Читать книгу Plan B - Karra Barber-Wada - Страница 8

Our Story

Shortly after Thomas’s 4^th birthday, I finally acknowledged that although my husband and I had been living together as a married couple, we’d been living our lives separately and were extremely disconnected from each other. Despite the fact that we were both devoted and loving parents to our son, after many months of deep contemplation, we eventually came to the conclusion that we’d be better parents if we were no longer a couple. Ultimately, we agreed to put our emotional selves aside for a time and make Thomas our number-one priority. In doing so, we made every attempt to make joint decisions regarding Thomas, which at times was very difficult. We made great efforts to balance his basic needs and his special needs to the best of our ability.

One thing was abundantly clear: We both loved our son dearly, and that would never change, despite the shift in our personal relationship. Our divorce was finalized when Thomas was 5. Although this was a very difficult decision, I knew I had to create a “Plan B” for myself and for Thomas. In my new role as a single parent, I needed to shape a different course for us as we moved forward.

“Plan B” in Motion

As with so many single parents who find themselves at this kind of a crossroads, at times I felt completely overwhelmed in my new and seemingly solo role. Nevertheless, I knew that what I did and how I chose to view my new situation would profoundly affect my future, as well as Thomas’. This was a time in my life when I had to look deep inside and hold on to the strong, solid, and capable person I knew myself to be. I kept reminding myself that I was resourceful and resilient. I was certainly someone who had the endurance and the wisdom to start over and support Thomas and his special needs (my new mantra). And, as tough as it was at first—and it was tough—I deliberately chose to regard my circumstances as unrealized opportunities for our future. That belief, along with a healthy dose of determination, were the motivators I needed to start again with a new plan of action—what I called our “Plan B.”

Steps Forward

As I began taking steps toward rebuilding my life as a single parent, I knew I needed to concentrate on my emotional (feeling), practical (thinking/planning), and actual (doing) states of being. So, that’s what I did.

The emotional steps I took were deliberately intended to keep myself and Thomas emotionally steady during a time when we needed the most reassurance.

Practically speaking, the mental steps I took included (a) realizing my options, (b) embracing the new responsibilities that come with being a single parent of a special-needs child, and (c) developing a plan of action.

The actual steps I took involved (a) focusing primarily on Thomas, his special needs, and the structure he required to maintain his continued growth and development and (b) executing my plan of action.

To gain support, I quickly joined an autism spectrum disorder (ASD) parent support group with other parents who could relate to my circumstances. Eventually, I started my own monthly support group for parents, both single and coupled, with children on the autism spectrum; this is something you can do, too. Collectively, the group provided a platform to share relevant information, community resources, and personal experiences (both positive and negative) for others to learn from. Ultimately, these group meetings helped to produce “road maps” for parents whose children had received new diagnoses and for families who were entering into uncharted territory in their lives.

Emotional Steps Are Important

Don’t suffer in silence. Although many parents may consider themselves strong and able to carry the weight of the world on their shoulders, the magnitude of raising a child with autism by oneself can be an utterly paralyzing experience at times. Divorce is a life-altering decision that affects everyone differently, on many emotional levels.

Reaching Out for Support: Joanne’s Story

“I can’t handle this … I just can’t do it anymore.” This became Joanne’s ongoing internal dialogue.

With an uninvolved ex and her family in a different state, Joanne struggled with juggling her work as a part-time nurse and raising her twin toddlers, one of whom was autistic. After 9 months of going it alone, with dirty laundry mounting, dishes piled in the sink, and two tired and screaming toddlers underfoot, one evening Joanne fell apart. “What am I doing? I cannot go on like this,” Joanne sobbed to a girlfriend on the phone. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I thought that with my ex out of the picture, it would be easier. I’m a capable, educated woman, and I convinced myself that I could hold down a job, care for my kids, and manage as a single parent, all without asking for help from anyone. But I feel like I’m drowning. What in the world is wrong with me?” Joanne was at her wits’ end.

Finally, Joanne asked her friends for help. A group of Joanne’s girlfriends (who were mothers themselves) got together, stepped in, and took charge. They created a schedule in which they offered their time to Joanne and her twins—something Joanne needed desperately. One friend committed to care for Joanne’s twins one afternoon a week, so she could take care of basic household tasks, such as grocery shopping, banking, and doing laundry. Another friend agreed to carpool the twins to and from preschool twice weekly, while a third friend invited Joanne to come to a weekly yoga class for some adult quiet time.

Because Joanne’s ex had chosen not to have an active role in his children’s lives after their split, Joanne said she felt guilty and was overcompensating for her ex’s absence at the expense of her own mental, emotional, and physical health. When she finally did ask for help, she was able to lessen her load and refocus her energies on herself and her children—her ultimate goal!

“It’s silly when I think about it now … I was just too proud to ask for help in the beginning. I’m glad I eventually realized the value of letting go of the façade of having to be the perfect mother,” Joanne admitted. “News flash: Perfection is overrated!”

Take Emotional Steps Forward

Ask for Emotional Assistance

If you have a child with ASD, your decision to divorce or parent solo becomes substantially more complex. If you are considering separation or divorce, perhaps seeking out couples’ counseling, family counseling, or individual therapy from a licensed professional would be useful during and/or after that process. Parents can struggle during this transitional time, often as much as their children. We need to ask for assistance when we require it. Family, friends, neighbors, church members, and coworkers can be good supporters. Take comfort in knowing that you are doing the very best you can in any given moment.

Designate one afternoon a week as “grandparent time” or “family-friend time.” Use these afternoons to rejuvenate yourself, while your children enjoy someone else’s undivided attention.

Give Yourself Time to Healafter Ending a Relationship

When a relationship or marriage ends, it’s common to feel guilty, devastated, anxious, depressed, sad, angry, or even relieved. Allow yourself to feel any or all of these emotions and more. You’ve just been through a life-altering change. Healing happens over a period of time, not overnight. Allow yourself the time you need to process this enormous decision that affects both you and your child. Ending any kind of relationship can be a major loss, and you will need a period of time to grieve and/or cope with the feelings and emotions that come up.

Take breaks regularly. Make them part of your routine. Read a book, take a nap, see a movie, attend a yoga class, take a walk, or engage in other calming activities, like mediation or massage. It’s okay to take some time for yourself to reflect on your past and find solace. It’s a process. Give yourself permission to take care of your own needs. Parents are people, too!

Surround Yourself with ThoseWho Understand Your Situation

Accept the transformation in your life and embrace the new possibilities for personal growth. Your circumstances are changing, and your responsibilities are shifting, as well. Find the confidence within yourself to trust in your ability as a parent. Surround yourself with family and friends who love you and understand your choices. Spend time with those who believe in you as a person and respect your decisions as a parent. Life can be hard sometimes. Acknowledge it and try and move forward. An optimistic outlook goes a long way. Find a support group of like-minded people who can provide you with wisdom and encouragement, as well as assistance.

Feeling lonely and overwhelmed from the events of the day is common. Accept help and understanding from those who accept you and your situation.

Contact a friend, relative, or counselor or someone who will lend you support and encouragement on a regular basis. Try to focus on one positive thought each day before you go to sleep and/or when you wake up in the morning. Concentrate on what you are thankful for. Ask yourself, what did your child do today that made you smile? What made you especially happy? What made you laugh out loud?

Connect with Other Parents WhoHave Children with Special Needs

Single-parenting a child with ASD can feel isolating and terribly overwhelming at times—particularly in the beginning. Recognize that you are not alone and that there are supports out there for you. Consider seeking out other single parents with special-needs children who have been through something similar and can share their experiences with you. Find support, strategies, and even solutions from those who have walked your path and can help you find your way. If it’s helpful to you, share your circumstances with other parents. Join a support group in a community with seasoned parents who can provide ideas and alternatives when it comes to resources and services for you and your child.

If possible, join a local or online ASD parent support group. Many support groups are listed online, if you search for “local autism parent groups.” If there isn’t a local ASD parent group in your area, start one. Public places such as libraries, bookstores, and coffee shops are usually centrally located and make great locations to hold parent meetings. Typically the venue is free, and parking is accessible. You can advertise your new group to other parents of children with ASD by posting a free ad in your local newspaper, on online ASD blogs, or in online newsletters. Local disability agencies can also help you spread the word.

Move Forward Toward a New Future

A positive attitude will help you build confidence. Focus on yourself and your new life as a single parent. Realize that the past is the past, and the present is now. Moving forward toward a new beginning can be extremely intimidating, a welcome relief, or a combination of both. Either way, remember that although you are only one person, you are a capable person. Don’t be afraid to establish practical goals for yourself and your life, even if they seem out of reach initially. Revel in your newfound independence. This is your time to start fresh. Recreate yourself.

Dust off your employment skills and/or brush up on new ones. If you plan on returning to the workforce, take a class at the community college in a field of interest to you. Spruce up your résumé with skills you’ve acquired as a stay-at-home parent (examples might be PTA member, committee organizer, troop fundraiser, or board participant). If you have a college degree but you need recent work experience in a specific area, volunteer your skills. If you plan to be a nurse, volunteer at a hospital. If you want to be a teacher, volunteer at a school. If your goal is to work with animals, intern at an animal shelter. Direct your time and energies into a career path you wish to pursue. To get the word out, start networking with friends. Tell them you are actively looking for work experience and ask them for formal or informal introductions to people who can help you. Make a point to attend your friends’ parties, your child’s school functions, and your neighbors’ summer barbecues. Be sure to mingle with new people and establish connections with acquaintances. You never know who can help you achieve your goals in life.

Networking Works: Suzie’s Story

Suzie and her 12-year-old son Jack wanted to remain in the family home (and in a familiar neighborhood) after Suzie and her ex split up. To do that, Suzie knew she needed to get a job that would enable her to afford the mortgage payment. It was the end of the summer. Jack was ready to return to school, while Suzie was preparing to re-enter the work force. Because she’d been a stay-at-home mom since Jack received a diagnosis of autism at the age of 3, Suzie realized it could be difficult for her to find a job without any recent employment experience. Although she had worked as a freelance writer years ago, since the time of Jack’s diagnosis, she hadn’t picked up a pen, let alone written anything worthy of submission to a publisher. Instead, her days were spent advocating for Jack. She realized that for more than a decade, her whole life had revolved around Jack and his special needs.

Feeling out of touch with the professional world, Suzie decided to meet with several of the gal pals from her book club, and she started networking. She was determined to keep her house! Over coffee, Suzie and her gal pals (who worked in various fields) brainstormed possible employment options that would match Suzie’s skill set. What were Suzie’s abilities and experiences? Together, they quickly listed Suzie’s strengths and talents and tallied up her recent “non-employment” accomplishments: She was the PTA president, a special-education parent liaison, an autism advocate extraordinaire, not to mention assistant to the swim coach, scout troop leader, theater club mom, and participant in any other community activity Jack attended. In a “light bulb moment,” one of Suzie’s pals offered to introduce Suzie to her boss, who was the editor of the local newspaper.

With Suzie’s prior freelance experience and her obvious knowledge about and regular involvement in community-centered activities, Suzie wound up getting a job with the local newspaper to cover their weekly community events. Mission accomplished—through networking!

Are you starting over in the workforce and wondering where to begin? Start by making a list of your interests, experiences, strengths, talents, and accomplishments. Build your résumé with all of the information compiled from your lists. Next, make a “networking” list of people whom you believe to be helpful in facilitating the achievement of your goal. The hope is that you will find employment in a position where your interests, experience, and skill set are a good match with the job requirements.

EXERCISE 1: Returning to the Workforce

Complete the following exercise to help you identify what sort of skills and interests you bring to the table and whom you might connect with to find employment that’s a good fit for you.

1. INTERESTS: What do you like to do?

2. EXPERIENCE: What work or volunteer experience do you have?

3. STRENGTHS: What are your abilities?

4. TALENTS: What are you good at?

5. ACCOMPLISHMENTS: What have you attained, achieved, or mastered?

6. RÉSUMÉ-BUILDING: Build your résumé by using the information you listed above.

7. NETWORKING: Make a list of your friends, acquaintances, relatives, and neighbors. Who might be able to help you?

What Are Your Emotional Steps Forward?

Write down five “emotional steps forward” that you feel will help keep you and your child(ren) emotionally steady during a time when you need the most reassurance.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Practical Steps

For families who have a child on the autism spectrum, divorce can become exceedingly challenging. Children’s emotional states are altered, their treatment programs are affected, and their everyday routines become more unpredictable.

Moving Forward: Erica’s Story

Six-year-old Erica received a diagnosis of pervasive developmental disorder at age 3. After a long and laborious court battle, her parents’ divorce became final, and primary custody of Erica and her younger sister Amanda was awarded to their mother, Lisa. Their father’s (Jon’s) visitation schedule consisted of alternating weekends, holidays, and summer vacations. This transition was especially difficult for Erica, as demonstrated by her constant meltdowns, bed-wetting, and irregular sleep patterns. To complicate matters, Lisa took a part-time job as a paralegal and moved the girls 50 miles away from where Jon resided when Erica was in first grade. This created logistical challenges for Jon, in terms of visitation and attending school-related activities.

“This was a very hard time for all of us,” said Lisa. “Jon and I were not on good terms when we filed for divorce. Erica was having outbursts at school. She wasn’t sleeping or eating well, either. In the midst of all of this, I got a job and moved out of town. Jon’s work record had been spotty, and our finances had been limited. Although it was in the middle of the school year, I had to make the decision to relocate for financial reasons. I knew I wanted to register Erica in a special-education program right away, so she could get back on track in a new school as soon as possible. I was aware that the combination of all of those changes would most likely complicate things for Jon and the girls, particularly Erica, but I felt I had no choice. We needed a steady income, and I could provide that better than Jon at that point.”

As Lisa was getting situated at her new job and settling into her new apartment in a new city with the girls, she prepared to meet with the officials at Erica’s new school to create an Individualized Education Program (IEP) for Erica. Gathering old medical records and neuropsychology reports for Erica’s IEP meeting was a full-time job. Erica had so many documents to organize. Having gone through the IEP process before at Erica’s previous school, Lisa and Jon were aware of the procedures necessary to reinstate Erica’s IEP. Although Erica had previously come from a special-needs classroom environment, her progress had been clearly noted in many academic and psychological evaluations.

The IEP team at Erica’s new school took their time in reviewing her assessments and all other pertinent information. Eventually, the IEP team agreed to Erica’s new placement in a general-education classroom, with part-time assistance from an educational aide. The new IEP team also agreed to provide Erica with other special-education services, which included an hour of individualized speech and occupational therapy per week. Even attending a weekly social-skills “lunch bunch” group with her typically developing peers was written into Erica’s new IEP.

“Jon and I were pleasantly surprised—ecstatic actually—with the support services provided by the new school district. Also, Jon’s health insurance plan continued to provide Erica with an additional hour a week of speech therapy from a private practitioner. I must confess, although Erica’s school program was a good one, the adjustment to all the new changes affected her behavior at school and at home for some time,” Lisa added.

Finances were an ongoing issue for Lisa and Jon. Jon’s monthly child support payments were nominal. As the primary custodian for both children, Lisa still struggled to make ends meet by working part time. This meant she had to adhere to a strict household budget to be able to live within her means.

“Fortunately, my income level as a single parent made me eligible to receive a cost reduction for after-school child care through the local YMCA. This was something I desperately needed as a working single mom,” said Lisa.

Take Practical Steps Forward

Obtain Legal Advice, Counsel,and/or Mediation Intervention

Often, you will find that as you become a single parent, you may require legal advice, expertise, and/or other outside assistance to facilitate the dissolution of your marriage. Do your homework and gather any pertinent information you need for yourself and your child regarding your specific situation. Research and understand your legal rights, options, and obligations.

When it comes to having custody of a special-needs child, certain provisions may need to be considered for the division of child custody and financial obligations as they relate to child support, overall settlement, and possible future guardianship of your child (depending on the state you live in). In most states, child support ends after the child turns 18 or finishes college, but every state has different laws and procedures. When you have a special-needs child, often a financial assistance plan can be developed and agreed upon between both parties (for example, this can be spelled out in a living trust).

If you are hiring an attorney to handle your divorce, ask for references. An attorney with experience in representing parents with special-needs children is preferable. Each state has different laws about marriage, divorce, spousal support, and child custody and/or parenting time. Make and keep copies of all records and relevant documents regarding your dissolution of marriage in case a document is lost or misfiled at a court clerk’s office.

Preparing to Transition to aSingle-Family Residence

Making the decision to physically change your place of residence is difficult on many levels. Logistically, having to organize and actually move your belongings from one location to another can be stressful for anyone, particularly for a child on the autism spectrum. Most likely, your ex will maintain shared custody of your child (also called parenting time in some states). With that in mind, many children with ASD may require special consideration when it comes moving their belongings. If and how your child’s belongings will be moved from one location to another may be a big decision that affects your child with ASD greatly. Because this issue can be an extremely sensitive topic for your youngster, determining how the process will be handled should be coordinated by both parents prior to the move.

When appropriate, sit down with your child and decide together which of her things will be located at which family home. Having your child participate in the decision-making may help alleviate any concerns she may have, while giving her a sense of control. Your child may decide to keep a few personal items with her to transport back and forth between homes. The idea is to allow her to engage in the decision-making process. Don’t be surprised if you have to repeatedly dispel concerns about your child’s possessions. Anxiety is so often part of everyday life for those with autism. You can help alleviate that anxiety by providing your child with detailed information and reassurance about upcoming events or changes. This is useful for all children, at any age.

Set Up Financial and Budgetary Goals

Finances are typically a top concern when dealing with a special-needs child, owing to having to maintain the services required to accommodate her developmental needs. Optimally, both parents will agree to financially provide for their child’s special services. If needed, the legal system can help determine the division of financial responsibilities regarding a child. As a single parent, it’s best to establish new budgetary goals for yourself and your child on the basis of your income and expenses and the limitations of a single income. Prioritize your basic living expenses and create a new budget on the basis of what’s absolutely essential. Remember, concerns involving finances are big for parents in general. But for single parents who are raising special-needs children, these concerns are magnified and must be dealt with in an organized and systematic manner to be effective.

For example, when I first became a single parent and was living on virtually one income, I had to recalculate my budget to fit my new circumstances in a way that allowed me to reprioritize my goals for myself and my son. I made a list of nonnegotiable items and compared it with things I’d like to continue to have and financially manage. This made it easy for me to see exactly what I was dealing with, how my priorities had to temporarily change, and thus how my choices would affect my finances. Over time, as I made more money, I reevaluated my priorities and added in more of the things I was able to afford prior to my divorce. It was a choice—and it was empowering to know that I was in charge of my choices.

Balancing finances can be a tricky thing. If you find that finances are limited because of the shift in your marital or relationship situation and you can no longer provide for your child’s special-needs services in the same way you did before, make a list of services and prioritize them according to your child’s greatest need at the moment. For example, if your child’s speech is delayed, but she is making definite improvement, consider keeping her speech therapy but reducing the frequency (I did this for my own son). The same goes for occupational therapy, psychotherapy, behavioral therapy, and the like. Remember, no decision is set in stone. When your financial situation improves, reevaluate your child’s needs and decide if extended, altered, or additional services are necessary.

Create a Balance between Children,Work, and Home Life

As a newly single parent, sustaining a healthy balance between your life at work and your life at home with your special-needs child can be hard. Time-management skills and organizational strategies can help you prioritize the division of these fundamental components. As you prioritize your time and plans, however, recognize that things may not always go as planned. Realize that schedules may change unexpectedly. Teach your child with autism to be flexible with those changes and to be open to a “Plan B.” You may even make up scenarios with your child, creating an “A Plan” and a “B Plan” for certain situations. Have your child practice being “flexible” with unexpected outcomes. Be clear with your children about expectations and responsibilities—yours and theirs.

Try and share at least one family meal together every day. Include your child in household tasks and family activities, such as grocery shopping or making a family meal. Create new memories and share new experiences with your child. Help your child understand that she is an integral part of your “new” family unit. Sit down with your child and create a plan or schedule for the day or week. Let her know that her input is important to you.

Develop a Family System to Co-Parentwith Your Ex (Whenever Possible)

Establish an effective and appropriate method of communicating with your ex, where you express yourself openly and directly but never through your child. If appropriate, designate a specific day or time of the week when the two of you can meet and discuss issues regarding your child. Try not to speak negatively of the other parent in front of your child. To demonstrate “co-parenting,” when disciplining your child, try and establish consistency by respecting rules and consequences in both homes (whenever possible). For example, if your child loses computer privileges in one home, try and be consistent with the same consequence in both homes. This may or may not be possible all of the time (or any of the time). But, it’s important for your special-needs child to understand that each parent may approach things differently, rather than one parent being “right” and the other parent being “wrong.” I can’t express this point strongly enough: Even if you don’t agree with the consequence given to your child by the other parent, working together shows your child that both parents are united in their parenting. For example, when my ex imposed a consequence on my son after he pushed another child at recess, I carried out the consequence in my home, as well.

NOTE: Oftentimes, local community colleges or community centers offer parenting classes that address co-parenting topics after a divorce.

Whenever possible, maintain a cordial relationship with your ex. Try to exchange information about your child regularly in person, over the telephone, or through e-mail. If issues arise that require your joint attention (examples would be dietary issues, medical problems, bullying at school, behavioral outbursts, psychological concerns, and the like), offer to meet with the other parent. In fact, whenever you can, try and meet with the other parent regularly to share positive information about your child (and even with your child, when appropriate). This provides an opportunity to have positive discussions about your child (examples might include making progress with peers in social settings, reaching academic achievements, attaining behavioral benchmarks, and so on).

I realize that oftentimes, especially at first, co-parenting with a disengaged or uncooperative parent can be challenging. This becomes even more complicated when you are co-parenting a child with autism. However, how you deal with this kind of situation will directly affect the potential outcome. When effective communication about your child is not possible between you and your ex, try to exchange information by using nonconfrontational methods (perhaps via attorneys and/or in writing). In fact, there may be no other way around it. E-mail can be very useful in this regard. Although this may not be optimal, it may be necessary in the beginning.

Hopefully, over time, the communication between you and your ex will improve to the point where you can have direct contact. Believe it or not, many contentious relationships improve or “normalize” after a while. I have known several couples that weren’t on speaking terms during their divorce but were able to finally co-parent their special-needs child effectively because they put the best interest of their child first. If you need assistance when it comes to how to communicate effectively with your ex, perhaps you can seek counseling or therapy (perhaps involving role-playing) so you can generate ideas about how best to cope with a difficult ex.

What Are Your Practical Steps Forward?

Write down the practical steps forward that will assist you in exploring options, taking action, and embracing new responsibilities as a newly single parent of your special-needs child.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Actual Steps

With all the transitions that occur when a family divides, usually the greatest concern parents have is how the breakup will affect their children.

Providing Continuity: The Smiths’ Story

Brian Smith, now 7, had received a diagnosis of ASD with significant behavioral issues at the age of 4. When Brian’s parents announced their separation and decision to divorce, they anticipated that Brian may have difficulty understanding and accepting the changes in their family. The previous year, Brian had been suspended twice for kicking his aide. The first time, he had a behavioral outburst over an unexpected math quiz, and the second time, he went into sensory overload after a music assembly. He didn’t always react well to change.

Brian also had a 9-year-old sister, Emma. Even though the Smiths knew that the news of their separation could be difficult for the children to understand and accept in the beginning, Mrs Smith was more concerned about how the changes in their family would affect both children over time. First and foremost, the Smiths wanted their children to understand that their decision to divorce had nothing to do with either one of them. To that end, as suggested by their family therapist, Mr and Mrs Smith agreed to have a family meeting to explain to their children some (age-appropriate) practical and logistical details about their divorce.

“My husband and I realized that ‘spelling out’ for the kids when they would be with which parent was imperative. Knowing this in advance really helped them. Our goal was to be as unambiguous as possible about our new schedules and any other future expectations. Because routine was especially important in addressing Brian’s needs, creating visual family schedules and laying out plans were crucial,” Mrs Smith added.

During their separation process, the Smiths consulted with their family therapist regularly. The therapist helped them develop a “game plan” during their time of transition. For example, to make the transition smoother for both children, the therapist suggested that Mr and Mrs Smith inform Brian and Emma’s schoolteachers about their new family circumstances. They also informed Brian’s service providers immediately.

“Initially, I felt embarrassed about telling the school about our family’s business, because I felt it was private. Then, I realized it would eventually become common knowledge anyway,” Mrs Smith confided. “Emma did exhibit some social anxiety at school after my husband and I separated, so I was glad I spoke to her teachers about it ahead of time. Because they knew what was going on, they were understanding with Emma and were able to better address her anxiety at school. I feel it was the right decision to alert her teachers about our family’s changing circumstances,” she said.

As advised by their family therapist, the Smiths filled both of their homes with several of their children’s favorite things—Legos and Transformers toys for Brian and games and books for Emma. Additionally, to address Brian’s special diet and medication requirements, Mr and Mrs Smith provided gluten-free foods and Brian’s special medications in both homes at all times.

“We made some very simple accommodations that were so important for the well-being of both of our children,” said Mr Smith.