Читать книгу The It Girl: Team Awkward - Katy Birchall - Страница 5

From: jess.delby@zingmail.co.uk

To: anna_huntley@zingmail.co.uk

Subject: You’re overreacting

So you got stuck in a plant pot. It’s not that big of a deal.

J x

From: anna_huntley@zingmail.co.uk

To: jess.delby@zingmail.co.uk

Subject: Re: You’re overreacting

No, you’re right. It’s not that big of a deal. It’s not that big of a deal that a video of me stuck in a plant pot, trying and failing to get out, has been watched on YouTube by MILLIONS OF PEOPLE.

Love, me xxx

From: jess.delby@zingmail.co.uk

To: anna_huntley@zingmail.co.uk

Subject: You’re wrong

Excuse you, but you WISH you were that famous. It has not been watched by millions of people, only a few thousand. Let me check and I can tell you the precise –.

WHOA. It’s had almost two million views! That’s gone up really fast in the last hour.

Do you know what that means? Almost two million people have seen you stuck in a plant pot!

This is the best day of my life.

J x

From: anna_huntley@zingmail.co.uk

To: jess.delby@zingmail.co.uk

Subject: Re: You’re wrong

I am never leaving the Hoover cupboard again. I don’t care how hard Dad is trying to tempt me out with that plate of duck pancakes he’s left right outside the door. I can smell it. He’s even shut Dog in the kitchen so he can’t get them. He thinks he’s so clever. HA.

Clearly he does not know me very well if he thinks that I would be tempted out of hiding by some stupid duck pancakes.

Honestly, I have more self-respect than that. This is all his fault in the first place, anyway. If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t be the laughing stock of the ENTIRE country right now.

Love, me xxx

From: jess.delby@zingmail.co.uk

To: anna_huntley@zingmail.co.uk

Subject: What?!

Explain to me how this is your dad’s fault?

J x

From: jess.delby@zingmail.co.uk

To: anna_huntley@zingmail.co.uk

Subject: HELLO

Are you there? I sent that last email almost fifteen minutes ago. Why don’t you just answer your mobile? You’re so useless with your phone.

J x

From: anna_huntley@zingmail.co.uk

To: jess.delby@zingmail.co.uk

Subject: Re: HELLO

Sorry about the delay there, I was just rearranging my cushions. If I’m going to be stuck in here for the rest of my life, this cupboard has to be comfy.

I can’t answer my phone because I’ve turned it off. I’ve had a crazy amount of calls and texts from people asking me to explain the plant pot situation and the beeping was driving me insane.

Love, me xxx

From: jess.delby@zingmail.co.uk

To: anna_huntley@zingmail.co.uk

Subject: I’m on to you

You went out to get the duck pancakes, didn’t you?

J x

From: anna_huntley@zingmail.co.uk

To: jess.delby@zingmail.co.uk

Subject: Re: I’m on to you

Absolutely not. What do you take me for? I am not that weak. Please. Have some faith.

Like I said, I was arranging cushions.

Love, me xxx

From: jess.delby@zingmail.co.uk

To: anna_huntley@zingmail.co.uk

Subject: Stop your lies

Sure. I bet your dad blocked the door with his foot when you reached out to get the duck pancakes, so you were forced to talk to him for a bit. Is that why you took fifteen minutes to reply?

J x

From: anna_huntley@zingmail.co.uk

To: jess.delby@zingmail.co.uk

Subject: Re: Stop your lies

No. I was arranging cushions. Then I replied to your email.

Love, me xxx

From: jess.delby@zingmail.co.uk

To: anna_huntley@zingmail.co.uk

Subject: Re: Stop your lies

I just got this text from your dad:

‘Hi Jess, Nick Huntley here. Anna is refusing to come out of the Hoover cupboard again. Can you try talking to her? She’s eaten the duck pancakes I left out for her. I talked to her but she tried to slam the door on my foot. N.’

J x

From: anna_huntley@zingmail.co.uk

To: jess.delby@zingmail.co.uk

Subject: Re: Stop your lies

What’s your point?

Love, me xxx

From: jess.delby@zingmail.co.uk

To: anna_huntley@zingmail.co.uk

Subject: You’re ridiculous

Tell me why you think this is your dad’s fault.

J x

From: anna_huntley@zingmail.co.uk

To: jess.delby@zingmail.co.uk

Subject: Re: You’re ridiculous

HELLO. Obviously it’s his fault.

He’s the one who had to have his stupid engagement celebration party in Helena’s stupid house, where she has stupid palm tree things in her hall sitting in stupidly massive pots, which innocent victims might stumble backwards into, get their bottom stuck in and then be filmed trying to get out on someone’s stupid smartphone.

If he had stayed single and not got engaged to the world’s most famous actress I would never have got stuck in a palm-tree plant pot and I would be living in PEACE.

And also, why did people FILM it rather than help get me out?! This is what is wrong with the world today. Why did they film it? WHY?!

Love, me xxx

From: jess.delby@zingmail.co.uk

To: anna_huntley@zingmail.co.uk

Subject: Re: You’re ridiculous

Because you folded into the pot with your legs sticking up like that and your arms flailing around was really funny.

I’ve added it to my favourites. And I’ve bookmarked it. Now I can get it to come up on my screen with just one click.

My dad’s watched it five times. He said he’s sending it round his entire office first thing in the morning.

J x

From: anna_huntley@zingmail.co.uk

To: jess.delby@zingmail.co.uk

Subject: Re: You’re ridiculous

Everyone is going to be laughing at me into the next century. This is the worst way to start the new term.

How come ever since I started there a term ago I’ve been the official laughing stock of Woodfield?

Love, me xxx

From: jess.delby@zingmail.co.uk

To: anna_huntley@zingmail.co.uk

Cc: dantheman@zingmail.co.uk

Subject: Desperate times

Falling into a palm tree pot is so not the worst way to start a term, Anna. You did that last term. You set Josie Graham on fire, remember?

Look, I’ve brought Danny into the conversation to cheer you up.

Danny, Anna is upset because she’s a YouTube sensation. Any kind words you can throw her way?

J x

From: dantheman@zingmail.co.uk

To: jess.delby@zingmail.co.uk

Cc: anna_huntley@zingmail.co.uk

Subject: Re: Desperate times

I’ve been looking at the video and it’s actually a Dracaena Lisa plant that you fell into, Anna, not a palm tree, although they are often mistakenly identified as palms due to their similar shape. The name Dracaena Lisa comes from the Greek word drakaina, which means ‘dragon’. This is because, if you cut the stem of the Dracaena, the juice that seeps out resembles dragon’s blood.

Danny.

From: anna_huntley@zingmail.co.uk

To: dantheman@zingmail.co.uk

Cc: jess.delby@zingmail.co.uk

Subject: Well, that settles it

I hate my life.

See you guys at school.

Love, me xxx

From: jess.delby@zingmail.co.uk

To: anna_huntley@zingmail.co.uk; dantheman@zingmail.co.uk

Subject: Re: Well, that settles it

Three million views and counting!

J x