Читать книгу Wolf Tales VIII - Kate Douglas - Страница 8

The narrow chin strap was uncomfortable, but it held her night vision spotting scope in place and made it easier to focus on the pair of wolves crossing the meadow behind the house. Even with the scope, it was difficult to keep them in sight for long. They moved like magic through the dark Montana night, and once they disappeared into the heavy overgrowth bordering the forest, she knew they’d be gone for hours.

Stillness descended as the last wolf slipped through the brush. Still, she watched, her vivid imagination taking her where eyes couldn’t follow, taking her into a world of dreams, until exhaustion won out and the dark line of the forest lost its attraction.

Packing up her gear took only a few minutes. Climbing down the fragile rope ladder and raising it once again took a few more, but there would be other nights to watch. Other nights to contemplate the next steps…as many as were needed, now that their den was no longer a secret.

Father would be pleased to know she’d come this far. To know that her journey was almost over. She owed him this much, didn’t she?

Head down, tail hanging, the dark wolf that was the wizard Anton Cheval trotted slowly through the towering trees with two things on his mind—the tantalizing scent of his mate and his own terrible failings. Keisha stayed just ahead, blatantly ignoring him. Without even trying, she still managed to entice him with her sleek wolven body and the musky perfume of her arousal. Her sensual appearance and seductive scent flaunted the invitation he’d felt in warm lips and soft breasts only moments before their shift.

He’d not embraced her then. He’d felt unworthy…almost unclean. Would he be able to here, in the depths of the forest? Here, where the feral side of his nature might finally overcome the issues confusing his woefully inadequate, deeply flawed human side?

For a man who’d taken great pride in his unflattering reputation as a presumptive, arrogant bastard, he’d certainly had the self-importance knocked out of him. Nearly dying could do that to a guy. Giving up and embracing death when those he loved still fought on, when even his infant daughter showed more backbone than he had…dear Goddess, that was even worse.

Would he ever find his way past the pain—the utter humiliation—of his own failings? He’d promised to keep his family and packmates safe, but he’d failed—intruders had breached the very walls of his home.

More than once.

There was no excuse for the fact that Keisha and her cousin Tia, pregnant with her first child, had been forced to defend not only their home and their own lives, but Anton’s infant daughter.

They’d done an admirable job. A much better job than he or any of the other males had. As the so-called alpha of this pack of Chanku shapeshifters, he was a dismal failure.

Even now he felt that all was not well. Despite all their precautions, their nightly searches and increased surveillance, his senses jangled with the subtle awareness of some unseen danger hovering just out of sight.

Was it really a threat, or merely the fact that his personal world seemed to be spiraling out of control?

The first frost of autumn blanketed the ground and dried grasses crackled beneath their paws. Other than the sound of their passing, the night was silent…unless he considered the unwavering clamor of self-flagellation. Creatures stayed warm in their dens. The soft hoot of owls and whisperings of other denizens of the night remained curiously muted, as if the cold imprisoned their voices.

The chill wind didn’t reach beneath his thick fur or cool the heat of his desire. No, he figured he’d manage to do that entirely on his own. Even Keisha’s magic hadn’t been enough to rouse him earlier. Now, her cool, amber-eyed gaze as she glanced over her shoulder drew him, even as his inner demons held him at bay. Still, he moved closer to her, drawn by love and respect more than sexual desire.

That alone reminded him all was not well. A creature normally ruled by his libido, Anton felt nothing. Nothing beyond a sense of terrible desperation.

Keisha slipped beneath a tangle of brambles and led him to a small glade protected from the chill night wind. There she waited, her feral pose as regal as a queen’s, head held high, ears forward, feet planted firmly in the frosty grass. She was everything he desired in a mate. Everything he’d ever dreamed of, hoped for.

Everything he no longer deserved.

Anton trotted up to her. Ears lying back against his skull, he dipped his head and touched his nose to hers in an uncharacteristically submissive gesture. His long tongue wrapped around her muzzle. She tilted her head and acknowledged his touch, but her thoughts remained closed to him.

What more could he expect? He’d locked her out for days, an even more cowardly act than the one that had brought him to this point. He still wasn’t certain if he was ready to open to the woman he loved. Not certain if he was brave enough to share the doubts and questions dominating his thoughts. For a man who embraced honor, integrity, and personal courage, the realization had come to him slowly—he was no longer worthy of her. No longer worthy of the esteem of his fellow Chanku.

Failure was a painful meal to swallow.

His packmates looked to him for guidance, for safety, for leadership. He’d failed them at every turn. Failed his pack, his lovers, his mate, and even his daughter. Failed to keep them safe, to protect them from those who would do them harm. In fact, he would have failed at life if not for the telepathic words of his child and the life-giving power of his packmates.

They’d shared their own life force to keep him from crossing through the veil when he’d hovered in that dark place between life and death. Seduced by the light and the peace it offered, he’d wanted so badly to follow. His people had given all they had to save his worthless soul when he’d been more than ready to leave this plane for the one that beckoned him.

It had taken the surprisingly powerful voice of baby Lily to force him to choose life with all its pain over the easy escape of death.

The truth unmanned him. The truth had nearly destroyed him. For all his abilities, all his empty words of wisdom and his arrogant orders to those who loved and respected him, Anton Cheval knew he had to face the truth.

He was a coward. Unworthy of the love and sacrifice of his fellow Chanku. Unworthy of their respect.

Unworthy of the woman who waited now, so patiently, for the physical love he couldn’t bring himself to share.

Do you love me, Anton?

Keisha’s question caught him by surprise. She doubted even that?

More than life. He met her forthright stare and once more felt unworthy.

Then love me. Here. Now. No barriers. No lies.

I’ve never lied to you. How could she even think that?

When you block me, when you refuse to open to me as my mate, you might as well be lying. Our bond is built on sharing, on complete and total honesty. You’ve been unforgivably selfish with your thoughts.

Her words were a coldly accurate assessment. They stung. Badly. Anton nodded in painful agreement. Will you ever forgive me?

Keisha’s chest moved in and out with her slow, steady breathing. It terrified him, knowing she actually had to think about his request. Had he pushed her too far? Destroyed the finest thing that had ever happened to him? Without Keisha, there was nothing. Without her love, he would have been better to follow that seductive light through the veil.

Choosing death, not life…with all its pain.

Will you ever forgive yourself? There was no sympathy in Keisha’s mental voice.

He hung his head.

Make love to me, Anton. Here. Now. Just the two of us, as open and free as we were when we first bonded. When you swore your undying love for me. When you pulled me out of my own hopeless pain. Do you remember how that was? Open your heart, your thoughts. Share what fears are holding you prisoner, the way you forced me to share mine. Prove to me that love is real, not just words without substance. Can you do that?

He trembled. Unbelievable! Anton Cheval, trembling before his mate, but he’d never been more frightened, not even when faced with his own mortality. To love Keisha here, now, with his barriers down and his thoughts open to her, was to show her the worthless creature she thought she loved.

She growled. Give it up, Anton. You’re wallowing in your perceived inadequacies. It’s not all about you. What we have is bigger than you. The sound rumbled up out of her chest and shocked him with the ferocity behind it. The anger. Her silent words stung.

The fur at her neck rose in an angry line along her spine and her lips peeled back to display sharp teeth. Anton’s ears flattened against his skull. His hackles rose. Blood rushed in his veins. His lips curled back in a silent snarl.

She challenged him! Insulted him, belittled his fears. She stared him down with her legs stiff, her body posture aggressive and angry. He’d never seen her like this, not with her anger directed at him. How dare she challenge him!

Lust enveloped him. Fierce and ravenous, it rose in his veins, a feral hunger like nothing he’d felt in so very long.

Passion, anger, and arousal, all knotted together in a twisted tangle of want and need, of fear and confusion. He felt her questions battering at his mind, a demand that he grant her access to his deepest fears, his basest desires.

If he let her in, all was lost.

If he kept her out…all was lost.

His chest ached even as arousal blossomed, blinding him to everything but Keisha. His female, her body ripe with need, her scent a musky aphrodisiac enveloping his conscious mind, grabbing hold of his balls in a powerful, visceral grip.

He charged, snarling, teeth bared, saliva dripping from open jaws. Startled, she yipped and turned to run, but he was bigger, stronger. He caught the thick roll of skin at her neck between his teeth and clamped down. She twisted beneath him, and he searched for her thoughts.

Her mind was open, a blazing eruption of emotions, all the fears she’d hidden from him, the desperate needs he’d ignored for too long. His fault. All his fault!

Keisha tore free of his grasp and faced him, legs spread wide for balance, head hanging low, breath charging in and out of her lungs. Her amber eyes nailed him and he felt her rage, the wolven equivalent of a powerful slap in the face.

No! The world does not revolve around you, Anton Cheval. The world is bigger than you. Our love is bigger than you! What is wrong with you? Where has the man I fell in love with gone?

Her angry words ripped a blindfold off his face and opened a window back into the world he’d fled. He saw himself through Keisha’s eyes.

Saw himself through eyes of love.

Arousal surged. He reached for her. Gently, this time, his paw raked her back and she watched him warily. He mounted her as the blood rushed to his cock and when he slipped inside, it was with the amazing sense of truly coming home.

She was hot and slick, her passage ready for his entry. He felt her muscles clench as she braced herself to support his weight. His forelegs tightened around her shoulders and he filled her. His hips thrust hard and fast. The knot in his penis grew, sliding deep within her heat, swelling to fill her passage, binding the two of them together.

Arousal expanded, blinding him to anything and everything but the female he loved, the one who loved him. Power charged through his testicles, the sharp jolt of pleasure streaking from balls to cock as his orgasm swept over him, filled and overwhelmed him. Hot bursts of seed blasted into Keisha and she groaned, but he knew she hadn’t found her own release.

Not yet.

Physically connected, his swollen cock locked tightly inside her passage, Anton searched her mind, opening his own thoughts to reach Keisha’s. After so many weeks closed inside himself, he opened just enough to touch her spirit with his. He sensed it, then, her silent scream of pleasure, the climax she’d denied herself while she waited for this most intimate connection.

A connection even more powerful than two bodies locked together—the melding of two minds, the mating of reality and spirit.

Without warning, Anton tumbled gracelessly into her waiting consciousness. If he’d been human, he would have wept at the very moment the walls crumbled. The barriers he’d erected so many weeks ago dissolved and disappeared, leaving him naked and wanting.

No, my love. Never in my eyes. Never in the eyes of your pack.

He bowed his head until his muzzle rested against her shoulder. They gave everything they had to save me when I’d already given up.

If you’d truly given up, they wouldn’t have been able to save you. Your life force, your force, is stronger than that.

I love you. You deserve better.

I love you, Anton Cheval. Now shut up and make love to me.

Did you just tell me to shut up? He bit back the unexpected laughter and they shifted as one.

The two of them lay together in the frosty grass with Keisha on her belly beneath him. His cock was still hard, planted deep inside her heat, but his mate pulled away from him and rolled to her back. “I want to see you when you make love with me. No more hiding.”

Shamed once again, he hung his head as he knelt between her thighs. “I don’t know what’s happened to me. It’s as if something is lost and I can’t find it.”

“It’s your confidence.” She reached for him. Her palm cupped the side of his face. He turned his head slightly and planted a kiss over her lifeline.

Keisha sighed. “You think too much, worry about too many things. It’s all inside you, that innate ability of yours to trust in yourself. Make love to me now. We’ll worry about it later.”

He smiled. The first time he’d felt like smiling in ages. “Bossy, aren’t we?”

She raised her eyebrows but didn’t say another word.

He rolled his pelvis forward and the hard length of his cock slipped back inside, finding a familiar home between her damp folds. She raised her knees and tilted her hips, giving him perfect access to her slick passage. He clasped her hands up over her head and watched himself, watched his thick shaft slowly disappear deep inside, his skin so fair to her dark, dark chocolate.

Keisha’s vaginal muscles rippled along his length, pulling him deeper, tightening around him until he’d buried himself completely inside her welcoming channel, until his flat belly rested against the soft swell of hers.

Already wet and slippery from their first climax, their bodies slid together in a saturated tangle of damp pubic hair and straining muscles. The ripe, intoxicating fragrance of sex and clean sweat filled his nostrils, the sound of their rapidly beating hearts, of breath rushing in and out of straining lungs rose to his ears.

If he thought about this, if he lost himself in the sensory beauty of the act of sex, he didn’t need to think about everything that was wrong. If he thought about loving Keisha, his world was once again right.

Your world has always been right, you idiot.

Shocked, he blinked and stared at her. She stared back at him with a ferocious look in her eyes.

“Did you just call me an idiot?”

Keisha’s full lips curled up in a smile. “Yes, I did. Want to make something of it?” She tightened her vaginal muscles as if to emphasize her dare.

He groaned and slowly shook his head. “I have been an idiot, haven’t I? I’m not really certain what went wrong.”

She pulled one hand free of his grasp, reached up and stroked his cheek with her fingertips. “I’m not either, but almost dying can have a powerful impact on a person. I’ve been there, remember? I know what it’s like. Then to absorb so much from so many people who love you, their fear for your safety, their determination to make you live…All of that lives inside of you now. I imagine it’s a horrible responsibility, living your life for so many other people. Why don’t you try, for a while, anyway, to live for Anton Cheval?”

He thrust forward, filling her completely. Slowly he withdrew. “And who is this guy? This Anton Cheval?”

Keisha’s smile grew wider. “Why, he’s the man I love. The father of the world’s most beautiful little girl. He’s the one who’s taking me real close to a fantastic orgasm right at this very moment.”

“He is, eh?” Anton drove forward, tilting his hips just enough to slide his cock directly over her clit. He felt her shiver and knew it had nothing to do with the icy ground.

“Oh, Goddess. Yes. He is!”

Again he filled her, and yet again. Keisha’s back arched and her eyes closed. He slipped quietly into her thoughts and found nothing but love. No sense of condemnation, no anger at his foolish, self-centered behavior. She loved him, warts and all. He had no choice. None whatsoever.

No matter what, he would be worthy of the woman who called him mate.

This time, when they reached their peak, they found it together. With a fearsome cry, he arched his back and drove deep inside. Her body tightened and held him. Her nails dug into his shoulders, her ankles locked behind his thighs and she milked him with her warm sex, squeezed him tighter with each contraction of her climax, each beat of her heart.

For the first time since the night he’d almost died, Anton Cheval was finally fully, gloriously alive.