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Chapter Twenty

Questions buzzed around my mind on the drive home, but the answers were missing or murky and it was headache-inducing. Really, I didn’t have time to get tangled up in the mystery of Cedarwood – what with a group of brides arriving in two days’ time. For my own sanity, I needed to push the swirl of thoughts away and focus on what had to be done. With a rueful shake of my head, I tried one of Kai’s crazy breathing techniques, feeling calmer by the minute. Damn him and his mumbo jumbo.

Back at the lodge, I went into autopilot, returning calls: the florist wanted to know if we had room in our fridges for the bouquets (yes); the liquor store had over-ordered and wanted to know if we’d take an extra crate of French champagne (always); and the linen company who provided our tablecloths and napkins wanted confirmation on color (white, the wedding centerpieces would be the stars of the show). That done, I ushered various delivery men through, showing them into the kitchen to drop off our new plate sets, or into the ballroom for boxes of special lighting, and waving them off again, but not before handing them a shiny, full-color pamphlet advertising Cedarwood in its best light. Any chance to promote!

Once they’d gone I double-checked the ballroom, making sure it was spick and span – despite boxes of supplies in one corner – and ready for us to finish up decorating. We were going for a winter wonderland wedding theme, to display what the ballroom would look like if they chose to celebrate their nuptials over the festive season.

From the ceiling to the top of the oak walls, Micah had draped white gossamer fabric embedded with Swarovski crystals, which twinkled even in the pale light of afternoon. Between the layers we’d hung glittery snowflakes and love hearts. In keeping with the color palette, everything was white, silver, and blingy, the stuff of every girl’s dreams, and magical at any time of day, but more so on a wedding day.

Satisfied the ceiling had been finished, I reminded myself to check we had enough silverware and champagne flutes. It wouldn’t hurt to order more, just in case. I made a mental note to do just that.

It was all coming together… when suddenly the clanging of pots and pans rattled in the kitchen, reminded me that Georges was here, sorting the catering and waiting for me to taste and approve the canapés. I called out: “I’ll be in soon to chat, Georges!”

“I’m OK. I’m pottering about. The menu tastings will be ready in an hour or so, OK?” he bellowed back through the kitchen doorway, and I couldn’t help but smile.

We were damn lucky to have Georges as our chef. It would have been near on impossible to employ someone of his caliber in these parts on an ad-hoc basis.

“Sure, just holler and we’ll come running.” My stomach growled at the thought of the tiny canapés, veritable taste explosions.

But there was still so much to do and I’d left Amory alone for most of the day, what with going to Mom’s and the admin I’d just finished off. Heading upstairs I wondered if Amory had made a start on making up the rooms. We wanted to show them off to the brides, especially the honeymoon suite. I followed the muffled grunts and groans to find Amory in one of the two-bedroom suites. On the door hung a green wreath made from holly, with little silver stars tucked in the loop. Being a Christmas aficionado, most of the decorations I’d hauled all the way from New York, but we’d also found some new ones in town. And just to be certain I had enough, I’d also had an online buy-a-thon one night to celebrate the fact it’d been weeks since I’d sobbed along to ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’ by Bonnie Tyler, and that was really saying something… Perhaps this Christmas wasn’t going to be as lonely as I’d imagined.

With the fire crackling and snow drifting down outside, the suite was charming and radiated warmth. Cedarwood was going to be the perfect destination for those looking to step away from corporate hotels with soulless rooms.

Amory hefted corners of mattresses up and tucked in the linen.

“Let me help,” I said, pulling a soft white sheet up. “These feel so luxurious.” I’d have to make up my own bed with the new linens. Sleep would be an absolute given wrapped in these and I knew our guests would agree.

“One thousand thread count, only the very best for Cedarwood guests.” She winked. We’d bid on the linen online and got a great price buying in bulk. Our guests would have the very best money could buy when it came to linen, and fluffy bath towels. While the lodge itself was rustic, the accoutrements were luxurious and I hoped visitors would enjoy the effort we’d put in to make it so. “So, how was your mom?”

I sighed. “I just wish I could click my fingers and she’d be…”

“Be what?” Amory asked as we pushed fat feather-down pillows into cases.

“Happy.”

I thought about telling her all about my trip to the library, but I wasn’t ready to share it just yet, especially as there wasn’t much to tell. So instead I shrugged, changing the subject to one I knew she’d latch on to and would lighten the conversation. “I ran into Timothy in town.”

“The old flame?” Amory bounced on her toes as she turned to me. “I knew there was unfinished business there, you minx!”

I rolled my eyes. “You and your rom-com ideals for my love life!”

“Stop trying to buy time and spill the details. Did he ask you out?”

I pulled a pillow over my face.

“Oh, God, what did you say?” She flopped onto the bed next to me, and wrenched the pillow from my face.

“For some insane reason I get tongue-tied around him, I say the most incredibly stupid things! I practically sang to him. It’s like my mouth has a mind of its own. Urgh.”

“You sang to him?” her eyes went wide.

“Not exactly. I asked where his kids were – obviously they’re at school, but of course I didn’t think of that. And then I sort of sang that they were learning about ABCs, and when he was cocking his head, probably wondering if I’d just come from a long lunch of drinking mojitos, I sang, ‘or one, two, threes…’”

Laughter barreled out of her. “Oh, God, Clio! What were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t!”

“And he still asked you out after that… little impromptu concert?”

“For a feast at Shakin’ Shack.”

She pulled the pillow onto her lap. “Shakin’ Shack… well, it’s not the most romantic of restaurants, but I suppose he could hide you in the corner booth in case you started singing again. Probably a smart move on his part.”

I elbowed her. “I didn’t say yes, or maybe I did, I can’t remember. I told him we should invite the gang, and he fobbed me off.”

She clucked her tongue. “Darling! Why would you invite the gang to a date? He’s clearly trying to get to know you. Don’t you feel anything for him? A rush of heat? A tiny leg quiver?”

I shook my head.

Exasperated she said, “Butterfly belly?”

I considered it. “Maybe. But I don’t know if that’s just the memory of him, or the way I feel in the present. It’s so confusing.” It struck me that, for someone who believed in love, who devoted a huge part of life to celebrating it, I was kind of lacking when it came to acting on it for myself. Being home made me more reluctant to make mistakes because a girl couldn’t hide in a town the size of Evergreen, and I didn’t want to be the subject of any more gossip.

I got off the bed and continued tucking the sheet in. Amory went to the other side of the bed and did the same. “Is it because of you-know-who that you’re unsure?”

Heat rushed to my cheeks. “I highly doubt it,” I said, my voice coming out more formal than intended. “Love is just so complicated. And when you live in a small town, you have to be a lot more careful in case things go awry.”

“What a load of bollocks,” she laughed. “But nice try, darling. In my humble opinion I think you should go out with Timothy. See if it sparks anything. Mr Ripped Abs isn’t here, is he?”

“Mr Ripped Abs!” I laughed and propped pillows up against the antique ornate bedhead before doing an Amory-style subject change. “Do you think our future guests will be warm enough?” I asked as we fluffed the feather-down quilt and finished dressing the bed with a sumptuous gray faux-fur rug and some glitzy cushions.

“Sure they will. There’s a fireplace in each suite. We can send Micah up to light them at dusk while they’re having dinner, and stoke them before they go to bed. They’ll be cozy and snug and will never want to leave.”

I smiled. With the orange glow of the fire the suites would be like a winter oasis, the mountains with their colorful leaves in the distance, cheering the blustery view, the warmth, the wood, and the touches of indulgence in the rooms, from the Swiss chocolates by the bed to a shelf full of novels for their perusal. A bottle of complimentary wine cooled in each bar fridge, and there would be a bowl of fresh fruit on the table for those wanting a snack. Garlands of glittery golden tinsel twinkled in the filmy light, and a sprig of mistletoe was tacked above the door.

Hands on hips, we surveyed the room. Everything was neat, straight and in place, including soaps bearing the Cedarwood Lodge logo, and tiny little bottles of shampoo and conditioner lined up like soldiers in the bathroom.

For a moment I stood there, dizzy with awe. Seeing the suites dressed up, and ready for guests, made it feel so real, in a way nothing else had so far. Soon a guest would sleep in this luxurious bed, or read a book in the tub, with Cedarwood apple-blossom bubble bath scenting the air. They’d pull on boots while captivated with the view outside… Their biggest problem would be deciding what to eat for breakfast.

My lifelong dream of owning Cedarwood had come to fruition, and the sensation was a heady one. I knew it wouldn’t be all snow and Christmas carols, that there’d be ups and downs, but that was life, right? And I basked in the fact I’d made it happen, that we’d made it happen. If we secured a wedding booking or two, I’d be able to breathe easier, but at least we were taking steps in the right direction. We had three families booked in for the summer season, a trio of neighbors who had swapped holidaying in Europe for outdoor pursuits at the lodge, and I was giddy with the thought of them swimming in the lake, and hiking up the mountains; indulging in an aperitif in the front salon as Georges made them dinner. But better still, we had a couple of singletons staying not long after New Year, who’d seen photos of Cedarwood Lodge on Instagram. It boded well. Our marketing was slowly but surely working.

If we kept up this momentum, the future would be rosy.

“Right, next suite?” I said, helping Amory lift the basket of freshly washed and pressed linen.

“Yep, and then we really need to double-check the chapel and make sure it’s ready for the brides. We need to arrange the furniture and the fairy lights and make sure we haven’t forgotten anything else.”

My heart stopped. The chapel!

“Our brides will fall helplessly in love with the idea of marrying in such a beautiful little church. What is it?” Amory asked. “You look like you’ve swallowed a fly?”

“Oh, God!” I slapped a hand to my forehead. “The plans! Kai submitted the plans to the council for the chapel and I was supposed to follow up and make sure they were approved! We’re not allowed to use it until then because the building was deemed unsafe and it hasn’t been recertified yet.”

I flew down the stairs two at a time, my heart racing. Micah had taken over managing the renovations after Kai left, so I could focus on building the business and touting for guests, but I still had to oversee the paperwork and the…

Amory half-tumbled down the stairs after me, trying hard not to fall in her heels. “Clio, wait. Don’t panic, it will be fine. All we need to do is ring them and ask how it’s going, right?”

“I can’t believe I forgot! Kai told me to hassle them or else things get lost in the system and take longer than necessary. And I’ve left it until now!” I couldn’t catch my breath; this one little slip-up could derail the whole expo.

This would never have happened when I worked at the agency. I’d taken my eye off the ball, and damn well dropped it. Kai had given me express instructions and I’d been all doe-eyed like a teenager, too busy worrying about him leaving the lodge for good to remember something crucial like the approval process. I skidded into my office and begun searching the desk for the plans and Amory clattered in behind me.

“OK, don’t panic, darling,” she said, huffing and puffing from the dash downstairs. “You can fix anything you put your mind to! Why don’t you call them and use that sweet and innocent voice of yours? Rave about your plans for the local economy, how your guests will inject some much-needed funds. Invite them over and we can schmooze them if all else fails.”

With a hand to my chest, I paused, contemplating what she was saying. “Yeah, it’s not like they’ll have a stack of pending approvals. There’s only five hundred and three people in Evergreen!” Surely it was only a routine process, read, stamp, sign. My shoulders relaxed. I breathed in and out on the count of five. Stress is an illusion, a Kai mantra, popped into my mind.

“Yes,” I said, feeling more confident. “OK, I’ll phone up now.” Amory nodded and slipped out of the room.

I turned back to the desk and flicked through the paperwork. I found a bunch of notes in Kai’s handwriting and tried to make sense of them. From what I could tell he had everything in order and Micah had checked off the work orders one by one until the chapel was finished. I dialed the direct number of the planning officer Kai had been speaking to and sank back in the chair, focusing on the positives. I’d remembered now, and surely could fix this mess with a phone call. There was no need to panic.

“Ned speaking.”

I took a deep breath and began. “Ned, how are you?” I didn’t wait for a response. “It’s Clio from Cedarwood Lodge. I’m calling about some planning paperwork that was sent in…” I pored over the notes again. “Back in October.”

There was a sound, as though he was sucking his gums. “Yes?”

“You know the planning application in question? The one for the chapel on the Cedarwood property”

“I do.”

Golly, at this rate the conversation would take all day. “Great!” I smiled as Amory tiptoed into the room and put a glass of water on the desk before sneaking off again, presumably to finish the last suite. “I was hoping we could get it signed off and approved so we can go forward with our plans. We’re hoping the influx of tourists arriving at Cedarwood will filter down to the other businesses in town, giving them a boost, especially over the winter. So… we’re really quite excited.”

“Right, right.” There was a shuffling of paperwork. “The thing is, Claire…”

I coughed. “Clio.”

“Clio, the thing is, I can’t hurry these decisions. It would be remiss of me not to take into consideration variables about the property and what it could mean for Evergreen and its population.”

I held in a groan. This did not sound like approval was pending any time soon.

This is your own fault, Clio! “I understand. But you see, you’ve approved the lodge itself, so guests are able to stay, right?” I didn’t want the lodge closed down on a technicality. I rued the day Kai left. He was so much better at this side of things than me. The facts and figures of the planning and approval process were a nightmare.

“Right. However. What you’re not allowed to do is use the chapel for guests. No weddings, no church services, no parties. The structure is a hundred years old, it’s weathered, full of rising damp, and I have to know for certain it’s safe before I can say yes.”

“I totally understand. And you’ll see if you do an inspection that it’s had an overhaul and is safe for guests. I have a bridal expo planned. No one is actually hosting a wedding, but they’d obviously like to see inside the chapel…”

“No, they are not permitted.”

Argh! I took a calming breath. Panic had never helped any situation before, so I really needed to get some perspective. “Why not? I can fax over reports about the work that’s been done. The rising damp has been fixed, the beams have been raised, the electricals have been completely replaced including extra safety precautions…”

Clio…” He said my name quickly, like a parent trying to get their child’s attention. “Your builder promised me the same things last time, and then a fire broke out… You can understand my worry, surely? I’m not being malicious, trust me, I’m being cautious.”

The fire. Now his hesitation made sense. I closed my eyes. “The fire was extinguished promptly and we added a ton more safety procedures after that. And the fire was in the main lodge building, which is nowhere near the chapel. It wasn’t actually our fault; the fire report outlines it in detail. And we were well equipped with extinguishers and other preventative measures, which stopped the entire lodge going up in flames.” And when I said other preventative measures I meant Micah, ever the hero, racing toward the fire while the others raced away from it. Just thinking of that horrible day sent shivers down my spine.

He let out a weary sigh. “There’s a process to these applications, Clio, and I have to follow them meticulously. If you check out our website you’ll see the approvals process can take up to six months. Sometimes more.”

Six months! “I don’t have six months.” Panic crept into my voice so I did my best to disguise it with calm. “Surely we can come to some agreement? I wouldn’t push for this if it wasn’t safe. I wouldn’t put my guests at risk, ever.”

Another phone rang in the background as Ned sighed for the third time in one very short conversation. “Look, send me the paperwork on your trades and I’ll see what I can do. Better yet, send Kai over. You’re still using your registered builder, aren’t you?”

I gulped. Where did it say that in the fine print? This was exactly why I’d hired Kai for all the loopholes that cropped up.

“Yes, yes, Kai is still here, he’s right beside me, actually. He can’t hear me, what with all the safety gear he’s wearing, ear muffs, and… and…” Oh God, Clio, stop talking! “It might be a few days, or a week or so, because he’s in the middle of something. Something big.” Stop, just stop, already!

“Do that, Clio, and we’ll see what can be done.”

“Sure, and thanks.”

“On the off-chance it’s not approved before the expo, can the guests still peek in, surely that’s allowed?”

“Just keep them safe, Clio. And get Kai over here.”

I hung up, and slapped a hand to my forehead. Could I get myself into a bigger mess?

Amory wandered in and surveyed my pinched face. “It didn’t go well?”

“He wants to chat with Kai, our registered builder…”

“Oh.” She folded her arms, leaning against the doorjamb, and fanned herself with the postcard Kai had sent. “Guess you better call Kai and ask him to be Prince Charming just this once.” Gone was the grimace, replaced by her Mona Lisa smile. The one she used when she was trying to act professional, but I could see straight through it.

“Don’t give me that look.” I narrowed my eyes.

“What look?” she said mock-innocently.

“Like you’re the cat who got the cream. I’ll call Kai and see if he can make a flying visit, but I’m not mentioning the kiss or any of that, so don’t even think about trying to set us up. My focus is Cedarwood and getting this chapel mess sorted out.”

She threw her hands in the air. “That’s my focus too, darling! And youre the matchmaker, not me. I’m more of a casual encounter enthusiast when I’m advising my friends, aren’t I? Life is too short for bad men, don’t I always say that? On a serious note, Kai must stay at the lodge. You can’t summon him all this way and expect him to pay for some sleazy motel out of town.” The Mona Lisa smile was back.

I cocked my head. “I see what you’re doing.”

She feigned surprise. “Being a good host?”

Micah wandered in, face grimy with dust. He’d been clearing out the wine cellar since our eventual plan was to stock it with an eclectic mix of vintages for our guests. “What’s up?” he asked.

Amory filled him in, taking great delight in the fact I had to call Kai back to Cedarwood.

Micah’s eyebrows shot up. “Well, dang it, I didn’t know we needed him on-site once the work was done. That can’t be right? I think Ned is speaking out of his… What?” he said, surveying me. “What don’t I know here?”

I squirmed, sinking into the chair hoping to disappear. Micah read my body language loud and clear.

Outside, gray clouds gathered, inching toward the lodge as if they’d crept forward to listen in.

“Well… we kissed, so it might be a little awkward at first,” I admitted, grimacing.

He slapped a hand to his forehead, and let out a deep belly laugh. “And you let him leave? What about all that talk you gave me about following my heart and taking risks?”

Amory nodded in agreement with him. “Her heart is a vault, Micah. Matchmaker extraordinaire can’t take her own advice.”

I narrowed my eyes at her.

“She’s always been like that,” Micah said, nodding.

Amory’s lips pulled down. “She just cannot recognize that in herself. There were plenty of keepers in New York but she always found fault…”

I jumped off the chair and spun to face them, snatching Kai’s postcard out of Amory’s hand as she laughed. “Umm, guys, I’m right here, you know! If you’ve finished your little psychoanalyzing session we can move on with, you know, important things – like business?”

They giggled.

“Admit it,” Micah said. “You don’t follow your own advice!”

I scoffed. “Because my advice is… bespoke, Micah! It doesn’t apply to everyone and you’re making it sound like I’m some kind of nagging Nelly, when all I did was tell you to open your frosty little heart to Isla, which, I might add, has made you extremely happy by the looks of it!” My voice rose with every inflection, as I tried to get my point across. “And you, Amory, I think you have to admit you care about Cruz more than you want him to know.”

I was met with a weighty silence.

“What?” I asked, sensing their ploy. “All I need from Kai is his building knowledge, nothing more. So, if you need me, I’ll be in my office!”

“We are in your office.”

They had me frazzled! “Then… get out!”

Laughing behind their hands, they retreated. I took my cellphone and dialed. No point worrying over his reaction to my call; it was business, and I was a professional. Still, my stomach flipped as it rang.

“Clio! How’s things?” His Australian accent was even more pronounced with the distance separating us.

I nervously shuffled papers, and tried to make my voice even. “Good, good. Well, not great actually. I have a problem.”

“Yeah?”

“I need you here.”

He laughed.

Oh God. “I mean, I really need you for a very good business reason. Business at the lodge, you could say. Or lodge business is a more economical way to say it.”

Say business one more time! With a manic little laugh I explained about the hold-up and what it meant for the lodge and how dire things would be if we didn’t get approval in time for the expo.

He managed to ignore my woes and said, “Clio, you’re not doing midnight yoga any more, are you?”

Surfer yogi strikes again. “Oh sure, sure, I am. Like clockwork. It’s my favorite time of day. Well, night, but you know what I mean.” Could midnight yoga solve this problem? I didn’t think so.

“I can hear it in your voice. You’re back to not sleeping too, I take it?”

Damn the man, how did he always know? All I needed to do was wrap myself in some of that fine Egyptian cotton and I’d sleep like a baby.

“Things have been a touch hectic, but I’m going to do some breathing… erm… exercises, as soon as I’ve hung up from you. It’s written right here on my to-do list. Breathe for the count of five. Make that ten, just to be sure.” I smiled at the memory of him, hands on my shoulders, gaze fervent, as if he believed taking five deep breaths could cure anything. Crazy but sweet just the same.

“So, what do you need from me, Clio?” Kai’s voice was calm and level, just like always, but I detected a twinge of sadness to it. As if big-city living stole the ying from his yang. Did he pine for home? For the Australian beaches and the surf culture he’d once been part of? Or just for the quiet? Fewer people, less noise, less bustle. Life pared right back to the elements.

“I need you to meet with Ned, and tell him you’re still working for us, and that everything with the chapel is hunky-dory and safe, and we’d like you to be our guest at Cedarwood, so as not to put you out.”

“Wow… OK. Let me see what I can do. I’m so busy right now in the lead-up to Christmas; everyone wants their jobs wrapped up. But I’ll try and get there as soon as I can, yeah?”

Perhaps we’d get out of this situation by the skin of our teeth, just like we had so far with the other dilemmas at the lodge. I knew if Kai gave his word, he would try and make it happen, but it would obviously be up to his boss whether he could make it here or not. I crossed my fingers and tried very hard not to feel sick as worry washed over me.

“Thanks, Kai, I really appreciate it. I can’t believe I forgot about the planning permission.” Color rose in my cheeks, remembering his express instructions, now, when it was much too late. I wondered if my subconscious was setting me up on purpose… At least Ned was allowing the brides to peek in, so that was something at least. But there was no way we could take a booking if we didn’t have approval, and the money we’d sunk into the expo would be wasted.

He clucked his tongue. “Don’t sweat it. You can’t do everything, and not slip up occasionally. I’m fairly sure Ned has his facts wrong and you don’t need a registered builder on-site, but let’s not rock the boat. We’ll follow his orders and see if that works.”

“Small towns, hey?”

“Planning permissions.” He laughed and it sounded like sunshine. “They love making it hard. Big towns, small towns, doesn’t matter, something always crops up. Don’t worry, we’ll fix it.”

I felt like Kai could fix anything. He was the sort of guy other men listened to and respected. Calmness radiated off him, and you couldn’t help nodding your head and agreeing when he spoke. I missed him, hearing his voice. Missed him roaming around Cedarwood, double-checking the work, making sure it was right. Even missed contorting my body at strange angles under the cover of darkness with him.

“Are you getting a handle on the city?” I said, suddenly not sure I wanted the conversation to end there.

He sighed. “Sort of. It’s just too cramped for me. There’s people everywhere, all the time. No chance of hearing myself think, not in this chaos. What did I expect, though, really? It’s San Francisco.”

“Yeah, but it doesn’t sound like it’s your thing at all. Can’t you ask for a different job?” Kai needed to be free, outside being one with nature, away from the hustle and bustle, but I guess he didn’t have a choice. He went where the work was.

“Gotta see it through.”

Neither of us mentioned the kiss and it felt like it was too late now, like it would fall into the conversation chunkily, and jar.

“Cedarwood feels so different without you, and the team. But my friend Amory is here, and Isla and Micah, so I feel like I’ve got a ready-made family, but I brace myself for them leaving too one day. I wonder if I’ll get used to goodbyes or if they’ll always break my heart just a little.”

He remained silent for the longest time, before saying, “Goodbyes that break your heart mean at least you feel something. And that’s what counts, right? Otherwise all you feel is a certain numbness and that’s even worse…”

Was there something upsetting Kai? Something other than city life? It struck me maybe his exit from Australia hadn’t been as simple as he’d made out. Had he left some hurt behind? I’d never questioned it before, but he’d always been cool and calm, and now his voice had an edge to it, a touch of bitterness, though he tried to disguise it.

“Maybe a quick visit to Cedarwood will do you good,” I said softly.

“I think it’ll do me just fine. Say hi to everyone for me.”

When we rang off I sat for a while, gazing outside, the view stunning as ever and a balm for the soul. My mind was still going a hundred miles an hour with all the things I had to remember to finish. I still had to check in with Georges and taste-test the canapés, but for a few minutes I just sat there alone and wondered if I should try and fit some midnight yoga in tonight. Would it be the same without Kai?

The Mills & Boon Ultimate Christmas Collection

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