Читать книгу Special Deliveries: Wanted: A Mother For His Baby - Kate Hardy - Страница 17

Seven

Abandoned in Blake’s enormous bed, Bella pressed a pillow against her stomach and curved her naked body around it, coiling herself into a tight ball. The instant he’d left the room, her sense of belonging had vanished with him.

Earlier, while Blake was dining with his stepsister, she’d glanced into the master bedroom. Residual traces of Victoria—like the photographs in the living room—lingered in the large, beautifully decorated space. Blake’s ex-wife remained a presence in the house, and Bella felt like an imposter. An interloper. Had she really just made love to Blake?

The riotous sensations still buffeting her body as well as the residual tingle left behind by the imprint of Blake’s lips told her she had stepped across a line. And now that she’d left footprints in forbidden territory, there was no taking it back. But was that what she wanted? To unmake the memories of the past hour?

Bella rubbed her hot cheeks against the cool sheets. Nothing could have prepared her for the explosive quality of Blake’s mouth on her body. The things he’d done. No one had ever kissed her like that before. Done things to her body that made her go wild. To say they were unmatched in experience was woefully inadequate. She’d had so much to learn. Tonight it had been all she could do just to hang on for dear life as he took her on an epic ride. In the aftermath, she recognized that a man as sophisticated as Blake would expect his lover to match him in skill and knowledge.

Through the door Blake had closed behind him, Bella could hear Drew’s continuing cries. The instinct to go to him thundered through her. He was her baby. Comforting him was her job. Her responsibility.

Except that it wasn’t. Drew belonged to Blake. And in a way, to Victoria. She might have abandoned him, but as far as the world knew, Blake’s ex-wife was his mother. Bella was just someone who’d acted as a surrogate. A living incubator. Well paid and insignificant the second Drew was born.

But his cries tore at her. No matter how hard she tried to be sensible, the need to cuddle him until his tears dried up was so much more compelling than her desire to be free of responsibility. The war between her brain and her emotions was leaving her confidence in tatters. Her doubts about the choices she’d made about Drew were growing stronger day by day.

As Bella threw back the covers, the house went silent. She held her breath, waiting for the cries to start again, but no sound stirred. Far from anything resembling sleepiness, Bella dressed and eased out of the room. Drew’s door was shut, but a faint light glimmered beneath. Tiptoeing forward, she drew close and heard Blake’s deep voice. He was telling Drew a story, his tone pitched to engage an infant.

Reluctant to enter the nursery and disturb what Blake had accomplished, Bella retreated toward her room, but instead of heading inside, she took the stairs to the first floor.

In bare feet she was able to move soundlessly across the polished wood floor of the living room. Drawn by the light of the moon, she crossed to the windows that overlooked the ocean. Snagging a throw from a nearby chair, she wrapped it around her shoulders before letting herself out the door.

A wide porch stretched across the back half of the house, offering a place to rest and enjoy the view. White wood lounge chairs covered with thick, cobalt-blue cushions were scattered here and there. Straight ahead a wide set of steps led to an expansive lawn. At the far end, a boardwalk split the vegetation capping the low dunes lining the beach. A light wind carried the sound of the surf to Bella’s ears. She headed down the steps and across the lawn.

From her first glimpse at the ocean last summer, it had been love at first sight. Everything about the beach had fascinated her, from the birds to the myriad of trinkets left behind by the tide to the pulse of the ocean itself. With her toes gripping the sand, she’d stared at the horizon and pulled the briny air into her lungs, letting the sights, sounds and smells fill her with peace.

She’d been close to her due date and riddled with doubts that she was doing the right thing by herself and her son. She’d hoped that spending a couple weeks with Blake and Victoria and seeing their eagerness to be parents would enable her to set aside her misgivings. The beach had settled her anxiety and allowed her to gain perspective.

By the end of the first week, she’d accepted that the baby she carried would be brought up by loving parents who could provide everything he could ever want or need. At peace with her decision to help Blake and Victoria, she’d given birth to Drew and walked out of the hospital, never imagining that she’d see him again.

Yet here she was nine months later, taking care of Drew once more, pretending that a conflict wasn’t raging inside her. Once again grappling to make sense of what her heart wanted versus what she believed would make her happy. In the long run she knew being a mom would only make her resentful, yet every fiber of her being longed for Drew. And after what had happened between her and Blake tonight, she yearned for him, as well.

It would be so easy to surrender her heart to them. Equal parts charming and aggravating, they’d slipped beneath her skin in a disturbingly short period of time. She had no trouble imagining herself becoming a part of their lives. Taking care of them. Falling into a routine that would leave little time or energy for the things she wanted.

Bella retraced her steps to the house. Earlier tonight she’d discovered the power Blake held over her. She’d been disappointed they’d had no chance to cement the connection they’d forged during their lovemaking, but relieved for the opportunity to gain perspective before facing Blake again.

Not one thing she’d experienced tonight had left her unaffected. Should she get out before it was too late? She could tell Blake she’d changed her mind. It wasn’t too late to back away from the edge.

And never make love to him? Her body ached at the thought.

Bella stopped halfway across the lawn and faced the ocean. Lifting her face to the wind, she quieted her mind and listened for the truth.

In the past two years she’d learned a great deal about herself. She’d reimagined her dreams. She’d learned more about her strengths and desires. And she’d enjoy her time with Blake as long as it lasted. A day, a week or a month. Whatever she could have. If she was smart and kept her head on straight, she could do exactly as Deidre suggested and enjoy his company for as long as it lasted.

When it was done, they would part friends.

With Victoria and Blake’s marriage over, it was no longer necessary for Bella to keep away from Drew. But what sort of relationship did she want with him? Back when she’d given birth, Blake had expected her to stay in touch. Come to Drew’s birthday parties. Join them for dinner. Take him to the park. She would have been a family friend, an honorary aunt. That had been her intention until Victoria had asked her to stay away.

But Victoria was no longer in the picture. She’d chosen her career over her son. Rejected the baby that was supposed to keep her marriage together. Now the only women in Drew’s life were his nanny and Blake’s stepsister. And with Jeanne expecting a child of her own, how much time would she have to spend with Drew?

Bella could fill in here and there, but Drew deserved a full-time mother. Soon Blake would get past any lingering feelings of distrust left over from Victoria’s duplicity and remarry. That would leave Bella on the outside looking in again.

Which shouldn’t bother her. She didn’t want the responsibility of a child. But she didn’t like being an outsider looking in on her son’s life, either. As hard as it had been to cut all ties, each day she’d missed Drew a little less. Who knew—in a year or ten, she might have forgotten all about Blake and Drew if he had never found her at St. Vincent’s.

Bella laughed bitterly at her foolishness and lifted her face to the wind. The brine from the ocean mingled with the salt of her tears.

Instead, in less than three days, she’d made memories that would haunt her to her dying day.

* * *

Like the master bedroom, the nursery faced the back of the house. Blake stood before the large picture window, one hand on his son’s crib, and watched Bella return from the beach. Their lovemaking had been spectacular. Bella’s innocence refreshing. Her enthusiasm addictive. The play of emotion on her face fascinating. When he’d set his mouth on her, she’d been surprised. Shocked, even. Discovering each thing that pleasured her made him feverish to learn more. How many things could he introduce her to? The possibilities appeared to be endless.

The moon was three-quarters full and high overhead, providing enough light for him to follow the lone figure as she made her way across the lawn. Despite the distance between them, Blake could see the determined set of her shoulders. She strode toward the house as if marching into battle. What a fascinating woman she was. A perplexing blend of determination and insecurity, as if she knew what she wanted, but was afraid to grab it with both hands.

And tonight she’d wanted him. Her boldness had been a delightful surprise. After the way she’d pushed him away this afternoon, he’d assumed he’d spend the next week convincing her to fall into his arms. He’d never expected she’d arrive at the decision all on her own.

Not that he believed for one second that what had happened between them earlier meant that their relationship would proceed smoothly. Jeanne’s presence down the road and her goal of reuniting him with Victoria was a complication that wouldn’t just go away. If his stepsister had any inkling of what he intended for Bella, she would move heaven and earth to stop him.

The muffled sound of a closing door roused him out of his thoughts. Bella had returned to her room, not to his. As tempting as it was to follow her and resume what Drew had interrupted, Blake stayed put.

Earlier that evening he’d reaffirmed that he intended to put Drew’s needs before his own, and what his son required was a mother. So what was he doing with Bella? He couldn’t see their relationship going anywhere, because Bella wasn’t interested in being a part of the sort of family he wanted. One night of sex, no matter how amazing, wasn’t going to change her mind on that score.

But as he’d slipped between her thighs and claimed her as his, he hadn’t been thinking about convincing her how wonderful it would be for her to take on the role of Drew’s mother. He hadn’t been thinking at all. He’d been feeling. Desire. Possessiveness. Pleasure.

He’d stormed past her defenses. Made her surrender. Claimed her in the most elemental way possible. He’d been careful, used a condom, but he was spellbound by the compelling fantasy of her big and round with another child, this one theirs alone, created in the throes of passion.

Last time he hadn’t been able to share the experience with her the way he now wanted to. To feel his child move inside her. To indulge her every craving. To observe every miraculous change in her body.

He wanted what was best for his son, but couldn’t deny his longing for many more sensational nights with Bella. The dilemma haunted him long into the night.

* * *

Tired and grouchy from lack of sleep, Blake woke the next morning at eight and went to check on Drew, only to discover both he and Bella were nowhere to be found.

Mrs. Farnes had breakfast waiting for him when he entered the kitchen. Beyond the sliding glass door that led out to the side yard, sunshine spilled across the large patio where he’d had an outdoor kitchen installed. Victoria had enjoyed entertaining. They threw two large parties every summer to raise money for some charity or another and her birthday party in July was always an elaborate affair.

His ex-wife liked being the center of attention, and Blake had indulged her need to be adored.

Life with Bella would be quieter. He wouldn’t be expected to entertain people he scarcely knew and barely liked after spending a long week at the office. The relief of it hit him square in the forehead. Until this moment, he hadn’t realized how much he’d craved a weekend alone with his wife when they were still together.

“Have you seen Bella and Drew this morning?”

“She took him for a run.”

He had no idea she jogged. The last time she’d stayed at the beach house, she’d been eight months pregnant and moving no faster than a swift waddle.

How many other things were there about her that he didn’t know?

“Any idea when they’ll be back?”

“She said she intended to go five miles and they’ve been gone forty-five minutes. Do you want breakfast now or did you want to wait and eat with them?”

“I’ll take the paper and a cup of coffee for now and eat later.”

His study was at the back of the house, overlooking the formal gardens. On cool mornings like this, he enjoyed opening the windows to take in the tantalizing scent of roses. As he crossed the foyer, the front door opened and a flushed, animated Bella pushed a jogging stroller inside. She wore thin black shorts and a snug hot pink tank top that showed off her lean form.

Blake’s gaze slid over her in appreciation. She was sporting a sassy high ponytail that drew attention to her heart-shaped face and expressive blue eyes. As soon as she spotted him, her expression brightened even more.

“What a gorgeous morning for a run.”

“You should have let me know you were going out. I would have joined you.”

Running was something Victoria had never been keen on. She found it monotonous. Her exercise program involved a very expensive trainer and the comfort of a home gym. She claimed that when it came to working out, she needed someone to push her.

“I wasn’t sure how late you were up with Drew and didn’t want to disturb you.”

“Mrs. Farnes said you intended to run five miles. Is that what you normally do?”

“I fluctuate between two and seven depending on how much time I have.”

“How long have you been running?”

She began unbuckling Drew from the stroller. The little boy reached for her, indicating he wanted to be picked up. “All my life. The only way I got any time by myself was if I put on my running shoes and hit the road.”

“So if I offer to keep you company tomorrow, you’ll turn me down?”

She shook her head. “I’d love to have you come along.” She lifted Drew high in the air and spun him around. As his laughter filled the spacious foyer, she snuggled him against her chest and dropped a kiss on his head. “Have you had breakfast?”

Blake was so captivated by the mother/son moment that her question didn’t initially register. After a pause, he said, “No. I was waiting until you got back.”

“Then let’s go eat. I’m starving.”

She carried Drew into the kitchen and put him in the high chair Mrs. Farnes had set up at the table in the breakfast nook. While Blake fastened on Drew’s bib, Bella helped the housekeeper carry over plates of eggs, bacon, pancakes, toast and fruit. Blake cut up a variety of things he knew Drew liked and placed them before his son.

“What are your plans for the day?” he asked, keeping one eye on Drew in case he decided the food wasn’t to his liking and began to throw it.

“I thought I’d take Drew to the beach this morning. Maybe take him for a swim later this afternoon if it’s warm enough.”

“There’s a car in the garage for you to use if you want to get out,” Blake said. “There’s the children’s museum and a petting zoo at the Wilkinson Farm. With all the things to do in the area, I’m sure it will be easy to keep Drew entertained.”

Bella gave him a wry smile. “At his age you can sit him in the kitchen with a pot and a wooden spoon to bang on it and he would be perfectly content.”

Blake pictured the myriad of toys that crowded his son’s room and realized what Bella said was completely true. Everything engaged Drew’s imagination, from a brightly colored train that played songs when he pressed its buttons to a stainless-steel pot that made a racket when he banged on it.

“The beach sounds nice. Mind if I join you?”

Her smile was shy as she answered, “That would be nice.”

“We can go out for lunch later.”

“I’m sure Drew would like that.” The phone strapped to her upper arm began to buzz. She unfastened the band and eyed the screen. “It’s my brother. Excuse me for a second.”

She got up from the table and strode out of the kitchen. Blake’s gaze followed her departing form until Drew banged on his tray to get his father’s attention.

“More banana?” Blake sliced the fruit for his son, then turned his attention to Bella’s low voice.

“Another nine hundred?” she quizzed, her tone concerned. “But I already gave you five to buy the truck. What is the nine hundred for?” A long pause followed her question. “Is that the cheapest quote you got?” More silence. “I realize that the truck does you no good if it doesn’t run. Okay. I’ll see what I can do about the money.” Her voice grew louder as she approached. “Elephant shoes,” she said as she sat back down. With a sigh, she disconnected the call.

“That’s a strange way to say goodbye.”

She offered him a wan grin. “It’s a family joke.”

“Feel like telling me about it?” Blake buttered more toast and set it on her plate, then pushed the bowl of preserves her way.

“It started with my parents.” Her mood perked up as she began her tale. “They met through 4-H when they were teenagers, but lived in towns an hour apart so they didn’t go to the same high school. But their schools competed against each other in football and basketball. My dad played both.” Bella slathered preserves on her toast and cast a wry look Blake’s way. “Naturally, my mom was a cheerleader so she was always rooting against my dad.”

Blake had little trouble picturing the atmosphere in the small-town gymnasium where rivalries were fierce between the various communities. “Nothing like a little competition to keep things interesting.”

“And apparently things were very interesting. My parents’ senior year, Dad and some of his teammates crashed my mom’s homecoming dance. I guess things got a little out of hand and my dad ended up getting his nose broken by his best friend when Dad stepped in to protect my mom from being hassled.”

“And the rest is history?”

Bella shook her head. “Not even close. It became a Romeo and Juliet story. The two high schools were always pretty contentious, but after the fight at the homecoming dance, things got even worse.”

“So your parents were star-crossed lovers?”

“Something like that. Anyway, they had to keep their romance a secret, and when they met in public, instead of saying ‘I love you,’ they’d say ‘elephant shoes.’”

Her wistful grin told him the story had great meaning for her, but the punch line eluded him. “Why elephant shoes?”

“Read my lips.” She paused a beat. “Elephant shoes. See?”

Lost in the pleasure of watching her mouth form the words, he neglected to notice what she was trying to tell him. “Sorry, I missed it. Do it again.”

She rolled her eyes, but complied. “Elephant shoes.”

This time he paid attention and the message came through loud and clear. “It looks like you’re saying ‘I love you,’” he said with a short laugh. “Very clever.”

“My mother came up with it.”

Drew banged his palms on the high-chair tray and made happy noises, adding to the cheery vibe surrounding the small table.

“I think he likes the story, as well,” Blake said with a chuckle. He caught a glimpse of the clock. They’d lingered over breakfast for more than an hour. Once again Bella’s stories made time vanish. How could she be so against having a family of her own when hers was such an integral part of her life?

Blake was pouring a third cup of coffee as Mrs. Farnes approached the table and began to clear the dishes.

Bella got to her feet. “Let me help.”

“No, dear. You’ve got enough to keep you busy.” She nodded to Drew, who was busy smashing scrambled eggs and banana into his hair.

“Oh, Drew.” Bella ran for a washcloth. By the time she returned, Mrs. Farnes had swept the last bits of food from the tray. “Thanks for your help,” she told the housekeeper. “It really does take a village.” Bella caught one of Drew’s chubby hands and began applying the wet cloth. “I can’t imagine how my mother did it. Before I was old enough to help, she had to handle three children under the age of six all on her own.”

“Sounds like you grew up fast,” Blake said, amused at the faces his son made while Bella cleaned food from his hair.

While Mrs. Farnes kept an eye on him, Bella and Blake ran upstairs for some warmer clothes. Although the day was heating up, the breeze on the beach would be cool, and she didn’t want Drew catching cold on her watch. Blake followed Bella and Drew outside, a blanket and some plastic beach toys in his arms.

Because his house sat on five acres of land, the stretch of beach in front of his property didn’t see a lot of traffic. Bella spread out the blanket on the soft white sand and sat Drew in the middle of it. Blake lay on his side, his position perfect to watch both Bella and Drew. The infant showed little interest in the beauty surrounding them, preferring to focus his attention on the sand. This meant they had to watch him like a hawk, because he was determined to fill his mouth with handfuls of sand.

“Last night,” Blake began.

Bella thrust her hand up, forestalling him. “I did some thinking.”

“As did I.”

“Me first,” she insisted, determined to lay her cards on the table. “I imagine the idea of trusting another woman with your heart is unnerving.”

His eyebrows twitched upward at her opening salvo. “It’s positively terrifying,” he retorted dryly.

She plowed on, ignoring his sarcasm. “You have to know that every woman in your social circle is going to set her sights on you.”

“I am quite a catch.” He was playing with her, letting her lead the conversation instead of demanding she get to the point.

“Yes, you are.” Bella paused, her gaze on the horizon, her thoughts elsewhere.

“Bella?” he prompted. “Were you done making your point?”

His question jolted her back on track. “Not quite.” She pulled the shovel out of Drew’s mouth and demonstrated how it could be used to dig in the sand. “You are also the most guarded person I’ve ever met. You have to be doubly so after your divorce.”

Blake could tell she was winding up to deliver a knockout punch and awaited the results with keen interest. What notions had she bandied about in that adorable brain of hers these last few hours? He couldn’t decide if this was a preamble to goodbye or a lecture on the evils of sexually harassing someone in his employ.

“Let me see if I’m clear on what you’re saying. Women want me, but I’ve been burned.”

“Exactly.” Her rain-washed blue eyes regarded him solemnly. “That’s why you picked me.”

Now they were getting somewhere. At her heart, Bella was a practical woman. She would need to reconcile how, after they’d been nothing but friends for the months she was carrying Drew, he could suddenly desire her. Blake cursed himself for moving too fast. She would be skeptical of any explanation he offered. And how could he get her to accept why his desire for her had struck him so powerfully when he didn’t fully understand it himself?

“I’m not following,” he said, playing for time. “Why do you think I picked you?”

“Because I’m safe.”

Blake couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Safe? She had to be kidding. “Is that how you see yourself?”

“I’m a kindergarten teacher from a tiny town in Iowa. You are a sophisticated, wealthy businessman from New York City. When it comes to experience, I’m no match for you.”

And that was a huge part of her charm. He liked her authenticity. She was a woman of substance and depth. She intrigued his mind in addition to captivating his body.

Blake stared at her profile and fell into the memory of their lovemaking. Desire hummed pleasantly along his nerves, the sensation muted, but poised to sharpen with the least provocation. She might be right to be concerned.

“I can see where you might get that idea,” he said. But where was she headed with her analysis? Was she treating him to a tongue-in-cheek jab at his forceful personality, or was she worried he’d be too physically demanding?

“Also, you know I have no interest in marrying you. So there’s no pressure.”

She had everything all figured out, didn’t she?

“You have no interest in marrying me?” Blake’s amusement dimmed. If anyone other than Bella had made that statement, he would write it off as a woman willing to say anything to keep a man from bolting. But this was Bella, determined to stay childless.

“You probably find that hard to believe.” She gave him a smug look. “But it’s true. Plus, you don’t have to worry whether or not I’ll fall for you because you already know I won’t.”

“Am I so undesirable?” She was certainly making him feel that way.

“You know you’re not,” she retorted, treating him to a scowl. “In fact, you’re very charming and terribly handsome.”

“Which explains why you’re completely immune.”

She sighed. “Even if I believed Cinderella stories can come true—which I don’t—the fact of the matter is you and Drew are a package deal. At some point you’re going to want to get remarried to someone who can be a mother to him. That’s not me.”

She’d certainly thought the whole thing through. Too bad for her, he’d done some comprehensive strategizing of his own.

“Where does that leave us?”

“I was thinking a casual summer romance. Something to bridge the gap between your divorce from Victoria and the next Mrs. Blake Ford.”

Blake couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “How casual, exactly?”

“Great sex. No strings.”

She looked so pleased with herself that Blake wanted to shake her until the ridiculous idea tumbled out of her mind. Great sex. No strings. What man wouldn’t jump at the opportunity?

It was impossible. And insulting. Did she really think he could spend the next two months getting to know her, making love to her and then just let her go?

Blake pitched his voice to disguise his annoyance and asked, “If we were to begin a no-strings arrangement, have you considered how we might go about it?”

“Not really. But if we were to do consider one, it would have to remain a secret.”

This was just getting better and better. “Are you embarrassed to be with me?”

“I’m only thinking of your reputation.”

“Why don’t you let me worry about my reputation.”

He brushed her hair off her shoulder and grazed his thumb along the line of her neck, feeling her tremble beneath his touch. Her eyes widened as he tugged her off balance. She wasn’t quick enough to save herself and ended up tumbling onto the blanket beside him.

“Blake,” she muttered in obvious warning.

He cupped her head and drew her closer. His lips grazed hers and he smiled when he felt her kissing him back. “Are you asking me to stop?”

“Yes.” Rattled and flushed though she was, her tone was firm.

After several quick heartbeats, he complied.

“I think it’s time I took Drew back up to the house. He’ll need a bath before lunch.” She got quickly to her feet and picked up Drew. “Do you mind bringing the blanket and his toys?”

“Not at all,” he said. “I’ll be up shortly.”