Читать книгу Wilder Hearts - Karen Rose Smith - Страница 15

Last week, Mike had invited Simone out to dinner to Rafael’s, a classy restaurant in downtown Walnut River, complete with candles, white linen tablecloths and the best chef and service for miles around.

For a woman who’d never had a romantic bone in her body, she was sorely tempted to don that only-worn-once black dress she owned—or maybe buy a new one—and let him sweep her off to a dreamy dinner for two. She could almost imagine herself sitting across a candlelit table from the most handsome man in all of Walnut River, a young, dark-haired hunk who clearly had eyes for her.

Little by little, Mike had been whittling away at her resolve to remain single and unattached, which had protected her well over the years. And at times, she found herself leaning toward sentiment rather than wisdom.

So, she’d declined—with more reluctance than she cared to admit.

Then, on Tuesday, he’d suggested they each take some vacation time and go to Martha’s Vineyard for a few days. He’d said he wanted to take her to the Cape before the tourist season kicked in.

She’d found the idea strangely appealing and the thought of the possible sleeping arrangements…intriguing.

But again she’d refused.

She didn’t think it would be wise to leave the hospital when it looked as though the allegations of insurance fraud were being investigated. Nor did she know how long she could fight her attraction to a man whose perseverance was both frustrating and flattering.

And now, Mike stood on her front porch with a bouquet of roses in one hand and two white bags in the other. Apparently, he was at it again—trying to make more of their relationship than it really was.

Still, as much as she hated to admit it, she’d begun to enjoy Mike’s company, so she invited him in.

The first thing he did, after handing her the flowers, was to kick off his shoes by the door. “If you’ll put those roses in some water, I’ll get everything set up.”

“What do you mean?”

He tossed her a boyish grin that knocked her heart on end. “I’m setting the mood. Our food will taste better this way. We’re going to sit on the floor and use chopsticks instead of forks.”

She watched as he placed the bags that boasted the red pagoda logo of the Tokyo Palace on the coffee table. Then he removed two cushions from the couch and set them on the floor.

Too cute, she thought, heading for the kitchen. And far too charming for his own good.

Hers, too, she realized. Sometimes, in spite of their opposing goals and dreams, she found herself weakening toward him and wondering, What if…

And not just sexually speaking.

While she stood at the sink and filled a vase with water, she glanced out into the yard, where Woofer and Wags lay in the shade of an elm tree. The dogs had grown comfortable with each other in the past week or so.

The same could be said for Simone and Mike, she supposed.

She had to admit that she admired his spirit, as well as his thoughtfulness, and a solid friendship was clearly developing.

Would that make telling him about the baby easier or more difficult?

She couldn’t be sure.

Maybe she ought to just get it over with while they ate dinner—a game plan which seemed wise, especially after the dream she’d had last night. She’d awakened in the midst of it and found the image so unsettling that she’d climbed out of bed at 4:00 a.m. and put on a pot of water for a cup of tea.

In her dream, she’d held a baby girl, a sweet bundle of flannel and lace who’d had Mike’s black hair and green eyes. The smiling cherub had settled comfortably in Simone’s arm and turned a new mommy’s heart inside out—until the helpless babe began to cry.

A sense of panic had settled in, waking Simone from her sleep.

She feared that dreams like that might start hounding her subconscious until she finally told Mike she was pregnant and was able to put it all behind her.

Mike might have taken her past in stride, but he couldn’t convince her that she hadn’t come away from it unscathed.

And although he wasn’t worried about how she’d handle marriage and a family, she wasn’t ready to gamble with a child’s psyche.

Before the water threatened to spill out of the vase, she shut off the spigot. Next she cut off about an inch or so from the stems of the roses and arranged them carefully. When she carried the red buds back into the living room, Mike appeared to have everything planned just so.

“Do you care where I put these?” she asked.

“Not at all.”

In that case, she placed them in the center of her antique china hutch, then took a seat on one of the sofa cushions Mike had placed on the floor and studied the Japanese feast he’d spread out on the coffee table. He’d picked up wontons, California roll, a variety of sashimi, miso soup, steamed rice and chicken teriyaki.

“It looks good,” she said.

“Thanks. Why don’t you take a seat while I get us something to drink.”

“All right.”

“What would you like?”

“Water sounds good to me.”

When he returned from the kitchen with both glasses, he placed one in front of her and the other on his side of the table. Then he took his seat.

“How about some sashimi?” he asked. “I’ve got ahi and salmon.”

“I’ll pass.” She wasn’t sure what the rules were on eating raw fish when a woman was pregnant, so until she had a chance to read up on it, she thought it was best to decline.

He took a sip of his ice water. “I stocked some beer and wine in the fridge last time I was here. But I decided not to offer you any. I didn’t want you to think I was trying to ply you with alcohol.”

“Why would I think that?” she asked.

“I don’t know. Because I’ve offered you wine a couple of times. Of course, to be honest, I wouldn’t mind seeing you loosen up some.”

She bristled, sensing what he was about to say.

“You hold yourself back,” he went on to explain. “And I understand why you do. But there was a warm glow about you on the night we attended Dr. Wilder’s party, and you had a happy glimmer in your eyes.”

“That’s because I was tipsy.” And she’d be darned if she’d let that happen again.

“No, I noticed it when you reached for your first glass of champagne. I’m not sure you’d even taken a sip, but either way, I saw a side of you I hadn’t seen before, and it was nice.”

“That side of me doesn’t really exist.”

“I disagree. I think you let that woman out of her cage every now and again.”

For a moment, Simone was transported back to her college days. Back to when Tom broke up with her, saying pretty much the same thing. You need to loosen up, Simone. You’re strung too tight. You’ve built walls around yourself. And whenever anyone tries to get too close, you shut them out and turn on the deep freeze.

Tom’s words had stunned her to silence, and she’d felt herself recoil into an emotional fetal position, her heart frosting over and preparing for the worst.

Dammit. He’d slammed the palm of his hand down on the console of his car. There you go again, Simone, shutting me out. You’re an ice queen.

Mike hadn’t said those exact words, but his meaning was clear. And his thoughts had undoubtedly drifted in the same direction as Tom’s had that long-ago day on the way home from the shore.

“Is something wrong?” Mike asked.

Yes, something was wrong. They’d created a child. A baby she couldn’t keep. And she was going to have to level with him—now. While he was reminded of the woman she really was.

And who she wasn’t.

Oh, God, she pleaded, hoping The Man Upstairs cared enough to listen to her these days, that he cared enough to help her get the words out and set things to rights. I’ve got to tell him. And then I need to stand firm.

She raked a hand through the strands of her hair, then blew out a ragged breath. “There’s something you need to know.”

Mike, who was fiddling with his chopsticks, placed them on his paper plate and gazed at her. “What’s that?”

“I’m pregnant.”

His brow twitched, and his jaw dropped. “You’re kidding.”

“Believe me, I may not have the best sense of humor in the world, but there’s no way I’d joke about something like that.”

“Is it mine?” His expression went from disbelief to well-duh in less than a millisecond. “Sorry. Of course it’s mine. I didn’t mean to…Wow.”

Yeah. Wow.

“That’s actually…cool,” he finally said, his initial shock morphing into an easy grin. “It’s a bit of a surprise, but I’m perfectly okay with it.”

Simone wasn’t sure what she’d been expecting him to say. Exactly that, she supposed.

But apparently, he hadn’t been listening to her. Didn’t he get it?

“Well, I’m not okay with it,” she admitted. “And I think it’s best for everyone involved if I give the baby up for adoption.”

As Simone’s cold hard solution hung in the air like the courthouse sentence of a convicted felon, Mike wanted to lash back, to argue. Yet he knew her well enough to keep his mouth shut and try to make some sense of this. To try to wrap his mind around it and form another game plan.

Damn.

Simone was pregnant.

With his baby.

For some crazy reason, he couldn’t stop a goofy smile from curling the edges of his mouth.

Their lovemaking had created a child.

Mike adored his nieces and nephews—seven of them and still counting. How he’d like to see his own son or daughter join its cousins in a game of hide-and-seek or freeze tag.

His grin broadened—until the realization that she’d wanted to give up their kid shoved it aside.

Was she just trying to feel him out? To test his reaction?

Women did that sometimes.

“You know,” he said, “I’ve never made any secret about my feelings for you. And while I wasn’t in a big rush to get married or have kids, that’s not something we ought to put off.”

“And I’ve made no secret about my fears,” she countered. “I’m not mommy material. Haven’t you been listening to me?”

Yes, but he’d hoped to change her mind.

In fact, he still did. He just hadn’t counted on something like this happening—at least not this soon. But just because the timing might make a pregnancy a bit inconvenient didn’t mean the baby would be a complication.

Hell, Mike could see himself getting used to the idea in no time at all.

He picked up his chopsticks and began to eat, even though his appetite had fizzled in the pit of his stomach and he was merely poking at his chicken.

Hers must have done the same thing, because she picked at her food, too.

They ate in silence until he felt compelled to argue his case one more time. “You can’t convince me that you don’t have feelings for me, too.”

“I told you that I do. And more than I should.”

“Our lovemaking was off the charts,” he added. “We couldn’t be any more sexually compatible.”

“I agree. But great sex isn’t enough of a basis for marriage. Neither is parenthood.”

What was up with her attitude about the baby?

Their baby.

She could have been blindsided by the news, he supposed. And didn’t pregnant women’s hormones play havoc with them? “All I’m saying is that we need to give ourselves some time to sort through this.”

She pushed her plate aside, then dropped her used napkin on top. “Time isn’t going to change anything. You’re looking for Mrs. Right, and I’m clearly not that woman.”

He tried to tell himself to go easy on her at a time like this. She’d told him about growing up with a mother who hadn’t shown her any love. And on top of that, she had to be struggling with a multitude of changes in her body.

Maybe she was also considering all the obvious adjustments a baby—and a husband, if Mike had his way—would require her to make when it came to the life she’d created for herself.

But the news of her pregnancy, along with her thoughts of adoption, had unbalanced him.

“You know,” she said, “I’m really tired and probably ought to turn in for the night.”

Was she? Or was she just trying to get rid of him?

“Okay,” he said. “I’ll take off. I’m on duty tomorrow, too. But maybe we can talk more about this the next day.”

“There’s not much to say.”

“Oh, I think there is.” Yet something twisted in his gut, something that made him want to shove his plate aside, too.

Damn. Why was her first thought to give up their baby?

If she insisted, there was no way in hell that Mike would stand for it. And she had to have his agreement, didn’t she?

All his carefully laid plans had begun to unravel at the edges.

Ever since the night of Dr. Wilder’s party, he’d been telling her that he’d give her the time she needed. That she’d soon realize the two of them were made for each other. But if she didn’t give him something to go on soon, he was going to back off. Hell, his ego, as strong and cocky as it sometimes was, couldn’t take the constant brush-off.

She walked him to the door, and while he thought about kissing her senseless, he brushed his lips across her brow instead.

“Sleep tight,” he said.

“You, too.”

Yeah, right. He had a lot to think about, a lot to keep him awake.

He tried to remind himself how good sex had been. How hot their kisses were.

But Mike was only human.

And the truth was, his heart could only take so much.

The next morning, at the station, Mike watched a gin game that had grown pretty intense, but his mind was on the bombshell—actually two of them—he’d received the night before.

Simone was having his baby.

And she wanted to give it up.

At least, she hadn’t decided upon an abortion, which made him feel better.

He understood that she might have wished her mother would have given her to parents who would have loved and appreciated her. But this was different.

Mike wanted the baby. And deep in his heart, he believed Simone wanted it, too.

Preferring to stew in his own thoughts and suffer alone, he got to his feet and walked out of the station.

When footsteps sounded behind him, he turned to see his partner, Leif Johnson, a stocky redhead with blue eyes and a quick wit.

Leif knew how Mike felt about Simone, but then again, a lot of people probably did. Mike never did try to hide his feelings.

Of course, that didn’t mean he was the kind of man who kissed and told.

“Hey,” Leif said. “You look like you’re a million miles away.”

“I guess I am.”

“Would getting it off your chest help?”

Leif had known that Mike had taken Simone home after Dr. Wilder’s party, but that’s all he knew. Mike hadn’t leveled with anyone about what he and Simone had shared that night. But now that Simone had him second-guessing himself and his feelings, he wasn’t sure about anything anymore.

Mike leaned against the outside wall of the building and crossed his arms. “Do you remember when they christened the hospital library in honor of James Wilder? And the cocktail party Peter Wilder invited us to?”

“Yeah.”

Normally, paramedics didn’t get included in those kinds of hospital social events. But Mike and Leif had been on duty the night James Wilder suffered the fatal heart attack. And they’d tried valiantly—but unsuccessfully—to save his life. As a result, the two had been added to the guest list.

“I gave Simone a ride home that night,” Mike said.

“Yeah, I remember.” Leif smiled. “She looked like maybe she’d had a little too much to drink.”

“Well, one thing led to another and…” Mike blew out a loaded sigh.

“No kidding?” Leif grinned, knowing how much Mike cared for Simone and immediately making the appropriate jump. “Are you two still seeing each other?”

“Not like that. She says she just wants to be friends.”

“Hey, that’s life. I’ve had my share of women tell me the same thing. That is, until Linda and I hooked up.”

Leif was dating a kindergarten teacher he’d met when her class had come to the fire station for a field trip. Leif didn’t kiss and tell, either, but Mike knew that they’d been sleeping together.

One morning about a month ago, Leif hadn’t come home the night before. He’d apparently left his head-lamps on and couldn’t get his car to start. So he’d had to call Mike and ask for a ride to work.

Linda seemed like a nice woman, and Mike hoped they’d be happy.

“So what’s the problem?” Leif asked. “Just cut bait and run.”

“I would, but I can’t help believing that Simone and I are meant for each other. But she’s so…” Mike didn’t want to go into too much personal detail. “So damn set in her ways.”

Leif placed a hand on Mike’s back. “I know it hurts, man. But you can’t chase after a woman who clearly isn’t interested. There are stalking laws and all that.”

Mike clucked his tongue. “I’m not a stalker. And I know when a woman isn’t interested. If I truly believed it, I’d back way off.”

“So she’s given you reason to believe there’s hope?”

“Yeah.” She’d admitted that she cared for him. And he couldn’t help believing her, especially when he remembered the way she’d looked at him when they’d made love—talk about someone wearing their heart on their sleeve.

At three in the morning, she’d lost that tipsy glow, and it had been replaced by something else. Something laden with an emotion a man couldn’t mistake for friendship or simple desire.

But maybe he’d read her wrong.

Maybe she didn’t have the right kind of feelings for him, and he’d been pushing her too hard.

“Chasing after her just isn’t cool,” Leif added. “It makes you look needy.”

His partner had a point. Mike had made himself too available. It might be best if he backed off.

“Linda has a couple of friends. They’re both single and hot. Without a doubt, either of them would drop everything to go out on a date with you.”

The trouble was, Mike didn’t want to go out with anyone other than Simone. And he sure as hell didn’t want to go out with anyone when Simone was having his baby.

Damn.

His baby.

Their baby.

“What you need is a diversion,” Leif said. “And have I got the woman for you. Her name is Christy, and she’s about five-two. She’s a school librarian, but don’t think that means she’s prim and proper. She’s bright, well read and funny.”

Mike needed to get his mind off Simone, all right. But not by dating another woman. “I may back off with Simone. But I’m not ready to go out with anyone else.”

“Why not?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Suit yourself,” Leif said. “But promise me you’ll stop pining for a woman who doesn’t want you.”

While Mike could see the value in that advice, he couldn’t completely give up on Simone.

Not just yet.

But how could a woman be so stubborn?

Mike still hoped to change her mind, but he was beginning to have his doubts. He suspected that was why the seed of a plan B began to form. A plan that he’d implement if backed into a corner.

A move that could end any dream Mike had of him and Simone creating a family together.