Читать книгу Freefall to Desire - Kayla Perrin - Страница 11

Brianne went to the living room’s front window and peered outside. Alex’s car was still there, as if he were waiting for something. But moments later, she heard the engine turn over and his sleek and expensive Mercedes drove away from the curb. Only when his car was out of view did she ease back and let her body fall onto the plush sofa.

Carter. Alive. Could it be possible?

Brianne pulled her knees onto the sofa, holding them close to her chest. Her head was spinning. She felt more ambiguous than hopeful, more confused as opposed to certain about what she should do.

Why now? she thought. Why at a point when she had just resolved to let go of any hope that Carter was alive had Alex shown up at her door?

Was this a sign from God? A sign that she should not be giving up on Carter?

Brianne sat for several minutes, holding Alex’s card in her palm. What had happened was so bizarre that she almost couldn’t be sure if she were dreaming.

But she was awake, no doubt about it, which meant that what had just happened had actually happened.

She glanced down at the card in her hand. The name ALEX THORPE was written in big, bold letters. She didn’t know what was more unsettling, Alex’s sudden appearance at her door or what he’d told her.

Carter. Alive. How long she had waited to hear those words… Why wasn’t she jumping for joy?

Brianne got up from the sofa and went to her bedroom. Her best friend, Salina, was in New York pursuing her career as a chef and her new man. Brianne called her cell but got no answer. Again. The last she had heard from Salina was two weeks ago, and she’d said that she was working long hours, was stressed but that otherwise all was good.

“Hey, girl,” Brianne said when the voice mail picked up. “Something major just happened. Call me. I need to talk to someone.”

Unable to reach Salina, Brianne went to the closet, retrieved her suitcase and found the travel documents she’d had for her sister’s wedding at the Gran Bahia Principe hotel in Jamaica. She didn’t like the idea of disturbing Shayna while she was on her honeymoon, but this was an emergency.

She called the hotel in Jamaica. Within minutes, she was connected to her sister’s room.

After the third ring, Brianne thought no one was going to answer. Not that she expected them to. Either Shayna and Donovan were out enjoying an evening show at the resort, or they were doing what honeymooners did best. But just before the fourth ring, someone picked up the receiver.

Brianne heard some shuffling, and then, “Hello?”

“Shayna!” Brianne exclaimed, happy to hear her sister’s voice. She didn’t realize until that exact moment how much she needed her sister right now.

“Brianne?”

“I’m sorry to call you on your honeymoon. I wouldn’t have called if it wasn’t very, very important.” Brianne heard Donovan ask something along the lines of if she was okay. “Yes, tell Donovan I’m okay. Well, actually I’m not too sure that I am.”

“What’s going on, Bree?” Shayna asked, her voice laced with concern. “Oh, of course. How could I have forgotten? It’s today. The three-year anniversary.”

“Oh, Shay.” A little sob escaped Brianne. “I just talked to Alex, and he said something. Something that’s hard to believe.”

“Alex? As in Carter’s best friend?”

“Yes.”

“I thought he’d left Buffalo.”

“So did I. But apparently he’s back.”

“He just called out of the blue?”

“He came to the house.”

“Oh, God.” Shayna’s voice was barely a whisper, and Brianne knew her sister was coming to the same conclusion she had. “They found Carter’s remains.”

“That’s what I thought, too, when I saw him. But Shay, he said something that has me reeling. He thinks…” Brianne paused, inhaled deeply. “He thinks that Carter’s alive.”

“What? How?”

Brianne took the next few minutes to fill her sister in, tell her everything Alex had said. “He wants me to go to Florida to help find Carter. But I don’t think I can. I mean, what if it was just a look-alike Alex saw? It’s been so hard for me already, trying to deal with the unrealistic likelihood that Carter might come back one day. In so many ways, it might have been easier if I’d just accepted that he had died. So what if we get to Florida and find this person and it’s not Carter after all? I don’t know if I can deal with that.”

“I don’t even know what to say, sis. I’m totally in shock.”

Again, Brianne heard Donovan speaking, and then she heard Shayna’s muffled voice as she filled her husband in on what was happening.

“A part of me is too scared to hope,” Brianne said. “But what if Carter is alive and he needs me? Or what if he’s alive and he’s got this whole new life that I won’t fit into?”

“I’d want to know,” Shayna said. “If you go and learn that it was simply a Carter look-alike, that’ll probably help you with closure. You can probably put to bed the idea of Carter ever coming back. But if you go and discover that against all odds Carter is alive… Yes, it would be hard to find out that he was involved with someone else, but will it be any easier wondering?”

Shayna had a good point. “Not really. No. It’s the wondering that has been so hard these past years.”

“Then again, Alex could deal with this on his own and report back to you what he finds. Especially if he learns that Carter has a wife and kids.”

A wife and kids. The words made a lump form in Brianne’s throat. She always thought that she would be Carter’s wife and the mother of his children.

“I’m sorry,” Shayna said. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No, don’t apologize. Nothing about this situation is sweet and rosy. I have to accept that.”

A beat passed, then Shayna asked, “What do you want to do?”

“I don’t know. That’s why I called you. To get your input.”

“Truthfully, I think that Alex probably saw a guy who looked a lot like Carter, but I doubt it was him. If Carter were alive, then he would have needed medical attention at some point. The authorities would certainly have been called. Then there’s the issue of him coming back to America without his identification. Brianne, I can’t see this person truly being him.”

“But there was no body.” Brianne spoke the words more to herself, thinking about the amount of times she had refused to believe Carter dead simply because his jacket and backpack had been found.

“I know,” Shayna agreed. “But you know what the authorities think. And there was enough blood on the jacket that they believed there had to have been some sort of attack.”

“Yes, yes, I know.” Brianne sighed. “Sorry, Shay. I’m not trying to be testy. It’s just…I still can’t think about what might have happened to Carter. It’s too hard.”

“Brianne, you have to decide what’s best for you to do. If you think going to Florida will help, then go. But if it’s going to be more painful than anything, then I think you shouldn’t do it.”

“I thought you said you’d want to know.”

“I did, yes. But when I really think about it, the likelihood of it—and how your emotions will get dragged through the ringer again—I don’t think it’s worth it. That said, I’ll support whatever decision you make.”

“I know you will,” Brianne said softly. “Thanks for listening. I’m sorry I disturbed you.”

“Are you kidding? I’m glad you called. I’m just sorry that you’re there by yourself dealing with this.”

“Tell Donovan hi. I’m gonna let you go.”

“All right. But, Bree, if you need to talk again, don’t hesitate to call back.”

Brianne heard the note of concern in Shayna’s voice and loved her sister for it. If not for Shayna, Brianne might not have come out of the dark days of depression after Carter’s disappearance.

“Go back to whatever it is you two lovebirds were doing,” Brianne said, injecting humor into her voice. “I’ll see you when you get back.”

“Take care, sis. I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Brianne said.

Brianne ended the call and sat in the dark room, her thoughts once again going back to Carter. More specifically, to the day she had learned from Alex that Carter hadn’t come off of the mountain.

Never in her life had she gone through a more emotionally wrenching time. For a twenty-four-year-old, deeply in love and losing the man she adored—it had been too much to bear.

Of course, she’d been devastated. But she’d been most upset with the searchers and the authorities and everyone who had been willing to write Carter off as dead. Determined to prove them all wrong, she had booked a ticket to head to British Columbia and search the mountain herself if necessary. Her sister had gone with her for support. But while in Canada, Brianne had realized how utterly helpless she was to effect any change. The amount of snow was unbelievable, and she—a woman who couldn’t stand a day of camping in decent weather—was never going to be able to find Carter when the search team couldn’t.

Once the search had been called off and she’d returned home, Brianne had gone into a depression. She had stayed in bed, not eating, not drinking. But her family had been there for her, bringing her plates of food and hot tea. Brianne refused it all until she could no longer starve herself. Then she’d fed her turbulent emotions with food. Within six months, she’d put on the thirty pounds she had spent the year and a half with Carter working off.

She knew how she got when it came to her emotions—unable to truly control them and helpless to assuage herself. It was the reason that going to Florida was such a daunting idea for her. If her hopes were once again deflated…

“Sleep on it,” Brianne said softly to herself. “And pray on it. When you wake up, you’ll know what to do.”

She settled in her bed with the rough draft of the novel her sister had just finished. Brianne always read Shayna’s books to give her input before she submitted them to her editor. But despite her sister’s compelling writing, Brianne simply couldn’t lose herself in the fictional historical world.

I think you were right all along. I think Carter’s alive.

Instead of concentrating on the words her sister had written, Brianne kept hearing Alex’s words. Kept seeing the serious look on his face. And something suddenly struck her about the visit, something that she hadn’t picked up on before.

Alex had relayed the news about Carter likely being alive, but he hadn’t seemed happy. He hadn’t seemed excited about the idea of reconnecting with his best friend.

The realization made her feel better. Because she herself wasn’t jumping up and down for joy—something she’d always expected she would do if she’d ever learned that Carter was alive.

Maybe it was all just too surreal to truly accept, given that three years had passed. And they really didn’t know for sure. What point was there in getting all excited, only to learn that this was all a mistake?

Of course both she and Alex were guarded. It only made sense that they keep an emotional guard up until they learned the truth.

“Lord, help me deal with this,” Brianne whispered. “If Carter’s alive, help me truly deal with all of what’s to come.”

You could want something so badly, yet when it happened you were unprepared for it.

Brianne lowered the manuscript pages. That was also it, she realized. Not just the uncertainty of not knowing if Alex was right about having seen Carter, but the reality that she was unprepared for the unexpected news Alex had delivered—no matter how much she had wished for it. In the early months or even after the first year, had Alex told her that he suspected Carter was alive, she would have been elated. Now, with the amount of time that had passed, there was so much to consider in the event that Carter had somehow escaped death. Because she was not foolish enough to believe that she was just going to pick up the pieces with him and everything would easily go back to the way it was.

She looked at her bedside phone, then at the card Alex had given her that rested on the table beside the phone. She wanted to call Alex now, to confide in him her fears. To talk candidly about the ambiguity she was feeling. She sensed that Alex would tell her that he had his own reservations about how all of this would play out.

Of course, it was different for him. He had been Carter’s friend. That was different than being a lover. He could easily pick up and continue as Carter’s friend in a way she wasn’t sure she would be able to easily continue on as the special woman in his life.

She picked up the card, stared at the phone number. And then she lifted the receiver.

But just as quickly she returned the receiver to its cradle. What was she going to say to him? Ask him all the same questions she had asked him earlier?

There was a part of her that simply wanted to hear his voice, to know that today hadn’t been a dream. But it was after nine. She didn’t want to disturb Alex.

After all, what if he weren’t alone?

An odd twinge came with the thought. In all the time she’d known him, she hadn’t known him to have a serious girlfriend. Carter had said that Alex was the consummate playboy. Gorgeous. Rich. He could have his pick of women, and, from what Carter had said, tended to like models.

Brianne was the exact opposite of his type. She was five-foot-five and voluptuous, with curves she had to work to keep in a nice proportion. Not tall and thin.

Not that it mattered. Why was she even thinking about that?

What mattered now was not getting Alex’s hopes up until she made a decision. When she called him, it would be to tell him whether or not she had decided to accompany him to Florida.

If you think going to Florida will help, then go. But if it’s going to be more painful than anything, then I think you shouldn’t do it.

Remembering Shayna’s words gave Brianne a sense of comfort. Her sister was right. She didn’t have to do anything she didn’t want to do—especially if it was painful.

And Brianne didn’t know if she could handle seeing Carter if he didn’t remember her.

Worse, she didn’t know if she could handle seeing him if he were involved with someone else.

The next morning, Brianne’s ambiguity over what to do made her angry with herself. She had been sitting at her desk, researching possible causes for temporary amnesia via the internet, and now pushed her chair back and stood. Why was she afraid to deal with a challenging situation? She had been ready to walk down the aisle with Carter, and in her vows she would have promised to be there for her husband in good times and bad. Sure, they hadn’t actually gotten married—because fate had intervened. What would she have done if she’d been married to Carter and then he’d disappeared? Bailed on him when he needed help?

Brianne made her way downstairs. She needed coffee. If Carter is alive, how can I not go to him? she asked herself as she descended the steps. No matter how hard it might be, how can I not help him get back to his former self?

Brianne set the Irish cream-flavored coffee to brew, then went back to her bedroom. There she reached for a stuffed teddy bear on her dresser, one she’d had from childhood. She held the bear close to her chest, drawing comfort from her childhood toy. Carter had always teased her for still having a teddy bear she turned to for comfort, but old habits die hard.

Her heart rate accelerated. Was it possible that Carter truly was alive?

The thought was overwhelming. And she needed to talk to someone about it. There was one only one person who understood what she was going through because he himself had experienced it—and that was Alex.

Brianne moved to her night table and lifted the card he’d given her. Then she plopped down on her bed and lifted the receiver.

She dialed the cell number, which rang four times before going to voice mail. Only then did she consider that at only ten minutes after eight, Alex might still be in bed.

Brianne hung up, not wanting to leave a message.

She was surprised when, not more than ten minutes later, the phone rang in the kitchen—and the caller ID showed Alex’s number.