Читать книгу The Mills & Boon Sparkling Christmas Collection - Kate Hardy - Страница 70

‘YOU’RE really down in the dumps, aren’t you?’ It was more of a statement than a question. Katrina put a plate of lasagne in front of Madison and gestured to her to help herself to salad and garlic bread.

‘And that’s why you made me comfort food?’ Madison smiled at her. ‘Thanks, Kat. Have I told you lately that you’re wonderful?’

‘And so are you.’ Katrina put her own plate on the table and sat down. ‘Want to talk about it?’

‘There isn’t much to say.’

‘Let me guess. Would it have anything to do with a certain consultant that everyone says is a real Greek god?’

Madison shook her head. ‘We’re just friends.’

Katrina rolled her eyes. ‘Maddie, you’re so picky. From what I hear, he’s a nice guy and a good doctor as well as being the most gorgeous man to work in the hospital for decades. Maybe you should give him a chance, instead of doing what you normally do—a couple of dates and you decide the guy’s too much like Harry and you’re not going to take the risk of getting involved.’

‘I don’t do that.’

‘Yes, you do, hon,’ Katrina corrected gently.

‘Well, that’s not the case with Theo.’

‘Then what’s the problem? You like him and he likes you, so give it a try.’

Madison ate a forkful of lasagne. ‘You’re a wonderful cook, Kat.’

‘Flattery isn’t going to get you off the hook.’

Madison sighed. ‘OK. I’d like us to be more than friends. But he’s only here as a locum. He’ll be gone in a few months.’

Katrina scoffed. ‘There’s bound to be another opening at the hospital or one nearby when his contract ends. Or maybe you could try working outside London for a change.’

‘You’ve got an answer for everything, haven’t you?’ Madison smiled wryly. ‘You’re right. That isn’t the problem.’

‘Then what is the problem?’ Katrina asked softly.

Madison stared at her plate. ‘He doesn’t want kids.’

‘Ah.’ There was a wealth of understanding in that small syllable. Probably, Madison thought, because Katrina had been the one to help her pick up the pieces when her marriage had crashed spectacularly.

‘Maybe he just hasn’t met the woman he wants to have kids with,’ Katrina suggested. ‘When he gets to know you a bit more, he might change his mind.’

‘No, he won’t.’ Madison toyed with her food. ‘I’m not going to break his confidence, Kat, but he told me why he doesn’t want kids—and I know he’s not going to change his mind.’ She grimaced. ‘You’re right in that I don’t want to make another mistake like Harry. Theo isn’t a liar or a cheat—he’s an honourable man and he’d never do to me what Harry did. That’s why he’s not even having a fling with me, because he says it’s not fair to stop me meeting someone who can give me what I want in life.’ She blew out a breath. ‘I want kids, he doesn’t, and with something like that there isn’t a way to compromise. So all I can do is be professional. Work with him. Be friends. And that’s it.’

Katrina reached across the table to squeeze her hand. ‘I’m sorry, hon. I wish I could wave a magic wand.’

‘So do I.’ Madison lifted one shoulder. ‘Don’t worry. I’ll get over it.’

‘You know where I am if you need to talk,’ Katrina said gently.

Madison nodded. ‘Thanks. And you know it’s the same for you.’

Madison was bright and professional with Theo at work, but he was aware of the distance between them—particularly when she seemed to avoid him for the entire week. She was either busy in a committee meeting or seeing friends during her breaks; and on her days off, in the middle of the week, her mobile phone was switched off and she didn’t respond to his texts suggesting dinner or a film. She was on duty at the weekend, so there was no chance of seeing her then.

She’d done exactly as she’d promised and given him space.

He should be relieved.

So why did he hate it so much?

By the following Monday, Theo realised that he missed Madison horribly and he was going to have to do something about it. That being without her was like living in a permanent December day, grey and cold. And maybe, just maybe, taking the risk with her would be a hell of a lot better than being without her.

For a start, he owed her an apology for pushing her away. Madison would probably adore a bouquet of pink, extremely girly flowers. Though on the other hand she might consider it too showy, not sincere enough.

So maybe he should make her dinner—with a difference. A dinner made entirely of puddings.

Then he’d give her the flowers. In person, rather than having them delivered. Or maybe a glittery helium balloon with the words ‘I’m sorry’ emblazoned across it.

He hoped it would be enough to make her realise he meant it. That he was going to make the effort to face his fears. That he was about to break his unbreakable rule…for her.

Theo didn’t see her that morning as they were both in different clinics. Madison was nowhere to be seen at lunchtime—called in to a difficult delivery, he presumed. He planned to spend the afternoon in his office, catching up on paperwork; he’d just ordered the flowers, ready to pick up on the way home, when there was a rap at his door.

He looked up and his heart gave a weird little flip when he saw it was Madison. The urge to run across the room to her and wrap her in his arms was so strong that he barely managed to stop himself.

‘Come in.’ And then he noticed that she looked worried. Really worried. ‘What’s wrong?’ he asked.

‘Sorry to interrupt, but I need a second opinion. Have you come across many molar pregnancies?’

‘A few.’

‘Good. I need to pick your brains.’ She grimaced. ‘I’ve got a mum in and I think it’s a molar pregnancy—except there’s an amniotic sac visible on the ultrasound.’

‘It could be a partial mole.’ Either way, it didn’t sound good, and it meant one family was in line for heartbreak; and he was disgusted with himself when his second thought was that at least it meant Maddie had to talk to him.

For pity’s sake. He was a doctor. And, given his family history…How selfish could he get?

He switched back into professional mode. ‘What are her symptoms?’

‘Spotting—the blood’s dark brown—nausea and vomiting. And although she thinks she’s about nine weeks, her uterus feels much bigger than it should do for that stage.’

‘That sounds very like a mole to me. You’re going to need to do an hCG test—blood, rather than urine. Tell the lab you need the results stat, and they should be back in a couple of hours.’

‘And if it’s a mole, the levels will be higher than expected at this stage?’ she asked.

‘Exactly.’ He liked the fact he never had to spell things out for her. ‘Want me to look at the ultrasound?’

‘Please.’ She bit her lip. ‘I’m sorry, I know you’re busy.’

‘I’m never too busy for my team,’ he said gently.

And he was never, ever too busy for her.

Not that he was going to voice that. Right now, he had the feeling it would send her running in the opposite direction. Which wasn’t what he wanted at all.

‘Did you file the scan?’ he asked.

She nodded. ‘I can access from it here.’

He logged off and moved slightly to one side, letting her lean over his keyboard, tap in her password and bring up the patient’s notes on the hospital’s computer system so he could look at the scan.

‘It looks like a partial mole to me, so if the blood test confirms it we’ll need to do a D and C. I’ll book a slot in Theatre. Do the blood test and ask her to go for a walk or read or something until the results are back. Make sure she knows not to eat or drink anything in case we have to do the op.’

‘I’ll get it sorted.’

‘And, even more importantly, does she have someone who can be with her while she’s waiting and after the op?’

‘I’m not sure. If there isn’t anyone…’

‘Then do what you have to.’ He could guess exactly what Madison’s solution would be. The same one he’d choose. ‘If it helps, I can cover your clinic.’ And he’d sort out his paperwork later. Admin could be done at any time; the patient always, but always, came first. ‘This isn’t going to be pleasant, Maddie,’ he warned. ‘I’ll come and talk to her with you when the results are back.’

She shook her head. ‘It’s all right. I can manage.’

‘I know you’re perfectly capable of managing, but you don’t have to do it on your own. At times like this, you need support.’ Just like she’d given him support the day he’d finally talked about the misery he’d kept locked away for years. ‘It’s what friends do,’ he reminded her. Even though he was aware he wanted to be more than just friends, now wasn’t the time or the place to discuss it.

‘Thank you.’

She left his office again, and was back two hours later with the test results. He took one look at them and sighed. ‘It’s a definite. Come on. Let’s go and break the news as gently as we can.’

‘Mrs Scott’s husband was able to get here within twenty minutes, so my clinic’s more or less running on time.’

‘I’m not criticising you,’ he said softly. ‘You run your clinic the way that works for you.’ He followed Madison back to her patient and introduced himself to Mrs Scott and her husband. ‘You’ve been feeling a bit off colour for a few days, Maddie tells me,’ he said gently. ‘And your blood tests, along with your scan, show that you have a condition that we call a partial molar pregnancy. I’m sorry.’

‘What does it mean?’ Mrs Scott asked, holding her husband’s hand tightly.

‘It means there was a problem when the egg was fertilised. Normally, a baby gets twenty-three chromosomes from you and twenty-three from the dad, but in a molar pregnancy the dad’s chromosomes are duplicated.’

Mrs Scott stared at him, frowning. ‘But how can that happen?’

‘Sometimes,’ Madison explained, ‘two sperm can fertilise one egg. Instead of twins developing, just one baby develops—with sixty-nine chromosomes instead of forty-six.’

‘So I’m not having a baby after all?’ Mrs Scott’s eyes filled with tears.

‘I’m so sorry.’ Theo reached out and squeezed her free hand. ‘I know it’s a shock, and it’s probably the last thing you want to think about, but your health is my priority right now. Sometimes, a few months after a molar pregnancy, the molar tissue grows back again, so you’ll need to visit a specialist centre in London for follow-up tests for the next six months.’

‘What sort of tests?’

‘Blood or urine,’ he said. ‘They test for the same chemicals as they would in a pregnancy test, so you need to make sure you don’t try for a baby until you’ve had a chance to recover.’

‘Grow back?’ Mr Scott asked. ‘You mean, it’s like a cancer?’

‘Not quite. It’s called a gestational trophoblastic tumour—but the important things to remember are that it’s benign and it’s curable. If the mole does grow back, we’ll have to treat it with chemotherapy,’ Theo explained gently, ‘but because you have a partial mole rather than a complete mole, it’s much less likely to happen to you. When your hCG levels are back to zero, in about six months’ time, you’ll be able to start trying for a baby.’

Mrs Scott was clearly trying to hold back her tears. ‘If we try for another baby…will this happen again?’

‘The odds of you having another molar pregnancy are pretty low,’ Theo reassured her. ‘There’s absolutely no reason why you can’t have a normal pregnancy next time, and you won’t have increased risk of any complications.’ He was still holding her hand. ‘We’ll need to take you to Theatre to remove the mole—it’s an operation you may have heard of called a D and C.’ Quietly, he talked her through the procedure, explaining exactly what he was going to do. ‘I do need to do the operation under a general anaesthetic, so you won’t be able to have anyone in Theatre with you, but you’ll be able to wait outside the theatre if you want to, Mr Scott.’

‘So when does my wife have to have the operation?’ Mr Scott asked.

‘It’s entirely up to the two of you,’ Theo said. ‘We can do it this afternoon, or if you’d rather wait a day or two to come to terms with everything first, that’s also fine.’

‘It’s a thing growing inside me, not my baby.’ Finally, a tear trickled down Mrs Scott’s face. ‘Do it today. Please. I don’t want it inside me any more.’

‘When did you last eat?’ he asked.

‘Breakfast. I was too worried to eat lunch, and Maddie told me not to eat or drink anything in case you needed to take me to Theatre.’

He nodded his approval. ‘That’s fine. Have you ever had any allergies or any reaction to a previous anaesthetic?’

‘I’ve never had an anaesthetic,’ she said.

‘As with any operation under a general anaesthetic, there are risks,’ Theo explained, ‘but I’ll get the anaesthetist to come and have a chat with you and you’ll be able to ask her any questions. And if there’s anything else you want to know, Maddie and I are here.’

‘And there are support groups that can help when you go home,’ Madison said. ‘I’ll get the numbers for you. You’ll be able to talk to other mums who’ve been through the same thing and who can reassure you that they went on to have a healthy baby. I know right now this is scary because molar pregnancies aren’t that common, but the main thing to remember is that it isn’t your fault. It could happen to anyone.’

Mrs Scott swallowed hard. ‘I just wish it hadn’t happened to us.’

‘Will Denise have to stay in?’ Mr Scott asked.

Theo shook his head. ‘There’s no reason why you can’t go home together afterwards. I would advise you to take at least tomorrow off work, Mrs Scott, and maybe a day or two after—just see how you feel, and be kind to yourself. And do talk to people about how you’re feeling rather than bottling it up.’

Theo was telling someone not to bottle things up?

Madison caught his eye briefly, and saw the wry recognition in his gaze—he’d clearly guessed what she was thinking. Definitely a case of pots and kettles.

‘We’ll send the anaesthetist through to you now,’ Theo said. ‘And we’ll see you in Theatre. Try not to worry,’ he added gently.

When he and Madison had left the consulting room, he turned to her. ‘Do you want to assist?’

‘Is this part of your job enrichment thing?’

He nodded. ‘Which isn’t me being cruel and heartless, by the way. This is a horrible situation and we need to get something positive out of it—so if it gives you more of an insight into another specialty, that’s a good thing.’

‘In other words, if life gives you lemons, make lemonade.’

He gave her a half-smile. ‘That’s a pretty good philosophy. Works for me.’

But did it? she wondered. Because, despite the fact he loved his family and he liked children, he still refused to face his fears. He was still adamant that he’d never get married and have children.

They both changed into Theatre greens and scrubbed up.

‘You’re probably aware that the risks of the op are quite minor,’ Theo said. ‘Because of her pregnancy, her uterus is soft, so the biggest risk is perforation—I need to watch for that, and I also need to make sure I remove all the mole and send samples to the lab.’

‘All textbook stuff.’ She took a deep breath. ‘But textbooks don’t prepare you for the way you feel, do they? The Scotts really wanted this baby, Theo, and they’d been trying for almost a year. They’re completely broken-hearted. And I feel so bad that I can’t fix it for them.’

‘It isn’t your fault, Maddie. And there’s no reason why they can’t try for another baby in the future.’

How could he say that so coolly and calmly? she wondered. How, when he wasn’t prepared to face those risks himself?

The operation went smoothly, and after Mrs Scott had come round in the recovery room, Madison brought Mr Scott in to see his wife and sat with them for a while. ‘I know Theo talked to you about what to expect after the operation, but you’ve had a lot to take in so I thought you might find this useful.’ She gave them one of the patient advice sheets she’d written the previous year and had updated a couple of months before. ‘Don’t worry if you have any irregular bleeding, because that’s perfectly normal—but if you develop a temperature or you have a tummy ache or you find your period’s very heavy and clotty, you need to talk to your family doctor as you might have an infection. Don’t use a tampon until your next period, and it’s a good idea to avoid sex until the bleeding’s stopped.’

‘How long will it go on?’

‘It varies—a few days. But if the bleeding goes on for longer than that, come back and see us and we’ll check you out.’ Prolonged bleeding might mean that the molar tissue had grown into the muscle layer of Mrs Scott’s uterus—not that she was going to worry her patient with potential complications.

When Madison finally left the ward, she passed Theo’s open door; some instinct made him glance up. She looked really miserable, he thought. ‘Maddie—a word?’ he called.

‘Sure.’ She walked into his office.

‘Close the door.’

As she did so, he got up and walked towards her, then slid his arms round her, holding her close.

She pulled away. ‘Theo, this isn’t a good idea.’

‘I’m merely giving you a hug,’ he said softly. ‘As I would any colleague who looked as upset as you do right now. As you said to me once, it’s what friends are for. And I’m here for you.’ He paused. ‘Is it the Scotts?’

‘Partly.’ She sighed. ‘It’s been one of those days. The radiologist called me down to see one of our mums this morning because the baby’s heartbeat wasn’t there. I had to explain to her that she’d lost the baby and was going to miscarry over the next few days—and if she didn’t, she’d have to come in and be induced and she’d have to go through labour. With no baby at the end of it.’ She swallowed hard. ‘Days like this, I really hate what I do for a living.’

Theo wrapped his arms round her again. ‘Every obstetrician I know has days like this. Ones where we can’t help and it makes us wonder what all those years of study were for because we feel so inadequate. And even though we know in our heads that nobody else could have fixed the problem either, it takes a while for our hearts to remember it.’ He stroked her hair. ‘The best thing you can do right now is to think of all the other days. All the times when it goes right and you’re the one who helps bring a new life into the world and hears a baby’s very first cry.’

‘I know.’ She dragged in a breath. ‘But, as you said, there’s a difference between head and heart.’

Yes. His own head and heart were having one hell of a struggle at the moment. His head knew he should let her go. His heart wanted to keep her exactly where she was: in his arms. Close. Near enough to kiss.

Though now wasn’t the right time to put pressure on her or try and make sense of the muddle in his head. He let her go. ‘Come on. I’m taking you out for something to eat.’

She shook her head. ‘Thanks for the offer, but I really don’t think I can face anything.’

‘Then I’ll make you something at my place. We need to get out of here.’ At her surprised glance, he admitted, ‘The Scotts have got to me as well. I meant what I said just now. I too hate the days when we can’t fix things and make everything all right again. So I think right now you and I need some serious comfort food.’

For a moment, he thought she was going to refuse. But then she nodded. ‘OK. Thanks.’

He quickly logged out of the system and shut down his computer, and walked off the ward with her. Just as they reached the exit doors, Theo remembered the flowers he’d ordered. And how inappropriate they were. ‘Excuse me a minute, Maddie. I need to make a quick call.’ One he didn’t want her to overhear. To his relief, she gave him the space he needed, so he rang the florist to explain there had been an unavoidable delay and he’d collect them the following day instead.

‘All sorted?’ she asked when he’d cut the connection and walked back over to her.

‘Yes. Come on, let’s go and eat.’