Читать книгу Do Live Instead of Me - Katia Sapieva - Страница 2

The Muslim cemetery waslocated in a most picturesque area at the top of a hill from where the towncould be seen. It seems sometimes that no one comes to the place for it emergesthat the visitors, family and friends, appear any time. The visits lastendlessly because a conditional division of time into the day and night are soimperceptible here that you even never notice it.

The cemetery onceconsisted of only five or six graves but nowadays it extended much. Expandingalong all the time it increased significantly. Everybody died, the old, theyoung and the children. With all the variety of design of the graves, there wasone thing in common among them: the half moon and two stones at the head andfeet of the dead and that was generally all.

However, there was onegrave in the fifth line of the sixth section that no one visited. The grass wasmowed and cut down only when the neighbouring graves were cleaned up. On theMuslim holidays, it was done by the deceased people’s relatives nearby but mostoften, on weekdays, somebody did it out of pity. The grave was plain and noteven clearly signed. Only a man’s oriental name and the dates of life werecarved by an army knife on a worn plate from steel. No other information of wholoved him and who mourned for him.

The cemetery was fencedin a low brick fencing. The visitors had no sense of nuisance and felt no pityfor the deceased who lay there. Still a sense of discomfort is somewhat notwanted when you have a pain of your own loss in your heart. Why experience anextra emotional loading?

Special facilities, i.e. the watch’s house and a memorial hall were located in an asphalted squarewhere the men present headed by the effendi prayed before every burial. Thewatch’s house consisted of only two rooms. One was both a kitchen and abedroom, the other was used for storage of catafalques and spades. It wasalways cooler in the second room which with every square centimeter reminded ofthe end and at the same time of infinity of our existence but in another world.

Sergey first feltuneasy, he lost his appetite realizing that there were some extraordinarythings in the next room, evidently, not for idle use. Though, it depended ontheir functions and for whom they were meant. On getting fixed up in this jobhe avoided having meals in his watch’s house, then he got used and developed aphilosophical approach to things.

At the age of twentyseven, he already had a negative life experience. His parents moved to thatrepublic from Saratov on assignment yet in the eighties. His normal childhoodlasted until his parents got divorced.

Money spoils anyrelationship in the family. Sergey made certain of that hearing his mother’sreproaches and seeing his father’s constant grumbling about his salary. Sergeynever knew whether he had it at all. His father’s desperate attempts to get themoney he earned at his enterprise fell on the “raucous” 1990s when no one inthe country saw one’s money. Practically no one.

His mother made bothends meet by odd jobs working as a cleaner. Sometimes she repaired richpeople’s flats in order to buy good things for her sons Grisha and Sergey. Sergey did not understand why get a higher education if he would have to workwhere they ordered him all the same. His mother was an illustrative example forhim in this respect. He realized in theory that he should study but decided towait a little with getting knowledge and joined the army after school.

The young man was in aconflict zone during his military service. Half a year seemed absolute hell tohim, still he was grateful to fortune for showing him some other things whichlater helped him revise his view of life. Sometimes his brain refused tofunction from the nightmare he saw but getting used to that he realized thatlife was not based upon the simple standard: one was just born, grew up, gotmarried and died. Two people perished in front of his very eyes, two who sharedfood, drank vodka and carried out their duty with him.

Forever Sergeyremembered an old man’s eyes in one of the settlements where the battle lastedfour days and nights running. Strange feelings got mixed in these fathomlessblue and brown eyes: pain, courage and estrangement. The old man lost hisfamily, only his daughter-in-law survived who went out to fetch water from thewell at the moment. The shells never choose place and time, so, the old man’sunderage grandchildren remained in his house. So it happened: the woman had nofamily, children and future and the old man had no family, no children or thepast.

Sergey saw a lot ofinjustice. However, he learned for sure for there was no justice in the war forthe people’s actions did not depend on logic but on the situation only. Hiscolleague committed a suicide in front of his very eyes. Slavka was a nice andnaughty guy. Remembering him Sergey realized that one should be able to copewith one’s mistakes and correct them. Slavka was a sniper, killed upon acommand calmly thinking that he was liquidating bad fellows. But once he killeda woman by error. He executed an order again. He got a short explanation thatthe woman was the enemy’s informer, sniper or something like that. Then Slavka realizedthat he left orphans two little children whose mother he killed by error. Butit was already too late. He either lost his nerve or it was conscience that hemaintained somehow but Slavka could not stand it. The third orphan appeared. Itwas little Anna, Slavka’s daughter.

“I wonder for whom itwas said: à la guerre comme à la guerre”, Sergey thought every time rememberinghis comrade with sorrow.

Sergey himself was alsoinjured by his service: he got contused. On coming back home yesterday’ssoldier realized that lameness did not eliminate the necessity to earn hisliving. His mother whose hair went grey was evidently weakened after waitingfirst for one son, then for the other and was distressed that God gave her nodaughters.

Sergey wished to helphis mother and adapt himself to normal life as soon as possible. But there wasno such luck. It turned out that there were no jobs in the town at all. Theonly income he could have was poor earnings for selling vegetables at themarket or getting a vacancy of a specialist in some Technical Inventory Bureauthrough the buddy system. But his family did not grow tomatoes, neither had he anynecessary contacts in a Bureau.

Two months later heincidentally saw an ad in a newspaper that a watch was wanted, though withoutspecifying the exact place. Sergey called and found out that it was not alivepeople and not even values he would have to guard.

But after all, oneshould be afraid of the alive, not the dead. Cases when life makes a choiceinstead of you occur more often and it happens not at the best moment, as a rule. So, Sergey agreed.

He did not go intodetails with his mother. Anna Valerievna knew that he got a job but had even noidea where exactly. There are a lot of food stores in the town. In addition, her son would be at home much for his working schedule would be 24 hours afterthree days-off. Learning about his brother’s unusual job Grisha only grinnedand said that he would be able to have a good sleep during his working day forthere would be no thieves there.

This is how Sergey’slabour activities began. His work is calm, he has a TV, a sofa, an electric teakettle, a dinner table and a fridge. Just a hotel, in fact. Though behind thewall one can shoot a film about ghosts. But this is not the most terrible thingSergey saw in his life. At war everything was real, without ghosts.

His working days werenot onerous. Sometimes Sergey took care of the graves and watched for beggarsdoing their business not to approach the wicket or the gates during the Muslimholidays. The believers often gave them a bit of money that later became quitea good profit. Sergey considered this business sacrilegious. He thought thatdistribution of alms because of a person’s grief was no charity. He certainlycould not turn the beggars out at all for that might not be approved by localMuslim clergy or the administration of the cemetery. Though, he could resort toa trick opening the gates wide to give relatives an opportunity to come andvisit the graves freely. But that was no problem.

Every duty made Sergeyget used to this job more and more. It even seemed to him sometimes that thecemetery of itself was quite a calm and innocent place. Strange though it mayseem, one sees life from somewhere outside here as if one’s soul raises aboveone a little and looks through binoculars at one’s actions and events. Lifeseemed simpler to Sergey here and human relations more clear. A narrowasphalted path under the open July skies where small stars appeared anddisappeared in the evening now and then seemed to be leading somewhere above. Sergey loved the August nights here when his skin felt warmth and sometimes alittle mosquito bites and a star carpet with the crescent was stretched in thesky. In his childhood he used to climb up the roof of his granny’s house andwatch the Moon lighting the primeval forest for a very long time. His childhoodpassed long ago and the skies remained.

The vast territory wasno special problem for the young watch although he had to clean it regularly. He did not start taking care of the graves at once thinking fondly that all thedead came here accompanied by their loving relatives. Later the situationbecame more clear to him. Serezha noticed some graves nobody was taking careof. Since then he added to his duties.

So a year passed. Therewas little that changed in Sergey’s life, only the number of graves increased. And again it was August, the best time for philosophic meditations. Theevenings seemed shorter and the nights more black than an Oriental beauty’seyes. After his routine inspection, Sergey returned to his watch house to havetea and see the TV. He was tired and in fact, wanted to do nothing else. Theair remained rather hot even after sunset.

On entering the roomSergey stretched his hand to the socket to switch on the electric tea kettle. At that moment his hand stiffened for the kettle was on and the water was justgoing to boil.

“Strange it is, -Sergey thought. – I don’t remember putting it on”.

He thought a littlewhat he had done before the inspection but found no clear answer.

“OK, – he dropped thematter, – I might have put it on, forgotten and gone out”.

Taking a cup with apicture of a sad long-haired girl Sergey carelessly dropped a tea bag and acouple of pieces of refine sugar into it. He only had to pore boiled water. Then he put on the TV as usual and started shifting the channels.

Turning off and backthe guy saw that there was already water in the cup. Sergey frowned and lookedabout. There was nobody. Strange again, did I forget?

– Just mysticism, that’s all, – Serezha thought aloud.

– I didn’t believe inmysticism earlier, – he heard a soft man’s voice behind his back.

Serezha turned back inan instant and saw a short man’s profile. Turning white from fear he lost thegift of speech.

– Don’t you be afraid, – the voice went on. – I didn’t come to kill you though they killed me longago.

– … Who are you?..,Serezha spluttered.

– So, you are speaking, attaboy! I already thought I would have to resuscitate you, the man’ssilhouette answered with a grin. – I am Sergey. At least, that was my name whenI was alive.

– I am Sergey, too… -the watch said with amazement, still in the state of a shock.

– I know. It was youwho took care of my grave. Thank you.

– The grave with aplate? – the watch remembered. – Strange, why they did not bury you at aChristian cemetery. Besides, there is another name on the plate…

– They mixed it up, -the silhouette answered. – I helped them. I didn’t want my mother to insist onautopsy and see horror instead of me. She still considers me missing.

– What happened to you? Is it not you in the grave?

– It’s me, Serezha, butonly in pieces. I’s an intricate story. We served in the same place but I wasin another division. You were more lucky.

– There is somemysticism here…

– But that is true. Hardly had a fallen in love I managed to leave my girl unhappy and then Idestroyed myself, too. Poor thing, she is… – the silhouette said wistfully. —Why don’t you drink tea? A poured a cup for you.

At the moment realityseemed unreal to Serezha. It was just impossible. He was talking to a ghost whocarefully served tea to him. Just tell it to anyone and they will think thatyou went quite mad in the cemetery.

He took a drink, puthis cup on the table and studied the ghost closely. He could not see his faceclearly. He had a sense as if he was looking through a blanket. But the blankethad human features. His conclusion was not very informative: judging by thevoice it was a young guy, by appearance someone of an average constitution. Toolittle to know about a dense vague silhouette.

– Trying to look at me?– the silhouette asked. – I don’t think it’s a good idea. You’d better sit downor whatever…

Sergey slowly sat downon the sofa. Just then he remembered how tired he was after his working day andheat. His legs became swollen and the body got weak, there was a buzzing in hisears from high pressure.

– Why did you come tosee me? – Sergey asked his guest a minute later.

– I have a littlematter to talk over with you, – the silhouette answered wearily. I see you are anice guy but unhappy. Have you ever been in love?

– Me? – Sergey wassurprised. – Well, maybe I liked someone but that was long ago and not tooserious.

Sergey had never thoughthoroughly whether there was happiness in his life for reality was quite different. The war deadened his feelings and all the desires disappeared at all. Whatcould be happiness? A strange question.

– An odd fish, you are… – the guest said ironically. – Just love is happiness. This is the only thing Irealized before they sent me to the other side.

– A girl? – Sergeyguessed. – Do you still love her?

– Well, how should Iput it right…, – the guest sighed. – One cannot take love to the other side. I fell in love with Madina when I was twenty four and she was nineteen. She wasbeautiful, modest, with long black hair. I saw her hair later when I startedpeeping at her at night. In the daytime she hid it under a kerchief…

The guest kept silencea little.

– Then everything wasjust like in a movie. I felt it difficult to talk to her. I was afraid… Untilone of her brothers was rude to her.

– Did he? – Sergey didnot believe. – I never thought that local men could be rude to women.

– That’s just it. Youdon’t know their habits well though you served there, – the guest continued. —She worked at school in the same settlement. Once after my duty I followed herin secret after school to find out where she lived. The same evening I saw hercrying.

– You felt sorry forher? – Sergey smiled.

– Sure, – the guestanswered seriously. – Her brother came out and started saying some rough thingsto her. I was struck dumb from such a rude tone, he spoke just like chief ofour division…

– I cannot see why youthought it was her brother. He might be her husband and she an adulteress, thewatch supposed. – Maybe she overlooked something in the house or was bringingup a child badly.

– Bringing up achild.., – the guest said in a low voice. – She was and that was mine.

– What do you mean? —Sergey’s eyes broadened from such an unexpected turn of events. – How could shebe bringing up your child if you were even afraid to talk to her, buddy? Didyou rape her or what?

– The child is mine butI never raped her, the guest said abruptly.

The silhouettedisappeared leaving Sergey alone in the room. He was out of sorts from themeeting with the dead soldier but even more did he wonder how such things couldhappen in real life. Neither was it clear to him how a Russian soldier’s graveappeared in the Muslim cemetery. Did the diseased Sergey marry a Muslim girl? But then his mother should have known about it. Quite a mixture. A child… Thewatch could see no logic and there was nobody to counsel from in an empty room.

On waking up in themorning, Sergey noticed that he was half-sitting on the sofa and the light wason. His shirt was buttoned up on only two lower buttons, his khaki trousersrolled up in zigzag fashion a little. He stood up and went to the table with a cupof icy tea that became green. The drink reminded him of yesterday’s visit.

Sergey first thoughtthat the vague guest was just his dream. Them he fluttered his hair and touchedhis sweaty forehead with his hand. Yes, it was all real. He evidently had no dreamsat night or else he would wake up lying. He seldom had dreams with completestories.

Another idea flashedthrough his mind: it all just seemed to him. But seeing that the TV wasswitched on he realized clearly that he had a visitor last night.

Sunbeams penetratedthrough a window glass and jumping drew a mosaic picture. Their brightnessirritated Sergey and he stretched his hand to put on electric light. In spiteof a sunny morning, it was dark in the room for some reason although there weretwo windows there and the shed with a porch was from another side. Besides, thewindows of the room faced the cemetery, the very part of it where the firstburials were located. This a little bit picturesque site also allowed him towatch whether outsiders approached the gate. All the details were well designedand therefore, it seemed that the watch did not need any viewing point.

The TV was silentlyshowing pictures of the morning talk show. “Strange it is, – Sergey thought. —when I put it on yesterday there was a sound but at the moment of that queerbird’s visit it disappeared. I didn’t even notice”. He had no wish to puzzleover it specially and besides, it was clear that the TV was also in fact aparticipant of all those mystic events and was still afraid.

Sergey went out to theporch of the house and looked at the graves. Seeing that nothing changed sincethe day before he calmed a little. He remained standing about a minute and thenwent to the grave of his yesterday’s guest.

The grass was justbeginning to grow on the soldier’s grave and the land had not yet become dryafter the night. Everything was quiet. There were no visitors so early.

Sergey stood there alittle a scrolled yesterday’s talk through his mind. Many things remainedincomprehensible to him. The more he thought about it the more questionsappeared. Though he did not wish to get mixed up in an unpleasant affair, stillthe details rouse his interest. It is always easier to solve a problem as anoutside observer then ask for trouble for oneself. However, Sergey did not yetknow that solving to problem he would have to unravel a tangle of sufferingpeople’s fates.

The sun appearedthrough the surface of dry land in some strange manner. It seemed to the watchhe saw a thin branch that accidentally fell down from a tree. But there was nowind and the branch could hardly fall down. He bent down to take it away andstiffened. The thin branch turned out to be a chain from a yellowish stringwith an Orthodox cross on it.

“Wow! – Sergey was amazedby his finding. – Where could the cross appear from?”.

Neither such a chainhad been there before nor could it be planted. Firstly, hooligans or informalyouth were lot let here to avoid any games or committing rites comprehensibleonly to themselves. Secondly, why would visitors who do not wear such crossesplant one here? The sixth sense told Sergey to take the odd finding with him.

Three days later it wasSerezha’s shift again. The cross remained in a pocket of his trousers, he didnot wish to take it home. Besides, where would he hide his finding? The flatwas no store, his mother could find it all the same during a clear out. It wasa risk. The garage was neither the proper place for it was often visited by hisbrother. Going back home after work he forgot about it at all.

Going back to workagain Serezha was eagerly waiting for the evening. He was quite sure that theguest would visit him. He did have reasons to wait for the remaining questionsgive him no rest. The chain with many unknown and one known quantity was tooirrational and this known one was that real ghost.

On making a round ofthe territory and cleaning some graves Serezha returned to his house. However, no one hurried to visit him in the evening. He put on the electric tea kettle, then the TV and flopped down on the sofa.

The sofa and the TVremained still from the Soviet period. It was impossible to rest on anythingsoft or see a coloured film but in spite of these not too comfortableconditions, the house was quite fit for living.

After having tea andwatching the TV for a while Sergey fell asleep. He dreamt about somesettlements different from the place where he lived. The roofs of the houseswere evidently covered with another material. Little by little Sergey realizedthat they were the settlements were he once was at military service. Howeverthis time instead of a uniform he was wearing a cloak, dark trousers, shoes anda striped shirt. He was going to visit somebody. Who was it? He did not knowbut had a strong feeling that somebody was already waiting for him at the placehe started for. Who was waiting? Sergey never knew.

He was walking along awide street meeting people sometimes. It seemed local residents did not noticehim, everyone was busy with one’s own thoughts and everyone was walkingsomewhere purposefully but without a hurry. Sergey passed by one low fenceafter another. Houses are nor screened off behind the gates three kilometerstall in the settlements as they are in Rublevo-Uspenskoye highway or somewherein Barvikha. They do dot lock the gates here. The life of every house andcourtyard is plain and clear. If there is a wedding or funeral in a house thegates are opened wide, so that any comer could enter.