhancing her unique looks. She had occupied his thoughts the better part of the night and didn’t have a clue.

“You’re real,” he said, figuring it was safe to admit that much. “That’s the only difference.”

“Oh.” Silence stretched between them. “Don’t you like working with beautiful women every day?”

“It was a paycheck.” Makeup and hair extensions didn’t add up to beauty in his eyes.

“Was?”

“Now I run my own graphic-design business from home. But I used to work for Faire du Charme magazine.” He held up one of the glossy publications fanned on his coffee table. Where on earth had she found it? He thought he’d gotten rid of them all.

Christie leafed through the pages. “Impressive. Why did you leave?”

“My ex-wife is the assistant to the editor-in-chief...as well as his current spouse.”

“Oh. Sorry to hear that.” She studied a large picture on the wall beside his TV. Its simple black frame set off rows of waving corn and a red tractor beneath a hazy purple sky. “Is that what you photograph now?”

He wished. Artistic photography was a financial gamble. To provide for Jacqueline’s expensive lifestyle, he’d put aside his dream of showing his work in a gallery. Once his illness arrived, and she left, he’d lost interest in photography altogether. That was, until he’d seen Christie. Her mobile face made him itch to capture every expression.

“Haven’t taken a picture in over two years. I took that one seventeen years ago, the day I graduated high school. Working that farm paid for my ticket to New York.” He stood and walked toward the kitchen, his foot recovered. “Would you like something to drink?”

“That’s okay,” she replied. “I probably should get going.”

Eli put up a hand to forestall her rise from the couch. “Please stay. The elevator’s out and stairs are dangerous in the dark. Besides, I’m still too wired to sleep after what happened to John. I’d appreciate the company.”

She considered him for a moment then put her purse back on the coffee table. “All right. Anything that’s still cold would be great, then, thanks.”

He grabbed a couple of glasses from the cabinet and noticed that she’d arranged the kids’ artwork on the refrigerator door. Someone had drawn a picture of a blond-haired boy in a race car, and he guessed Tommy had put Christie to work on the sketch. With an effort, he swallowed down old resentments at Jacqueline’s absence from the kids’ lives.

“How does sweet tea sound?” he asked, trying to get his head back into their conversation.

“Perfect. Where was the picture taken? It reminds me of home—Kansas.”

Back in the living room, he wiped the condensation from the glass before handing it to Christie.

“I’ve been to Kansas.” He sat beside her and tried to ignore the electric sensation of her arm against his as she lifted her drink.

“Very good,” she said after a long gulp. “What part of Kansas?”

“Hutchinson. My parents travel the state-fair circuit. They’re in charge of the games on the fair’s midway.” He winced inside at the crazy sound of that. But it had been his life...well, theirs, really.

“And you?” She traced the rim of her glass and his eye was drawn to her slender fingers.

“I stayed with my grandparents in Kentucky and visited my parents during school vacations. My grandma’s the one who taught me how to make sun tea.”

“Do you use Luzianne tea bags?”

Eli lowered his glass and nodded. “They’re the best. I put the pitcher on the windowsill every morning.”

“Your grandma sounds great.”

The familiar emptiness rose. “She was. But she passed the year after Becca was born, my grandfather six months later.”

Her warm hand found his. “You miss them.”

He jerked away, unnerved by the leap of his heart at her touch. “Every day.” He stood. “Excuse me. I should check on Becca and Tommy.”

In the hall, he pressed his burning forehead against Tommy’s door, glad for the shadows. He was enjoying this time with Christie too much. As much as he wanted her to stay, he probably needed her to go before she got under his skin even more. The way she laughed, spoke, touched him...it made him forget the danger she posed. He had no business letting anyone into his life.

Tommy’s door creaked as he eased it open. Scout raised his head, ears pricked forward.

“Hey, boy,” he whispered. He tiptoed into the room, rubbed Scout’s ears and pressed a light kiss to Tommy’s forehead. The boy slept on his back, one arm flung across his eyes, the other dangling over the side of his bed. He tucked the loose arm under the covers before backing out and shutting the door.

At Becca’s door, he ignored the Keep Out sign and peeked in. Funny how much younger she looked asleep, her face free of the scowls she gave him. He advanced to her bed, gently pulled out her earbuds and placed them with her iPod beside her bed. She turned over and muttered in her sleep. After a moment her quiet breathing resumed, and he returned to the hall, his equanimity restored.

Seeing his children firmed his resolve to separate Christie from their lives. She was charming. Too charming. It’d be easy for them to get attached.

Though Becca and Tommy rarely complained, he knew their mother’s abandonment had crushed them. She rarely called and visited even less. He tried to keep up a pretense that Jacqueline cared, assuring them that her work took her to countries without reliable cell service. He even bought them Christmas and birthday presents and signed her name. But it wasn’t enough. Not even close. And he’d never let anyone hurt them like that again.

When he returned, he found Christie pacing by the window, purse in hand.

“I should be going, Eli. I really don’t mind navigating my way out.”

“A marble staircase without lights? Never a good idea.” His eyes searched hers, willing her to stay longer. He could keep a few boundaries without letting her go off just yet. “Won’t you stay until the electricity’s back?”

She nodded, the candlelight silhouetting her in gold. “If you want me to.”

“I do.” With a firm hand on her back, he guided her back to the couch. This time, he seated himself in a chair—it was safer that way.

“So tell me about Kansas.”

Her expression stilled. Strange. He imagined her life filled with homecoming parades and town picnics.

“Do you have any brothers or sisters?” he probed.

“An older brother. William.” She wrapped her arms around herself and leaned forward. “He passed away when I turned eighteen.”

He half rose then sat back down. “I’m sorry. You don’t have to talk about it.” He wanted to offer comfort, but how much closer could he afford to get? With an effort, he remained in his seat.

She rubbed her temples. “It’s okay. He died of leukemia at the end of my senior year in high school. I moved in with Gran to attend nursing school at Columbia a few months later.”

A lot about her suddenly made sense. “Is that why you became a grief counselor?”

Christie’s head snapped up. “What? No. Maybe. It’s not something I really think about.”

“Oh,” he said, understanding more than she knew. Strange that she talked about cancer with strangers but when it came to herself, she stayed mum. He wondered if she shared her experience with her support group. Then again, her story didn’t have a happy ending—not the positive focus she wanted. Time to switch subjects.

“And your parents. Are they still in Kansas?”

“They died in a car crash during my first year in college.”

Eli rose. This time he would go to her. How had he managed to ask such horrible questions?

The lights blared on. He blinked away the spots in front of his eyes and saw Christie wipe her damp cheeks. After all she’d been through this evening, he’d made her cry. What an insensitive jerk.

As she walked to the door, he trailed in her wake. He hated to say goodbye after stirring up those painful memories. But with the power back, what excuse did he have for her to stay?

“I’m sorry I brought all of that up.”

She rummaged in her purse. “Don’t worry. I try not to dwell on it. It’s better that way.” She jabbed at an unlit cell phone.

Was it better that way? Her closed expression screamed “Drop the subject!” and with difficulty, he did.

“May I call and request a car for you? It’s late and I wouldn’t want you walking far for a cab.”

“Thank you. I was planning to splurge and call for one given the hour, but my battery died.”

He dialed the number of a nearby service and watched her withdraw a tissue. She blew her nose and straightened her narrow shoulders. When he hung up, she turned, eyes dry, lips curving upward once more.

Only now he wasn’t fooled. That smile covered deep pain. He’d been determined to keep her at arm’s length for his children’s sake. But now he understood that he needed to stay away for her sake, too. She’d suffered too much loss to spend her days with a guy who might be living on borrowed time. Too bad knowing that didn’t make it any easier to say goodbye.

“The driver will be here in five minutes.” He recalled her claustrophobia and the unreliable elevator door. “May I see you downstairs?”

Christie nodded and preceded him. “Tell the children I said goodbye.”

He pushed the elevator button. “I will. Thanks again for watching them. Oh. And I almost forgot to tell you. The doctor told me John’s brain tumor has shrunk.”

Her green eyes widened. Was there any color more beautiful? “That’s wonderful news. He’s had a tough time, but he’s a fighter.”

When the elevator dinged, he caught the flash of the rabbit’s foot disappearing into her hand. What a superstitious little soul. He definitely liked Christie Bates.

They rode the elevator in silence. He glanced her way a few times, wondering at her silently moving lips.

A black car idled by the curb when they stepped into the foyer. So soon. If only they had a few more minutes.

“Goodbye, Eli.” Her wistful voice produced an almost-physical ache in his heart. They’d been through a lot tonight. Having it end after her painful admission felt wrong.

Worse, he’d let her share that without ever admitting anything about his condition. Maybe it would be better if she knew. At least then she’d understand why this really needed to be goodbye.

“I have cancer,” he blurted. “Had, I mean.”

She touched his arm, the gentle sensation lingering long after she dropped her hand. “I’m so glad you’re in remission. Tommy told me about your illness, but only because he knows I work with cancer patients. The children respect your wish not to talk about it.”

Now, that he had not expected. Did she understand his reason for telling her? That he needed the reminder of why he shouldn’t see her again?

The town-car driver honked and she opened the foyer door and walked out. He followed, pulling the car door wide for her.

“Goodbye, Christie.” He would remember this night—remember her—for a long time. “Thanks again.”

“Take care, Eli.” Her voice sounded quiet. Tired.

He nodded, unable to say more as he watched her duck into the car. His feet stayed rooted to the stone stoop long after the taillights disappeared into the rain. If only he was the kind of man who could see her again. A man whose future didn’t blur into a question mark.

But now, as he trudged back inside the building, he told himself to focus on his kids and what they needed. If they were confiding in her that he’d put a lockdown on all cancer discussion, maybe his health issues bothered them more than he realized.

And while he might not ever subscribe to the touchy-feely brand of positive thinking that Christie did, he would make sure his kids had someone to talk to. Someone a whole lot better versed in this stuff than him.

Even though an energetic, beautiful nurse and counselor came to mind, he vowed to find someone else.

For both their sakes.