Читать книгу Missing - Karin Alvtegen - Страница 6

My mother knew that I was different from the others. She always feared the times when I might be disappointed. If I wanted something very much, she would try to prepare me for what failure could do to me. She tried to make me lower my expectations in order to save me from pain.

But if all ventures include preparing for failure, then not succeeding will finally become a goal. I cannot live like that any more.

Not now.

Rune was all I ever wanted. I had always been hoping to meet someone like him and then, suddenly, there he was. He came to mean more to me than life itself.

How many times have I asked You to let me know if that was why I had to be punished?

Lord, did our carnal lust cause us to sin so gravely that You could not overlook it and instead take pleasure in our love for each other? You took him away from me, but You never welcomed him into Your realm.

I have asked You, God: what must be done that he should be forgiven?

For when a Will exists, it is first necessary to show that the testator has died. Death alone can validate the Will. And the contrary is true, for as long as the testator lives, his Will is invalid. Hence the previous relationship must be celebrated in blood, for according to the Law, all can be purified by blood and also, until blood has been shed, there can be no forgiveness.

Lord, I give thanks to You for making me understand what I must do.