Читать книгу Substitute Daddy - Kate Welsh - Страница 12

Stung by the truth of what Melissa had said, Brett nodded, ready to leave for the time being, but determined to find some other way to reach her. He refused to do it with legal threats or by scaring her with the very real worry that his mother could turn out to be a threat all her own.

Still he had to do something. He couldn’t let it go at this. Maybe he’d been a lawyer too long. Maybe, as Melissa said, he’d been a Costain too long. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry I frightened you. I only came here to offer help. There should be a little left in Gary’s estate, and his child is entitled to it. I’ll be in touch.” He sighed and stood, grappling to say the right thing. Instead he settled for neutrality. “In the meantime, take care of yourself until I see you again.”

He turned away and left her there on the porch. He looked back at her before climbing into his car. She looked like the heroine of an old movie. Sitting in a rocker on the porch of the dilapidated farmhouse with the breeze ruffling her fine golden hair so it shimmered in the dying sunlight, she was too beautiful for words.

Hesitating, Brett fingered his keys before starting his car, forcing his mind into numbness. It was only when he turned onto Route 5 again, that he remembered passing a shopping center with a rather large grocery store. Food was something everyone needed. And what was the old saying? She was eating for two now. If he bought her groceries, he’d help the baby in the only way he could right then, and he’d help Melissa because she could spend what little money she had on other things.

So he found a motel out on the highway, and the next morning at 6:00 a.m., Brett entered a supermarket for the first time in years. It was his housekeeper’s job to keep his cupboards stocked and he hadn’t remembered how much fun food shopping could be. He went up and down the aisles filling the cart to overflowing with everything that looked healthy or useful. Soon it was full, but he’d saved the most important aisle for last. It was the one aimed exclusively toward the needs and wants of babies and small children.

He went down there to remind himself why he was there in the first place. Then the cutest brown bear caught his eye. He picked it up and decided it must be too early in the morning for rational thought. He could have sworn the look in the little guy’s soft golden eyes begged for a home. He put it back on the shelf, but its soft fur caressed his fingertips as he drew them away and its head sort of flopped sadly to the side.

He might have managed to walk away but he remembered Gary buying several toys in the two weeks he’d known about the baby. Gary wouldn’t have put the bear back, so Brett added it to the cart then hustled back to the card aisle. He picked out a gift bag and a matching note card, then headed for the checkout.

Once he returned to the car with sacks and sacks of food and other essentials, Brett wrote a note saying he would be back for a brief visit. He longed to say something else, anything else, but what could he say that would fix the muddle he’d caused with his runaway emotions and tongue the previous day?

Not wanting to spark another confrontation with Melissa, he coasted the last several yards of the drive with the engine off. Then he quietly began transferring the bags from his trunk to her porch. Once done, he returned to his car, turned it on, and got the hell out of Dodge before she sicced her friend the sheriff on him.

The farther he got from Melissa, though, the more thoughts of her haunted him. It didn’t feel right leaving her destitute to face bringing a child into the world. Especially when it was his brother’s child, and being kindhearted had gotten her into this fix. He had to find a way to get her to accept financial help.

She didn’t want strings to his family. He could understand that. His parents, aunts, uncles and cousins had continually treated Gary and Leigh with disdain. And Leigh, who had been hungry for family after losing her own, had been hurt almost as much as his brother by their contempt. No wonder Melissa wanted so desperately to protect the baby she carried from his family.

He had to admit he did as well, or he’d have told his parents that Melissa had conceived Gary’s baby in the procedure performed a month before his death. His mother hadn’t asked. She had merely wondered aloud if she’d have to do something drastic to assure the possible grandchild was brought up properly.

Brett had kept his mouth shut and hadn’t questioned what she’d meant before she’d resumed her trip following the funeral. In his heart, though, he knew the answer. His mother would sue for custody in a New York minute if she saw the way Melissa lived.

Melissa opened her front door on her way to get her Sunday Washington Post and couldn’t believe her eyes. No less than twenty grocery bags and one small gift bag sat at the edge of the porch all lined up like toy soldiers. She walked onto the porch bewildered and stood staring down at the bounty. There were three bags half-full of fresh produce alone!

But then the bewilderment started dissolving like dew on a summer morning. Half-full? They were all half-full. As if they’d purposely been loaded lightly. As if someone hadn’t wanted her carrying anything too heavy. Which meant they were from someone who knew about the baby. It wouldn’t be Izaak or Margaret or anyone from the Amish community. They brought meals in baskets and would never just leave them. Hunter thought the drive-in at the new fast-food franchise was the modern way to food shop.

It had to be Brett!

Brett.

Of the people she knew, he was the only one extravagant enough to leave all of this just sitting on someone’s porch in the hope that it would be accepted. Hadn’t he listened to a thing she said? He was still trying to buy his way into her baby’s life. She had a mind to let it sit there to rot in the hot sun!

Then she saw a patch of curly brown fur peeking out of the cloud-and-rainbow gift bag and couldn’t resist the temptation. Stuffed animals were her one weakness in life—she refused to count the light-headed effect Brett had on her.

Melissa reluctantly bent down and pulled out a soft, floppy brown bear. She might have been able to ignore a beseeching expression in Brett’s striking gray eyes but not in the bear’s golden ones.

She tried all day to tell herself she’d been nothing but practical to bring the groceries into the kitchen and put them away. After all, she couldn’t really leave all that food to rot on her porch. It would draw every bit of wildlife on the property to her front door and create a mess she’d have to clean up later, she rationalized. And grocery shopping was such a chore. Her days were busy with rebuilding her business and hunting down stock for the shop. It would have been foolish to let the food go to waste.

Ultimately, sitting down at the kitchen table, staring at the teddy bear in her hands, Melissa admitted to herself that something in Brett’s gesture touched her…once her initial annoyance wore off. And that softening attitude toward him bothered her. Every time she looked up from the decorating sample book she was putting together, the teddy bear’s sweet face snagged her attention. Annoyed, she finally smacked her hand on the table and jumped up.

“A leopard doesn’t change its spots in a matter of hours. You are not going to fool me, Brett Costain,” she declared, and stalked to the bear, intending to put him back in the bag. But something inside the bag tangled with the bear’s legs when she tried. That’s when she found the envelope she’d overlooked earlier. Frowning, Melissa tore it open.

“‘Dear Melissa,’” she read aloud. “‘I apologize again for the things I said. I don’t wish to intrude on your life but as you’re carrying my brother’s child there’s no way I can withdraw completely. I’ll be back next weekend to continue the talk we started. Please take care of yourself. BJC.’”

“BJC. What’s the J stand for? Jerk? You show up here again and I’ll have Hunter toss you out of the county on your ear,” she muttered through clenched teeth, blessedly annoyed at him once again.

Brett pulled into Melissa’s long drive the following Saturday at a little after noon. He’d put in a long week of rescheduled meetings and late-night dinners with clients trying to cram six days’ worth of work into five. He hoped this visit with Melissa would make it all worthwhile.

He wasn’t the least bit surprised when she barreled out the front door before he reached the top step of the porch. “I thought I’d made myself clear,” she said, standing with her arms crossed belligerently.

She wore her hostility like a shield, but the effect was destroyed by the flowing, calf-length, white cotton dress she also wore. Her golden hair, a tumble of loose curls glinting in the sunlight, absolutely begged for a man’s hands to muss it even more. Her blue eyes practically sparked with indignation, making him long to see them once again hot with arousal instead of irritation.

Will you give it a rest! She can’t stand the sight of you, you pathetic jerk.

He sighed and reminded himself that, though she looked good enough to eat, his attraction to her was also illogical and irrelevant. It had to be. He was there to discuss the trust fund he’d set up. Anything else would get in the way. Eyes on the prize, he lectured himself, but his self-control around Melissa was practically nonexistent. He’d proven that to himself and Gary five years ago.

“You made yourself perfectly clear,” he told her, closing the car door slowly. “You don’t like me. You don’t trust me. And you don’t forgive me. I have to earn all three. Did I miss anything?” Folding his arms before him, Brett leaned against his car.

“Yes.” Melissa rushed toward him, then stopped abruptly, halfway down the weed-laden path. She eyed him cautiously. “Actually you failed to tell me what it is you’re up to with these little impromptu visits.”

“How can I earn your forgiveness, your trust or your goodwill if we never see each other? I owe it to Gary’s child to try.”

She huffed out a quick breath. “You are so infuriating. I can’t imagine you’re interested in a baby, even Gary’s baby. They’re noisy, demanding, often smelly and they’re always there. You can’t buy them off with expensive jewelry when they become inconvenient.”

Brett felt his cheeks heat. So Leigh had told her that too. “I never thought I could. Nor would I want to. And once again, I’m not trying to maneuver a way to take your baby. Please believe I was speaking from anger and surprise when I said that. I’m not asking for access to the baby for my parents or any other family members. I’m the only one who even knows you are pregnant. I’m asking you to accept a check each month from a trust fund I’ve set up for Gary’s child. I loved my brother and I want his child to have everything he needs to build a successful future. Is that so hard to understand?”

“Well, no.” Pensively, Melissa turned and walked back to the porch to sit in the rocker where he’d left her last weekend. He followed.

“I guess that’s a step in the right direction. But I have to wonder if your definition of a successful life and mine bear any resemblance to each other. What’s your definition?”

The answer was so obvious he didn’t know why she’d bothered to ask. Brett stared at her. She was serious. He frowned. Maybe his answer was a little too obvious. Why did he suddenly feel as if he’d walked into a minefield? How could so simple a question suddenly take on all the features of a riddle?

He knew his silence screamed indecision, but still he hesitated to give his answer. He just couldn’t imagine another possible response than the one that had leapt to his tongue, but he was sure she must be seeking a different sort of reply.

Leaning against the porch railing, Brett tried to look relaxed, while feeling anything but. “Ideally, I think children should get a good education at the best school that can be provided for them. Then they should finish their education at an Ivy League university or one of the Seven Sisters colleges, again, if at all possible. By then they should be ready to move into a career that will eventually net somewhere in the six-figure range.”

“Education is important. I agree.” Melissa looked up at him as if to emphasize her point. “But who’s to say what makes one school better than another for a particular child?”

“That’s the job of a parent to decide. From what I’ve seen, it’s often decided while the child is an infant.”

“Really? Leigh and I went to public school because my aunt and uncle chose to save the money from our parents’ estate for college and maybe graduate school.”

“That was a wise decision.”

“After high school Leigh wanted an urban setting and a big school, so she left here to go to the Philadelphia area and went to the University of Pennsylvania. My aunt and uncle advised us and they steered Leigh away from a lesser school in Baltimore.”

“Another good choice. See. Our values aren’t all that different.”

She held up her hand. “I said Leigh. I stayed here and went to Saint Mary’s College. Ever hear of it?”

He shook his head.

“Not many people have. It’s a good school. Small. Quiet. Perfect for me. We reached these decisions together. Leigh and I headed in completely opposite directions and to diametrically opposed environments. And we were identical twins.”

But they’d been alike in so many ways. Their feelings toward marriage and family for instance. Yet Brett knew Leigh had loved the hustle and bustle of city life and Melissa was clearly a country girl. Country woman, he amended with slightly clenched jaw. He was still so affected by her that it hurt to look at her knowing if he had been a different sort of man she could have been his. He didn’t want it to bother him but he was honest enough with himself to admit that it did.

“You two weren’t the same at all, were you?” Brett said, trying to cast aside old regrets.

Melissa shook her head.

“So you’re saying that if you couldn’t handle attending the same university as your identical twin, a parent would be wrong to unilaterally decide where their child goes based on the school’s reputation alone.”

“Exactly. And it goes further than that. I know you think money’s a deciding factor to a choice of a career, but it isn’t the only factor to consider either. In public relations, Leigh would easily have been able to pull down the kind of salary you mentioned.” She fingered the soft-looking cotton of her dress, a wistful expression settling on her pretty features. “But she met Gary and he and a life together became more important to her. Leigh cut back on her workload by moving to a smaller, less-prestigious firm. And Gary’s whole reason for starting his own business was so he could set his own hours. They were happy.

“I’m in the middle of getting my decorating business up and running again.” She pointed to the barn that sat toward the front of the property. “I’m also about to convert that barn over there into the antique shop I once told you I wanted to open. And I’m going to stay right here where I’m happy and raise my baby. I might not set the world on fire financially or the shop and business might blossom beyond my wildest dreams. But whatever happens, I’ll consider myself successful if my child has everything it needs, and if I look forward to my days at work when I put my feet on the floor each morning.”

Melissa was staring at him when he looked back from a quick glance at the barn. He’d never seen her look more impassioned. Explaining this to him really mattered to her.

She continued, “I always considered Gary extremely successful because he liked what he was doing, and he and Leigh were deliriously happy. That’s success, Brett, but your family called him a failure and a fool. By the standards you set a few minutes ago, that’s your opinion of him as well.”

Brett shook his head and sank into the chair across from hers. Gary hadn’t been a failure or a fool. But had Brett treated him like one? He honestly didn’t think he had but… Could that be the reason Gary had kept the secret about Leigh’s upbringing from him? Brett was a lawyer for God’s sake. He kept secrets all the time. Secrets that were a lot more complicated than where and how someone had grown up. Had Gary thought Brett would ridicule Leigh and him?

“Brett? Are you happy?” Melissa asked, calling him back to the issue at hand. “Do you even know what it is to be happy?”

Happy? Brett stared at her, his mind this time devoid of an answer. Apparently, happiness was a concept he wasn’t at all familiar with. He wasn’t unhappy. Was he?

Brett shrugged. “I suppose happiness is one measure of success,” he allowed, however uncertainly.

Melissa shook her head. “No. For me, it’s the measure. And that’s my problem with accepting any money from you. If I take one penny, you’ll think you have the right to influence or dictate how I raise my child. I know Gary spent a miserable childhood. I don’t know how you felt about it, but he resented the hell out of it.”

Brett just couldn’t expose his feelings to her. She unsettled him too much already. Held too much power over him, though she didn’t seem to know it. It was difficult to even think straight in her presence. She made him uncomfortable in ways he hadn’t felt since discovering R-rated movies in his early teens.

He’d always contended that if he’d known how inexperienced Melissa was the night he’d nearly seduced her, he never would’ve touched her. He’d consoled himself for years with that claim. But now he wasn’t sure. And that was a very scary conclusion because it meant he didn’t know himself very well.

He was about to assure Melissa that all he wanted was for her to accept the trust fund, but all at once he knew that would never be enough. Though he was certainly not father material, he couldn’t stand the thought of just staying on the fringes of this child’s life.

Melissa sat across from him trying to look stern and tough and all the while he could see incredible love for her child shining in her eyes and peeking out of her careful defense of her way of life. He didn’t have a clue why he felt all the needs today that had exploded in him five years ago but there was little sense in denying that those feelings raged through him once again. He was drawn to every aspect of her personality he’d been taught to disdain, and he knew he should stay away from her.

But he couldn’t be a part of her child’s life without her cooperation. And she hated him. Which meant he had to find a way to change her mind. Charm her. Make her need him. See him as indispensable. That was it! He never failed at that.

His parents needed his help in maintaining Bellfield. The firm needed his growing reputation. Women were never the ones to leave even with all their complaints about his workload and tendency to remain aloof. And that was because he gave them anything they wanted but his heart.

He’d have to control himself where Melissa was concerned while being so helpful and charming she wouldn’t be able to imagine her life without him. There was no reason to think he couldn’t do both even though at that moment Melissa looked about as pliable as a steel girder.

He needed to develop a strategy, but at least now he had the germ of a plan. He stood to leave and moved the chair back to where he’d found it. “Will you at least think about the advantages the trust fund could give the baby? I promise not to interfere with any value structure you set for your child,” he promised.

“I’m not a fool, Brett. I know money isn’t necessarily the root of all evil and that it’s also a handy tool in the right hands. It isn’t the money, but who it comes from that worries me. I don’t know if I can trust you to keep your opinions to yourself. I don’t want to spend the next eighteen or twenty years policing your influence.”