Читать книгу The Rancher's Return - Kathy Douglass - Страница 13

Chapter Four

“I think I’ll sit outside for a while,” Raven said to her parents, who were sitting in the living room. Following her breakdown in the meadow, Raven had ridden back to the ranch and helped her mother clean up the dinner dishes. She’d expected her mother to ask her about Donovan’s visit, but she hadn’t said a blessed word. Marilyn must have known Raven wasn’t up to talking about it because she’d kept the conversation light.

That extended to the hour before Elias’s bath time, when he’d dominated the conversation, talking about his plans for summer vacation. What he’d conveniently overlooked was that there were two more weeks of school, including final exams. She’d checked his homework and was pleased that he’d gotten all of his math problems correct. She let him read for half an hour before going to sleep each night, so after he selected one of the three books he was reading simultaneously, she’d set the timer for thirty minutes and reminded him to go to sleep when it went off. She’d picked up a stray sock and tossed it into his hamper then joined her parents in the living room.

“Carson not coming over tonight?” her father asked her as she headed outside.

“No. He’s spending the evening with his mother. She’s taking his father’s death really hard.”

“I imagine.”

“And since he’s their only child, she’s leaning on him a lot.”

“He’s a good son and a good man,” Marilyn said. Raven’s mother was Carson’s biggest fan. Raven had no doubt that her mother was hinting she shouldn’t let Donovan ruin her good relationship. Her mother would probably bring it up more directly later.

Raven nodded. “I know.”

“I’ll make a casserole and a cake and drop it off tomorrow,” Marilyn added.

“I’ll go with you.” She’d spoken to Carson a couple of times since his father’s sudden death, but they hadn’t spent much time alone. He and his father hadn’t been close when Carson was growing up, but they’d grown close over the past few years.

Her father picked up the Remote and turned on the television. It was time for his favorite show and his participation in the conversation was done. Her mother put on her glasses and picked up her needlepoint, so Raven considered herself dismissed.

The day had been hot and sticky but now that the sun had set, the weather was pleasant. Raven went out to the porch and sat on the wicker love seat, placing her feet on the wooden chest. She inhaled the sweet night air, trying to rid herself of the day’s tension.

Letting her head fall against the back of the seat, she closed her eyes and allowed her mind to float free. Usually she spent at least part of the evening replaying the events of the day. Not tonight. Today had been emotionally draining and she didn’t want to relive it. Oh, she was happy that Donovan was alive and unhurt. How could she not be? She just wished he’d contacted her years ago if only to tell her that he’d started his life over somewhere else. Without her. That way she wouldn’t have wasted ten years of her life waiting for him to come back to her.

Just thinking of her lost years angered her, although she wasn’t sure whether she was angrier with Donovan or with herself. Her mother had tried to encourage her to move on, but Raven hadn’t been willing to for years. She’d foolishly believed in a love that had only been a mirage. One thing was sure. She was never going to be that stupid again. She’d spend time with Donovan to allow him to establish a relationship with Elias. But there was no way she’d ever let him near her heart again.

Her phone rang and she fished it out of her pocket. One look at the screen and her annoyance flared. Donovan. What could he possibly want? They’d just talked four hours ago. He had gone ten years without speaking to her and now he wouldn’t leave her alone. She briefly considered not answering but her curiosity got the better of her. Besides, he lived close enough that he might just pop over.

“Yes?” she answered. Hello, no matter how curtly spoken, wouldn’t have adequately expressed her irritation.

“Raven?” Donovan’s voice was quiet and deeper than this afternoon. Hearing it now brought back memories of the endless hours they’d spent on the telephone while they’d been dating. Though they’d regularly met at their secret place, they hadn’t been able to get enough of each other and they’d had intimate phone conversations, as well.

She found herself smiling and forced the reminiscence away. Those nightly conversations had meant everything to her but they’d meant nothing to him. She’d do well to remember that. “Were you expecting someone else? This is my number you called.”

He laughed. “True enough. Listen, I hope I’m not bothering you. I was just thinking about things Elias and I can do together.”

“Elias, you and me.”

“Of course. And you. I would never forget about you, Raven.”

She rolled her eyes at how easily the lie slid from his lips. He’d forgotten about her for ten years. “Sure.”

“I never forgot about you, Raven,” he said as though reading her mind.

“You just never had time to call.” She hated how sad she sounded. The last thing she wanted was for him to know how badly he’d hurt her. “Anyway, I’m sure you didn’t call to rehash the past. What can I do for you?”

He was silent. For a minute she thought he might explain why he hadn’t contacted her, but he didn’t. “Elias mentioned a carnival in Sweet Briar. He seemed excited to go, so I thought we could do that. We could have fun and get to know each other gradually.”

“Let me think about it, okay?”

“What did you tell him about me?”

“You were there. You heard every word I said. He didn’t bring you up again and neither did I.”

“I meant about his father. Obviously you didn’t tell him my name.”

“No. I told him that his father loved him and that he had to go away.”

“Anything else?”

“I didn’t know anything else,” she snapped. “I still don’t.”

“Raven.”

“Never mind. I don’t care anymore. It won’t change a thing. What we had is past. We’ve both moved on. I’d prefer not to discuss the past.” Nothing could give her back those years. Talking about it would only make her feel more foolish.

“Okay. For now.”

“No. Not for now. For always. I mean it. If you want to see Elias, you won’t mention the past or give me a bunch of excuses for why you left and didn’t have the courtesy to contact me. Bring it up again and you’ll have to fight me for visitation. Given your prolonged absence, I don’t think any judge will give it to you.” She couldn’t actually be cruel enough to keep father and son apart, but Donovan didn’t know that.

His heavy sigh was his only response.

“I’ll let you know about the carnival,” she finally said.

“Thank you.”

Raven ended the call without saying goodbye. The conversation had unsettled her so she went inside. Perhaps a long soak in the tub would work some magic. If it didn’t, she was in for a long, sleepless night.

Donovan stared at his phone before he put it down. That had gone sideways fast. Raven had actually threatened to keep Elias from him. He didn’t know if she’d meant it, but it hadn’t been worth pushing her to find out. And really, what difference would it make if she knew the reason he’d left? Nothing would change. They would still have spent the past ten years apart. Their love would still have faded until it no longer existed.

Sure, if she knew the truth she might not hate him, but he knew her heart. She was a kind person and couldn’t hold a grudge. If they spent enough time together, they could become friends again. And if the right time came along, he would tell her the truth. But not right now. She was still shaky and trying to figure out things. He was, too. He couldn’t say anything now. But maybe when they were both settled and he was sure it wouldn’t do more harm than good, he’d tell her about Karl Rivers’s threat. In the meantime, he’d have to live with her thinking the worst of him.

Restless, he left his room and went downstairs. His parents were sitting on the rockers on the front porch, the way they always had on nice nights. It was comforting to know that some things hadn’t changed. The tragedy of his disappearance and presumed death hadn’t torn them apart. They loved each other as much as ever. Now that the threat had been permanently removed and he was no longer in danger, he hoped to find someone to love for a lifetime, too.

Once he’d thought he’d found that with Raven, but he’d been wrong. Their time had passed. Perhaps if he’d lived there for the past ten years, they would have stayed in love. Naturally they’d have gotten married because of the baby. A child deserved both parents. He’d loved Raven and had planned to marry her when they were older, so he wouldn’t have minded moving up the date a few years. Maybe they would have had a happy marriage and added a couple more kids. Or maybe they would have grown to resent each other. Who knew? Still, he wished he had had the chance to find out.

But there was no going back and changing things. Ahead was the only way to go. He’d lost ten years of his life already. He wasn’t going to waste more time wondering what if.

He stepped onto the porch. “I met my son today.”

His parents stopped rocking and looked at him. Though the moon was bright and the sky was filled with stars, he couldn’t make out the expressions on their faces, so he reached inside the door and switched on the porch light.

“Elias?” His father’s voice was soft, filled with guilt.

“Were you going to tell me?”

“Only if Raven didn’t.”

“What? And how long were you going to wait before you said anything?” He didn’t understand how they could keep his son a secret from him.

“We knew you would go see her before long,” his mother said. “You weren’t here a day before you went over there. Ten years away and nothing has changed. She’s still important to you.”

That’s what she thought. Everything had changed. Of course his mother was a hopeless romantic who thought love could survive anything—including a ten-year absence. It wasn’t true, but there was no sense in debating that now.

“Raven took it hard when you left,” Mario continued. “That poor child was a wreck. For a while it looked like we might lose her. When her parents discovered she was pregnant, they told us. To be honest, we weren’t in much better shape than Raven was. We supported her decision to keep the baby, but we weren’t in a position to provide the emotional support she needed. We were barely holding on ourselves.”

“And we were still trying to find you,” Lena added. “When the police stopped looking, we put up fliers and did everything we could think of.”

“Elias doesn’t know you’re his grandparents.”

“No. We love him and see him now and then. We give him Christmas and birthday presents. He thinks of us as his grandparents’ friends.”

“And that’s enough for you?”

Mario nodded. “You don’t realize how bad we were when we couldn’t find you. We were a mess. That child didn’t need us bringing stress to his life.”

Donovan nodded. He understood. Everyone had done the best they could in a difficult situation. He’d suffered a lot when he’d first left home, not knowing if he’d ever return. He’d been young and scared, traveling from place to place, constantly looking over his shoulder. Too cautious to take Karl Rivers at his word, and expecting the man to come after him at any time, it had been years before Donovan had felt comfortable enough to stay in one place. He’d rambled from ranch to ranch, town to town, every few months.

Then he’d met Della and Gabe Turner, owners of an enormous cattle ranch in the middle of Texas. Warm and generous, they treated their ranch hands like family.

After he’d worked on the ranch for a couple of months, Della invited him to have Christmas dinner with her family. He’d turned her down at first, unwilling to get close to anyone. After watching as car after car arrived with people carrying presents, loneliness had gotten the better of him and he’d knocked on her back door. The entire Turner family had welcomed him into the fold. Two of Della and Gabe’s sons were near his age and had come home from college for winter break. They’d hit it off. Being around Dustin and Austin had brought back memories of hanging out with Jericho, Tony and Billy.

That day marked a change in Donovan. While other employers had been willing to allow Donovan to keep to himself, the Turners hadn’t.

Not that they’d forced him to become a part of their family. They hadn’t. Instead they’d seeded the ground with breadcrumbs of kindness. Tired of being alone, he’d followed the trail and found a welcoming family.

With the sons away from the ranch, Donovan had been entrusted with the role of big brother to fifteen-year-old Amelia. As expected, she’d resisted. Once he’d convinced her that he didn’t intend to invade her privacy, they’d become friends. He’d often driven her to town to hang out with her friends. If he happened to stick around longer than she would have preferred, well he was okay with that. The Turners had been good to him and he intended to repay them in the best way he knew—by protecting Amelia.

One night he’d actually had to step in when Amelia’s date had gotten aggressive, refusing to take no for an answer. When Donovan had seen the way Amelia had tried to hold her torn blouse together, he’d come near to losing control. But Amelia’s need for comfort had outweighed his need for revenge.

After that night, he and Amelia had shared a special bond. Their relationship had truly become like siblings. Just as he’d taken his job of protective big brother seriously, she’d taken the role of pesky little sister to heart. She’d decided that he needed a girlfriend and made it her life’s mission to find him one. She was constantly introducing him to her friends’ female relatives or even women she had just met. Although Donovan had found some of them attractive, he’d guarded his heart, never let any of them get close to him.

Leaving Raven behind had broken him. He would never let himself love that way again. His life had become transitory and his stay on the Turners’ ranch while good, was temporary. He wouldn’t subject himself or anyone else to the pain that would come when he left. Looking back, he’d been right not to become involved with anyone. He wouldn’t be returning to Texas. He had a son and he’d never leave Elias behind.

“I understand. But eventually I want to tell Elias that I’m his father. I intend to be a part of his life.”

His parents exchanged a look. “Did Raven say anything else?”

“No. We’re still finding our way. Eventually we’ll work out everything. When that happens, Elias will know that you’re his grandparents. Are you ready for that?”

His mother smiled. “Absolutely.”

“Good.”

Donovan was finally getting his life and family together. It wasn’t the way he’d pictured it years ago, but it still could be good.