Читать книгу The Real Witches’ Handbook - Kate West - Страница 11

We believe that what you say and do is your own responsibility. We believe this is true for everyone – although we do not force people (or even expect them) to believe the same. You can blame no outside agency – whether the Devil or your parents! – for making you behave the way you do.

Whilst we are all, to a certain extent, conditioned by what has happened to us in the past, once we reach the age where we can think for ourselves, we have the choice and ability to change our behaviour in our future. To do this we must first of all understand ourselves and what makes us react the way we do. Say you come from a background where physical punishment (for example smacking) was used to deter bad behaviour, it is possible that this is the way you will react when your own children are naughty, but you can choose not to react in this way. If on the last two occasions you told your friend a secret they let it out and you had a fight, you can choose to avoid this next time by not telling your friend, rather than blaming them for being loose-tongued. If you drink too much alcohol and do something stupid you cannot blame the drink – you drank it. All these are elements of personal responsibility.

Another aspect of this is taking responsibility for the effect you have on other people – but only so far as your responsibility goes. As an example, if you are in a relationship with someone who is very attached to you, but you no longer feel strongly for them, then obviously your responsibility is to end the relationship. If you take to heart the Wiccan Rede, then you will do so as gently as possible, without causing unnecessary pain, whilst still being as honest as you can. However, if that person then runs off and joins the army and gets killed in action, whilst it is natural to feel some guilt, that is not your personal responsibility. Their feelings and subsequent actions are their personal responsibilities. Choosing to do what is right for yourself regardless of how others may feel at first seems very harsh. But it is an important part of personal responsibility to be personally honest and in the long term it does a lot less harm than pretending to be someone you are not or to feel something you do not.

Furthermore, personal responsibility includes knowing when not to get involved in the affairs of others. Imagine that your best friend has split up with her partner and comes to you with a tale of woe, telling you how badly he treated her. Of course you can sympathize and comfort her, but what you should not do is then rush round to everyone you know spreading stories about what a nasty person he is and how he should be avoided. First, you only know one side of the story and however honest you think your friend is, her perceptions will be coloured by her feelings, especially in the heat of the moment. Secondly, whatever happened in their relationship is their personal responsibility, not yours. Your responsibility as a friend involves being there for your friend, not in being everywhere else and stirring up everyone else. This is very hard to achieve, especially when someone close to you feels seriously offended, but wisdom often lies in doing less, not more.