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Diagnosis: Heart Attack

“Every day, on which I work toward fulfilling the purpose of my existence and my promise to God, I draw more love into my life. Love conquers all and miracles occur.”

Jana Haas May 1, 2011

July 31, 2011

I had been awaiting this day with discontent and restlessness for a few weeks now. So much would change today. Justin would turn sixteen and on the same day, Daniela would fly to Chicago to start her internship abroad. Although I was happy for both of our children, melancholy filled my heart. Of course I knew I had to let them go.

“Those who aren’t prepared for change will also lose that which they wish to preserve.”

Gustav Heinemann (1899–1976), German politician (SPD), 1969–74 German president

Even though I was well aware of the truth lying in those wise words, I sensed something about today was even more than our children’s growing independence.

The whole family was standing outside the house at eight in the morning. Daniela’s suitcases had already been loaded into the SUV when she gave her brother one last hug. Just at the right moment, the neighbors’ daughter came running across the street to take a farewell picture of the four of us with her cell phone. Then we headed out.

My husband, Gerd, and I took Daniela to the airport in Zurich. We arrived early and had plenty of time to drink a cappuccino together before she went through the security gate. One last wave and she had vanished out of our sight. Daniela was going to do an internship in Chicago for the next six months before she would complete her bachelor’s degree in Germany.

On the drive home, Gerd was steering the wheel while he kept saying, “She’ll be fine, she’s going her own way now. That’s great.” I had the feeling he was really trying to convince himself because, in reality, he didn’t like the idea of his little girl finally leaving her parents’ home and being on her own for a few months at all. He had always been the one to travel for months at a time because his job demanded it. He needed his family to manage without him then. But now that it was “his little girl” who was leaving the nest, it was a completely new situation that clearly unsettled him.

I was very happy for Daniela and was certain the six months would fly by, but I still had this strange feeling that something had come to an end today.

A few days later, Gerd was already off on another business trip. One of his many projects was constantly taking him around the world; I often didn’t even know what city he was in.

Our son Justin was in 9th grade and I worked in the office at a medium-sized company. While Justin spent most of his free time with his friends, I enjoyed a few nice autumn days taking little excursions with my mother. Occasionally, we would have coffee in the sun at a café on Lake Constance and were always thrilled when we would get an email from Daniela on our cell phones. That always made us feeling close to her; as though we were part of her life, although she was miles away. I had very little contact with Gerd and it was usually brief. He extended his stay in China several times because the project required more time and work than planned. But isn’t that how it had always been? I didn’t really think much about it.

Gerd and Daniela, however, skyped almost every day. Due to the time difference, they often met online when Gerd returned to his hotel in the evening and Daniela was getting ready for work in the morning. So, one day, Daniela told me she was worried about her dad. For weeks, he had been complaining about a cold, bronchitis and a fever, but stoically refused to see a doctor. By email, I suggested he consult a traditional Chinese pharmacist. Or maybe Gerd could find a doctor who worked with Traditional Chinese Medicine and acupuncture. Still, Gerd refused and pointed out that his Chinese employees brought him freshly brewed tea every day, with the words “Good for your health! Good for your health!” and that his condition would improve soon. Well then, from his mouth to God’s ears. He was, after all, an adult and had done just fine alone abroad for nearly 20 years, so he was fully capable of making his own decisions.

After all, I had quite enough to deal with at home. My job as a CEO’s assistant was demanding and continuously provided me new challenges. Justin had to be taken care of and last but not least, there was always plenty to do in and around the house. I preferred to spend what little free time I had at home reading books. For quite some time now, a dear friend of mine had been giving me books from Sanaya Roman and Jana Haas.

But my favorite author remained Louise L. Hay. I repeatedly read her books and still could find deep truth in her words every time.

“Everything I ever need to know reveals to me at divine time in perfect ways.”

Louise L. Hay