Читать книгу The Mills & Boon Sparkling Christmas Collection - Kate Hardy - Страница 19

Chapter Eight

The following Tuesday Eva let herself into Ben’s house. She had arranged for the plasterer to come and fix the ceiling where the leak had been and finally she felt as if her creative juices were flowing again. Freya’s canvas was propped up on the mantelpiece and Eva now had a clear picture in her head of how the room would look. She was determined to detach any feeling she may have for Ben and do a professional job.

Eva hummed to herself, feeling a light-heartedness she hadn’t felt for a long time. The morning was bright and light filtered into the room. The walls were dotted here and there with small patches of paint where Eva was testing an assortment of paint samples. She was leaving them to dry so she could see how they would look at different times of the day.

Having decided to restore them to their former glory, today Eva was going to tackle the floorboards and she’d hired a floor sander, which stood in the corner ready to go. Wearing her usual dungarees, she tied her hair in a ponytail in readiness to start work. On her hands and knees, she was using a pair of pliers to pull out some leftover carpet staples still intact in the floor when a sound made her freeze. She listened to a movement coming from upstairs and realized someone was there. Her heart rate rocketed as she heard footsteps making their way down the stairs.

From her position on all fours she saw his feet first. Eva slowly raised her head to find Ben looking at her from the doorway. He was smiling at her, his eyes soft and amused.

‘You all right there?’

Eva rocked back on her heels, her hand on her chest. ‘God, you gave me a fright – I didn’t realize you were in the house.’

‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.’ He strolled over to Eva, holding out his hand to help her up. She took his hand, feeling his warm, strong fingers wrapped around her own, and knew there was little chance of her heart rate recovering. Visibly fresh from a shower, his hair was still damp and he wore a snug-fitting white T-shirt and blue joggers. He was close enough for her to breathe in the citrus fragrance of his aftershave and she blinked hard, trying to dispel the image of him in a hot shower.

‘I’m going to a seminar at Glasgow University later so I’m working from home this morning,’ he explained – not sounding overly keen. Instead he seemed more interested in looking round the room. ‘So, how are you getting on in here?’

‘As you can see I’ve lifted the carpet and all the wallpaper is off – I think I lost count after four layers of wallpaper. The plasterer is coming to do the ceiling later; in fact he’ll be here soon.’

‘Plastering not one of your many skills?’ he teased.

She smiled back. ‘Not brave enough to try. It’s quite a difficult skill to master and I’d be scared to make a mess of it,’ she admitted looking up at the ceiling with her hands on her hips. Ben strolled over to her, his closeness not exactly helping her attempts to be detached and professional.

‘I pretty much know what I’m going to do now but actually now that you’re here, I was wondering if you had any ornaments or pictures that you wanted me to use in the room?’

‘Um, I don’t think so.’ Ben rubbed the back of his head. ‘There might be something through here.’ Eva followed him into the hall where he looked at the pile of boxes before he appeared to gather the energy to start shifting them about. Eva watched the muscles of his arms flexing as he lifted a particular box and placed it in front of her, looking at her with a half-smile.

‘I don’t really have many er, ornaments but you might find something in here. I packed a few bits and pieces.’

‘You don’t mind if I look through this?’

‘Not at all but I don’t think you’ll find anything. I really didn’t have much to bring.’

Eva tried and failed to picture the life he had left behind. Her own house was full of small mementos, ornaments, and keepsakes that she liked to see every day.

‘I’m just about to make a coffee. Would you like one?’ He nodded towards the kitchen.

‘Sure, thanks.’

While Ben set about making their drinks Eva ambled through to the dining room, which Ben was clearly using as a makeshift office. The table was covered in papers and books. She glanced at the sheets of paper filled with calculations and indecipherable scrawls. She picked up a paper lying on top, her eyes drawn to the heading – Causal Probabilities in Quantum Field Theory. Wow. Not only did Eva find it impressive and intimidating that Ben understood that; she also found something slightly intoxicating about it.

Ben appeared at her side and handed her a mug. ‘That’s the seminar this afternoon,’ he said casually nodding to the paper.

Eva tried to think of an intelligent question but failed miserably. ‘Causal probabilities … so what’s that exactly?’

‘The question of causality asks whether or not your theory respects the laws of special relativity – the laws of space and time. If your theory isn’t causal then you could have all sorts of weird things happening, one event affecting another before light has had the chance to propagate between them … In the movies it’s called time travel.’ He glanced at her and smiled lopsidedly. ‘Sorry. I can get a bit carried away.’

Eva shook her head, putting the paper back down. ‘That’s all right, I’m afraid it’s just not something I can easily get my head around. But it does make me feel slightly inadequate.’

‘Are you kidding? You should never feel inadequate,’ he said forcefully. ‘You run your own business, bring up your son. And look at all your practical skills – you know about heating systems, plumbing, decorating – I reckon that’s pretty impressive.’

She regarded him over the rim of her mug. ‘You don’t look like a scientist, or at least how I imagine one to look.’

‘And how would that be?’ He returned her gaze, his eyes glittering.

‘I don’t know. A cloud of mad white hair, a crumpled lab coat, glasses.’

‘I can wear glasses if you like.’ The look he gave her sent a flash of heat up and down the length of her body and she struggled to make her voice sound normal.

‘So um, how did you get into physics?’

‘I suppose it was my dad really. He used to take me to the natural history museum in London when I was very young. One time there was this exhibition about the moon landing and I just remember something inside me come alive, you know. Something really caught my imagination. And I was lucky I had a good physics teacher at school who really encouraged me.’

Eva remembered how patient Ben had been with Jamie with his maths homework and thought he must be a good teacher. It must be nerve-racking to stand up in front of a classroom of students but presumably he was used to it.

‘So where did you teach before St Andrews?’

He didn’t answer immediately. Instead he moved to the table and Eva saw his shoulders tensing as he gathered papers. ‘I haven’t taught for the past five years. I’ve been working in the city as a financial analyst.’

Eva frowned, not understanding. ‘Do you mean you were a banker?’

He nodded. Like everyone, Eva had heard the stories about big money and city trading. Weren’t they ruthless and greedy? She’d registered his expensive car in the driveway, and the quality of his few pieces of furniture was unmistakable but apart from that there had been nothing showy or ostentatious about him that she could see. Eva had simply assumed he had always been a physics teacher.

‘So, why did you get into banking?’

‘The same reason anyone does. Money,’ he replied dryly.

Eva closed her eyes briefly, memories of her father flitting into her mind. He’d always looked so worn out, working such long hours and for what? They were able to live in a lovely house, have holidays, and buy nice things. But Eva was convinced it was the relentless pressures of work that caused his heart attack, and she would have traded any of the material things for him to still be alive. Affording nice things in life was fine but not at any cost. Eva tried to live by and instil in Jamie a sense of values not based on money.

Up until now, she’d thought of Ben as a scientist, a teacher. She liked that he was clever, could apply his mind to higher matters and let’s face it, she found his intelligence incredibly sexy. Knowing he’d been a city trader surprised her and not in a good way.

‘So um, what exactly did you do?’

‘I worked for an investment bank,’ he sighed.

‘What did that involve?’

He gave a wry smile, before answering. ‘On a good day working fourteen hours … on a bad day, longer.’

‘And you enjoyed that?’ Eva didn’t intend her tone to sound so harsh and judgemental but it was too late; the mood had shifted and she saw Ben’s expression change. He looked at her, a nerve twitching in his jaw, and she felt herself flinch under his gaze. Eva didn’t know whether to be thankful or not when she heard loud rapping at the front door.

‘Oh, that’ll be Gary. I’ll get it’

‘Fine. I should go and get ready,’ he said, turning to go.

‘Of course, sorry. I didn’t mean to hold you up.’

Eva opened the door to find Gary on the doorstep looking his usual cheery self.

‘Hi, Eva.’

Wearing overalls and carrying the tools of his trade, Gary was one of Jamie’s football coaches at the weekend but a plasterer by trade. He had been recommended to Eva when she’d first moved into her house. They chatted for a few minutes as Gary set himself up and started to mix the plaster. Eva watched as he handled the plaster using his trowel and hawk. He worked rhythmically and quickly, making it look easy as he used broad strokes to cover the surface of the ceiling.

Eva suddenly felt miserable, not sure what had passed between her and Ben just now but certain she had antagonized him in some way. She shouldn’t have shown her distaste for his job in the city. Who was she to pass judgement – it had nothing to do with her. But she couldn’t deny it, discovering he had worked in the city she felt a stab of disappointment. She gave herself a shake and picked up the bucket to fill with hot water from the kitchen so she could start to give the floor a clean.

As she passed through the hall, the doorbell rang and with Ben upstairs, Eva decided to answer it. She swung the door open to a young woman. Slim, heavily made-up, and with the shiniest hair she’d ever seen. Eva’s eyes darted to her bright red nails wrapped around a bottle of champagne. Clearly not expecting Eva to answer the door, her posed smile fell for a second before she recovered.

‘Hi, I’m here for Ben?’

‘He’s –’ Eva started to speak but the woman didn’t wait; instead she barged in past Eva just as Ben appeared at the bottom of the stairs. He had changed into navy trousers and a white shirt and looked so painfully handsome Eva wanted to cry. He glanced uneasily at Eva and then at his guest. Eva felt herself shrink. Never before had she felt self-conscious in her dungarees. They were comfortable; they were practical. But she looked like a workman she thought miserably. She hadn’t even washed her hair today.

‘Hello, Kat. You’re early.’ Ben’s tone was cool and Eva bit her lip, sensing their earlier conversation must have really irritated him.

‘Hi, Ben. I thought you might want to show me round your new house before we go. You didn’t tell me it was so big!’ She looked around and turned to Eva and briefly looked her up and down. ‘And you have decorators in – how lovely.’

Ben looked awkwardly over at Eva. ‘Actually, this is –’ He started to speak but his visitor gave him no chance to finish and instead put a proprietary hand on his arm.

‘A little housewarming.’ She waved the bottle and turned to Eva giving her a condescending smile. ‘Would you mind putting this in the fridge?’

‘I can take it –’ Ben reached out to take it but Eva was too quick.

‘Of course,’ she said through gritted teeth. She marched into the kitchen, yanked open the fridge, and shoved the bottle on the bottom shelf as she heard the woman’s voice drift through from the hall.

‘Did you have a chance to read over the notes I sent you? I highlighted the parts I thought you might want to discuss, in particular the argument that quantum mechanics in not locally causal …’

Eva loitered at the kitchen sink, making a pretence of washing her hands. So she was one of Ben’s colleagues. And not just one with shiny hair but one with a brain to match Ben’s.

‘We’d better get going. The traffic might be heavy.’ Eva heard Ben, his voice sounding terse as she dried her hands. The front door closed and unable to help herself, Eva scurried through to the living room to sneak a look out of the window just in time to see a red sports car pull away. Eva felt herself slump. Ben hadn’t even come to say goodbye, clearly eager to be off.

What had just happened? Everything seemed to be going well and then they’d had that strange conversation about his work and now he had zoomed off with his colleague. Eva was beginning to think of Ben as a friend, someone she could talk to. She wondered if she’d been forcing herself on him in some way. Her hand flew to her mouth with a sickly realization that it had all been her – her asking him for coffee, to share pizza … even offering to decorate his house. Was he just being polite all this time? She thought they were becoming friends, even imagining a chemistry between them but seeing him with his colleague she knew they belonged in different worlds.

She cringed thinking she’d actually asked him what the conference was about. Eva pictured them discussing quantum theory or whatever the hell it was before it became so heated they jumped into bed together for a night of physics-fuelled passion. Eva was more likely to be the person who came to change the sheets in the morning. With a heavy heart she turned from the window, the thought of them together making her feel quite nauseous. She gave herself a little shake when Gary spoke to her.

‘All right, Eva? That’s me about finished.’ Gary smiled, oblivious to her turmoil. Eva squared her shoulders and returned his smile.

‘Thanks, Gary. How about a cup of tea?’ she asked. Gary grinned his approval and Eva went to fill the kettle.

***

Rattled by his conversation with Eva, Ben stared despondently out of the car window as Kat drove them to Glasgow. Kat was chatting, something about an amazing hotel she’d stayed at in Milan last year, but Ben wasn’t really listening. He was thinking of Eva’s reaction when he’d told her he worked in the city. It was like seeing a reflection of his own distaste for what he had done. Hearing the hint of scorn in her voice and seeing the dismay in her face bothered him.

He remembered his first big bonus; it was crazy. He had stared at his bank balance, hardly believing the amount of zeros. Every day he had worked in the city was a day his mother received the best care but that didn’t stop him questioning his decision every day and it didn’t stop him feeling guilty.

Ben rolled down the window in the car slightly to let in some air. The strong scent of Kat’s perfume and the way she kept turning her head to speak to him was making him feel claustrophobic. He wasn’t oblivious to the obvious charms his colleague was now displaying. She wasn’t exactly subtle about it. They just didn’t nothing for him; in fact they left him cold. He cast her a sideways glance, realizing something about her reminded him of Samantha. The type of woman who knew what she wanted and wasn’t afraid to go after it.

Ben had never had trouble attracting women and although he wasn’t a saint, he’d never felt the need to chase after women the way some of his friends had done when they were younger. He’d had relationships but nothing that had lasted or been serious. Studying, working, and caring for his mother had been his priorities and somewhere along the line between losing his father and then his mother to her illness, he supposed he had instinctively put up defences as a means of self-preservation.

He had met Samantha in the club he frequented some evenings after work, people from different offices often blending into one crowd as the night wore on including his colleagues and the group Samantha was with. Ben had noticed her – she always looked good and dressed impeccably – and occasionally they acknowledged each other with a nod or a smile.

One evening she had dropped her purse, Ben picked it up for her, and they had started talking, ordering more drinks. He wasn’t sure who asked who but they had arranged to meet for brunch and a walk on Hampstead Heath the next day. They had talked easily, Ben liking that she was direct and undemanding, and they started to see each other regularly or at least as often as their schedules allowed.

Samantha always had that polished look and Ben had been aware of the admiring glances when she walked into a room. She exuded confidence and always knew the right things to say to the right people. They ate in the best restaurants, got their hands on the impossible-to-get-tickets for the theatre, and received endless invitations to dinner parties. She talked about her work. A lot. Whereas Ben wanted to forget about work at the end of each day, Samantha would happily dissect her day, her colleagues, her chances of promotion.

Now with distance and time between him and his old life, Ben could see with the money he earned he’d also bought into a certain way of life. Samantha and the lifestyle were a by-product of the money he earned and he had gone along with it. He had functioned, done what he had to do. It was only after his mother died he admitted to himself just how unhappy he’d become.

Samantha had never come with Ben to visit his mother on Sunday, preferring to go to the gym and meet her friends to hang out at one of their trendy eating places. Ben hadn’t minded – she worked hard all week and he certainly didn’t expect her to accompany him each weekend.

But over time, as the visits grew more difficult and Ben watched his mother deteriorate, something within him began to change. He was painfully aware that when he lost his mother he would have no family, nothing to stay in London for except Samantha. A vision of the future began to form in his mind. He dreamed of leaving his job in the city, returning to academia, and starting a family. The dream had sustained him on the darkest days and made the visits more bearable.

The day of his mother’s funeral was the worst of his life. Rain fell from black clouds as he thanked friends and the care workers from the care home who had attended. But of course there had been no family to share his grief and Ben had felt a terrible darkness in his heart.

It had been his birthday the following week and to his dismay Samantha had produced tickets for a day at the races for them. ‘Something to cheer you up,’ she told him. The idea of going was bad enough; that she had misread his mood so badly was even worse.

Even so, when he told her about being in touch with Professor Drummond and the idea of starting afresh in Scotland she had initially been all in favour. Now he knew the move for Samantha had been about her career. Her dream had been about setting up a business and when a better offer came along, she had simply taken it.

He inhaled deeply, staring out of the car window, reminding himself that was all behind him, all in the past. They had come off the motorway now and the traffic had started to slow as they made their way to the university through Glasgow’s west end. Kat tapped her manicured nails on the steering wheel and Ben smiled to himself. She was impatient to get wherever it was she was going. An image of Eva’s hands came to his mind. They didn’t looked manicured; they looked hard-working and natural.

‘So, I take it you’re going to the ceilidh?’ Kat broke into his reflections.

He nodded. ‘I don’t think we have much choice in the matter. Hasn’t the Professor issued a three-line whip?’

‘Sounds like fun – we can go together if you’d like?’

He would go for the Professor, of course, but the thought of the evening wasn’t holding much appeal for Ben at the moment. He wasn’t exactly feeling sociable.

Kat looked at him expectantly when he didn’t respond immediately. For some reason thoughts of Eva filled his head again and the words left his mouth before he’d thought it through.

‘Thanks, but actually I’m already bringing someone.’

‘Oh?’ Kat threw him a cool look. ‘Well, I guess I’ll need to find someone else then.’