Читать книгу Fall From Pride - Karen Harper - Страница 8

SARAH HEARD THE PURR OF A BIG MOTOR EVEN before she peeked outside the barn where she was cleaning up the danze debris. As if her thoughts had summoned him, Nate MacKenzie had returned in the masculine-looking vehicle that had a woman’s name. After Sarah had walked him across the field and back, he’d driven VERA over to the Eshes’ again to do some preliminary work, but now, midafternoon, here he was.

“Hi, again,” he called to her as he headed for their back porch but then did a U-turn toward her.

He came over, carrying something in a sealed plastic bag, wearing his sunglasses this time. They wrapped around his eyes like dark brown twin mirrors in which she could see herself getting larger as he came closer. At least she’d washed up and changed clothes but, not planning to go out in company, she still didn’t wear a proper bonnet over her clean prayer kapp.

“I did an initial walk around the ruins,” Nate said, stopping at the bottom of the banked entrance to the barn. “Every thing’s still too hot to sift through and may be for a couple of days.”

“Sift through? All the ruins?” she asked. That meant he’d be staying for a while.

“I may not have to, actually, to get proof of arson, though I’ll need details for my report that point to how and who. The why may be harder to come by, but I found something key to my investigation. A rubber band around a bunch of about twenty matches,” he said, lifting the plastic bag so she could see what was in it. “I found them on the ground about thirty feet from the back of the barn—not in this bag, of course. Bishop Esh says no one smokes in his family, nor does he keep matches around like this to light their kerosene lanterns.”

“Oh, no!” she blurted. “But why would kids who might be smoking on the sly put a bunch of matches together with a rubber band?”

“So some of the kids in the neighborhood last night were smoking, kids who were here at your barn dance?”

“During rumspringa, it’s fairly common. When the fire happened, I thought of it and worried a bit. But those matches are unburned, so you mean they might have dropped that bunch, but threw another pack like that into the barn?”

“Sarah, I’m not jumping to the conclusions you seem to be. It’s just that this is part of an old arson trick amateurs use. They get some kind of long trailer—a wick—light the end of it, maybe far away from the object to be burned, and have it ignite some kind of combustibles.”

“But you found no wick?”

“No. If one led into the barn, it would have been consumed in the inferno. Besides, you said the fire seemed fiercer high up, so that means someone had a very long wick if they were on the first floor. Of course, kids could have gone up into the loft.”

“We can ask them.”

“I will.”

“Or a long wick means the person could even stay outside the barn to light the fire.”

“That’s another possibility,” he told her with a nod. “A trailer, if it’s long enough—sometimes soaked with an accelerant—can give the perpetrator up to fifteen minutes to vacate the property before the fire ignites. So it could have been kids, but before I look around your barn to get an idea of what I’ll be searching for in the remnants, let’s have that little chat about why Jacob Yoder was hanging around if he’d been shunned.”

Deciding not to take notes or record Sarah as she talked, Nate listened carefully as they sat together just inside the barn door on bales of straw. His cell phone even rang once, but he glanced at it—a coworker in Columbus—then put it away without answering.

Sarah explained how she had broken her betrothal to Jacob even before he was shunned for helping hide stolen cars. She said that Sheriff Freeman could have brought aiding and abetting charges that would have sent Jacob to prison for a while, but he didn’t because he thought the Amish could make him shape up better by shock treatment—that is, ostracizing him from the church, his family and friends.

“He could have blamed the bishop and wanted revenge against him,” Nate said after she stopped talking. He hadn’t interrupted. He found her fascinating, the way she managed to keep control while emotions obviously rampaged through her. Her full, lower lip had quivered, but her voice never wavered. Her naive beauty was riveting, and he tried not to let that distract him from what she said. “Or, he could have picked that barn because of your wall painting there,” he added, “or because it would hurt the Eshes and you. Can you give me more details about shunning?” he asked.

“If he hadn’t been a member of the church, he wouldn’t have been shunned. But, once you’re a member and you break the set of rules—the ordnung—that’s that. But I don’t see how he can be vindictive. Not only did he bring it on himself, but he was not sent to prison when he could have been. Besides, the church will take him back with open arms if he atones and returns to our ways.”

“Since he was hanging around at your barn dance, does he think you’d take him back with open arms? Sorry, that’s too intrusive.”

“It’s okay. To tell the truth, though I once cared for Jacob, it was a relief for me when we got unmatched—before he helped those car thieves. I knew he was keeping something from me and he was flying too high and too fast in worldly ways and questionable company. Now, if you want to look around our barn or ask more questions, go right ahead while I finish cleaning up.”

He supposed he’d overstepped, pushing her about Jacob, but whatever cages he had to rattle, he would. As polite as she remained, her demeanor had shifted a bit from helpful to huffy. She started toward the long table, but he walked with her. “Can you tell me a little more about your quilt square paintings?” he asked.

“Painting is…dear to me,” she began, her voice almost faltering. She stopped and turned to face him. “I’ve done decorations on birdhouses and gazebos in my father’s wintertime carpentry shop for years, but I thought I could do more than scrollwork and leaves and birds—if it was allowed.”

“Allowed by your father and by Bishop Esh, I take it—and the church ordnung. As I said, the painting I saw was beautiful.”

“Best say it was purposeful. Just like the rest of the people in the country, shaky financial times have hit Amish businesses hard. Busloads of visitors used to come to eat in our restaurants and buy homemade goods like furniture and quilts, but not so many lately. So I thought, and convinced our church leaders, that it would be good to have something new to draw them in—a quilt trail, so to speak, where they could go from barn to barn, maybe buy things, even garden products or eggs if the more expensive items were too deep for their pockets. Besides farming, I guess we’ve learned to lean on the tourist trade a lot.”

“Maybe someone attracted to the decorated barns has a hidden agenda. Has anyone ever said something to you about not liking your paintings?”

“Not visitors. In general, our people don’t believe in doing things just for pretty, as we say. Things can’t only be pleasing as a decoration. Quilts, scented lavender sachets or candles, furniture—all has to be useful, purposeful for the common good.”

“And some of your people thought the quilt squares were just for pretty?”

She sighed. “Despite the bishop’s and the church elders’ permission, a few of the brothers and sisters, yes. Some think I’m being too different painting squares instead of quilting them. The local newspaper did an article and made me sound prideful when I try hard not to be!”

Emotion swelled her voice and flushed her cheeks with color. He wanted to comfort her. Was he nuts? He had to stay objective here, but he decided his best bet was to change the subject because, before she turned away, she almost looked as if she’d cry.

“I hope you don’t mind,” he said, “but Bishop Esh said I can park VERA and live on the woodlot at the juncture of the three farms while I’m here. He told me the best approach to it is from the lane that runs off your driveway and cuts behind this barn.”

“Sure, that’s fine,” she said, heading again toward the long plank tabletop set on sawhorses. “I can point it out to you.” She started to wipe the oilcloth-covered table with a vengeance.

“I’ve got food in VERA and I’ve been invited to eat with the Eshes when I’m over there working, but I don’t want to impose on them more than tonight. I’m told the Dutch Farm Table Restaurant is good.”

“The best, if you don’t want McDonald’s or Wendy’s—a big battle between those two with all kinds of specials. If you don’t mind day-old half-moon pies, I’ve got some here you can take with you. My mother and sister make them for the Dutch Farm Table. Here, help yourself,” she said, opening a cake-size box and extending it to him.

“One more thing,” he said. He took a bite of one of the crimped-edge, glazed pastry half circles, this one filled with apple and cinnamon. Delicious. He talked with his mouth a bit full. “Mmm, this is fabulous,” he said. “I just want you to know that I need to be suspicious of everyone, every possibility. Not just of kids smoking, not just of Jacob, who may have a double motive, but even of the firefighters themselves. If a closer survey of the evidence in the ruins points to arson by a burn pattern or residue of accelerants, I’ll be looking at everyone, even them.”

“At the firemen? That doesn’t make sense, Amish or English.”

“It’s the so-called dirty little secret of firefighters. A few of them want to fight fires because fires mesmerize them, make them feel powerful, release pent-up feelings. They revel in being the first one into a fire, the hero, or, if they’re injured, even the victim who gets the glory or sympathy.”

“So that means you’ll even talk to the two who were hurt and not just to see how they describe the blaze? They were the first ones in.”

“Exactly.” He held the half-eaten, small pie up to his mouth and stared at her again. He was surprised she didn’t protest that, if an arsonist burned the barn, he—or she, though a female was unlikely—could be Amish, even one in good standing, especially if they thought both the bishop and the artist had overstepped with “just for pretty” painted quilt squares. He hadn’t mentioned that directly, but he couldn’t afford to ignore any possibilities.

“The Eshes can prove where they were before the fire, and our people don’t believe in insurance, so no one would burn his own barn for that,” she said, anticipating his next line of questioning.

“The Eshes have an alibi, but in the modern world, as you call it, sometimes people do burn their own property to get the money for it.”

He almost choked on the bite of half-moon pie he took to cover up the catch in his voice. What he’d just said hit too close to home—his own lost home and family. All he needed was that old nightmare he had buried deep to resurrect itself. But what scared him even more was his gut feeling that it would be so easy for someone to burn another isolated, unprotected barn. He had to act fast to stop that from happening.

“Are they burning our people again?” Sarah’s grandmother, Miriam Kauffman, asked her the night after the barn fire.

Her voice shaking, her expression distraught, the old woman stood in the doorway to the bathroom with her toothbrush in hand and her white hair in a long braid, ready for bed. Sarah told Martha, who had stayed last night in the small grossdaadi haus, that she’d take over. But Martha had wanted to hear every last detail about the fire and the fire marshal’s arson investigator, so she was waiting in the living room. Grossmamm and Martha had watched the fire from the kitchen windows, until Martha had convinced her charge to go to bed, but talk of the fire was what had probably set Grossmamm off right now. That, and the fact she insisted on reading a few pages from the Martyrs Mirror every night before she slept. “No, Grossmamm, it’s all right,” Sarah assured her. “No one is burning our people.”

“Ya, the authorities are coming again for us!” she insisted. “They tried to burn the Eshes out, and they’ll be here next! Soldiers like that man you were talking to outside today are going to slaughter us again.”

“That man is here to help us,” Sarah promised, putting her hands on the old woman’s shoulders. “We are safe here on the farm, in America.”

Sarah had considered taking the Martyrs Mirror away from her grandmother more than once. But that precious book had come down through her family, an heirloom. Poor Grossmamm, afflicted with Alzheimer’s, sometimes thought the Amish were still under siege as they’d been in Europe, hundreds of years ago.

Sarah kept talking, slowly, calmly. “That man was sent by the state government in Columbus to find out about our neighbor’s barn, why it burned. No Amish were burned or will be.”

“I was afraid you would be lost in the fire.”

“Me? No, I’m just fine. All I lost were some paint cans, my scaffolding and two ladders.”

“They killed our people on tall scaffolds as a warning so all could see. They tied women to ladders, then tipped them into the fires just because they disagreed with the state religion.”

“That’s all in the past. No one is going to burn. Even the horses were safe from that fire. Now brush your teeth, and I’m going to read to you from the Budget, all kinds of news about our people visiting and how well things are going.”

“Except for Amish martyrs being burned,” Miriam Kauffman mumbled as she thrust her toothbrush in her mouth and bent over the bathroom basin where she’d left the water running.

Sarah sighed. She knew she resembled her grandmother in her height and coloring, so she sure hoped she wouldn’t inherit the mental hauntings that plagued her. She’d been better lately, but seeing that barn fire across the fields had obviously set her off again. The Martyrs Mirror, with its lifelike etchings, was in almost every Amish home, along with the Holy Bible, of course, and the Ausbund, which contained the words to the traditional Amish hymns sung in the regular church meetings every other Sunday. As for the Budget, that newspaper was the Amish community glue that held the Plain People together wherever they lived. Births, deaths, marriages, horse sales, new addresses or endeavors and chatty tidbits were listed on page after page. Yes, she was going to spirit away the Martyrs Mirror and substitute it with the Budget right now.

Later, Sarah was glad she did. Not only did the chatty items in the Budget calm the old woman, but Sarah noted one about the Eshes that explained why they might have been out last night. Mattie Esh’s niece had just given birth to triplets, and they probably went to see them. As usual, Grossmamm fell asleep quickly, and Sarah took the kerosene lantern with her down the hall and into the living area. Most Amish farms had a grossdaadi haus for the older generation. When the grandparents who had worked the farm and raised their children were ready to retire, they voluntarily turned over the big house to the eldest married son, or the one who wanted most to keep the farm going, and moved to the smaller place on the property. No rest home, retirement village or shuffling off the older generation among the Amish. They cared for their aging parents or grandparents on-site and included them in as much of life as they cared to be a part of. After their grossdaadi, Gideon Kauffman, had died five years ago, his widow had started to slip into another world. Alzheimer’s, sure, and she’d had a doctor’s care, but they were still going to keep her here and look after her themselves.

Sarah found Martha sound asleep, sprawled on the sofa, breathing heavily. She covered her up with a quilt. That sofa made into a double bed, so where was she going to sleep? They both had their own rooms in the big house, but it was Sarah’s turn to stay here tonight. Should she wake Martha and send her away so she could have the hideaway bed?

She sat down in her grandfather’s big rocking chair very carefully, because she knew it squeaked. Her eyes were so heavy. She hadn’t slept last night…was dead on her feet today, except when Nate MacKenzie was around twice because he seemed to give her energy.

When her lids drooped, she saw fire, saw Nate’s intense gaze. She wondered how he was doing living in VERA down by the pond on the woodlot…. And what if the woods, all those trees around the pond, caught fire and the blaze burned him, burned her, too, crackling…popping…

She jolted alert. Her heartbeat pounded. That sound! Gravel against glass, against the window? That was the signal she and her friend Hannah Esh had always used during their rumspringa years to get each other up at night when they wanted to sneak out. Not to meet boys like some did, but to go for a night swim in the pond in the summer or just stuff themselves with candy or listen to a transistor radio until dawn while Sarah sketched pictures and Hannah sang along with every Top Ten hit. They knew better than to get their friend Ella from the Lantz farm for such goings-on. No way Ella, as much fun as she could be, would take a risk sneaking out like that.

Again, she heard the sound of gravel against the window. As she stood and looked, the glass was like a big black mirror since they hadn’t pulled the curtains closed. Sarah turned down the kerosene lamp and peered out, seeing at first only her own reflection. The Martyrs Mirror, she thought…now why had they put the word mirror in the title? She’d never thought about that. Were the Amish all martyrs to something or other? Did it mean to look deeply into your own life, to see yourself as you really were or to decide what you were willing to die for?

And then Hannah’s face appeared, not the old Amish Hannah but the new one her parents were so riled about. Hannah and her friends in Cleveland had gone goth. Whereas Hannah was a natural blonde with eyebrows and lashes so pale they hardly showed, she now had red, spiky hair and eyeliner dark as sin. Sarah was used to seeing her friend in the soft pastel dresses unwed women wore, not in black, partly ripped and fringed tight pants and wearing silver chains and pins and piercings. Even now, Hannah looked like some kind of worldly Halloween freak. And she was gesturing for Sarah to come outside.

Sarah held up one finger and, her hands shaking, scribbled a note for Martha. “I had to leave for a little bit. Stay with G., please—S.”

She grabbed the windbreaker she wished she’d worn last night and tiptoed out. Hannah here! She wasn’t shunned so she could come back anytime, but she didn’t. After she’d had the argument with her father almost three years ago, she’d left for Cleveland. Their daughter’s loss was the cross the bishop and his wife bore, and Sarah’s and Ella’s loss, too. When Hannah’s plan to record and sell her own songs didn’t work out, her friends and family prayed she would come home. Instead, her worldly boyfriend got her a job in a recording studio mixing something or other, answering the phone and greeting people at the front desk, looking just like this.

Sarah and Hannah hugged hard. Hannah smelled of an exotic scent Sarah could not name. Something smoky. She’d had incense burning in her little apartment the one time Sarah and Ella had visited her in Cleveland. Or had she been over to her family’s burned barn?

“Jacob phoned me,” Hannah told Sarah as they stepped awkwardly apart. “I couldn’t believe the barn was gone. It’s supposed to be in the Cleveland paper tomorrow, but I had to see it first, before all the gawkers in the world come flocking in.”

“You didn’t have to come at night. Everyone would have been glad to see you.”

“Give me a break. About like they’d be glad to have Satan himself drop by. But I knew I could come to you, that you’d go with me. I just can’t go see it alone, any more than I could face my father. I parked back down the road by the graveyard and walked here. He—Jacob—said you were the one who spotted the fire and he called it in, but that you weren’t back together yet.”

“Yet? Never. He crashed our party for Gabe’s friends. That’s why he was here.”

“Jacob also said there’s a superhero here to save the day, solve the crime—if it’s a crime.”

“Word travels fast, because Jacob was asked to leave before the state arson investigator showed up.”

“Will you go with me, Sarah? I can’t go to Ella. I don’t need her telling me I’ve got to mend my ways and come back. She never did quite get the ‘judge not lest ye be judged’ bit, did she?”

“I guess accepting that comes with suffering, and she’s been all wrapped up in traveling the road of her perfect Amish life.”

Sarah instantly regretted she’d said that with such a sharp tone. But sometimes she resented Ella’s sticking to the straight and narrow, when she herself would like to go her own way at times. How she yearned to paint entire landscapes instead of the geometric quilt squares that called for no more creative decision than what color of hardware store paint to use.

“In other words,” Hannah said with a bitter laugh, “she still hasn’t found out ‘it’s not all cakes and pies.’”

“I’ve been thinking lately that it’s not all quilts and pies.”

“You never did like to stitch quilts. And you think I’m a freak? But your painting—that’s you. Jacob told me about the quilt square you did on our—my family’s—barn.”

“A real font of information, isn’t he?” Sarah said, surprised again her voice was so sharp. Maybe Hannah’s rebellious nature was rubbing off on her. And was Nate right to be suspicious of Jacob? Nate had said that some firefighters loved the attention from a blaze, but did Jacob, too? Nate had also said that some arsonists returned to the scene of their crime, not only to watch the fire, but even later to relive the excitement. Maybe that’s why Jacob stopped at the very next farm. Or did he think his phoning in the fire would build bridges back to his people—and her?

The two young women started down the Oakridge Road that linked their farms. Sarah was glad Hannah didn’t insist on a run through the fields, like she’d done last night. They didn’t worry that there would be buggies or cars on the rural road now, because traffic was rare even in the daytime, unless a buggy clip-clopped past or tourists pleasure-driving some back byways happened by.

As they sneaked around Hannah’s childhood home, not going up the lane but skirting along the fence, Hannah cursed. “Damn! There’s a hole in the sky where it should be! Nothing but blackness and stars! It’s so—I can’t believe it, all of that destroyed to almost nothing!”

Her family’s team of horses plodded over to the fence as if to commiserate about the loss of their stalls, feed troughs and harnessing gear, the wagons and equipment they used to pull. Hannah put her hand out to one’s muzzle, and he snuffled against her palm as if he were crying.

“At least you guys still know me,” Hannah whispered.

“Why don’t you write your family a note!” Sarah suggested. “They’d love to hear from you, know that you cared enough to come see it.”

“It won’t help them to know I was here and saw this,” she insisted. Even in the darkness, with only the wan quarter moon rising, Sarah could see her friend’s tears track down her cheeks. “The heart of the farm, so many good times here… I’m so sorry, so sorry about what I’ve done,” Hannah cried, and began to sob so hard that some of her mascara ran down her face in dirty lines and smeared against Sarah’s cheek as she hugged her again.

“Good evening, ladies.” The deep male voice came from behind them. “Sarah, I thought you were going to stay all night with your grandmother, and what is this person confessing she’s sorry she’s done?”