Читать книгу Hot Single Docs: Happily Ever After - Kate Hardy - Страница 13

‘I’M HAPPY to cover Christmas Day.’

‘So am I.’ Luke’s nod was matter-of-fact. ‘Thanks, Anna. That’s the holiday roster issues sorted, then. Let’s get on with the rest of the agenda.’

Anna couldn’t help but notice the look that passed between James and Charlotte Alexander, who were sitting together in this departmental meeting. No mistaking the look of relief. Joy even at the prospect of spending a special day together with no danger of being called in to work.

The movement of Charlotte’s hand was probably unconscious. She seemed to be listening carefully to Luke as he introduced a new grading system for cardiac patients.

‘It’s hoped that this will be brought in nationwide to try and standardise criteria and address the increasing numbers of people that are dying while on waiting lists for surgery. We’ve been asked to implement this at St Piran’s as of the first of January as part of a multi-centre trial, so your feedback is going to be important.’

Anna was listening, too, but she’d already read the proposal and she and Luke had discussed it at length. It was hardly surprising that she caught that movement from Charlotte in her peripheral vision. A hand that gently smoothed the loose fabric of her top, gathering it up as it came to rest cupping her lower belly. There really was no doubt now that she was pregnant. It would be a special Christmas for them, wouldn’t it, with the extra joy and dreams that came with knowing they were about to become a family?

‘As far as degree of valvar dysfunction goes, we’re staying with the New York Heart Association functional classes. As you can see, mild is class one and scores two. Severe is class three and scores fourteen. If there is coronary artery disease present as well, it puts it into class four and we can add ten to the overall score.’

Luke had the score sheets projected onto the wall. He was going to cover all the non-coronary revascularisation type of patients like valve replacements and then he’d run through the more complex scoring system for patients who had arterial disease. He was being clear and methodical and making sure everyone understood. People were nodding approvingly. A system like this could make prioritising people on the waiting lists much more straightforward.

Charlotte was one of those nodding. As though she would be only too happy to be filling in the score sheets on her patients and adding her comments to the feedback that would be required. But how long would she be around to be doing that?

It was all very well having secrets but it was also annoying. When were they planning to share the information and allow arrangements to be made for Charlotte’s absence for maternity leave? For James to be covered at the time of the baby’s arrival? For a new member of staff to be advertised for, if necessary?

No wonder there was such prejudice against women in top positions. Imagine if she was pregnant herself? Even if she worked up to the last possible moment and then took minimal maternity leave, the disruption to the department would still be huge.

Unthinkable. It always had been.

So why was she watching Charlotte surreptitiously right now instead of focusing on the information Luke was presenting? Wondering what her colleague was thinking and how she’d come to the conclusion that having a baby was more important than her career. What it might be like to feel a new life growing and moving within your own body. To face the enormous responsibility of caring for that baby when it was born.

The disturbing niggle was annoyance, not envy. Luke needed to know. He had quite enough on his plate settling back into running such a busy department and working the kind of hours he did with the extra stress of recovering from a major physical injury. Maybe it wasn’t her place but Anna wanted to warn Luke. She could help him put arrangements into place to make sure they could cope with the inevitable disruptions.

Her gaze was on the head of department now. He was talking about the Canadian Cardiovascular Society’s criteria for grading angina.

‘The class is assigned after appropriate treatment, not at the time of admission or diagnosis.’

Luke stood tall but relaxed and his voice was clear and authoritative. What was the X factor in the way he presented himself that got people on side so easily? Anna found herself biting back a smile. It certainly wasn’t his warm and friendly countenance. He was always so serious, often looking grim, and he could be downright impatient with staff who couldn’t get up to speed quickly enough. He was utterly closed off on a personal level and yet he drew everyone in.

Already this department felt more cohesive than it had under her own leadership. There was enthusiasm for all sorts of projects that might otherwise have been seen simply as more paperwork and stress. In the space of just a few short weeks they had a new rostering system in place, had been chosen for this pilot centre for an important national initiative and several new research projects had been kicked off.

Maybe that X factor was because of the sense that Luke was driven, despite—or perhaps because of—the physical challenges it now incorporated. Anyone could see how hard it was for him to be on his feet all day and keep up with such a demanding schedule. This job was his life and he was going to do it so well that anyone who chose to get on board would have an unexpectedly satisfying ride.

And she was one of them. Funny how the resentment she’d felt at Luke returning to take his leading role in the department had faded so quickly. Perhaps it had been pushed away completely because she’d been watching him so carefully and the more she saw, the more compelling this man was becoming. Had she really thought she wouldn’t learn from him? It wasn’t just his technical excellence in Theatre. Apart from that momentary wobble on his first day back, Anna hadn’t seen anything that would have undermined her opinion that he was one of the best in his field. It was rare for someone so good on the practical side to be so competent at administration, but Luke really seemed to enjoy the challenge of running a large department effectively.

Yes. The closer she could stay and work with Luke the more she could benefit. She wanted them to be a close team.

How close?

The odd question came from a part of her brain that was normally closed off at work. The kind of disruptive thought that had never been a problem in the past but, curiously, had started to plague her out-of-work hours lately. She couldn’t distract herself easily right now either. She was trapped, motionless, and she had already been distracted by the people around her.

‘Scores for the ability to work or give care are a little more subjective,’ Luke was saying. ‘Especially the middle category when it’s threatened but not immediately.’

Anna’s concentration was certainly threatened. She didn’t need a sideways glance at the Alexanders to remind her of married couples amongst her colleagues. It happened all the time. Didn’t they say that you were most likely to meet the person you were going to marry amongst the people you worked with?

It wasn’t going to happen to her. The desire for a husband and family—if it had ever been there—had been dismissed long ago. About the time she’d discovered the passion she had for surgery and it had become obvious that if she was going to have any chance of getting to where she wanted to be, it had to be the only thing that mattered in her life.

Adopting a puppy had been extraordinary enough. A substitute baby? No. You couldn’t leave a baby in the house for a helpful neighbour to collect and care for while you were at work. Or leave a pile of newspaper on the floor so you didn’t have to get up in the middle of the night to deal with toileting issues. She still had to factor in collecting Crash every day from the yard he shared with June and Doug’s dogs. To take him for a walk on the beach and spend time training and playing with him. To listen to the snuffles and odd whimpers in the night from his bed in the corner of his room. All in all, it was a major upheaval in her life. Not that she wasn’t getting a lot of pleasure from it. And if it was a substitute child it was as close as she ever wanted to get, that was for sure.

No family, then. And what was the point of a husband if you weren’t planning on having a family?

A partner was something different, however.

A lover.

At this point in the meeting Anna very uncharacteristically stopped listening to anything being said around her. She was watching Luke’s hands as he shaped the size of whatever it was he was talking about. Strong, tanned, capable hands.

She couldn’t stop herself imagining them running down the length of her spine. It would be no effort to fit the curve of her bottom into their grip and he would be able to pull her against his own body with no more than the slightest pressure. It would feel lean and hard, like his face.

And he would have turned that blinding focus onto her. Those incredible blue eyes would be on her face. On her lips as he dipped his head … slowly … to kiss her.

Oh … dear Lord … With a huge effort, Anna managed to tune back into her surroundings just as the meeting was wrapping up. People were closing diaries and starting to chat. Charlotte pushed back her chair and stood up.

‘Just before you all go …’

The buzz of conversation died. Here we go, thought Anna, but the announcement wasn’t what she expected.

‘I’ve been involved in organising the staff Christmas function,’ Charlotte said with a smile. ‘It’s in the canteen on the twenty-second, seven p.m., in case you haven’t seen the flyers. There’s going to be lots of nice food and plenty of non-alcoholic drinks if you’re unlucky enough to be on duty. It’s a chance for everybody to get together in the spirit of the season, so I hope you can all make it. Partners and families are welcome. There’s going to be a Secret Santa. Bring a small gift and put it under the tree and then you’ll get one yourself at the end of the night. Or just bring one for any children that might be there and if they’re not needed they can go to the children’s ward.’

Anna looked away from Charlotte. Towards Luke. Their senior cardiology registrar should be talking about her upcoming maternity leave, not a Christmas party. Luke had an odd expression on his face. As if he couldn’t believe that something so trivial was being announced in a departmental meeting.

As though a party or celebrating Christmas was absolutely the last possible thing he would have any desire to do.

Did he ever relax? Let his guard down and enjoy something social?

Something intimate?

She gathered up her folder of papers and stepped around the table. Towards Luke. She couldn’t stop herself. The wanderings of her mind during the meeting might be under control now, thank goodness, but they’d left an odd kind of physical yearning and it was like a magnet, pulling her towards Luke. She did her best to disguise it. Her professional mask was quite intact, on the outside at least.

‘Good presentation,’ she offered. ‘I think we’ll have full co-operation in the trial period.’

‘Yes.’ Luke was shutting down the program in his laptop. ‘I’m hoping so.’

Anna’s thoughts were tripping over each other. She had a strong urge to engineer a way to spend some time with Luke and it would be easy enough if she asked to discuss something professional, like the planned research project she was taking on to analyse post-operative infection rates in cardiac patients.

But something new and rather disturbing was happening. She could actually feel the war going on between her head and her heart. She didn’t want a professional kind of interaction. She wanted …

Oh, help … Was she actually thinking of asking him for some kind of a date?

No, of course not. She didn’t do work relationships. Of any kind. This was Anna getting rebellious, trying to claw her way through Dr Bartlett’s armour. It simply wouldn’t do.

Her thoughts might be running with the speed of light but she had been standing there for a shade too long judging by the quizzical set of Luke’s eyebrows when he glanced up at her.

Anna was aware of the final staff members exiting the meeting room, including Charlotte. She hoped her smile was offhand.

‘You planning to go to the Christmas party?’

‘No. Are you?’

Anna couldn’t look away. Her mouth wasn’t going to wait for her brain to mull over what seemed to be a perfect compromise between professional and personal. It just widened its smile and opened to say something extraordinary.

‘I will if you will.’

Something flickered in Luke’s eyes. Astonishment? Interest?

‘I don’t like parties,’ he said.

‘Neither do I,’ Anna agreed. She could have left it there. What was wrong with her today? ‘But this is a staff function. It’s polite to put in an appearance. Especially for HODs.’

Luke was frowning now. ‘You think I should go?’

‘I think there must be a lot of people in St Piran’s who would enjoy the chance to welcome you back. Good relations both within and between departments are useful.’

Luke grunted. He looked up as the meeting door swung shut behind the last person. ‘Did you know Charlotte Alexander’s pregnant?’

Was he trying to change the subject? ‘I guessed. How did you know?’

‘She told me. We need to look at possible replacements amongst the registrars we have available. Or get in a locum.’

‘Yes. How much time have we got?’

‘We should look at getting it sorted next month.’

‘It’s going to be a busy start for the New Year. Which reminds me.’ The rebellious part of Anna had finally been quelled. Maybe it was just as well Luke was so good at sticking to professional. ‘I wanted to have a chat to you about the parameters for this infection study. How retrospective do you think we should make it? I’ve got my registrar primed to start digging through records.’

‘Let’s have a look at our diaries. We should be able to squeeze in a meeting. You can bring anyone else you want involved along as well.’

‘I will.’

Not that it was likely to help, Anna thought, her heart sinking. If she was capable of having totally inappropriate thoughts about her boss when there were a dozen or more members of the department around her, what hope did she have by flanking herself with a couple of junior doctors?

She needed to escape. To get home and get a grip. Heading purposefully away from work, Anna barely registered the huge Christmas tree in the hospital foyer with its twinkling, coloured lights but she thought of it again as she turned her car towards her cottage.

This was the silly season, she reminded herself. Everything would settle down, including whatever it was that making her feel so … unsettled.

The Christmas party was well under way by the time Anna managed to get there.

The canteen was noisy and crowded, warm with the inviting aroma of hot, savoury food and people determined to enjoy themselves. There were bright balloons and streamers and huge, shiny silver stars hanging from light fittings. There were flashes of even brighter colours as well. Where on earth had people found their accessories?

A trio of nurses wore headbands with big yellow plastic stars that flashed on and off. Steffie, the staff nurse from the cardiology ward, had earrings and a matching necklace that had red and green twinkling lights. Anna spotted a set of glowing reindeer horns and Santa hats made of shiny red sequins. She passed a registrar who wore a large badge. Rudolph’s nose was flashing and a tinny version of a Christmas song could be heard competing with the background carol music in the room. More than one person rolled their eyes as the owner of the badge reached to push the nose as the song finished.

‘Not again, Peter. Please.’

A very young-looking nurse was dressed in a naughty Santa costume, the rim of white fluff on the bottom of her dress barely reaching her thighs. Anna groaned inwardly. This really wasn’t her scene at all. She knew she must look as out of place as she felt. Prim, in her skirt and jacket. It was getting harder to respond to the smiles and greetings of people when she was completely sober and they were clearly making the most of the party drinks available to those not on duty.

She felt like an island. A rather barren, rocky one, moving through a sea of festivity. She had to be the only person there who didn’t have at least a string of tinsel tied on to signal that they belonged.

And then she spotted Luke.

Another island. Even rockier, given the tight body language and an almost desperate look on his face as Anna edged through the partygoers to join the group of familiar faces.

‘Anna. Merry Christmas!’

‘Thanks, Ben. Hi, Lucy.’ Anna smiled at Ben’s wife, her gaze dropping to the bundle snuggled against the front of her body with a sling. ‘I heard you’d had another baby. Congratulations.’

‘Thanks. Yes, this is Kitty. She’s ten weeks old now.’

A small girl was peeping out from behind Lucy’s legs.

‘This must be Annabel.’ Anna searched her memory. ‘It’s her birthday soon, isn’t it?’

‘Christmas Eve.’

‘Just as well she’s a party animal.’ Ben grinned. ‘She’s loving it.’ He was holding Annabel’s little brother, Josh, but he reached down to touch his daughter. ‘Tell Dr Anna how old you’re going to be on your birthday, darling.’

‘Free,’ Annabel said shyly. Ben tickled her head and made her giggle.

Who could help smiling at the joyous sound? Glancing up, Anna saw Luke’s lips curve and it was, almost, the kind of smile he’d given her that day. Poignant. Real.

But not happy. The sound of laughter around them was virtually constant and Anna wanted to hear Luke laugh. To see and hear him forget himself in a moment of happiness. The feeling that he might never do that was heartbreaking. She tore her gaze away swiftly. Towards another smiling face.

But Josh O’Hara’s smile looked forced and the petite, blonde woman standing beside him wasn’t smiling at all. She was draining a glass of wine.

The A and E consultant noticed the direction of her gaze. ‘Anna? You won’t have met my wife. This is Rebecca.’

Charlotte and James Alexander joined the group, along with another man whom Anna recognised as Nick Tremayne, head of the Penhally medical centre.

‘Has anyone seen Kate? I told her to pop in while I was upstairs visiting my patient but I can’t find her anywhere in this crowd.’

‘Nick!’ Ben stepped closer to the newcomers. ‘So you got in to see Mrs Jennings?’

‘Yes. The surgery went well. She should be up and about with her new hip in no time. Home for the new year.’

‘How’s Jem?’ Anna asked. ‘He was the talk of the hospital there for quite a while.’

‘He’s great. Started senior school in September and seems to be loving it. Still gets a bit tired but it’s been a big year for all of us.’

‘Sure has.’ Charlotte smiled. ‘It’s going to be a special Christmas this year. Your first together as a new family.’

‘It’s going to be wonderful. If I can find my wife, that is. Excuse me. Carry on enjoying yourselves. Oops!’ Nick almost collided with a waiter bearing a tray of brimming champagne glasses.

Anna caught Luke’s gaze and there was a moment of connection there. Neither of them was enjoying themselves in this setting.

It might be better somewhere else, Anna’s response of a smile suggested. Somewhere without any of this crowd and noise. Somewhere they could be alone. Together. It had to be her imagination but Luke seemed to be silently in agreement. If nothing else, he certainly recognised the connection.

‘Drink, Anna?’ someone asked.

‘No, thanks. I’ve still got patients I want to check on before I head home.’

‘Definitely not for me,’ Charlotte said happily.

‘Or me,’ James chimed in valiantly. ‘I’ve climbed on the wagon with my wife.’

‘Oh?’ Ben’s smile broadened. ‘For how long, might I ask? Seven or eight months, perhaps?’

‘Um … actually, there’s something we probably should have told everyone quite a while ago now.’

The tray was still within reach and Josh’s wife swapped her empty glass for a full one. Anna caught the expression on Josh’s face. He’s embarrassed, she thought in surprise. He doesn’t want her drinking any more. No. The tension was deeper than that. It was hard not to get the impression that he wasn’t comfortable having his wife there at all.

She took another glance at the woman she’d never met before. Rebecca had the kind of grooming that came, in her experience, with women who had plenty of money and too much time to spend on how they looked. Flawless make-up. Shoulder-length hair that was beautifully cut and exquisitely highlighted. Her nails sported a perfect French polish and her figure might be curvy but it looked well toned.

Rebecca had also caught the look from her husband. ‘What?’ she snapped. ‘You think I’ve had enough?’ A tiny snort suggested that an unhappy exchange was nothing new to this couple.

It was Anna’s turn to feel embarrassed. She looked away to where Lucy was giving Charlotte a one-armed hug that wouldn’t disturb the sleeping baby in the sling. Ben and Luke were both offering their congratulations to James and they all seemed unaware of the sudden atmosphere Anna was separating them from.

‘Maybe I have had enough,’ Rebecca said, too loudly. ‘Of everything.’

‘I’ll order a taxi for you,’ Josh said. ‘I’ve still got some work I need to do tonight.’

‘Of course you do.’ Rebecca’s laugh was brittle.

‘Let’s go.’

‘When I’ve finished my drink. It’s not as if I have any reason not to, is it?’

Josh’s voice was too low for anyone but Anna to hear. ‘I think we should go now. This isn’t the place.’

‘But it never is, is it, Josh?’ Rebecca raised her glass but, to her dismay, Anna saw that the woman’s lips were trembling too much for her to take a sip and tears were filling her eyes. Debating whether she should say something when it was obviously none of her business, Anna was relieved to see Rebecca blinking hard. Making a determined effort to control herself.

But then she shifted her gaze to where Lucy was standing with her tiny baby and Charlotte had pulled her top tight to show off her rounded belly, and Rebecca’s face just crumpled. She pushed her glass at Josh and turned, tears streaming down her face as she fled. The others all turned in surprise.

‘Oh … God,’ Josh groaned. ‘Sorry about that. I need to. Would you.?’

‘Give it to me.’ Anna took the champagne glass and Josh elbowed his way through the throng in pursuit of his wife.

‘What was that all about?’ Lucy looked worried.

‘What happened?’ Charlotte looked bemused.

‘Josh and his wife. They didn’t look very happy.’

Oh, no. Was this social occasion about to become the kind of gossip session Anna refused to engage in?

‘Not everyone appreciates Christmas,’ Luke said levelly.

‘That’s true.’ Ben nodded and went along with making the subject about generalities. ‘Look at the increase we see in A and E for things like self-harm.’

‘The hype doesn’t help.’ Anna was more than happy to direct conversation away from colleagues and their probable marriage woes. She gave Luke a grateful glance and then waved her hand to encompass the party and all the decorations. ‘There’s this huge expectation put out that it’s going to be the happiest day of the year. Brimming with fun, family times and the best of everything. No wonder it just serves to underline what some people aren’t lucky enough to have.’

There was a moment’s silence and Anna could have kicked herself. Had she been responsible for the atmosphere in this group going from joy at James and Charlotte’s news to entirely unnecessary gloom? She bit her lip.

‘I’m just hungry,’ she said apologetically. ‘Take no notice. I might go and find a sausage roll or something.’

‘And I’d better take these guys home,’ Lucy said. ‘We need to pace ourselves to get through all the parties lined up for the rest of this week.’

‘And I …’ Luke was obviously trying to think of a reason to excuse himself as well.

No surprises there. The noise level around them was increasing. Music had been turned up to compete with the laughter and happily raised voices, and there was a new sound mixed in with the general hubbub. A sharp cracking. People cheered and then there were more muted bangs. Someone was handing out Christmas crackers and people were pulling them with gusto.

The sound was not unlike distant gunfire. Anna’s gaze flicked back to Luke. He didn’t like parties anyway. How much worse would this be when it couldn’t fail to remind him of being in a war zone? She could see his tension escalating. Instinctively, she found herself moving closer. Wanting to protect him. He looked straight at her and she had never seen him look so grim.

James was handed a cracker. ‘Here we go.’ He laughed, holding it out to Charlotte.

This bang was much louder. Charlotte squeaked in surprise, Annabel buried her face in her father’s shoulder and little Josh burst into tears.

But Anna was still watching Luke. She saw the exact moment he stopped seeing her. When his face took on the same expression it had had in Theatre that first day. One of horror.

‘Luke.’ Anna put her hand on his arm and she could feel muscles as unyielding as steel beneath her fingers.

‘Luke.’ Her tone was more urgent now. She had to get through to him. Snap him out of this flashback before anyone else noticed.

But he didn’t seem to feel her touch. Or hear her. He started moving away and seemed unaware of the people in his path. Someone got jostled and spilled their drink.

‘Hey! Watch where you’re going.’

Ben and James were watching where Luke was going. Anna caught the glance the two men exchanged. Frowning, Ben opened his mouth to say something but Anna shook her head.

‘I’ll go,’ was all she said.

It was quite easy to follow Luke. People were stepping aside like a wave as they saw him coming. Smiles faded from faces to be replaced with dropping jaws. Anna didn’t catch up with him until he was well past the doors of the canteen. She barely noticed Josh coming in the opposite direction. Good grief, this party wasn’t proving very enjoyable for more than one person.

Finally, she got close enough to catch hold of Luke’s hand but he didn’t stop. He towed her along until he reached the end of the corridor. The noise from the canteen was muted now, like the lighting in this junction that contained the lifts. Two big pot plants on either side of a bench seat had some tinsel draped over their leaves.

Luke stopped and his head turned swiftly from one side to the other. At some level he was making a decision on what direction to take next. He still felt just as tense. Just as distant.

Anna had to distract him. Bring him back to the present. She stepped in front of him and reached up to hold his face with both hands.

‘Luke …’ She tilted his face, forcing him to look down at her. ‘It’s me. Anna.’

He was still caught somewhere else. A long way away in time and place. Somewhere dark.

Anna had to do something. Without thinking, she stood on tiptoe, still holding Luke’s face.

And then she kissed him.