Читать книгу The By Request Collection - Kate Hardy - Страница 44

Fourteen

Something in Roman’s voice, in his troubled expression, put her instantly on edge. Shouldn’t he be happy that this mess was finally going to be over and she could get her life back? And why did she get the feeling that he knew something she didn’t?

“We can go to my room,” she said. Like her sisters she still kept a room at the estate, so she led Roman there.

When they were inside with the door closed, she asked him, “What’s going on? I couldn’t help but notice that you didn’t seem at all surprised by the news report. Or relieved.”

“I knew this was coming,” he said. “I just didn’t know when.”

A feeling of dread started in her heart and trickled downward into her belly. “How did you know?”

He sat on the edge of the bed, wearing a look of pure misery, which only made her feel worse.

“I’ve been working with the FBI,” he said.

And he hadn’t told her. Her heart started to thump. “How long?”

“They contacted me the day before Dax came to your place. They knew that he wanted the backup flash drive, and they wanted to get their hands on it first.”

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Oh no he didn’t. He couldn’t have. “You found something, didn’t you? In the files that first night.”

Eyes lowered, he nodded.

“So you lied to me.”

He nodded again.

She felt eerily calm as she asked him, “And where is the flash drive now?”

“I turned it over to the FBI last week.”

So he hadn’t really been going through the files looking for evidence. That was just another lie.

He could not be doing this to her again. Not now. Not after she had forgiven him, and given him her heart. He just couldn’t.

The dread grew exponentially, sucking her into a place so dark and foreboding she wanted to disappear.

“They didn’t give me a choice. You were going to be implicated in the case. I gave them the flash drive in exchange for your immunity.”

She blinked, then blinked again. “Because you thought I was guilty.”

His head shot up. “No! To protect you.”

“Why would you have to protect me, and make a deal for me, if you knew I hadn’t done anything wrong?”

“Gracie,” he said, reaching for her.

She stepped back, repulsed by the thought of his hands on her. It was seven years ago happening all over again. “Don’t touch me.”

“It wasn’t like that,” he said, standing. “You have to believe me. I was just trying to keep you safe.”

“I don’t,” she said, aware that she had started to tremble. “I don’t believe you. And I don’t trust you. I won’t trust you ever again.”

“If you’ll let me explain—”

She had only seen him look this crushed once before: the last time he’d betrayed her. “No. There’s no excuse you could give me that would justify you lying to me. You doubted me. Again. I’m finished.”

“Gracie, please—” He reached for her again, touched her arm and she ripped it away.

“Get out,” she said.

She could feel it coming on, the total collapse of her soul. She was crumbling from the inside out. She wanted to scream at him, and pound his chest with her fists, make him feel how much he’d hurt her. But at this point why bother? It was over. For good. And with that realization, the last of her will fizzled away. She just wanted to hide. She was so cold and empty she just wanted to curl up in bed, close her eyes and sleep until the ache in her heart went away. But she had the feeling that this time his deceit ran so deep, the pain would never go away. This was her so-called “gift” of seeing the best in everyone biting her in the ass again. She’d believed in Roman when he said he loved her, and had given him the benefit of the doubt when deep down she’d felt as if something wasn’t right. And once again she’d been burned.

“Gracie, please talk to me,” he said.

She shook her head. There was nothing to talk about. It was over. “Roman,” she said, her voice eerily calm, “I want you to leave, and I never want to see you again.”

Unable to even look at him any longer, she crossed the room and stepped into the bathroom, shutting the door and leaning against it, her heart pounding so hard and fast she felt light-headed and sick. So sick that she dashed to the commode, barely making it in time before she lost her dinner.

She sat on the floor, still in her gown, waiting for the tears to come, but she was so dead inside she just felt numb. The perpetual optimism was gone, and in its place something dark and cold took over, making her determined to hold on to and protect her heart, and never let another man hurt her again.

* * *

Gracie had an amazing dream. It was her and Roman’s wedding, and they were so happy and in love, but as she slowly woke and opened her eyes and realized where she was, the memory of last night came rushing back with an intensity that made it hard to breathe. She couldn’t even scrape together the will to lift her head. She’d been depressed before, but right now she felt utterly destroyed. And that was when the tears started, and they didn’t stop again for three days. She spent the entire holiday weekend in bed, sleeping, crying and hating herself for trusting him. She couldn’t eat, couldn’t concentrate and on Monday when she should have gone back to work, she called in sick.

When she finally worked up the will to get out of bed and charge her long-dead cell phone, she was bombarded by dozens of text messages and voice mails. But none from Roman, which made her feel both relieved and heartsick. An Agent Crosswell from the FBI and a federal prosecutor had left several messages. As a player in Dax’s campaign, of course she would be questioned and probably asked to testify. Just one more mess brought on by her “gift.” Or her curse as she’d now begun to see it.

Tuesday she finally ventured downstairs to the kitchen for a bite to eat, barely able to choke down a bagel with cream cheese. The wedding decor had been replaced with holiday decorations that would be up till the first of the new year. But she couldn’t enjoy it.

She was headed back upstairs, when she passed her father’s nurse, who looked surprised to see her.

“Miss Winchester, I didn’t know you were here.”

“How is my father?” She’d been so wrapped up in her own problems she hadn’t even thought to check up on him.

“The wedding took a lot out of him. He’s mostly been sleeping. He feels better today, though.”

“I should probably go say hello.”

“I’m sure he would like that. Your visits always cheer him up.”

“Take a break and I’ll sit with him awhile,” Gracie said.

With a frown, the woman asked her, “Are you okay?”

She must have looked absolutely awful. She hadn’t eaten or showered in days. She hadn’t even looked in the mirror. She was too ashamed to face her own reflection.

“I’m fine.”

“There have been a lot of calls since Thursday. Mostly from reporters.”

Well, that was no big surprise. They had been calling her, too. But she didn’t want to talk about it, or even think about it. “Thank you for the warning. I’ll call if I need you.”

She went to her father’s suite, knocking lightly before opening the door and peeking inside. He was sitting propped up in bed working on his laptop. When he saw her, he smiled. “Princess, I didn’t know you were visiting today.”

He obviously had no idea that she’d never left. And as she drew closer to his bed, his smile began to fade. “Princess, what’s wrong?”

With an ache that was all consuming, she sat beside him, laid her head in his lap and cried while her father stroked her hair. And it was exactly what she needed.

When she was all out of tears, he handed her a tissue and she wiped her eyes. “I suppose you probably heard what happened,” she said. “How stupid I’ve been. How he betrayed me again. I should have listened to you. I should have trusted you when you said he was no good for me.”

“But you went with your heart instead.”

She nodded. “You must be pretty happy that it’s over.”

“On the contrary. I think you’re making the biggest mistake in your life.”

His words took her aback. “But...”

“Be quiet and listen. Do you know why I insisted you attend that initial meeting with Roman, and why I asked you to get close to him?”

“To avoid another scandal.”

“There wasn’t going to be another scandal. I knew that Brooks was working alone to discredit me in the media, and that Roman had no part in his twisted revenge plot.”

Gracie frowned. “I don’t understand. Why did you make me do it, then? Were you trying to torture me?”

“I was trying to make you see what I’ve seen all along. That you still loved him.”

What? “But...you don’t even like him. You never did. You always tried to come between us.”

“I was jealous.”

His words stunned her. “Jealous? Of what?”

“Princess, since the day you were born, you were a daddy’s girl. You wouldn’t go to sleep at night if I wasn’t there to tuck you in. Despite all of the horrible things in my life you still saw the good in me. I didn’t want to lose you to someone else.”

Is that how he really felt? Did he really love her that much? She could hardly imagine him so vulnerable. “Daddy, you could never lose me. You’re my father. I’ll always love you.”

“I didn’t see it that way. And I was wrong.” He took her hands in his. “I don’t want you to make the same mistake that I did. I let the love of my life go, and I never stopped regretting it.”

She didn’t have to ask who. She’d heard the rumors. “Cynthia Newport.”

He nodded, looking so sad. “I tried to fill the void, but I was never able to let her go. Learn from my mistakes. Don’t do that to yourself. Talk to Roman. He loves you.”

Her father didn’t understand. “He lied to me. That’s not love.”

“He was protecting you.”

“He thought I was guilty.”

“No, he was fighting to prove that you weren’t. You have no idea what you got yourself into. As a part of Dax’s campaign, you were implicated in the fraud. You could have been prosecuted. Roman made a deal with the FBI. Your flash drive in exchange for full immunity.”

“So why didn’t he just tell me the truth? When the FBI called, why didn’t he tell me?”

“He couldn’t.”

“He didn’t trust me.”

“It wasn’t about trust. He was under the thumb of the FBI. What they did was nothing shy of blackmail. He couldn’t tell you, and if he did you could have both been prosecuted. He couldn’t take that chance.”

Through the darkness in her soul a dim shimmer of light appeared. She thought about the way Roman had taken care of her and protected her when he thought her life was in danger.

“He loves you, Princess. Don’t you see that? He did what he had to, knowing that when he told you the truth he could lose you forever. But it was a chance he had to take. He loved you so much, and wanted you to be safe, so he took the gamble.”

And lost. But she hadn’t even let him explain. She had been so wrapped up in her own pain she couldn’t even make herself listen.

The dim light grew a little brighter. “How do you know all of this?”

“He confided in me Thursday night.”

She blinked. Roman had confided in Sutton? His mortal enemy? It was almost too far-fetched to believe. And if he really had done it just to protect her...

Once again, a flicker of hope broke through the gloom. Was it possible that this wasn’t really the end? Shouldn’t she at least give him a chance to explain?

He squeezed her hand. “Talk to him, Grace.”

She had been pretty awful to him Thursday night. “What if he doesn’t want to talk to me?”

“He does.”

“How do you know?”

“I just do. I know that over the years I’ve expected a lot from you, and I’m asking you now, for the last time, to do one more thing for me.”

“What, Daddy?”

“I’m asking you to trust me.”

When he said it like that, with so much love in his eyes, how could she tell him no?