Читать книгу Destination Chile - Katy Colins, Katy Colins - Страница 11
ОглавлениеCallow (adj.) – Immature or lacking adult sophistication
‘I still can’t believe you’re getting engaged!’ Shelley squealed.
I gave Marie a look.
‘What? I couldn’t not tell her.’ She put her arms up in defence.
‘Well, I’m not engaged yet,’ I said straightening my work skirt. ‘And please, please don’t mention it to Jimmy. I can’t have Ben finding out that I know and ruin the proposal he has planned.’ I winced.
Shelley placed my hands in hers and nodded firmly. ‘Scout’s honour. Ah, this is so exciting though! Where do you think you’ll get married? Ah, I know! What about Thailand? Where you met? I could just see the pair of you walking hand in hand down the white shores of Koh Lanta to tie the knot, then heading back to the Blue Butterfly for a knees-up after. I’m sure Dara would be thrilled to help out, plus Chef would make a fantastic wedding cake. Oh and then we could let off lanterns into the sky as you two have your first dance.’ She glanced at mine and Marie’s faces as if she’d missed the memo. ‘What? You don’t think it’s exciting?’
‘Yeah, course it is. I’m just a little wary after what happened last time.’ Since I’d left Marie’s I’d been thinking about what she’d said. She was right to be concerned. I did need to think with my heart and my head, rather than be blinded by the gorgeous ring that Ben was soon going to present to me.
‘Ah yeah, sure. But you two are made for each other. You can’t let the past rule your heart.’
I smiled at my Australian friend; we’d met when backpacking in Thailand and I couldn’t imagine my life without her in it. ‘I know; I am pretty disgustingly loved up at the minute.’
‘Living together is going well then?’ Shelley winked. ‘Well, apart from your giant dining-room table.’
I rolled my eyes. ‘Yeah, apart from that, it’s great!’
I still pinched myself that I had this amazing man as my boyfriend, plus I soon learned that Ben was well house-trained. This came as a shock as Alex had never used a vacuum cleaner or an iron before. He was spoilt by his mum who did everything and expected that his future wife would pick up the baton, which foolishly I did. Ben was so self-sufficient: cooking, doing the food shop without a list and detailed aisle plan of the supermarket, and even cleaning the bathroom without me pestering.
‘Wow, Jimmy can be such a slob, always leaving the loo seat up and used teabags near the bin. I sometimes threaten to not put out, which usually makes him slap on a pair of Marigolds!’ Shelley laughed. ‘Okay, so if Ben is thinking about marriage and you’re not totally averse to the idea then maybe you need to think of what’s missing to work out how you can get to the same level as him?’ Shelley suggested.
‘Yeah, like is there anything you want to know about him but don’t?’
‘Well, I haven’t met his dad yet, but it’s just because of logistics and finding the time, I think.’
‘Oh yeah, didn’t his mum abandon him?’ Marie remembered and clutched her chest at the thought.
‘Yeah.’ I shook my head sadly. ‘She left when he was little but I’ve never been able to get any more out of him than that.’
‘Well then, that’s something that needs to happen. You can tell so much about someone from what their parents are like, and what kind of relationship they have.’
‘Oh God, yeah! Remember when I was seeing that Shane?’ Marie asked me. Memories of being the third wheel as they sat snogging in a booth in a naff nightclub came rushing back.
‘Eurgh, I never liked him. Always thought he was a bit needy.’ I shuddered.
Marie raised her finger in the air. ‘Well, you were spot on, and it all stemmed from how he was with his mum. Seriously it was as if she was waiting to clamp him back on her breast whenever we went to his parents’ house. He was a complete mummy’s boy, and I don’t know about you, but that is such a turn-off. I swear he still kissed on the lips.’
‘Ewww!’ Shelley and I cried.
‘So that is why meeting your potential in-laws is so important.’
‘Okay, so after you’ve met his dad, then what?’
I scrunched my eyes up to think. ‘Well, I guess apart from meeting in Thailand we haven’t actually travelled anywhere together; all of our trips with work have been taken separately so we could cover the office.’
‘You have to do that! Anyway, you’ve got Conrad now – isn’t that what he’s there for, to watch the office whilst you two gallivant across the globe?’
I nodded slowly. Conrad was a blunt, brash Yorkshireman who we’d hired as office manager but seemed to turn his hand to anything that came his way, from consoling sobbing, heartbroken customers to standing his ground with surly maintenance men. He came highly recommended from another travel agency, had travelled the world in a previous life as cabin crew – which was something that I still couldn’t get my head round, especially how someone with his build could nip down the aisles without taking people’s eyes out. Plus, he loved to swear, made lewd and hilarious comments, which kept the team’s spirits high, and he called a spade a spade. He was the perfect addition to the ‘Lonely Hearts squad’, as Kelli called us.
Marie rearranged herself on the cushion she was sprawled across. ‘They say you never really know someone until you travel with them – he could be full of airport anxieties or one of those sunbed hoggers.’
I laughed. ‘I doubt Ben would be getting up at 4 a.m. to bagsy the best spot with his towel.’
‘Yeah, but you don’t know…’
Shelley began telling us about her friend whose holiday with her boyfriend ended in them breaking up over his wandering eye as he was more obsessed with the travel rep than his girlfriend. She had found them in bed together on the third day of the trip and had to spend the rest of the week eating with a kind, middle-aged Swedish couple who took her under their wing.
‘It can be a minefield. People think that when you go on holiday it will be this unrealistic romantic trip and all of the problems they had at home will disappear. The truth is, you bring them thousands of miles with you and they become even more magnified in this strange, unusual environment.’
‘But, if you can’t get along on some idyllic tropical beach when the only thing you have to worry about is applying more sun cream and which book to read next, then you won’t be able to get along anywhere. It is the ultimate test.’
I scoffed. ‘Yeah maybe, but Ben and I work together, we live together and we talk about travel all day, every day, so I honestly don’t think there will be any issues with us going on holiday.’
‘It could be good for you to get some time away to properly talk through all the London stuff that’s niggling you,’ Marie suggested.
I nodded. ‘Yeah, you’re both right. Our first couple’s holiday needs to be a priority on my to-do list. Oh, pass us a slice will you?’
I nodded to the pizza box on Shelley’s lap. Marie, Shelley and I were having a girly night in at Marie’s house. It was an impromptu night as I’d actually hoped I would be doing something with Ben. We’d hardly seen each other outside of work since dining-room-table-gate. We’d called a truce on it and both become skilled at literally – and figuratively – skirting around the thing.
‘So, where’s lover boy tonight?’ Shelley asked as if reading my mind. She was mid mouthful of pizza, the grease from the stuffed crust base glistening on her chin.
‘Out with a friend, I’m not sure where.’ I shrugged, picking off a rogue olive that had found its way onto my slice.
‘A friend?’ Shelley raised an eyebrow. ‘Well it’s not Jimmy as he’s taking some body blitz class in the gay village, which I know wouldn’t interest Ben in the slightest.’
‘He didn’t tell me where he was going, only that he was meeting up with an old friend as she’s just moved to Manchester.’
‘A she?’ Marie’s eyebrows were now at the same raised height as Shelley’s, both threatening to merge into their hairline. I nodded. ‘Your boyfriend, sorry, your soon-to-be fiancé has gone on a date with a girl you don’t know to a place you don’t know, and you’re okay with this?’
I rolled my eyes at the pair of them. ‘I trust him.’ Even after what had happened with Alex, I did trust Ben. It had taken a lot for me to get to this point, but we shared the most important thing in my life – our business – as well as our bedroom, and we wouldn’t have got this far without trust. ‘And it’s not a date. God, you two are so melodramatic sometimes!’
‘Yeah you might trust him, but are you not a little bit curious about her?’ Shelley had now finished off her slice and picked up my phone, like a woman on a mission. ‘Right, what’s her name?’
I laughed at the absurdity. ‘I’m not Facebook stalking her. I told you, I trust him.’
‘You’re not Facebook stalking, we are,’ Marie said, with her eyes alight at the prospect of some real-life gossip that wasn’t baby related. ‘Okay, name?’
They weren’t letting this go. They’d even paused an old episode of Sex and the City that had been on in the background to focus on the task in hand.
I sighed and closed my eyes, thinking. He’d only mentioned heading out in a passing comment, giving it as much thought as it probably deserved. But apparently, according to these two, these were things I was meant to get all psycho, bunny boiler on his ass about. This whole playing games thing was not something I was interested in; having a relationship and everything that comes with it in discovering each other’s boundaries was hard enough at times, let alone adding in this sort of crap.
‘You weren’t even a teensy bit intrigued to know more?’ Shelley pushed.
‘I honestly didn’t give it much thought. He mentioned it as we were both in-between speaking with clients, so I didn’t sit and analyse what he meant, no.’
‘I would have found out the girl’s bra size by the time he’d finished speaking,’ Marie said, without a hint of humour.
Maybe I should be more concerned, I began to think. Looking at their faces it seemed I should be taking this more seriously.
‘I don’t want to worry you or anything, but you did say that he’d been even quieter than usual recently,’ Marie piped up.
Damn, why did she have to have such an elephant memory? That was true, but I’d just put it down to him sulking over not being able to use a tape measure correctly or even that he had been silently plotting my elaborate proposal. Now I was worried.
‘Alice something,’ I said, suddenly remembering that when he had told me I’d thought it sounded like a pretty name.
‘Right, I’m on it,’ Shelley cried, automatically knowing my phone code and heading to the Facebook app, as Marie bit her bottom lip and rubbed her belly.
‘This is silly though, I mean, yeah he’s been a bit quieter recently –’
‘And you’ve been fighting about whether to open a London office or not,’ Marie called out.
‘Well, no, we haven’t been fighting.’ I turned to face her. ‘It’s just been a slight sticking point, that’s all, but it doesn’t mean he’s off having sex with old friends –’
‘Found her!’ Shelley grinned, forgetting that she wasn’t playing some TV quiz show but was actually digging up dirt on my own life. ‘Ah. Shit.’
‘What?’ I asked, craning my neck to see the phone screen. Marie gasped loudly and blocked my view as she leant forward to see what Shelley was pointing at. ‘What?!’
She slowly passed me my phone. Oh God. Alice was utterly gorgeous.
‘Whoa.’ Shelley gasped. ‘Stunner McStunnerson alert.’ She turned and gave me a sympathetic look at the shock on my face at realising that this potential Victoria’s Secret model whose face currently filled my phone screen was the ‘old friend’ my boyfriend was hanging out with. ‘But it’s fine, yes she may be the most attractive woman in the world without a Kardashian surname but you trust Ben, so it’s fine.’
‘Is this defo her?’ I asked slowly.
‘She’s the only Alice listed as Ben’s friend.’ Shelley winced.
Alice Sherman was stood leaning against a balcony railing with some exotic beach behind her. She had her head tilted back and what looked like a natural laugh escaping from her plump lips. Her eyes were scrunched up, lost in some joke between her and the photographer and her glossy brown hair was dancing in the breeze around her tanned shoulders. She was flawless and had curves in all the right places that were accentuated by the classy but not slutty peach-coloured chiffon dress she was wearing. She looked like the kind of girl you would take home to your mum but who would also be filth in the bedroom. Great.
I stared at her profile picture for longer than was necessary, mentally beating myself up as I compared my own body with hers. I already knew which one I’d prefer to be hanging out with if I had a penis.
‘Maybe that’s just a really good angle – everyone always puts their best shot as their profile picture.’ Marie tried to look on the positive side.
‘Check out her other photo albums!’ Shelley said, as I scrolled my finger across the page. ‘Thank the Lord for people who don’t set their accounts to the highest privacy settings.’
Alice’s other albums were a collection of tagged images, old holiday shots and nights out with her friends where she looked more natural but still disgustingly gorgeous.
‘Yep, she may be the person I would want to swap my face with if I ever had a horrific car crash,’ I admitted. ‘But it still doesn’t mean that anything dodgy is going on with her and Ben.’
Not wanting to look at any more photos and send my self-esteem plummeting even further, I put my phone on the coffee table. Marie instantly snatched it back up and began scrolling as Shelley topped up my glass and listened to me going on about how much I trusted my boyfriend.
‘Wait!’ Marie cried, interrupting me.
Shelley and I both snapped our heads up in unison to look at her.
‘What?’ I asked, feeling a strange tingling rush up my arms as she passed my phone back.
‘Alice isn’t just an old friend…’ she paused dramatically ‘…she’s his ex-girlfriend.’
I waited for the page to upload as fast as I was scrolling down and saw what she’d been looking at. Right at the bottom were a couple of much older albums with a younger, grinning Alice wrapped around a clean-shaven and youthful Ben. My Ben. In other images they were holding hands and kissing as a friend with spiked-up hair did the peace sign as he photobombed the young couple. I felt a funny, sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Why was my boyfriend meeting up with his ex, and why hadn’t he told me?
‘Oh,’ Shelley said, a tiny bit relieved that her boyfriend was working out with a bunch of gay men rather than reminiscing about old times with this worldie.
‘Oh crap!’ I yelped.
‘What?’ Marie leant forward and knocked my glass with her tummy, sloshing wine onto my legs.
‘I accidently pressed like on the photo of her at an elephant sanctuary!’ I panicked.
‘Quick! Click unlike. Click UNLIKE!’ Marie gasped.
‘I am,’ I wailed, but the screen had frozen and now I wasn’t sure what I’d done. ‘Oh God, can she see that I liked it?’ I felt woozy at the thought.
Shelley grabbed my phone off me to check. ‘It’s fine, you haven’t liked it. Well you did, but it isn’t showing now and she’ll only know if she was online right then. But as you’re not friends with her we won’t know for certain. She probably won’t have been though.’
‘Probably…’ That didn’t fill me with much confidence. She probably won’t be online as she will probably be making out with my boyfriend for old time’s sake, my subconscious whispered.
‘Don’t worry, here have some more wine,’ Shelley said, topping up my glass. ‘Just try not to think about it. He’s going to propose to you for goodness’ sake!’
I nodded and wanted to change the conversation. ‘Yep, you’re right. So, erm, how are things with you?’ I asked Shelley, trying to get Ben out of my head. Since when had I turned into this jealous, anxious girlfriend? It was not a look that fitted well.
She scrunched her face up. ‘Well, I actually have some news of my own…’
There was a silence as she trailed out, pulled her hand away, and began busying with unscrewing the wine top. Marie was suddenly engrossed in picking off a piece of skin around her nail bed as if she knew something I didn’t. Shelley turned to face me and took a deep breath. ‘I wasn’t sure how to tell you this.’
When anyone utters those words you know the next part of the sentence ain’t going to be pretty. A chill danced along my spine as she glanced over at Marie and swallowed.
‘Shel? You’re both freaking me out. What’s going on?’
‘Georgia. I’m going to be moving back to Australia. To live. Permanently.’
The world stopped still for a second.
‘What?! You’re leaving? You and Jimmy?’ My eyes flickered across her face, desperate for her to break into her signature grin and tell me she was joking. But her expression remained sober and slightly pale.
‘Yep. I’ve been offered a job back home and Jimmy can head over on a visa. He’s already got interviews lined up for some personal trainer work so we can look at making it permanent, or possibly we get married ourselves…’
‘Oh wow. Erm, that’s great news.’ I paused to let this all sink in.
She winced and picked up her wine glass. ‘The other thing is, because of these jobs we’re going to be going soon. Like, in a month.’
‘No! A MONTH! Did you know?’ I turned to Marie who blatantly did judging by her pinched expression.
Shelley jumped in to save Marie from answering. ‘I was worried at how you’d take it. I wanted to ask Marie for her advice before I told you as she’s known you for so long,’ Shelley blustered.
I sat back in my chair feeling disappointed that my two best friends had had to confide in each other on about how to handle me taking big, stupid, life-changing news like this.
‘Right. I mean…wow. Shel, I’m chuffed for you!’ I said a few moments later, probably taking longer to say it than I should have done. ‘This is SO exciting!’
‘You sure?’ she asked, pulling out of the hug I’d grabbed her in as I tried to pretend I was embracing her when really I needed a moment to gather my thoughts on her shoulder.
‘Course. I mean, this is great news. Who wouldn’t want to go and live in Australia? Wow. How exciting, really, this is great.’ I then let out this strangled laugh that matched my high-pitched voice. ‘This is great. We should have champagne!’ I announced, getting to my feet and suddenly wanting to get some fresh air. ‘I’ll head to the shop right now!’
‘Georgia. Are you sure you’re okay?’
‘Positive! We need to celebrate! Ha ha, look at you two. You don’t have to worry about me. I’m fine. More than fine,’ I babbled, rummaging through my handbag for my purse. Where the hell was it? For fuck’s sake.
‘Georgia,’ Marie said firmly, placing a hand on the arm that was desperately tearing through my bag. ‘Just chill out a moment.’
‘I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be? I mean, look at you all blossoming and yummy mummy and then look at Shel going to live thousands of miles away and then look at me and…and…’ It was too late. The tears were falling as the enormity of the situation hit me. I was losing my two best friends to real life when I still wasn’t sure of the direction mine was heading.
‘Aww, hon, come here.’ Shelley tried to put her arm round me but I shrugged it off and roughly wiped my eyes.
‘I’m fine. Fine. Honestly. Although have we got any more wine?’ I said, a little softer. ‘I’m just being silly.’
‘You’re clearly not fine.’ Marie shook her head. ‘There might be a bottle in the drinks cupboard in the kitchen. I’ve no idea how long it’s been there as I’ve not had nice booze in the house since being pregnant.’
I glanced at the almost empty wine bottle we’d brought with us. ‘Oh, okay. Well then, who fancies one of Georgia’s special cocktails?’ I asked, jumping to my feet. Neither of them joined in.
Soon I was back in the lounge holding a glass of Georgia’s Special Cocktail that I’d rustled up in super quick time, which was basically a concoction of the dregs of a Baileys bottle and some green alcoholic syrup I’d found in the back of Marie’s cupboard. It was the best of what was available, you know the stuff you accumulate over the years after parties, for recipes, or over the festive season but never get through – as who the hell ever finds themselves craving a glass of Advocaat? But I didn’t care. Judging by the time those bottles had been in that dusty drinks cupboard, the alcohol must have tripled in strength, as it was strooooonnnggg and exactly what I needed.
‘You’re both missing out!’ I said taking a long gulp. It did not taste good. ‘So, Australia, wow, tell me all!’ I managed, wanting to make conversation and purposefully ignoring their sceptical faces that I clearly wasn’t as fine as I was insisting that I was.
‘Well, I was originally just going to head there myself and Jimmy would join me when he could, but then we thought, well why not just go together. I’ve already handed my notice in and Jimmy is winding down his contracts as we get things sorted.’
‘Ben will be crushed,’ I breathed. Jimmy had been his best friend for years. It wasn’t just me who was losing out. ‘When is he telling him?’
Shelley ran her finger over the rim of her now empty wine glass. ‘He’s already told him.’
‘Wait – Ben knows and didn’t think to tell me?!’ Well this news had just got a whole lot shittier.
‘I think Jimmy asked Ben not to tell you until I’d had the chance to speak with you. I didn’t want you to hear it from anyone else.’ Her cheeks had flushed as she spoke. Marie shifted in her seat. I wasn’t sure if it was the baby pressing against her bladder or this uncomfortable atmosphere.
‘Oh. Right.’ We weren’t celebrating. We should be commiserating the end of an era. ‘Well, at least it shows Ben is good at keeping secrets, ha!’ A bark of fake laughter escaped.
‘All men have some secrets, just like us women. The point is that as long as they don’t hurt each other then it’s okay. I mean, you do love Ben, don’t you?’ Marie asked out of the blue.
‘What is love?’ I asked stretching my arms out and sloshing some of my special cocktail on the sofa cushion. ‘Baby, don’t hurt me!’ I finished Haddaway’s 90s’ song lyrics with a dramatic flourish and cracked myself up.
‘You do need to speak to him about it all though, babe,’ Marie said, ignoring the signs that my cocktail was kicking in.
‘I know, just not right now,’ I muttered sticking my tongue as far as it would go into my glass.
My best friend was soon to give life to another human being, my other best friend was starting a new life down under with her doting boyfriend, whereas mine was currently on a date with his stunning ex-girlfriend. Plus, he knew Shelley’s Australian bombshell and hadn’t prewarned me. But then again I’d found the ring he was going to propose to me with, so why did this matter? Even in my happiest moments, when I knew I had achieved and experienced things not a lot of people would do in a lifetime, I would still feel those crushing dark thoughts tap at my mind that I was missing out on what others had. That I had been left behind in some way. I always thought that – if things had previously gone to plan – by now I would have had a baby with Alex, that we would have celebrated our wedding anniversary and maybe even added an en-suite bathroom to our house.
When he’d called it off I’d been faced with an alternative to what I guess is the ‘pre-packaged’ idea of how you are supposed to live your life with the husband, children and mortgage. My life was now focused on growing my business, getting to see the world, building a future with Ben and doing the things that made me happy. I fluctuated between feeling unsure that I wanted to follow the traditional path, as it hurt me so much last time, yet eager not to miss out on what deep down I desperately wanted – a loving husband, a healthy child and a place to call home. I guess settling down doesn’t mean you have to settle. I felt an excitable tickle in my stomach when I thought about the upcoming proposal from Ben and how honoured I would feel at him getting down on one knee. So then why was I suddenly so unsure? And how could he be on a date with his ex if he was about to ask me to marry him? What was he playing at? It was all so confusing, and my strong cocktail wasn’t helping me think straight.
Once I’d drank all the booze, including two more special Georgia cocktails, and decided it would be hilarious to use Marie’s birthing ball as a prop in my version of Miley Cyrus’s Wrecking Ball video, it was time to call it a night. Shelley was meeting Jimmy at his gym once he’d finished his late night class so I left Marie’s in a fug of hugs and cocktail breath, and ordered an Uber to take me home.
‘All right, love? Good night?’ The shaven-headed, plump driver asked as I slipped into the back of his Corsa.
‘No. Not really. I’ve just found out that my best friend is moving ten thousand miles away and my other friend knew and didn’t warn me. Plus, my boyfriend has been hanging out with his ex-girlfriend on the sly and I drank some nasty cocktails and now have heartburn to go with my heartache.’
‘Oh.’ He drew in a breath and sucked his teeth; he turned down the radio station he’d been listening to. ‘That’s going to hurt.’
Realising that I had an impartial and sympathetic listener I then proceeded to tell him everything that had happened over the past few hours in drunken, inane detail. By the time he pulled up at my flat I felt like that old woman from Titanic who’d taken a four-hour film to explain one life event.
‘And that is why, even with all this going on,’ I slurred, waving my hand into thin air and whacking my wrist into his headrest by accident. ‘Even with this, I’m still going to be fine. Fine.’
He flashed me a look of relief as I stumbled out of his car. I eventually made it inside my flat after struggling to get my key in my front door and turn the handle at the same time. But when I realised Ben wasn’t home yet, I felt a heavy weight press on my shoulders.
I was going to be fine, but today, today was not that day.
