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ОглавлениеANNA HUNTLEY’S LIFE GOALS
Compiled with personal commentary in day
one of detention
Spring term 2015
1. Be a better person.
I will try to be nicer to people, like Dad even when he’s being really annoying. And I will start doing nice things like talk to strangers on the tube or something. I can ask them about their day and their ambitions in life. Although I will try to do this without coming across like a crazy person, like that woman on bus route 45 who yells hello at everyone who gets on and actually just scares people. But I’m sure she’s just being nice.
2. Go to Africa and hand out rice.
I’ve been lucky in life to have a wonderful family (even if they are annoying a lot of the time) and wonderful friends (even though there are only two of them). Therefore, it is only right that I should give something back to the world. I’m sure they always need people to go to Africa and do good things like hand out rice. Note to self: search for charities online that organise trips to do good things like hand out rice.
‘What are you writing?’
I frowned. I could tell that Connor Lawrence had been trying to see what I was writing ever since I got out my pen. He had strolled in late to detention – who is this carefree?! – and sat down next to me without bothering to take his headphones off.
‘Nice of you to join us, Connor,’ Mr Kenton had sniffed, not looking particularly bothered about it.
‘Nothing,’ I whispered back, trying to cover my notepad.
‘Looks like a list.’
‘It’s not a list.’
‘I can see it’s a list.’
‘Fine. It’s a list.’
‘What is the list of ?’
‘Are you always this nosy?’ I asked, trying not to sound too defensive but at the same time wanting him to leave me alone. This, after all, was the person who’d escalated Sophie’s strop at me about setting Josie alight into a full-on tantrum for the whole class to witness.
‘I’m interested,’ he replied, smugly.
‘It’s nothing important.’
‘What does it say at the top?’
‘It says you’re going to get us in trouble.’
‘Funny.’ We both looked up at Mr Kenton. His head was hanging down and his eyes were closed. A faint snore came from his direction.
Connor grinned. ‘I think we’re safe.’
I gave him an ‘end of discussion’ look and went back to my list.
3. Find a date for the Beatus dance – the ideal would be Brendan Dakers but clearly, at this point, anyone would be an achievement.
There will be more chance of this happening if I achieve point 1. Brendan Dakers isn’t going to be interested in someone who is not kind and thoughtful. Also he will probably be impressed by someone with cool skills (see point 5 below to nail this one) and by someone who is not a disaster and talks about interesting things (for example, their recent trip to Africa to hand out rice to those in need).
4. Meet comic book world GOD, Stan Lee, and inspire a great comic strip about a girl keeping London safe from the threat of evil.
Should this ever happen I will be content for the rest of my days and never complain about one single thing AGAIN. I promise not to say anything embarrassing to the man who created some of the best characters in the world. Note to self: does asking him to make me into a comic book superhero count as embarrassing? Confer with Jess.
5. Learn how to do hip hop dancing.
A necessary skill in life. Bound to impress pretty much everyone anywhere. Handy to pull out of the bag in an awkward or sad situation to make things better. Your friend just got dumped? Pull out the running man! Lost your homework the day it’s due in? Wait a second, let me pull out the running man! Hate your life? So does everyone! Pull out the running man!
6. Save someone’s life.
Preferably on land and not in the sea because I hate sea weed and jellyfish.
‘Wait, you know who Stan Lee is?’
I whipped my head up. ‘Hey!’
‘What? It’s not like you’re covering it very well.’ Connor shrugged. ‘Go on, let me have a look.’
‘I didn’t want you to see,’ I complained. ‘How would you like it if I just leaned over and looked at your work?’
‘Feel free.’ He slid his notepad along the desk to the edge. ‘You might actually appreciate it.’
I glanced at the open page and then pulled it closer to gaze down in awe. The notepad was littered with animation sketches. ‘You drew these? They’re good.’
‘Thanks. I’m thinking of doing my own graphic novel some day. I approve of point four. Personally I’ve always thought Batman the best creation of all time.’ He pulled his notebook away from my gaze.
‘Please, Batman? He’s amazing but Marvel have SO many cooler heroes. Look at Spider-Man, for example.’
He raised an eyebrow. ‘I’m not going to take that seriously from someone who has learning to hip hop dance higher on their list than saving someone’s life.’
‘Who said these were in order of importance?’ Before he spotted point 3, I put a protective arm round my notebook and changed the subject. ‘Who would your superhero be?’
‘Sorry?’
‘In your comic?’
‘I’m waiting for inspiration.’ He grinned. ‘But me probably.’
‘How original.’
‘I’d have to come up with a superpower.’ He looked thoughtful. ‘What would yours be?’
‘It would be cool to control things with my mind, like Jean Grey in X-Men,’ I replied. ‘Before she was taken over by the Phoenix Force and became evil, obviously.’
‘Obviously,’ Connor agreed.
‘Also,’ I added, noticing him straighten up to try and peer over my arm that was hiding what I’d written, ‘Controlling things with my mind would mean I could make you STOP LOOKING AT MY LIST!’
Mr Kenton grunted and shifted in his seat. I narrowed my eyes at Connor and continued.
7. Get over fear of pigeons.
Ugh, the flapping. Plus it is becoming increasingly difficult to live in London with this phobia.
8. Invent something useful for mankind.
So that I can be thought of as charitable and helpful at the same time. Like the clever person who invented that spray balsamic vinegar so that it doesn’t spill all over your plate and ruin your salad.
‘What about a pigeon-deflecting helmet?’
‘Excuse me?’
Connor was leaning back in his chair with a biro in his mouth. ‘That covers points seven and eight.’
‘No, it doesn’t. Putting on a deflecting helmet wouldn’t cure my fear of pigeons. It would just keep them away from me.’ I sighed. ‘Don’t assume I didn’t already think about that one.’
9. Have name engraved on a trophy.
Unlikely to be for a sporting event so may have to think outside the box for this one. Do they give out trophies to people who hand out rice in Africa? (Note to self: research this.)
10. Train Dog to high five.
It took him ten months to learn that his name was Dog. This is probably the most ambitious life goal on this list.
When detention finally finished, I stowed my list away safely into my bag and filed out of the classroom with everyone else towards the main school doors, ready for freedom.
‘Hey! Spidey!’ Connor was suddenly at my side. ‘Did you finish your list? When does the world get to witness the hip hop dancing? I’m gripped with anticipation.’
I snorted. ‘Uh. Never? Forget the list, it is PERSONAL.’
‘All right, all right.’ He grinned as he opened the exit door for me and I marched past him. ‘Don’t get your Spidey senses in a twist.’
‘OK,’ I grumbled at him, stomping down the steps. ‘Just because I admire the superior skills of Spider-Man does not mean that –’
‘That you know anything about comics? Don’t sweat it.’
‘Hey!’ I held out my arm to stop him in his tracks as we walked out of the gates. ‘Do not insult my comic knowledge. I could take you on in a Marvel or DC face-off any time.’
‘If you say so.’ He smiled broadly.
‘Good,’ I said huffily and continued through the gates on to the road. ‘See you tomorrow then.’
‘Hey, Anna. Just so you know, about point three on that personal list I definitely didn’t see, I reckon you should have higher standards when it comes to the ideal person to take you on a date.’
My mouth dropped open.
‘But as I say,’ he swung his bag over his shoulder with a mischievous grin, ‘I definitely didn’t see anything. See you tomorrow, Spidey.’
He strolled off down the road and left me standing on my own, my mouth still hanging open.
Note to self: stop writing lists.
From: jess.delby@zingmail.co.uk
To: anna_huntley@zingmail.co.uk
Subject: Come on
Are you home yet? I’m bored.
How was detention? I can’t believe you did something as selfish as set someone on fire. Now you have detention so I have no one to distract me from this French vocab.
Danny is so annoying. He purposefully doesn’t reply to my emails so that I’m forced to do my homework.
J x
From: anna_huntley@zingmail.co.uk
To: jess.delby@zingmail.co.uk
Subject: Re: Come on
Hey, I’m home!
Get this - Dad took Dog to the vet’s today for his annual check-up. Do you know what this so-called vet had to say? That Dog was ‘healthy’.
Can you believe that?! I am tempted to march right up to that vet and give him a piece of my mind!
Have you had supper, by the way?
Love, me xxx
From: jess.delby@zingmail.co.uk
To: anna_huntley@zingmail.co.uk
Subject: Re: Come on
I’m confused. Isn’t being healthy a good thing for a dog?
I did have supper, yes. You are full of interesting questions. We had spaghetti.
Do what you will with this information.
J x
From: anna_huntley@zingmail.co.uk
To: jess.delby@zingmail.co.uk
Subject: Poor Dog
It is fine for a dog to be healthy, Jess, but it is not fine for a stranger to call Dog ‘healthy’. Do you get it now?
I was actually going to ask if you wanted to come over here for supper so you could jump in and save me if Dad tried to lecture me about the importance of bumble bees or something.
So there.
Love, me xxx
From: jess.delby@zingmail.co.uk
To: anna_huntley@zingmail.co.uk
Subject: Re: Poor Dog
No, I do not get it now. Nobody would get it now. You’re not making any sense.
Very kind of you, want me to come over anyway? I could distract your dad with questions about military arms.
J x
From: anna_huntley@zingmail.co.uk
To: jess.delby@zingmail.co.uk
Subject: Re: Poor Dog
He was clearly referring to Dog’s size.
Love, me xxx
From: jess.delby@zingmail.co.uk
To: anna_huntley@zingmail.co.uk
Subject: You’re mad
Again. That is a GOOD thing. That he is HEALTHY.
Am I coming over?
J x
From: anna_huntley@zingmail.co.uk
To: jess.delby@zingmail.co.uk
Subject: Re: You’re mad
Hang on. Better not come over yet.
Dad wants me to log off. He wants to ‘have a talk’ about something ‘very important’. He’s been acting so weird the past few days.
Anyway I’ll be back on in about half an hour and will let you know.
Love, me xxx
From: jess.delby@zingmail.co.uk
To: anna_huntley@zingmail.co.uk
Subject: Leave me why don’t you
Hope everything is OK. Let me know?
J x
From: jess.delby@zingmail.co.uk
To: anna_huntley@zingmail.co.uk
Subject: You there?
Hey, Anna - just wondering what your dad had to say? It’s been a couple of hours so checking everything is OK.
Plus, I’m really bored. Why is there so much vocab in the French language? Surely we don’t need to know this much if we ever go over there, right? We’d only need to know ‘croissant’ and ‘non’ to get by, I’m pretty sure of it.
So why am I learning the French translation of ‘antler’?
When am I going to be in France talking about antlers? Our school is so strange.
J x
From: jess.delby@zingmail.co.uk
To: anna_huntley@zingmail.co.uk
Subject: (no subject)
Me again! It’s been a while now - what’s going on? Is everything all right with your dad?
I’m worried.
J x
From: jess.delby@zingmail.co.uk
To: anna_huntley@zingmail.co.uk
Subject: (no subject)
I haven’t heard from you all night. Something’s happened, hasn’t it?
WHAT IN THE WORLD HAS HAPPENED?
