Читать книгу Special Deliveries Collection - Kate Hardy - Страница 89

Okay, Amanda thought, she’d had that planned a lot better in her mind. She hadn’t meant to just blurt it out like that, but on the other hand, even if she had taken ten or fifteen minutes to tell him, the result would’ve be the same.

She looked up at him and waited what felt like forever for his reaction. Would he be as happy as she was? Would he be upset? Say something!

He scrubbed one hand across his face. “You’re what?”

“Pregnant.” It felt so good to say. What felt like champagne bubbles were swimming through her system, making her nearly giddy.

“You’re sure?”

“Positive.” She laughed a little as she’d been doing all afternoon since taking that wonderful little test that Terri had picked up for her. “At least, that’s what the test said. Positive.”

He shook his head. “How?”

“Really?”

He laughed. “That’s not what I meant. We used condoms.”

“They don’t always work, you know.” She paused and added, “They didn’t work seven years ago, either.”

“I remember.” He reached out and skimmed his fingers along her cheek.

Memories swirled around them, thickening the air with the haunting ghosts of shattered dreams and broken promises. They’d made an agreement to leave the past behind, but could it ever really be forgotten? Weren’t you supposed to not dismiss your past, but learn from it?

Well, Amanda had. She’d lived through the pain, built a life, grown and changed. But the dreams of her heart were still there. Nathan. A family. She caught his hand in hers and held tight. Amanda had had a couple of hours to get used to this news and she figured it would take Nathan at least a few minutes to do the same. She wanted him to be happy about it, but the honest truth was, even if he didn’t want the baby, she did.

Seven years ago, she’d been young and scared and too unsure about her own future to feel capable of raising a child on her own. But she was different now.

She had a home. A job. A place in this town. And if she had to, she would gladly raise this baby as a single mom. It was as if she’d been given a second chance to have all of the dreams she’d been denied so many years ago.

“This is …” He drew her into the house and closed the door. Tossing his hat onto the nearest chair, he laughed again. “This is great.”

Relief and joy swept through Amanda on a tide so high and wide, she could barely breathe through the richness of it. “You’re happy about the baby?”

“Happy?” Nathan laughed, reached out, grabbed her and swung her in a circle before finally setting her on her feet and pulling her in close. “Amanda, it’s like we’ve got a second chance, here.”

“That’s just what I was thinking,” she agreed, wrapping her arms around his waist and holding on. She leaned her head on his chest and listened to his galloping heartbeat.

“We can get married here at the ranch,” he said. “Actually, I was planning for us to be married, anyway.”

She went still, then drew her head back and looked up at him. “I’m sorry. You were planning for us to be married?”

“Yeah. I was going to tell you about it tonight.” He grinned at her. “But your news kind of threw my plan off.”

“Your plan.” A trickle of cold began to seep through the happy glow she’d been carrying inside.

He gave her a hard hug. “I figured we could get married here at the ranch.”

“Did you?” The cold went a bit deeper now, but she steeled herself against it.

The past seemed suddenly so much closer. She was reliving it all. His announcement that they would be married. The baby she carried. Would she also relive the shattered dreams?

Nathan frowned a little. “We don’t have to hold the ceremony at the ranch, but I thought it’d be easier. Terri will help you set everything up. I’ll help when I can, but I’m still looking for Alex and—”

He had it all worked out. And with every word he spoke, her heart sank a little bit more. The buzz of excitement and joy she’d felt earlier was quickly being swamped by feelings of disappointment and, okay, yes, irritation. She couldn’t believe this. Although, it was so typical of Nathan, she really should have expected it. Seven years ago, he’d done the same and she’d allowed it because she had wanted him badly enough to hope that one day he might tell her he loved her. Now, though, she wouldn’t settle. Slipping out of his arms, she took a step away from him, folded her arms over her chest and stared at the man who had held her heart since she was a kid.

How could she be so dispirited and so in love with him at the same time? Had to be a sort of cosmic joke on her that the one man who could drive her to distraction was the only man she’d ever wanted.

“So you’ve got everything figured out, have you?” Amanda asked, her voice soft and cool.

“Not completely,” he admitted. “But between the two of us it shouldn’t take long.”

“You’re right about that,” Amanda said, shaking her head as she looked up at him. “Won’t take long at all, since I’m not going to marry you.”

“Of course we’re getting married.”

“Nothing’s changed, has it?” she asked, not really expecting a response. “Seven years ago, you decided we’d get married and I went along.” He opened his mouth to speak, but she continued quickly. “But I’m not a kid anymore, Nathan. I make my own choices. My own decisions. I won’t let you push me into a marriage you don’t really want.”

“What’re you talking about?” He looked as astonished as he sounded.

“What I’m saying is, this is just like before. You’re offering marriage because I’m pregnant. Because it’s the right thing to do.” She turned abruptly and walked away from him, into the living room. He was right behind her.

The huge room boasted views of the ranch from every window. Across the drive, the main ranch house was brilliantly lit and Amanda knew that inside, Terri and her family were cozy and happy. Envy curled inside her and twisted around her heart like tangled ribbons. She’d like that for herself. For her child. But she wasn’t going to make the same mistakes she’d made seven years ago. She wouldn’t be a duty. She wouldn’t be a problem that Nathan felt honor bound to clean up.

“It’s the right thing to do because we belong together,” Nathan argued.

“Do we?” She didn’t know anymore. She’d always believed it, but she’d been shot down before and now, if she went along with Nathan’s plan she’d only be setting herself up for a possible repeat of history.

“I think we should talk this through,” he said.

She shook her head, never taking her gaze from the scene sprawling outside the window. She would miss it here, but it was definitely time to leave. Glancing over her shoulder at him, she said, “I don’t think so, Nathan.”

He was looking at her as if she’d sprouted another head. She could almost smile about that. Nathan was so used to being obeyed, he didn’t know what to do when someone simply said no.

So she took a breath and tried to explain. “Nathan, I know this is just instinct to you. To do the right thing. The honorable thing.”

“And that’s bad?”

“Of course it’s not bad,” she countered, and gave him a sad smile. “But it’s no reason to get married. I went along with your demands last time because, frankly, I was too scared to have a baby on my own. But I’ve changed, Nathan. And I’m not going to be just another duty to a man with too much honor. I want to be loved Nathan, or I’m not going to get married at all.”

He threw up his hands. “But I do love you.”

Pain sliced at her. If he’d led with that, maybe things would be different right now. But he hadn’t mentioned anything about love until he absolutely had to, so how could she trust it? How could she believe anything but that Nathan would use whatever he had to to win.

“I wish I could believe that,” she said after a long moment. “I really do.”

“Why the hell can’t you?” he argued. “Is it so impossible to believe?”

“Yeah, it is,” she said and moved farther away. God, she couldn’t stay here. Couldn’t be this close to him, knowing that she couldn’t have him. She needed to be home. Back in the tiny, hot box of an apartment over the diner. She needed to think.

“Amanda,” he said, stepping closer, keeping his gaze locked with hers. “You can believe me. I do love you.”

“No, you don’t,” she said, shaking her head as she backed up toward the chair where she’d dropped her purse earlier. “You just want me to fall in line and you know this is the way to manage it. No. It’s just a little too convenient, don’t you think? I say I won’t get married without love and boom. Suddenly you love me? I don’t think so.”

“It’s not suddenly,” he argued. “I’ve loved you most of my life.”

That stopped her for a second as his words ricocheted around inside her, tearing at her heart. She wanted to believe, she really did, for both her own sake and the baby’s. But how could she? And if she took a chance—trusted him with her heart—and was wrong…then it wasn’t only she who would pay the price. She had her child to think about now.

“Why is it, then, that you’ve never mentioned it before now, Nathan?” she asked quietly, sadly.

“I don’t know,” he muttered, shoving one hand through his hair.

She picked up her purse and rummaged one hand inside for her car keys. When she found them, she curled her fingers around them and said, “Until you know the answer to that, Nathan, there’s nothing else to talk about. Now, I’m going home.”

“You are home, Amanda.”

That little arrow scored a direct hit on her heart. She had hoped this would be home. Had imagined it. But she couldn’t have what she wanted—without first having what she needed. Amanda needed to be loved by the very man standing there giving her all the right words without the meaning.

“No, I’m really not.” She shook her head and walked past him. He stopped her with a hand on her arm.

“Don’t go.”

She looked down at his hand then shifted her gaze to his eyes. “I have to.”

He released her then and Amanda felt the loss of his touch all the way to her bones. It took everything she had to walk out the door and down the front steps. Before she reached her car, she looked back over her shoulder and Nathan was standing there, in the open doorway, watching her.

“This isn’t over,” he said, his deep voice carrying on the warm summer air.

Amanda knew that all too well. What she felt for Nathan would never be over.

“Anyway,” Pam said later that evening. “What I’m trying to say is, I’m sorry.”

What a day this had been, Amanda thought, staring at her sister in dumbfounded shock. A surprise pregnancy, a surprise proposal and now…a sister who had hated her enough to try and ruin her life. Her heart hurt at the realization that Pam had been behind the rumors that had torn Amanda and Nathan apart so long ago. But a voice in her mind whispered that Nathan shouldn’t have believed those rumors. He should have loved her enough to know they weren’t true.

And he hadn’t.

“You’re sorry.” Amanda whispered the words and watched Pam flinch. “For all the rumors or for the diner?”

“Both.” Pam dropped into a chair beside the sofa where Amanda was curled up.

The diner apartment was too warm, the air conditioner wasn’t working again. Amanda reached for her glass of iced tea and took a long drink as she studied her sister. Pam looked awful. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying. Her hair was in a tangle as if she’d forgotten to brush it and misery pumped off of her in waves.

Right now, Amanda told herself, she should be furious. Should be raging at her sister for all the damage Pam had done over the years. But the bottom line was, Amanda’s heart was already too broken to break again. And fury seemed to require more effort than she had the energy for at the moment.

“God,” Pam said softly, “I was always so jealous of you.”

“Why?” Amanda shook her head and stared at her. “You’re my big sister, Pam. I always looked up to you.”

Pam winced. “And I resented you. You were always the favorite. With Mom and Dad, with our teachers at school. With Nathan.”

“I don’t even know what I’m supposed to say to that,” Amanda said quietly. “Mom and Dad loved us both and you know it.”

“Of course they did, and I’m an idiot for clinging to all that junk from when we were kids and letting it chew on me until I lost it.”

“Pam …”

“There’s nothing you have to say. It was all me, Mandy,” Pam whispered, unconsciously using the name Amanda hadn’t heard since she was a little girl. “I got so twisted up inside, I couldn’t see anything but my jealousy of you. And even if you don’t believe me, I am really sorry.”

“I do believe you.” Funny. She could accept Pam’s apology but she couldn’t trust Nathan’s proclamation of love. A very weird day.

Pam looked at her from where she was sprawled in the overstuffed, faded chair. “You do?”

“Yeah.” She shook her head tiredly. “Not that it’s okay with me, what you did. And we’re going to have to talk about this more, figure out where we go from here, but you’re still my sister.…” Heck, Amanda understood better than anyone what it was to be so crazy about Nathan that you could lose yourself in the emotional pool. And, there was the fact that Amanda was going to need her sister in the coming months. She could raise a child alone, but she wanted her baby to have a family. An aunt to love him or her.

Pam drew a deep breath and let it out on a relieved sigh. Her lips curved in a tired smile that looked quivery at the edges. “I didn’t expect you to forgive me so easily.”

Amanda tried to find a return smile, but couldn’t. “I didn’t say it would be easy. You’re paying for the damage to the diner.”

“Agreed,” Pam said.

“And,” Amanda continued, since she had her sister at a disadvantage at the moment, “you’re taking over the paperwork again.”

Pam nodded. “I only dumped it on you because you hate it. I actually sort of like it. I was always good with numbers.”

“I know, I used to envy that,” Amanda mused, realizing that for the first time in years, she and her sister were having a real conversation. “Maybe you should think about going back to school. Getting an accounting degree.”

Pam thought about that for a second and then smiled. “Maybe I will.” She pushed her hair back behind her ears. “Gotta say, Amanda, you’ve been a lot nicer to me about this than I deserve.”

“You know,” Amanda said thoughtfully, “you’re lucky you picked today to dump all of this on me.”

“Why?”

Amanda frowned and tapped her fingernails against the glass she held. “Because I’m too tired from dealing with Nathan at the moment to work up any real rage for you.”

“I’m so sorry, Amanda,” Pam said again. “I know you and Nathan were having a hard time and I didn’t make it any easier. But he made it clear today that you two were getting married and—”

Amanda went still as stone. “He what?”

Pam shrugged. “He said you would be marrying him as soon as he told you his plan and—”

“He told you he was going to marry me even before he bothered to mention it to me?”

“Yeah, apparently.”

There was a part of Amanda that was excited to hear it. After all, he’d seen Pam before he knew about the baby. So he had planned to propose anyway—that was something. It didn’t change the fact that he’d mentioned nothing about love, though, until he was forced to by the situation.

“Well,” she murmured, “it doesn’t change anything. I already told him I’m not going to marry him just because he decrees it to be so.”

“You said no?” Incredulous, Pam’s voice went high.

“Of course I said no. I’m not going to agree to marry him just because I’m pregnant again.”

“You’re pregnant?”

Amanda wrapped her arms around her middle as if giving her unborn child a comforting hug. “I am, and I can raise my baby all by myself. The baby will have a mom and an aunt, right?”

Smiling, Pam said, “Absolutely. Aunt Pam.”

Amanda nodded. “I can do this and I can do it without Nathan Battle if I have to.”

“If he lets you,” Pam muttered.

“Lets me?” Amanda repeated, staring at her sister. “Did you just say if he lets me?”

Pam lifted both hands. “You know Nathan. He doesn’t usually hear the word ‘no.’”

“Well, he’ll have to hear it this time. I’m going to live my life my way. I’m not going to be told what to do and where to go and who to love.” She walked over to the window and stared down at Royal. It was dark and streetlights created puddles of gold up and down the street. Overhead, the moon hung like a lopsided teeter-totter and the stars winked down on the world.

And over on the Battlelands, the man she loved was alone with his plans. She hoped he was as lonely as she was.

“Sure am glad the diner’s back open.”

It was a couple of days later when Hank Bristow lifted a cup of coffee and took a long, leisurely sip. He sighed in pure pleasure before picking up his coffee and heading for a group of his friends at a far table. “Didn’t know what to do with myself when you girls were closed.”

“We’re glad to be open again, too, Hank,” Amanda assured him as he walked away.

She glanced at her sister. Pam was like a different person. The old bitterness was gone and she and Amanda had spent the last couple of days building a shaky bridge between them. Someday, Amanda hoped the two of them would be close. It wouldn’t happen overnight, of course, but at least now there was a chance that the Altman girls were finally going to have a good relationship.

“Earth to Amanda …”

She jolted a little and, laughing, turned to look at Piper, sitting on a stool at the counter. “Sorry. Mind wandering.”

“It’s okay, but since I’m starving, how about a doughnut to go with this excellent coffee?”

“You bet.” It was good to have friends, Amanda thought as she opened the door to the glass display case and set a doughnut on a plate. Piper had been the one Amanda went to after Nathan’s abrupt proposal. And Piper was the one who had insisted that Nathan did love Amanda, that he was just being male and sometimes that had to be overlooked.

Amanda wasn’t so sure. She’d missed Nathan desperately the last couple of days. He hadn’t called. Hadn’t come to her. Was he waiting for her to go to him? How could she?

She set the doughnut in front of Piper and whispered, “Thanks again for everything.”

“No problem,” Piper told her and took a sip of coffee. “I’m guessing you still haven’t heard from him.”

“No.” Amanda planted both hands on the counter. “I don’t think I will, either. Nathan’s a proud man—maybe too proud. And I turned him down and walked away.”

“Then maybe you should go to him,” Piper said matter-of-factly.

“How can I?” Amanda shook her head.

“Give him a chance, Amanda. Heck, everyone in town knows Nathan’s crazy about you. Why can’t you believe it?”

She wanted to. More than anything.

Walking along the length of the counter, Pam refilled coffee cups, chatted with customers and stopped when she reached JT in his usual spot. “More coffee?”

“Thanks.” He watched her in silence for a second, then said, “Looks like you and Amanda got things sorted out.”

She set the coffeepot down and glanced at her sister. “We’re getting there. I guess you could say I finally grew up.”

All around them, the diner was buzzing with morning conversations, so JT’s words were almost lost in the sound when he said, “It’s about time.”

Pam smiled. “True enough. JT, why are you always so nice to me?”

In answer, he stood up and came around the end of the counter. When he was close enough, he grabbed hold of Pam, pulled her in tight, then bent her over in a dip as he kissed her, long and slow. Finally, he swung her back onto her feet and let her go.

“That’s why,” he said, grinning at her. “Any other questions?”

The whole diner was silent as everyone in the place focused on the drama playing out right in front of them. A second ticked past, then two. Pam lifted one hand and rubbed her fingertips across her lips, then grinned widely. “Only one question, JT McKenna. What in hell took you so long?”

Applause burst into the room as Pam leapt into JT’s arms and kissed him back.

The rest of the day passed quickly as people came and went, and life in Royal marched on. Amanda did her work, smiled and talked with her customers all while trying to breathe past the knot in her throat. Thoughts of Nathan crowded her mind and the emptiness she felt without him left an ache in the center of her chest.

JT had taken up permanent roost at the end of the counter and Pam took every chance she could to stop for a kiss as she passed him. A patient man, JT had waited years for Pam to finally realize that he was the man for her.

Nathan wasn’t patient, Amanda told herself. He didn’t wait. He pushed. He nudged. He ordered and when that didn’t work, just went ahead and did whatever he thought was the right thing to do.

As those thoughts wandered through her mind, Amanda realized that she’d always known that about Nathan. And she loved him for who he was, irritations and all. So how could she blame him for doing everything he could now to make sure she married him?

Sighing, she glanced out the front window toward Main Street and her breath caught when she saw Nathan headed for the diner. Just one look at him and her heartbeat jumped into a gallop. He had his hat pulled down low against the brilliant summer sunshine and his steps were long and determined. She could almost feel the intensity preceding him as he stalked ever closer, people instinctively moving out of his way.

Amanda fought for calm and didn’t find it. Her heartbeat continued to race and her stomach swirled with expectation.

He stepped into the diner and his gaze swept the place in seconds, finally landing on her as if drawn to her by some immutable force. She felt the power of his stare from across the room and couldn’t look away from those dark brown eyes that were filled with heat and charged with emotion.

The crowd in the diner took a collective breath and held it. Excitement fluttered through the room as people shifted positions to get a good view of whatever was coming next. Amanda didn’t care. She wasn’t thinking about anything but Nathan and why he’d come. If he was just here for more of the same, she’d have to tell him no and send him away again, though the thought of that tore at her.

Yes, he was arrogant and pushy and bossy and proud and she loved him desperately.

“Amanda,” he announced, loud enough for everyone to hear, “I’ve got a few things to say to you.”

“Here?” she asked. “In front of half the town?”

“Right here, right now,” he told her, and his gaze bored into hers. “We’ve been trying to outrun or hide from gossip and rumor for so long…I think it’s time we just took a stand.” He moved a bit closer to her and his voice dropped a notch or two. “I don’t care what they think. What they say. Let ’em look, Amanda. We’re done hiding.”

A flush of heat swamped her, but she found herself nodding in agreement. He was right. They had worried over rumors. They’d allowed vicious lies to split them up seven years ago. Maybe it was time to just be themselves without worrying over what the rest of the town had to say about it.

“You’re right,” she said. “No more hiding.”

One corner of his mouth lifted into a brief half smile and she saw pride glittering in his eyes. For a second or two, the terrible tension in her chest eased and Amanda felt as if she and Nathan were a team. The two of them against the gossips.

Close enough to touch her now, he started talking. “I thought a lot about what we talked about the other night.”

His voice was low and deep and seemed to reverberate up and down her spine. His eyes were locked on hers and she couldn’t have looked away if she’d tried.

Reaching out, he stroked his fingertips along her cheek and Amanda shivered, closing her eyes briefly to revel in the sensation of his touch. When she opened her eyes again, he was still watching her.

“You were right, Amanda,” he said. “The night you told me about the baby, I said the words you needed to hear to help convince you to marry me.”

It felt as if all the air slid from her lungs at once. The tightness in her chest was painful and tears pooled at the backs of her eyes.

“But—” He cupped her face in his palms, and held her, forcing her to keep looking into his eyes. “That doesn’t mean they weren’t true.”

“Nathan—” She shook her head and tried to look away. He wouldn’t allow it.

“I do love you. I always have.” He bent and kissed her gently on the lips and the taste of him lingered on her mouth. “Maybe telling you when I did was bad timing.”

“Maybe?” she managed to ask.

He gave her a nod and a rueful smile. “You threw me that night, Amanda, but I do love you, with everything in me. If I hadn’t been too young and too arrogant to say the words seven years ago…maybe things would have been different for us.”

Amanda knew the whole diner was listening in and found she didn’t care. The only person she was interested in now was Nathan. “I want to believe you,” she said. “I really do.”

“You can,” he told her, moving into her, until every breath she took drew the clean, fresh scent of him deep into her lungs. “We’re meant to be together, and I think you know it.”

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small, red velvet jeweler’s box. Her gaze landed on it even as her heart took another tumble in her chest. When she looked up at him again, he smiled.

“This is for you, Amanda.”

She shook her head even as he opened the lid to display a brilliant topaz stone surrounded by diamonds and set in a wide, gold band.

“This stone is sort of the color of your eyes,” he whispered, “at least, I think so. Every time I look in your eyes, I fall in love again. You’re the woman for me, Amanda. The only woman. So I’m asking you now. The right way. Amanda Altman, will you marry me?”

She shook her head and blinked to clear away the tears blurring her vision. He was offering her everything she’d ever wanted. Love. The promise of a future together. All she had to do was trust her heart and take a leap of faith.

She looked away from the ring and into his eyes and nearly cried again when she read in his eyes the truth she’d needed so much to see. Warmth, passion, love.

Before she could say anything, Nathan continued. “When you left the other night, you took my heart with you,” he said, gaze moving over her face like a caress. “I couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t do anything but try to think of a way to bring you back home where you belong.”

“Oh, Nathan.” The diner, their audience, the whole world fell away and all that was left was the two of them. She and Nathan, together as she’d always dreamed they would be.

“I let you go once,” he said tightly. “I don’t know how I lived these years without you, but I know I can’t live the rest of my life without you.”

Her tears overflowed and tracked along her cheeks unheeded. Gently, he used his thumb to wipe the tears away and gave her a sad smile.

“I was young and stupid seven years ago,” Nathan said, “but I’ve changed as much as you have. I know you could raise our child on your own—but I hope you won’t.” He took the ring from the box and slowly, carefully, slid it onto her ring finger, then kissed it as if to seal the ring in place. When he looked into her eyes again, he said, “I want to be with you, Amanda. Always. I need you. And our baby. And the family we’ll build together. The family we should have started all those years ago.”

She couldn’t look away from his eyes and, in truth, she didn’t want to. The ring felt warm on her hand and her heart felt even warmer. Amanda took a breath and slowly let it out, enjoying this moment, wanting to treasure the memory of this one small slice of time forever.

This was everything she’d ever wanted. He was saying the words that were so important to her. Offering her the life she craved. And she believed him. Nathan’s eyes were filled with love as he looked at her and she knew that she would never doubt him again.

All around her, she sensed people’s attention, knew they were all listening in and found she simply didn’t care.

“I love you, too, Nathan,” she said and smiled when he grinned down at her. “I just needed to believe.”

“And now you do?” he asked, wrapping one arm around her waist to hold her to him.

“Now I do,” she said and realized she’d never been more sure of anything than she was of what she and Nathan shared. For a while, she had allowed doubts and fears from the past to cast dark shadows over the present and the future. But she was through looking backward.

“I swear, you’ll never be sorry.” He swept her up tightly to him and kissed her so deeply, Amanda would never again have any doubts about his feelings.

And while the people in the diner broke into applause, Amanda knew that she finally had everything she had ever wanted.

The man she loved, loved her back, and there was nothing in the world more beautiful than that.