Читать книгу The Wrong Man For Her - Kathryn Shay - Страница 9

“WATCH OUT THERE, beautiful, you’re up damn high.”

Tessa smiled down at Nick from the ladder, which allowed her to reach the twelve-foot ceiling of his newly designated group session room.

“Because you’re afraid of heights, doesn’t mean everyone is.” Tessa giggled at his phobia. It was good to see his sister-in-law happy after the trouble she and his brother had last summer. A man from her past had stalked her and ended up dead. The scandal almost destroyed their marriage. “Anyway, it makes you human.”

“Oh, I’m all too human.” He tapped the side of the paint can. “You sure about this color?”

“The kids will like it. Blue is soothing, makes people more relaxed. Its deep shade won’t be too prissy for teenagers.” She scanned the area she’d already done. “The four windows are great and there’s enough room for the kids to sprawl out. But maybe we could have waited for them to pick out the color.”

“No, I’ll let them choose what stuff to put up on the walls. I want them to feel welcome here at the first session. Lucky me that you had today off and could help paint.” He glanced at his watch. “I’m expecting the furniture tonight, so we’d better get going.”

Roller in hand, he began to slather paint on the parts of the wall he could reach, while Tessa cut in from the top. They made small talk as they worked. “Everything going well at the Villa?” he asked.

Tessa had taken a job as a librarian at a local teen detention center. Much like him, she worked well with troubled kids because she’d been one herself.

“Couldn’t be better. I got a grant from the New York State Arts Foundation for more books and am itching to spend it.”

“I’d be interested in what you’re ordering. I was hoping to have some teen lit in here.”

“I could do some research into adolescent literature about victimization.” She cocked her head. “One author I know of is David Pelzer.”

“Yeah, his books are gruesome enough to snag the kids’ attention.” Pelzer had been abused by his mother for years and vividly recounted his experiences in his writing.

“He’s coming to town for Crime Victims’ Rights Week.”

“Really?” Nick said. “Nobody told me about it. Then again, nobody told me about a lot of things.”

“The Villa clients are going. Your kids probably can, too.”

From the corner, soft rock drifted out from the CD player as they continued their task.

“What did you mean, nobody told you about a lot of things?” Tessa asked.

He hesitated. “Madelyn’s back at the Center.”

Tessa stopped painting and looked down at him. “What?”

When she and Dan had put pressure on him to move to Rockford, Nick had confessed to them what had happened between him and Maddie. God, he hated to talk about his failures, even with people who loved him.

He also explained about John and Lucy.

“I’m so sorry. I know how close you are to them. Is Lucy all right?”

“Yes, but John’s easing off on his work here because of her.”

“That must have been a hard decision for him to make.”

Tessa was right about that. John’s daughter, Zoe, had been beaten and raped, then shot to death twenty years ago. The Kramer family had practically fallen apart and there’d been no organizations to help them out. After they’d begun to heal, John had vowed to do something in Zoe’s memory for other crime victims’ families, as well as for the victims themselves.

Nick smiled, proud of the fact that, two decades later, the Kramer Group, which eventually became the Rockford Crime Victims Center, was one of the most renowned victim assistance organizations in the state.

“It gets worse, Tessa.”

“How?”

“Madelyn’s my boss.”

This time, she climbed down from the ladder. “Oh, Nick. How on earth is that going to work?”

“It has to. John needs us both and you know how I feel about abandoning people.”

“I guess.” Her expression was trouble. “How is Madelyn?”

“Distant.” He rolled harder, faster. “In charge!”

“Damn. We wanted you to come to Rockford with us, but working with her won’t be easy.”

“I can’t believe it.” He set the roller down and whipped off his overshirt, revealing a ragged University of Rockford T-shirt. “She wants to check everything I do.”

“Well, you can’t blame her, if she runs the place now.” Tessa picked up her bottle of water and sipped from it. She looked about twenty in her jeans, T-shirt and curly hair, though she was thirty-eight, his age.

“Tell me about it. Her new policy also dictates I work with another counselor in the support group. I’m trying to block that.”

Tessa’s gaze focused on him.

“What?”

“Do you think that’s best for the kids?”

He crossed to the fridge Maddie had gotten for him yesterday afternoon and retrieved a bottle of soda. “You think I’m being unreasonable?”

Tessa dropped to the floor and patted the space beside her. “Sit.” When he joined her, she said, “Two people to help eight clients? You can play off each other’s observations. Talk things over. Seems ideal to me.”

“That’s what Maddie said.” He peeled back the label on the bottle with his thumbnail. “I hope my judgment hasn’t clouded by my relationship with her.”

“Your past relationship.”

“What’d I say?”

Tessa leaned against the ladder. “Nick, are you certain you’re over Madelyn? Because if you’re not, things could get really rough with you working here.”

“Excuse me.”

Nick and Tessa glanced to the open doorway where Maddie now stood. Any fleeting hope he might have had that she hadn’t overheard Tessa’s comment was squashed by the tightness in her jaw and the squint around her eyes. She was dressed in a dark pink workout suit that looked great with her coloring. She hadn’t been wearing the casual clothes this morning.

Nick rolled to his feet. “Hi, Maddie.”

He pulled Tessa up. Maddie’s eyes focused on their clasped hands.

“Madelyn Walsh, this is Tessa Logan. My brother’s wife.”

A polite smile. The women shook hands. “Hi, Tessa.”

There was no I’ve heard about you. Nick talked to me about contacting you, reuniting with his family. I urged him to do it.

Instead, Maddie gestured to the room. “Looks terrific in here. I like the color.”

Tessa jabbed his ribs. “See, I told you.”

“It’s nice of you to come to help, Tessa. I offered to get some volunteers in to do this for him, but he wanted to do it by himself. His usual M.O.”

“He isn’t painting alone. My family will be here to pitch in—” she checked her watch “—anytime. I hope you get to meet them.”

“I’m sorry, I probably won’t. I’m leaving soon. I have a yoga class at six.” She tugged on her top’s drawstring. “Hence the suit.”

She was taking yoga? And cooking classes?

“Yoga?” Tessa’s face brightened. “I’ve been planning to find a studio. Would you recommend yours?”

“Yes. It’s the best yoga center in Rockford. I’ll pick up a brochure for you and give it to Nick.” To him, she said, “I stopped in to tell you that I have bad news. The funding for a second counselor to help you run the group was denied. We’ve got a call into Albany, where the money was supposed to come from, but John doesn’t hold out much hope.”

Tessa and Nick exchanged glances.

“That’s unfortunate. Tessa was just telling me what a good idea it was.”

“Yes, I heard Tessa and you talking.”

Nick shifted uncomfortably.

“In any case, I’m not giving up. We’ll have someone by tomorrow afternoon even if I have to assign another staff member.”

“Seems to me everybody’s already overextended.”

“Schedules are full, yes. I’ll keep you informed.” She pointed to the walls. “Again, this looks great. Tessa, nice to meet you.”

Maddie had just started away when two whirlwinds burst through the door. They collided with her, and she stumbled backward. Nick grabbed her by the arms.

Amidst the screeches of his nieces’—“Sorry…” and “Oh, no…” and his brother’s deep, “Girls…uh-oh…”—Nick was aware of only one thing.

Maddie close to him again. Her upper arms were solid, supple. The shampoo she used smelled like lilacs. Her hair brushed his cheek, its texture still silky.

She recovered before he did. Wrenching out of his grasp, she righted herself.

“I’m sorry.” Dan drew one of his daughters close. “My kids were anxious to see their uncle. This is Sara.” He patted the other’s head. “And this is Molly.”

“Hello. I’m Madelyn Walsh.”

Dan’s eyebrows skyrocketed and he threw Nick a questioning look. Nick shrugged.

“Did we hurt you?” Molly asked.

“Um…no, no, I’m fine.”

Nick cleared his throat. “Sorry. The girls are overexuberant.”

Breaking away from Dan, Sara approached Maddie and stood before her. “Sorry, ma’am.”

She smiled at his niece, a genuine, pure-Maddie smile that had often been directed at him in the past. Nick was mesmerized by it. “Don’t worry, honey, no harm done.”

Not to her, maybe. After holding her, even briefly, Nick knew he would spend another night tearing the covers off the bed. Any physical contact with this woman was going to ruin his peace of mind.

Tessa came forward. “Madelyn, this is my husband, Dan.”

“Nice to meet you.” Maddie nodded to his family. “All of you.” She’d never met them before because Nick had been estranged from Dan when he and Maddie were together.

Dan kept a poker face, but Nick could guess what he was thinking. “You, too.”

“Nice to bump into you,” Molly said, chuckling.

Maddie gave a short laugh and the tension eased. “If you’ll excuse me. Nick, I’ll get back to you on the grant.”

Nick watched her leave. When he turned around, he caught sight of Dan’s face. “What?” he asked.

THE YOGA INSTRUCTOR, Hillary, sat in the middle of the wooden floor in lotus position. Early March meant the days turned dark at 6:00 p.m., and the inside of the cavernous loft of Open Heart Yoga was in shadows. “Keep your eyes closed,” Hillary said softly, “chin down, sternum up, tailbone settling into the floor or bolster.”

As Madelyn had only taken classes for two years, she was elevated on a cushion, her legs merely crossed, not sliding easily into a complete lotus. Beside her, Bethany Hunter, who’d been at this since she was twenty, was in perfect harmony with the instructor.

Blank your mind. Don’t think. Concentrate on the light. Breathe in. Out.

Still, no harmony. Damn it! Damn him!

“Madelyn, ease the tension in your shoulders. Get rid of that frown.”

Chastised by the instructor, Madelyn tried like hell to relax.

For an hour and a half.

It never happened.

When the final namaste came, Madelyn’s stomach was still in knots.

“That felt terrific,” Beth said, stretching out her legs and wiggling her toes.

“Yeah, terrific.”

Her friend nodded to the huge statue on the front altar. “Buddha will smite you for lying in his sanctuary.”

“I know somebody else he can smite instead.”

Beth stood. She was a tall, graceful woman with a slender body and a core of inner strength. “Come on, let’s put our props away and go get juice.”

When they were settled into a corner of the juice bar downstairs, Beth sipped her cranberry drink. “It didn’t go so well with Nick?”

“On how many levels do you want to hear about it?”

“All of them.” She squeezed Madelyn’s hand. “I wish I’d been at work the last two days.”

“You had your own problems, Beth.” She took a swig of her drink, enjoying the tart pineapple flavor. “It was hard to see him.”

“I’ll bet that’s an understatement. How’d he react to the news about Lucy? And you?”

“He was shocked.” She tried hard not to feel sorry for him. She had to stifle all emotional involvement with this man, or the floodgates would open.

“Still think you can work with him?” When John had asked her to come back and then told her Nick was also returning, she and Beth had discussed the issue at length. Beth had advised against it.

“Yep. I can. For John and for the Center.”

“Tell me about the meeting.”

“Right off the bat, he objected to the schedule sheets. Then he balked at the idea of running his program by me.”

“Nick doesn’t deal well with authority.” Beth smiled. “It’s one of the reasons he understands kids so well.”

“He tried to talk me out of a second counselor for his group sessions and absolutely refuses to participate in the staff support group.”

“I warned you about the last thing. But objecting to the additional counselor is bad judgment. And I’m kind of surprised. He usually sees what’s best for kids.”

“Well, we ambushed the hell out of him with my being his boss.”

To be fair, Madelyn also told Beth about the space he’d set up for the teens. However, she didn’t mention that while he’d been painting the room, he’d been talking to his lovely sister-in-law about her or that, when his nieces had unbalanced Madelyn, Nick had grabbed on to her. That slight touch had brought back so many associations. At that moment, she’d realized she couldn’t afford to get anywhere near him physically. She’d have to keep her distance—a lot like an alcoholic had to stay away from booze.

“Always the innovator. That’s the Nick Logan I know and love.”

Madelyn clenched her hands in her lap.

Insightful, and closer to Madelyn than any other human being, Beth watched her friend for a minute. “Maddie, I know you hated that I talked to him after he left you and had an e-mail correspondence with him, but A, I’m a minister and I can’t turn away people in need. And B, he suffered. Almost as much as you did.”

Madelyn drew in a breath that would make Hillary proud and released it slowly. “I realize all that. And I’m glad you were there for him. He got cold feet and ditched me but I was still in love with him.”

“He ditched you because he was in love with you, too. In his words, he ‘couldn’t handle how his life had begun to revolve around you.’”

She shook her head. “You don’t leave someone because you love them too much.” She arched a brow. “And I bet he never used the L-word to you. I know he didn’t to me. It’s not in his vocabulary.” Of course, Madelyn had held back that particular declaration, too.

A silence. “Isn’t that a little unfair? You know what caused his commitment issues.” Beth hesitated. “You knew it when you got involved with him.”

After Daniel Logan Sr. had embezzled a half million dollars out of the bank he worked at and gone to jail for it, Nick had rebelled. Because she couldn’t handle him, his mother had kicked Nick out of her house when he was sixteen. A “tough love” kind of thing that had backfired in ways Claire Logan couldn’t have imagined.

Still what Nick had done to Maddie was unforgivable. “At some point, you have to stop blaming your past for your present insecurities and faults and take control of your life.”

Across the table, Beth gave her an indulgent smile. “You’re so strong, Maddie. Not everybody could overcome what you did.”

Madelyn shivered, remembering her absent father, her alcoholic mother and how she’d practically supported herself since she was eleven. For most of her early life, she’d been intimately acquainted with the word impoverished.

“Because you overcame such odds, you think everybody else can, too.”

“Maybe. But, Beth, he’s a psychotherapist, he should be able to figure out a way to deal with his personal issues.”

Beth laughed. “If that were true, I’d be able to forgive my ex for all the damage he’s done. I’m a minister, but truthfully, when he disappoints Parker, I want to kill the S.O.B.”

Madelyn loved Bethany like a sister and didn’t want to fight with her, especially over Nick. “Let’s stop talking about Nick. I can’t change the things that happened in the past. I can just try to work with him at the Center.”

“What are you going to do about the additional counselor?”

“No money for one. But I’m not going to let a little thing like that violate my new policy.”

“Can you assign Reid to help?”

“No. He’s taking a vacation—long overdue. There’s something going on in his family he won’t talk about, but I gather this time away is important.”

“John can’t do it.”

“No, it would be too much of a burden now.”

“I’d help out but I can’t afford any more time out of the house. Parker needs me there.”

“I wouldn’t let you anyway. You already put in more hours than the local ministerium pays you for.” Beth was a part-time pastor at a local church, and her part-time salary at the Center was footed by a group of inner-city churches. “How is Parker?”

“Better.” Beth scowled. “I’m so mad at his father. He canceled their plans on Sunday, which sent my son into a serious depression.”

“I’m mad at him, too.”

They chuckled, as if being angry at the men in their pasts would help.

Beth studied Madelyn with what Madelyn called her minister look. “You aren’t thinking about doing the counseling yourself, are you Maddie?”

She didn’t say anything.

“That would be a very bad decision.”

“I know.” Her throat tightened at the mere thought. “And I swear to God, I don’t want to work that closely with Nick.”

“We’ll find another way.”

“By three o’clock tomorrow?”

“Hey, God does some of Her best work on deadline.”

Madelyn laughed, and so did Beth. Once again, Madelyn was grateful to have this woman in her life.

She had a lot to be grateful for. Friends like Beth and John. A job she loved. Enough material things.

Hearing a thud from above where another yoga session had started, she vowed not to let Nick Logan ruin one more class, one more hour, one more minute of her good and happy life.

“WHAT ARE YOU still doing here?”

Nick turned to find John in the doorway of the newly painted group session room. “Is it that late?”

“Eight o’clock.”

“I wanted to finish up as much as I could tonight.” He scanned the area. “Not too shabby for one day’s work, is it?”

John wandered inside. “Who paid for these?” He swiped his hand over a beanbag chair, one of a set of four. “And the futon? And the director’s chairs?”

He missed the table and “kewl” lamps, as Nick’s nieces had called them.

“Everything was cheap. I got it all at the furniture warehouse outlet.”

“How much?”

“Two fifty.”

“Did Maddie approve the expense?”

“What? Without bloodletting? No, I paid for it myself so I didn’t have to open a vein.”

“I thought so.” John slouched down into a beanbag. “Ouch. Wow, I’m getting old.”

“Try the futon.”

When John was settled on the couch, he looked up at Nick. “You can’t spend your own money on this place.”

Though social work didn’t pay big bucks, Nick lived frugally and had saved some money. “I don’t have anybody else to spend it on, except maybe my nieces.”

“Whose fault is that?”

Nick stared down at the man who was more of a father to him than his own had been. A friend Nick had almost lost because of what he’d done to Maddie.

She’s like a daughter to me and Lucy. You’re like a son. What the hell are you doing to your lives?

Nick’s response had been so weak, so milquetoast, he’d been embarrassed by it. John, when she thought she was pregnant, I began to realize what I’d gotten myself into. I wouldn’t be any good at that kind of life. I’d be like Daniel. Claire was right, I have his genes. Maddie’s better off without me.

John had practically begged. Please, Nick, don’t do this.

“Where are you, son?”

“Thinking about the past.” He glanced up at the ceiling fan Dan had put in. “I…” Damn it, he had learned something in the last three years. “About how grateful I am that you didn’t write me off after what I did to her.”

“Never gonna happen.” The expression on John’s face was full of warmth and acceptance. “No matter how hard you try to alienate everybody who cares about you.”

Nick dropped down into a director’s chair opposite him. “John, I’ve agreed to stay on. But I hope Maddie doesn’t get hurt in the process.”

“She tells me she won’t. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have hired her back.” John smoothed his hand over the light wood arm of the futon. “She’s moved on, Nick. She had a steady guy in her life for almost a year.”

“Joe?” The macho paramedic who’d dated Maddie before Nick.

“No, somebody else. Somebody serious.”

Did the lights dim? “Who?”

“A nice guy. Professor at the University of Rockford where she did her doctoral work. Lucy and I spent some time with them.”

“Huh!” His stomach roiled. “Well, I’m glad for her.”

“You should be. He worshipped the ground she walked on.”

“You talk in the past tense. What happened?”

“He got a job at American University in D.C. before Maddie came back to the Center. He wanted her to go to Washington with him.”

Couldn’t be she cared about him enough if she’d passed on that. “Why didn’t she?”

“I’m not sure.”

John waited a beat. “What about you? Any women in your life?”

“No. There was someone, but…”

She was married. Still, his relationship with Katie Gardner had been comfortable and easy. Probably because there was no danger of commitment. She’d loved her husband, but he was absent and neglectful. They’d even separated a time or two, though they always got back together again.

“But what?” John asked.

Because he was embarrassed by the affair, Nick couldn’t tell his friend the truth. “It didn’t work out. End of story.”

“All right. But I’m here if you need to talk about it.”

“Sure.”

“And do me a favor? Be careful with Maddie. Don’t oppose her on everything.”

“I— You’re right. This has all been a shock to me. And I was blindsided by the changes around here.”

“They’re solid ones.”

“Maybe. I don’t know how I’m going to manage that support group thing. The thought of spilling my guts in front of people I don’t know well, especially my colleagues, makes me crazy.” He sighed. “And, yes, I do get the irony. I ask clients to do exactly that. It’s the old ‘physician heal thyself’ cliché.”

John chuckled. “You’re not alone. A lot of mental-health workers find opening up difficult. The first time I talked about Zoe and what her death did to mine and Lucy’s marriage, I broke down.”

“I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

“So, young man, if I can put it out there, you can, too.” He stood. “Now grab your car keys.”

“Why? I want to make some informational posters to put up on the walls temporarily.”

“Not now. Our church members are still bringing us food every week and there’s a spaghetti dinner waiting as we speak. Lucy would hit the roof if she knew I’d left you working here. You’re coming home with me.”

“Like the prodigal son?”

His friend’s face sobered. “Nick, why do you continue to see yourself like that?”

“Like what?”

“You know.” He nodded to the door. “And in case you don’t, Lucy will fill you in while she stuffs you with pasta.”