Читать книгу The Wolf Siren - Karen Whiddon - Страница 9

Chapter 3

Foolishness. Or so Lilly quickly told herself. That didn’t stop her from enjoying the respite from the constant buzz of trepidation that usually swirled inside her, mingling with the fear. Abstractly, she knew she wasn’t supposed to be so uneasy, but the queasy feeling that there was danger all around her persisted. She didn’t know how to stop it. Therapy was supposed to help, but it hadn’t.

In fact, she could count on the fingers of one hand the moments of calm since she’d been freed from captivity. Last night and right now—this was huge. Allowing herself a small smile while making sure Kane couldn’t see, she sighed. She closed her eyes and let herself slide into sleep.

She’d slept a little, and then they’d stopped for lunch and stretched their legs, and gotten right back on the road. They didn’t talk much, which to her surprise felt comfortable.

That night, they stopped in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. When he pulled into the small motel’s parking lot, asking her to wait in the car while he got them a room, anticipation filled her rather than dread. Because later, surely he’d sing. Stunned, she realized she craved this, the same way she’d once craved water.

After checking into their room, which oddly bore a close resemblance to the previous one, Kane suggested they walk across the parking lot to the small, brightly lit café.

“Okay.” She didn’t even have to consider her answer. The fast-food they’d consumed hours ago for lunch had long since been digested and she felt hollow. Which meant she was hungry. Not a new sensation by any means, but her body had once been accustomed to being starved. Allowing herself to want food, to actually anticipate the flavor on her taste buds, was yet another thing that should have brought her happiness, but instead stressed her out. She couldn’t shake the certainty of believing if she allowed herself to enjoy one thing—anything—it would be promptly taken away from her. Conditioning, her shrink had said. Whatever it was, it was a part of her that she now hated.

He stayed close to her side as they crossed the well-lit motel lot into the café. The place was bright and crowded, and the scent of hamburgers cooking made her mouth water.

“Heaven,” she breathed, before realizing what she’d done and immediately trying to shut the instant of pleasure down.

“Don’t,” he said quietly, as if he understood. And then, shocking her, he took her hand. When he closed his large fingers firmly around hers, she struggled against a sharp stab of panic.

“I...” Tugging, she stopped when she saw the kindness in his eyes. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.” Instead of releasing her, he continued to hold on to her hand while they waited for the hostess to gather menus. As they followed the woman to their booth, Lilly wondered when Kane planned to let her go.

He released her when they reached their seats, sliding into the booth on the side facing the door. Studying him, she thought he appeared relaxed. Which was good, as that would mean they weren’t in any immediate danger.

She wished she could relax, as well.

“Are you always so jumpy?”

As if to underscore his comment, she started at his words. “Yes,” she answered, refusing to sugarcoat it. “As I’m sure you noticed, I’m pretty messed up.”

“That’s understandable.” No censure, only compassion in that wonderful, rich voice of his. He opened his menu, to her relief. “What are you in the mood for?”

“A burger,” she blurted, her mouth starting to water, “and fries.”

He nodded. “Sounds good. I’ll have the same.”

With a start, she realized the waitress stood nearby, ready to take their orders. Lilly’d been too lost in her thoughts to notice.

“And two milkshakes,” Kane continued, handing the menus back.

“What flavor?” the waitress asked.

Kane’s silver eyes met Lilly’s, causing a spark to flare low in her belly. “Are you a chocolate or vanilla person?”

“Do you have banana?” she blurted, forcing herself to meet the waitress’s gaze.

“Yep.”

“I’d like that.”

“We’ll take two,” Kane seconded, grinning so broadly Lilly wondered if she’d made some sort of public mistake.

Once the waitress moved away, Kane reached across the table and lightly touched her cheek, pretending not to notice when she flinched. “You know what you want,” he said, his tone vibrating with praise. “I like that.”

To her befuddled amazement, she felt her face heat at the compliment. “Thanks.”

When their food arrived along with the milkshakes, huge burgers next to a mound of crispy fries that looked every bit as good as they smelled, she froze. After shooting Kane a quick glance, she snatched hers up and sank her teeth into it. The flavor exploded in her mouth, making her hum with pleasure.

Half the thing was gone before she realized it. Glancing at Kane, she saw he watched her while he ate his own, much more slowly. Sheepishly, she put her burger down and made herself take some of her fries.

“You look like you’re enjoying that,” he said, smiling.

“I am.” Careful not to talk with her mouth full, she took a long drink of her shake, almost purring out loud at the sweet banana deliciousness as it slid down her throat.

He laughed, a sound of genuine pleasure. “I take it you like your milkshake, too.”

She nodded, swallowing one last sip before answering. “This is great.” Looking up, she met his laughing gaze. With a sense of shock, she realized Kane was damn near beautiful when he smiled. The thought made her full stomach hurt. Careful to look away, she tried to think of something else.

As seemed to be his wont, Kane came to the rescue. “Didn’t Lucas feed you back there in Seattle?”

“He did.” She tried to think of a diplomatic way to explain. Since there was none, she went ahead and told the truth. “Food is another one of my...neuroses. I have a lot. Too many to count, actually.” Her lame attempt at a joke fell flat. Once again, she felt her face color.

When he didn’t respond, she glanced up at him. He appeared to be engrossed in devouring the remains of his meal. With a feeling of relief, she did the same.

After they’d finished, Lilly declined dessert, even though the apple pie the waitress mentioned made her mouth water again. Amusement flickering in his eyes, Kane asked for the check. As they got up to leave, she half expected him to reach for her hand again. When he didn’t, she marveled at her feeling of disappointment.

Still, full and sated, she noticed an unusual lightness in her steps as they walked side by side to the motel.

Back in the room, as soon as he closed the door, the familiar uneasiness swept over her. She knew she should try to fight it. After all, they’d spent two days driving in the car together. Intellectually, she knew he meant her no harm, but some kind of rationality based on past experience made terror grab her by the throat and refuse to let go. Paralyzed, she tried to regain control, to push back the dizziness, to slow her rapid heartbeat.

Deep breathing, deep breathing. She would be strong. She was strong. Purposefully avoiding looking at the bed, where she longed to crawl under the covers and curl into a protective ball, she headed for the bathroom and a hot shower.

When she emerged, instead of sitting on the edge of the bed waiting for her, Kane had stretched out, still fully dressed, and fallen asleep. Padding over on her bare feet, she studied his strong profile. Even asleep, she saw the inherent strength in his hawklike features. Emboldened, she let her gaze travel over the rest of him, his impossibly long, black lashes, high cheekbones, and firm yet sensual lips. An unfamiliar warmth began inside her. He really was dangerously beautiful. Tendrils of his thick dark hair curled on his tanned forehead, and his broad shoulders and muscular arms made him look virile in his T-shirt. Even his bare arm silky with hairs and his long fingered hands fascinated her. The same way one would marvel at a great work of art, she told herself. Nothing more.

Sleep had muted the air of isolation she’d sensed in him and identified with, making him appear unexpectedly vulnerable. If not for the power she sensed coiled within him, making his aura pulse with potent masculinity, that is.

Aching to touch the heat emanating from his flesh, she cleared her throat instead. Oddly enough, she felt more at risk now than she did when he was awake with his quiet confidence filling the room.

At the sound, he opened his eyes. His silver gaze locked on hers, making her catch her breath.

“All done?” he asked, sitting up. Momentarily struck dumb, she nodded.

“Great.” Pushing himself off the bed, he smiled at her. “I’ll only be a minute or two. Go ahead and sleep if you want.”

An instant of panic clawed at her. Unreasonable, but still... “Will you,” she began, trying to bring the words up a suddenly tight throat. “Will you play and sing again tonight?”

He went so still she wondered if she’d offended him. But his expression appeared neutral when he looked her way. “Do you want me to?”

Nodding, she glanced down, aware she’d begun twisting her hands together. “I would like that,” she managed.

“Then I will.” His easy tone made her think he hadn’t noticed her uneasiness. But then she was coming to realize he pretended not to notice a lot of her weirdness in order to put her at ease.

“But first, I want a shower.” Turning, he headed toward the bathroom.

“Thank you,” she said, right when he closed the door behind him. She wasn’t sure he’d heard her, but at least she’d tried.

Carefully she removed the bedspread, folding it neatly at the end of the bed. Then, peeling back the sheets, she slipped in between them, trying to lie on her back, propped up with a pillow, or on her side, stretched out like normal people. In the end, she gave up and curled up into her usual, comforting ball and lay inflexible and rigid.

She’d give anything to have the ability to drift off to sleep. Just close her eyes, and let herself get carried away to the land of dreams. Instead, she lay absolutely still, her heartbeat fast, her mind racing.

Though she’d tried to school herself against it, she stiffened the instant the door opened. Keeping her eyes closed, she felt his presence fill the room. Damn it. No reason for fear, no reason at all. But helpless against instinct, she couldn’t stop the dread from filling her. A few minutes later, the familiar shivers started. Clenching her jaw, she tried to keep her teeth from chattering.

“It’s okay,” he said, his deep voice calm and sure. “I’ll get my guitar. Just a minute.” She heard the sound of him unlocking the dead bolt, then the door opened and closed as he went outside.

Her jaw began to ache as she waited.

After what seemed like an eternity, but in reality was probably only a moment, he returned. Eyes still closed, she held herself rigid, hating that she felt so tense. She listened as he moved around the room, heard the click of the fasteners as he opened his guitar case, the rustle and creak of the bed next to her as he settled on it. She could barely contain her impatience.

And then finally, he strummed the guitar. As the soft notes filled the room, she loosened her iron grip on herself, letting them pull some of the tension from her. When he sang, his husky voice low and sensual, and just exactly right, she heaved a great sigh, willing herself to become unknotted.

One song ended—she wasn’t even sure of the words—and he began another. As the music filled her, releasing her from the iron grip of her damaged psyche, she smiled. Muttering a slurred thank-you, she let herself fall toward the blessed oblivion of sleep.

* * *

Kane kept playing, long after he’d watched Lilly fall into slumber. Though exhaustion made him unsteady, he knew he had to keep playing or he might do something he’d regret. Like touch her.

Hell, the aching need to lay a hand on her had only intensified the longer he was around her. Only the certain knowledge of how badly such a thing would freak her out kept him from giving in to the craving. He’d been surprised as hell when she’d let him hold her hand earlier. And pleased, more than he should have been.

Four songs in, as the last notes died away, he made himself stop. Moving slowly, his body uncomfortable and aching, he returned the guitar to its case. He then went to bed, hoping he could get to sleep. He had another full day of driving tomorrow.

When he opened his eyes again, the grayish light told him dawn had nearly arrived. He sat up, glancing over at Lilly, who still slept. Heading toward the shower, he braced himself for yet another long day of driving. South Bend, Indiana, here we come.

Though this was only their second morning together, Kane considered it odd the way he and Lilly seemed to have developed a routine. In less than forty-five minutes, they were on the road, both having showered and dressed. After running through a drive-through for breakfast, they hit the highway. Once again, Lilly was silent, so he again located a country-music radio station and turned up the volume.

Several hours later, fueled by two large coffees, he debated trying again to engage her in conversation. She was a quiet little thing, though her slender, wild beauty lit up the interior of his car. He knew she had no idea of her impact on him, though everything about her fascinated him, from the apricot cream of her soft skin to the long lashes framing her clear blue eyes. He struggled against the temptation to taste her lush mouth, to tangle his fingers in her careless tumble of thick, honey-gold hair.

Even the first time he’d seen her, emaciated and filthy, huddled on a cold stone floor with nothing but rags to keep her warm, he’d seen the light of her beauty shining through her damaged exterior. For the first time in his life, he’d wanted to kill another human being, to find the one who had done this to her and wrap his fingers around his throat.

Since he couldn’t, he’d managed to hold himself in check. The bastard, one Jacob Gideon, a prominent religious leader of a church called Sanctuary, had been arrested. The worst part of it was that Lilly’d believed Jacob to be her father. It’d turned out Jacob had killed her parents back when she and Lucas had been infants.

Shaking off his thoughts, he focused on the road. When she finally spoke, he nearly missed it.

“What’s your story?” Her soft-voiced question had him hurrying to turn down the radio. “How’d you get into the bodyguard business?”

He couldn’t help but smile at her description. “I’m actually a veterinarian. I work at a veterinary clinic in Fort Worth. I also work for The Society of Pack Protectors.”

To his amazement, she smiled back, making an ember smolder inside him. “Lucas told me about the Protectors. They...you helped free me and the others from Sanctuary. He said you’re sworn to keep safe others of our kind. Shape-shifters.”

Since he knew she’d believed her and her brother to be freaks of nature and hadn’t realized there were others, her calm acceptance now made him make a mental note to call Lucas and thank him for teaching his sister so much in such a short period of time. At least she knew some of her heritage.

“Exactly. The Protectors recruited me when I was still in high school. They paid a full scholarship to Texas A&M University and then to the veterinary program. In exchange, I have to work for them a few times a year. It’s similar to the military reserves here in the United States.”

“And you just finished up working undercover at Sanctuary.” She glanced sideways at him. “Since you’re an animal doctor, then how are you able to do this for Lucas?”

“And you,” he added softly. “I took a leave of absence, the same way I always do when I go work for the Protectors.”

She nodded and turned to look out the window.

By the time they made South Bend, he had to force himself to stay awake. Aware of the danger, he took the first exit with a motel sign and pulled in and parked in front of the dingy window with the red, neon vacancy sign.

Half turning in his seat, he dragged his hand through his hair. “I’m sorry, but I’m beat.”

She nodded without looking at him.

“Wait here.” Getting out, he went inside the office and procured them a room.

Which turned out to be yet another carbon copy of the previous two.

Dropping his gear on the floor, he didn’t even have the energy to hit the shower. “You go ahead,” he told her, lying back on to the bed and closing his eyes. “I’ll take mine in the morning.”

That was his last conscious thought before sleep claimed him.

* * *

Overnight bag still in hand, Lilly stood and watched as Kane dropped off into a deep sleep. She felt a flare of panic that he hadn’t even brought his guitar case inside.

She shook her head at her own weakness and took her bag with her into the bathroom. She made the water piping hot, and took her time, trying to summon up the courage to let Kane sleep undisturbed. The poor man obviously needed his rest. He’d been driving for a solid three days, and since she didn’t know how to drive she couldn’t even spell him.

But though she knew her thoughts were selfish, she couldn’t help but wonder what kind of a night she’d have, alone with him in a small hotel room, without even his music to soothe her. Telling herself to stop thinking of herself, she toweled off and put on her soft sleep T-shirt.

When she emerged into the room, Kane’s deep, even breaths told her he was still deeply asleep. She moved quietly, went through her familiar routine of folding the bedspread and slipped into the still tucked sheets. Only once she had, she realized she’d forgotten to put out the light. On her way to do so, she once again found herself entranced by Kane. A sudden image of what it would feel like to slide into his bed next to him, wrapping herself around him, made her gasp in shock and confusion.

What the... Staggering back, she managed to click off the light and hightail it back to her own bed.

Once there, she curled up in her familiar ball, but couldn’t relax enough to get comfortable. Again she briefly considered waking Kane up and asking him to sing to her, but she hadn’t the heart. So far, he’d been nothing but accommodating to her. She couldn’t be such a selfish person to keep such a man from his well-deserved rest.

If she didn’t manage to get to sleep tonight, she always had the car during the drive tomorrow. He’d promised it would be their last day of driving. And then they’d be... Grimacing, she realized she didn’t even know their destination. She told herself she needed to be more proactive, to take charge of her own destiny, or at least try.

And with that thought, somehow she must have fallen asleep, because when she next opened her eyes, it was morning. Kane’s bed was empty. Sitting up, she heard the sound of a shower going and smiled.

She’d done it. Gone to sleep alone in a room with a strange man, who wasn’t really a stranger anymore. Still... Baby steps, as her therapist had been fond of saying.

He gave her a curious look when he emerged from his shower, his dark hair still damp. She smiled at him, which appeared to shock him, since he froze, though he didn’t speak as she continued past him. Her smile held, even as she disappeared into the still-steamy bathroom.

When she came out, dressed and ready, he’d taken a seat in the chair by the door. “I’ve already loaded the car and turned in the key.”

Though she wondered at the impersonal tone to his voice, she simply nodded.

As usual, they got breakfast on the road. She waited until they’d both finished eating their egg sandwiches, turning the questions she wanted to ask around and around in her mind. For the past two days, she’d been wanting to ask, but hadn’t summoned the energy or the nerve. Finally, with her usual lack of finesse, she just blurted out the first one. “Where are we going?”

Kane’s smile told her he approved of her curiosity. “Leaning Tree, New York. It’s upstate, in the Catskill mountains. My entire family lives there.”

“Your family?” She hadn’t anticipated having to meet anyone else. Somehow she’d thought Kane was taking her to some sort of remote safe house where she’d live alone with him until it was safe to return home.

“Yep. Both my parents, two brothers and a sister, along with their respective spouses and a bunch of nieces and nephews.” He said this so cheerfully she could tell he expected her to greet this news with enthusiasm.

Damned if she didn’t hate to let him down. But she had no choice—she could barely master her own emotions yet, never mind try to summon up fake ones.

“Are we...” Licking her lips nervously, she tried to sound upbeat. “Are we going to be living with them?” Which would be close to a nightmare as far as she was concerned.

“Sort of.” Then, apparently noticing her crestfallen expression, he reached over and lightly squeezed her shoulder. “Don’t worry, you’ll still have your privacy.”

Though she didn’t see how, she didn’t pursue the questions any further. In fact, she wished she’d never asked. Now that she knew, her anxiety had rocketed sky-high.

She couldn’t imagine what Kane’s family, his no-doubt nice, normal family, would make of her, so clearly damaged and one short step away from crazy.

“Are you sure you want to impose on them?” she hesitantly asked. “Maybe we should find alternative lodging.”

He laughed. “They’d never forgive me if I did that. I haven’t been home in three years or more. Work got crazy and somehow I never made it. I owe them a nice long visit.”

Crud. Settling back in her seat, she swallowed the huge lump in her throat and tried again to concentrate on her breathing.

“Hey.” His voice softened. “My father owns a motel. It’s actually more of an old-fashioned motor court. There are separate cabins. I’ve asked to use the most remote one. It’s on the other side of a meadow and small lake. I promise, you won’t be crowded in with anyone.”

She nodded, wishing she could quiet the roiling turmoil inside her. Squaring her shoulders, she tried to reach inside her, to that dark, violent and often empty space, hoping she might find strength. Once or twice, she actually had, but that was years ago. Lucas and Blythe had talked often about their inner wolves, but Lilly was pretty sure hers had gone mad a long time ago. One thing she knew for sure, she could no longer touch her inner beast. Her father had believed this meant she’d conquered the demon he claimed lived inside her.

She knew better. The demon waited, crazed and hungry, ready to devour her the instant she gave it a chance.

“I’ve never seen anything like your aura,” he said. “Just now it went from black to gray, then swirls of purple started exploding, like fireworks. It’s unreal.”

Yet one more thing different about her. Sometimes she couldn’t help but believe Jacob Gideon had been right. She wasn’t normal, nor would she ever be. A few times she had actually considered the possibility she might be better off dead.

“My aura?” Again she said the first thing that came to mind. “I can’t see it, though Lucas told me it was...special. Can everyone see their own?”

From his crestfallen expression, he seemed to realize he’d hurt her. “I meant no offense. I’m sorry.”

Lifting her shoulder in a casual shrug cost her more than he’d ever know. “None taken.” She swallowed, steeling herself to meet his gaze. “Please, I’d really like to know. Can you see your own aura?”

“No.” He held her gaze for a second, and then turned his attention back to the road. “We can only see each others’. Oh, every now and then, if I’m walking by a mirror, I might catch a glimpse of the light surrounding me, but when I look full-on, it’s gone.”

Frustrated, she nodded. “That’s what I thought.” Once again, she glanced his way. “Yours looks a lot like Lucas’s. I figured mine looked more like Blythe’s. I’m guessing it doesn’t.”

A shadow crossed his face. Though she hadn’t exactly asked a question, she’d been hoping for confirmation. Blythe’s aura was gorgeous, bright and golden, exactly like her. In the short time Lilly had gotten to know her, she’d come to see the woman her twin brother loved with all his heart was beautiful both inside and out.

From the way everyone reacted to Lilly’s aura, she guessed now her own must be dark and twisted, full of holes and ugly mashes of color, like the ones inside her head.

Just like that, her faintly hopeful mood evaporated, and a crushing sense of doom settled down on her. Since these feelings frequently descended on her for no rhyme or reason, she knew there was no way to dissipate the blackness of her mood. She had to ride it out.

Turning her head away from Kane, she closed her eyes and waited for him to turn up the radio. When he didn’t, she reached out and did it herself.

* * *

Kane saw the first billboard when they were still thirty miles out from Leaning Tree. “Wolf Hollow Motor Court Resort, only thirty miles to paradise!” the sign proclaimed, along with a picture of a wild wolf howling at a full moon. Years ago, Kane’s father had decided to adopt an advertising strategy of using six billboards, five miles apart. Since the slogans never changed, Kane could recite all six of them from memory, even though he hadn’t been home in three years.

Lilly stirred in her seat, opening her eyes and leaning forward. “Do you feel that?” she asked, her low voice thrumming with emotion.

Kane went absolutely still, using both his human senses and his wolf. “No,” he finally said, regretful. “What was it?”

She settled back in her seat, shaking her head. “A feeling...intuition...I don’t know. Never mind. It was probably just my imagination.”

But he could tell it hadn’t been, not to her. Absurdly, he felt as if he’d let her down. “You’ve been asleep awhile. We’re almost there.”

Now she looked at him full-on, her blue eyes clear and wide-awake. “We made it here without any trouble.”

“Yes.” Entranced, he wondered if it was possible to drown in her gaze.

“No one followed us or tried to intercept us. I think it’s possible my brother was worried for nothing.”

Glad of the distraction, he dragged his gaze away from hers and flashed a grim smile. “No. All this means is we got away without them realizing it. Once they know you’re gone, they’ll be searching all over for you.”

Her vivid gaze didn’t waver. “Do you think they’ll find me?”

“Not yet.” At the stark fear flashing across her features, he almost swore, though at the last minute he bit back the words. “Bad choice of words. I don’t think they’ll find us. Not here.”

“That’s not what you said.” Cocking her head, she made a face, evidently downplaying her own fear. “But you think eventually they’ll track us down?”

He bit back a curse at his own carelessness. “It’s possible. Look, anything can happen. You know that. But it won’t be for a while, I promise. It’ll give us time to prepare.”

“Prepare how?”

Another billboard flashed into view. This time the wolf faced north, the direction they were heading.

Kane ignored it. “Lilly, in the time you spend with me, I’m going to teach you how to be strong, how to defend yourself. By the time we’re done in Leaning Tree, you should be prepared to take on any comer.”