Читать книгу The Singalong Society for Singletons - Katey Lovell - Страница 12

Friday 23^rd September

*The Sound of Music – Issy’s choice*

‘So, what’s it to be?’

We all look on eagerly as Issy whips a DVD out from behind one of the tatty patchwork cushions that rest along the back of the sofa, straining our eyes to make out the title of the musical we’ll be watching.

‘The Sound of Music!’ Issy proclaims, a triumphant smile on her face. ‘I love this film. It makes me think of my Gran – she was a huge Julie Andrews fan.’

Connie didn’t seem to share Issy’s enthusiasm. ‘Oh no, it’s the one with the nuns, isn’t it?’ She clutches her head in her hands in a dramatic fashion. ‘I’ve never liked nuns. They scare me.’

‘Maybe I should become a nun,’ Hope muses. ‘My love life’s in tatters since Amara decided she didn’t want me any more. And at least I wouldn’t have to worry about bad-hair days if I had to wear one of those floppy sheet things on my head.’

I raise my eyebrows in despair. ‘Floppy sheet things’ indeed. ‘They’re called wimples. And you’d be a terrible nun. You’re far too cynical!’

‘And an atheist,’ Hope adds, deadpan. ‘That might be a bit of a problem.’

‘This is a real tear-jerker, too, from what I remember,’ Connie says, trying to rein us back in. ‘I’m going to need tissues, aren’t I? Again.’ She rifles through her patent red over-the-shoulder bag. Folders, notepads and something that looks suspiciously like a Filofax from the 1980s peeps out of the top, and as she pulls a small rectangular packet of tissues out she adds, ‘It always gets to me. I don’t know why, but it does.’

‘Because it’s depressing, that’s why.’ That was Hope.

‘It’s not depressing, it’s emotive,’ Issy insists. ‘And based on a true story too. That poor family… imagine how horrific it must have been.’

‘Yeah, imagine having to wear clothes made from floral curtains the colour of wee. It must have been dreadful.’ The withering look Issy throws Hope cuts her off before she can rant further about the Von Trapps, which is just as well. If she finds her stride, who knows what she’ll belittle next?

‘Let’s start,’ I interject, taking the disc from Issy and inserting it into the DVD player. ‘It’s not a short film and it’s already almost nine. And even if you don’t like the storyline, you must admit it’s got a classic score. ‘Edelweiss’? ‘Do Re Mi’? ‘My Favourite Things’? They’re exactly the kind of songs the Singalong Society was founded for. I think I’m going to get a glass of water to go along with my Riesling because I’m going to need it to hit those high notes.’ I hurry to the kitchen, fill a glass with cool tap water and pick up a packet of chocolate digestives for good measure. ‘Julie Andrews might make it sound easy, but it’s not. Not for us ordinary folk.’

‘Be quick, it’s starting,’ Issy yells, but I’m already back in the room in time to see the long-lens opening shots of the stunning Austrian landscape appear on the screen. Beautiful castles, rolling green hills, clear blue water – and Julie Andrews sporting helmet hair and a shapeless pocketed pinafore.

Before long we’re all drawn into the film, laughing at the gentle humour and singing the anthemic songs with all our might. Maria’s love song to her favourite things causes us to dissolve into fits of laughter; Hope declaring that anyone who claims doorbells as one of their favourite things deserves to remain in a convent for all eternity.

‘What would you sing about, then? What amazing things are there that help you when you feel bad?’ Issy asks, although she’s been as exposed to Hope’s doom and gloom almost as much as me. There doesn’t seem to have been much that’s raised Hope’s spirits since she moved in.

‘White wine, most likely,’ Hope replies, raising her fourth glass of the evening to the air in a toast.

‘Friends,’ I add, without missing a beat. ‘Friends who accept you as you are, warts and all.’

‘Good one,’ Issy says approvingly. ‘Mine would be weekends. How about you, Con? What fills your heart with gladness and makes your soul sing?’

‘My spiraliser.’ Connie nods seriously before clocking our disbelieving stares. ‘What?’ she adds naively.

‘We live in a world with marshmallows and blossom trees and mojitos and…’ I flounder for something that might be worthy of being Connie’s favourite thing, ‘Kiehl’s hand cream, and you say a spiraliser? How much have you had to drink?’ I tease, knowing full well she’s not yet touched a drop. Connie rarely drinks to excess. It’s all linked to her desire to be super-healthy and lean.

‘What can I say? I’ve been living off courgetti lately,’ Connie says with a shrug. ‘But the hand cream is a good shout. I’ve a feeling I’m going to be really grateful for it come November.’

At the mention of hands, I notice Hope look down and study hers, her knuckles bumpy and red where she’s scratched the eczema-inflamed skin. She’s not been able to leave it alone lately and when I’d questioned her about it she admitted to liking the uncomfortable sensation of her nails peeling the fine, flaky top layer of skin away. She claimed it felt cathartic, but the red, raw marks looked painful, with even the children in her class noticing the angry scarlet patches in contrast to her creamy skin tone. Hope had always suffered with eczema. It had a nasty habit of flaring up when she was stressed, and since she and Amara had finished, she was incredibly stressed. More than stressed, she was bereft. She wasn’t sleeping, was barely eating… she was a mess.

I snap myself out of my distracted thoughts, only just registering the glint of suggestion in Connie’s voice. ‘Why November?’

There’s a theatrical pause where Connie looks like she might physically burst. Her face is shining with unadulterated joy. ‘I’m in!’ she finally exclaims, clapping her hands together in miniature, yet excited, applause. ‘I wanted to tell you straight away, but by the time we’d set up the DVD and got ourselves ready to watch it…’ her voice trails off, but the animated glow remains.

‘Wait, what?’ I do a double-take. I’m at an actual loss for words. ‘You mean Africa? The volunteering?’

Connie nods. ‘Yes! I spent all of Saturday searching the websites of different charities, and one – well, as soon as I saw the page I knew I was meant to contact them. It was everything I hoped for. They’re renovating a school for a community in rural Uganda. I’m renovating a school in rural Uganda. Can you believe it?’

She’s full of glee, her eyes flaring with passion. She looks so utterly, completely alive, lost in a world of possibility. Not unlike Maria, actually, who’s gallivanting with the children on the screen, wielding the ugliest puppets in the history of cinema; although I make a mental note to rewind to this song at the end so we can all yodel along like the Lonely Goatherd. But this is Connie’s big moment and although I can’t stop my twitching foot from tapping against the lounge floor, I’m desperate to know more.

Hope obviously is too.

‘Can anyone offer to go? Or did you have to have an interview? And how much is this costing?’ she asks, firing questions at a rate of knots. I silently will my sister not to rain on Connie’s parade by making her overthink this decision. I can’t remember the last time I saw Connie looking as vibrant, as full of life, as she does right now. I love Hope dearly, I absolutely do, but I can’t help but wonder if Hopeless would have been a more appropriate name for her, given her constant state of negativity.

‘Anyone can apply, as long as they’re in good health and meet the criteria. And yes, I had an interview over the phone on Wednesday evening. The project leader rang and asked all sorts of questions about why I wanted to do it, if I felt I’d be able to cope with seeing the extreme poverty, any relevant experience I had…’ She looks shamefaced. ‘I must admit, I didn’t have much I could say to that one. Data input hasn’t really prepared me for manual labour in temperatures similar to a Yorkshire heatwave. And yes, I have to raise some of the money myself, because they’re a charity. The cost of flights and accommodation for a team of volunteers would obviously eat into their funds, when this way it can be put to much better use helping people in need. But that’s where the next surprise comes in, and this is even more incredible than me going to Africa in the first place. In fact, you’ll never believe me when I tell you.’

A small indent appears in her cheek, a cheeky dimple coming out to play.

‘Stop teasing!’ I squeal, unable to bear the tension a moment longer. ‘Get on with it!’

‘Well, I was dreading having to tell Dad. I didn’t want him to get upset at the thought of me going away. But I steeled myself up and broached it with him over tea last night, and he said I couldn’t have timed it better. Apparently my mum had a life-assurance policy that she’d taken out ‘just in case’. And in her will she left it all to me, with strict instructions not to touch it until my twenty-fifth birthday…’

‘And that’s next week!’ I’m aware of my voice squeaking, but my head’s whirring at how fast this is moving. Issy’s laughing at me, probably because my jaw is literally gaping open in wonderment. I must look so gormless right now. ‘I was always jealous of you being the oldest in your class. You’d get the best choice of sweets from the birthday tin in assembly at primary school. By the time it got to my birthday in July there were only ever those fruit lollies left, and they’d always be a bit sticky as they’d been there all year. The year I was six I couldn’t even peel the wrapper off.’ I remember the disappointment clearly. Inedible sweets as a birthday treat would be hard enough for me to comprehend now, let alone at that age.

‘Yes, the policy matures next week, and that’s how I’m paying to go. Actually, there’s enough there to pay what I need and still have some left over when I get back. Maybe even enough for a deposit on a small dance studio, if I can find a suitable space.’

I shake my head to try and take it all in. Africa? Dance teaching? Where has this newly geed-up Connie come from and what’s she done with my best friend?

Connie continues, her voice proud and brimming with positivity. ‘No more losing my cool when the spreadsheets don’t add up, no more days in a grey boxy office block with an air conditioning system that rattles like a haunted house at a funfair. I’ll be in Africa, doing something worthwhile. And then, hopefully, when I get back here I’ll be doing what I love.’

‘It sounds blissful,’ I smile, because it does. It absolutely does. Thanks to her mum’s foresight to plan ahead she was going to get the chance to live out her wildest dreams.

‘I’m over the moon for you, I really am,’ Issy adds, her words full of affection.

‘It’s going to be a real adventure. You’ll come back a woman of the world,’ I say with pride. ‘And it’s brilliant that your dad was so supportive. All that worry for nothing, and I’m sure he’ll be just fine. Don’t forget to tell him I’m only ten minutes’ drive away if he needs a hand with anything. Get him to ring me, promise? I can do a mean beef stew which’ll be perfect for those November evenings.’ My mouth waters at the thought of the stew, the solidity of the meat and the juicy, chunky winter vegetables an irresistible combination. ‘But I don’t want to iron,’ I say obstinately. ‘Anything but ironing!’

I catch Hope scrutinising my dress, a navy cotton number covered in pretty ditsy-print flowers in a variety of shades of pink. Now I look more closely it does have a decidedly crumpled air about it. I probably should have left it hanging on the shower rail a bit longer to ensure all the creases had dropped out.

‘Thanks, Mon,’ Connie says softly, ‘He’ll really appreciate that. Me too, of course. And although I can’t wait to go away, I know the minute I arrive I’ll be thinking of Sheffield, missing our catch-ups over coffee and cake on Ecclesall Road.’

I have to laugh. It’s only me that indulges in the creamy cappuccinos and doorstop wedges of Victoria sponge. Connie normally has a sparkling water and a banana.

‘But especially this,’ she says, gesturing around the room. ‘These past few weeks have been so much fun. And life-changing for me, too. Your encouragement was exactly what I needed to spur me on and I don’t think I’d have believed I could do it myself without you three believing in me first. So thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.’

‘You make it sound like you’re going forever,’ I say worriedly. ‘You won’t be gone too long, will you?’

I know I’ll miss her dreadfully when she’s out of the country, even if it is only for a matter of weeks. Although Issy has become my partner in crime, that’s mostly through circumstance. She’s a wonderful friend, but Connie and I have been a duo since childhood and there’s something incredibly special about a friendship that’s lasted twenty years. There’s no need for pretences between us and we’ve forged an open honesty that makes for an easy relationship.

The other beauty of a long-term friendship is how there’s no need to explain the difficult moments from our pasts. I already know how horrific it was when Connie’s mum died. I’d been there with her that September day when Connie had been called to the headmaster’s office to receive the news. And Connie had been there for me during my own challenging moments too, not just recently but also during my parents’ separation and the subsequent messy divorce, and through Mum’s transitions to Mrs King, then Mrs Peto, then Mrs Davies as she’d tried to find true love. What Connie and I have been through together transcends everything else. For all the friends I have, I don’t have another friend like her.

‘I leave at the end of October and it’ll only be for four weeks, so I’ll be back in plenty of time for Christmas. You’re not getting out of getting me that Kiehl’s hand cream that easily,’ she jests.

‘If you come back safe, sound and happy, it’ll be the one year I don’t begrudge paying crazy money for your luxury lotions and potions,’ I reply with a half-laugh. I’ve never succumbed to the high-end products Connie swears by, instead bulk buying whatever’s on offer when I go to the enormous chemist’s in town, but Connie is the epitome of brand loyal. When she finds something she likes, she’s with it for the long haul, which I suppose is the biggest personal vote of confidence I could have, considering how long she’s been part of my life. From pigtails and scraped knees to lip gloss to jagerbombs, ‘Mon and Con’, as our dance teacher Miss Gemma always calls us, have come a long, long way.

I grin as Connie blows me a kiss. With her dip-dyed hair and bright red lips she reminds me of a pin-up girl. Not to mention her new-found confidence and self-belief.

‘We’ve got a few more weeks yet before I go,’ she says. ‘Which is just as well as I have tons of stuff to sort out before then. There’s injections for yellow fever and hepatitis A and I need to buy mosquito nets and anti-malaria tablets…’ She’s counting things off on her fingers as she reels off her list.

‘Malaria?’ Hope asks with concern. ‘Don’t people die from that?’

‘I’ve been reading about it online. It spreads quickly out there, but it’s easy to protect yourself with a course of tablets. I’m going to make an appointment with the doctor next week and see what else I need to do.’ She grins at the thought. ‘I can’t believe I’m actually going to Africa!’

‘You’ll have the best time,’ Issy says. ‘And who knows? Maybe you’ll find the love of your life out there too.’ She waggles her eyebrows in a way that I presume is supposed to be suggestive but comes off as more pantomime baddie than sex siren. ‘I’ve never really believed that true soulmates would live just a few streets apart.’

A scowl unwittingly creeps up on me. I can feel my jaw tightening in annoyance at the remark. Issy knows that Justin and I lived just around the corner from each other until he left. What’s she implying? That he has a better chance of finding someone he wants to spend the rest of his life with now he’s on the other side of the world because it’d be too easy if true love was ready and waiting on the same street, or the same estate, or in the same city?

‘Stop looking at me like that, Mon,’ she says. I feel like a small child being summoned and chastised. I suppose I should be grateful she’s using actual words rather than a whistle à la Captain von Trapp. ‘You know what I mean. It’s a bit convenient to fall in love with someone who has the same background as you, lives in the same area, went to the same school… I’m not saying it can’t happen, I’m sure it does, but how many people settle for someone just because they’re right at hand? There are seven billion people in the world. It’s highly unlikely the one true love of your life is even in Britain, let alone Sheffield! If people stretched their wings and searched the world for their partner, maybe there’d be more happy endings. Maybe less divorce, too.’

‘And now you bring up divorce,’ Hope says drolly, smacking the heel of her hand into her forehead. ‘Nice one, Issy. Talk about double whammy.’

‘I’m not speculating about specific cases here,’ Issy insists, although it still feels as though this is aimed at me. ‘I’m making the point that there’s something to be said for looking further afield when it comes to romance, that’s all. Not every boy next door is worth pursuing.’

‘Hmm,’ I murmur noncommittally. Issy’s trying to dig her way out of this but she’s so damn defensive. Why not just come clean and make it blatantly clear that she’s referring to me and Justin? Although I come across as confident and perky and uber-positive, I’m a sensitive soul. My friends’ opinions matter to me more than they realise, and I hate any form of conflict. It unsettles me, propelling me right back to the loneliness of mine and Hope’s childhood bedroom where we’d lie awake as Mum and Dad argued downstairs, their raised voices seeping through the ceiling. They had been painful, lonely nights, and we hadn’t had a Frauline Maria to reassure us with chirpy tunes about raindrops on roses. Hope, as the older sister, had allowed me to snuggle into the top bunk with her when the rows got particularly loud and frightening, but the memory was still there, ingrained deep.

One of the things that appealed to me most about Justin was his coolness. He was always on a level, not hot-tempered like my dad. He hadn’t ever been the rash, impulsive type – at least, not until he went to live in Chicago with a fortnight’s notice.

I miss him. We hardly speak these days, more broken up than on a break. The distance is one issue, the time difference another. It’s all well and good having the technology to speak to each other, but we’re both working long hours in demanding jobs. With the best will in the world, I don’t have the energy to stay up until midnight to talk to him after working with the children all day, and when my alarm goes off in the morning he’s tucked up in bed ready to get some well-earned shut-eye. Our lives aren’t aligned any more, it’s unsettling.

Mother Superior belts out ‘Climb Ev’ry Mountain’ and I close my eyes, singing it like a hymn or a quiet prayer. I feel as though I have a hundred mountains to climb myself, because however much I try to kid myself that everything’s okay, I’m not over Justin Crowson. Not by a long stretch.

*

The audible snuffles of the four of us ring out through the room as the final credits roll. We sound like a herd of baby hedgehogs.

Issy’s the first to pull herself together. ‘I think we should be celebrating Connie’s bravery. She’s going to a whole other continent. We should drinking fizz. I’m going to head down to the corner shop and see if they’ve got a bottle of something nice. This calls for Prosecco.’ She slaps her hands against her thighs as though she means business.

Hope groans, clutching the flat plane of her stomach. ‘I’ve drunk far too much already, and I’m meant to be getting my hair done in the morning. The last thing I want when I’m hung over is someone pulling at my head.’

‘Just have a small glass, then, just to make a toast,’ Issy replies sensibly, grabbing her jacket from the small brass hook on the back of the door. It’s supposed to be specifically for my keys but Issy is forever using it to hang up her coats. She insists it’s easier than taking her jacket to her bedroom upstairs and I’ve given up complaining about it. At least it’s marginally tidier than her previous ‘coat rack’ – when we first moved in together I had to have words with her for constantly leaving her jackets draped over the back of the armchair in the lounge.

‘So long, farewell!’ Issy calls tunefully. She’s in a good mood, if her spritely voice is anything to go by. There’s no sign of remorse for her scathing comments.

‘Auf wiedersehen, goodnight,’ Con and Hope sing in response as the door slams behind Issy. The three of us remain slumped in our seats, even though the DVD has already returned to the menu. We’re emotionally exhausted after being squeezed through the musical mangle, but on the screen Julie Andrews has her arms flung apart in wild abandon. I could do with some of that wild abandon in my life right now.

‘She didn’t mean it, you know,’ Hope says, giving me a meaningful look. She’s obviously registered my mournful body language and thinks I’m still salty over Issy’s earlier comments, when I’m actually battling with my inner heartache. ‘Not in the way you thought she did, anyway.’

I look away, unwilling to talk about it and nervously twist a spiral of hair around my index finger. It’s a tell-tale sign I’m bothered about something and Hope knows it. I was forever twiddling my curls back in junior school when I was bullied for the gap between my front teeth and I couldn’t help but play with my locks when our parents had separated. It soothed me somehow, the texture of my hair against the length of my fingers. When Justin had upped and left, Hope had passed comment that she was surprised my hair hadn’t fallen out from being fiddled with so much.

‘She’s supposed to be my friend,’ I begin. ‘She’s supposed to support me no matter what, not undermine my feelings. Issy knows exactly how hard this year has been for me, how much it’s hurting being apart from Justin. To make out we were never meant to be because of geography…’ I shake my head in disbelief, the bulky curls dancing raucously. ‘It hurts.’

‘She wants to protect you, that’s all,’ Connie says kindly. Lovely Connie, always seeing the good in people, even when they’re being as bitchy as can be. Although maybe Connie was right about Issy wanting to stop me from being hurt by Justin for a moment longer. She’d made it clear that in her opinion it’d make more sense to cut all ties. ‘And you know it too, if you’re being honest with yourself. She wanted to rip Justin apart limb from limb when you told her he’d run off to America with just a few days’ warning. It was a good job he was already on another continent because I’d have had serious fears for his wellbeing otherwise.’

I chuckle despite myself and Connie and Hope do too. No one would choose to get on the wrong side of Isadora Jackson. She has no qualms about sticking up for what she believes in. And I’ll say this about Issy – she definitely believes in being loyal to her friends.

She’d been in Edinburgh last Christmas to visit her brother when everything had blown up with Justin, only returning to Cardigan Close on the morning of the first day of term to collect a tote bag of resources and a gorgeous old hardback copy of The Secret Garden that she planned to read to her class at home time. I hadn’t wanted to tell her what a mess I was in via text – I had Connie and the dance girls rallying around me, and what could Issy have done from Scotland? – so it had to wait until we got home from work that evening for me to fill her in on my new relationship status. Issy had gone through the roof.

‘Connie’s right,’ Hope said. ‘Issy’s different to you, that’s all. She says what she thinks and damn the consequences. But everyone’s fighting their own battles, Mon. You know how hard she’s finding it watching her sister’s bump get bigger each week when all Issy wants is to be a mum. Penny’s bump’s unavoidable now, I saw her in Tesco the other day. She’s bloody huge. Like one of those egg-shaped toys we used to have, the ones you flick and they wibble around a bit but always end up upright.’

‘A weeble,’ I say with a fond smile. ‘We begged Mum to buy them for us from a car boot sale at the leisure centre, remember?’

Hope nods, a nostalgic smile passing across her face. It gives her a softness that’s rarely seen. ‘We played with them all summer long. What I’m trying to say is don’t be too hard on Issy. She wants what’s best for you, and she thinks forgetting about Justin and finding someone new is the answer. Maybe she’s right. Even you don’t seem to know what’s going on.’ She shakes her head in despair and the corners of her lips curl up, full of pity. ‘It’s like you’re in purgatory, not sure if you’re coming or going. It’s not right.’

‘It’s not as easy as that, though, is it? Not when you really, truly love someone.’

I catch my sister’s eye. We’re both familiar with the ultimate pain of rejection, when what was supposed to be forever turns into a cutting and unrequited love. I’m not over Justin. Hope isn’t over Amara. And no matter how hard we try, it’s impossible to move forward when an overwhelming surge of longing is constantly pulling us back to them.

‘No,’ Hope replies, with a despondent sigh. ‘It’s not as easy as that.’

The instantly recognisable sound of Issy’s key in the lock snaps us out of our misery and into action; Connie gathering the wine glasses that litter the lounge and putting them on the kitchen worktop, Hope removing the disc from the DVD player and me lighting the floral-scented candle that sits in front of the wood burner. It wouldn’t be long until that’d be lit too, although we swore we wouldn’t cave until November hits. But there’s a definite nip in the air as Issy opens the door, a draught sweeping into the house that causes me to fold my arms over my chest in a self-made hug. Autumn’s already making its presence felt, what with the temperature dropping and the first burnished leaves already tumbling from the trees in Endcliffe Park.

‘I’m back!’ Issy calls cheerfully. ‘And I managed to get some fizz. There wasn’t much choice so it’s only cheapo Cava I’m afraid, but it’ll do the job.’

‘Thanks, Issy,’ Connie replies, obviously moved.

There have been times in the past where the pair of them haven’t seen eye to eye. Connie had been jealous of Issy for monopolising so much of my time. Plus, I know she feels that as my longest-standing friend it should have been her right to house-share with me, but she’d never felt able to leave her dad, until now. It’s taken time (not to mention an effort on both sides) but over the years Issy and Con have learnt to rub along together, and small acts like this go a long way towards turning their acquaintance into a proper friendship.

The cork pops with much merriment and as I raise a toast my earlier wobbles are forgotten. I’m unable to hold back the excitement any longer – things are about to change for my oldest friend.

‘To Connie, who’s taken the first step on a fantastic adventure!’ I bellow loudly.

‘To Connie,’ everyone echoes as we chink our glasses together.

Remembering my earlier promise to find ‘The Lonely Goatherd’ again, I scroll through the menu on the DVD. The buttons on the remote don’t want to behave and it takes a few minutes to get it set up, but once I do there’s a sarcastic cheer from the girls.

Hope moans. ‘Not those freaky marionettes again. Please, no.’

‘You love it really,’ I grin, turning it up. ‘And it doesn’t matter if you don’t know the words because anyone can warble a yodel. Come on, let’s sing!’

Despite Hope’s protest, she is soon yodelling along with the rest of us, Connie and I linking arms and whirling in a dance that’s more Cotton-Eye Joe than an Austrian reel. It’s liberating to be spinning, the room passing by in a blur while we make nonsensical noises that we pass off as singing. Most of all, it’s fun and we don’t stop twirling and yodelling until Julie Andrews herself flops at the end of the song.

‘Lay-ee-odl-ee-odl-oo!’ sings Connie, determined to get in one last hoorah. The booze has gone to her head, I can tell by the way her strong yet thin legs are wavering. She gives in to the wobble, landing on her bottom with a giggle and a bump. My own head is muzzy with the hazy rush of alcohol and a light-headedness from pushing my burdens to the back of my mind.