Читать книгу Single Mama Drama - Kayla Perrin, Kayla Perrin - Страница 7

“I’m fine,” I insisted as my coworkers continued to fuss over me. The initial shock of the devastating news had penetrated my brain, and now I was trying to deal with it.

“Here.” Alaina put the mouth of a bottle of water against my lips. “Drink this.”

I forced down a couple sips, then turned my head.

“You need more than that,” Alaina insisted.

Not facing her, I waved off her concern.

LaToya, one of the agency’s administrative assistants, placed her palm on my forehead. “Oh, hell. She’s warm. And look at her eyes…they’re glazing over. I think she’s gonna pass out. Will, go get a damp cloth!”

I pushed LaToya’s hand away and got to my feet. “I’m not dehydrated, I don’t have a fever and I sure as hell am not about to pass out. I’m perfectly okay.” I glanced around the conference room at my colleagues. “Please stop treating me like I’m an invalid.”

Alaina shot me a look of grave concern. “Honey, your fiancé is dead. How can you be okay?”

“You heard the newscast. He was found in bed with another woman,” I said casually, adding a nonchalant shrug. “I guess he got what he deserved.”

“Got what he deserved?” Alaina repeated, aghast. “And yesterday, you were showing me travel brochures, telling me where you want to go on your dream honeymoon.” She shook her head. “Girl, don’t pretend this news isn’t devastating.”

“I’m shocked, yes,” I said, again trying to feign a calmness I didn’t feel. “But I’m trying to put things in perspective. Eli was screwing someone else. That makes him a lowdown dirty dawg if ever there was one. And one thing I can’t stand is a cheating man. Trust me, I’m thanking my lucky stars that I didn’t walk down the—”

I couldn’t get my words out before I burst into tears.

“Oh, sweetie.” Alaina wrapped me in a hug.

With her hugging me and stroking my hair, I allowed myself a total meltdown. The love of my life was dead, as were all our dreams for the future.

And Rayna…my God, how was I going to explain this to my baby?

“Seriously,” I heard Debbie say behind me. “You need to go home. Be with your daughter.”

“Home…Oh my God,” I croaked.

Everyone in the room must have picked up on the alarm in my voice, because there was a chorus of questions.

Pulling out of Alaina’s arms, I glanced around and studied the crowd. I think every single person from the agency was in the conference room at that moment, and as much as I appreciated the concern of my true friends, I didn’t want to be the day’s gossip for the curious.

“Alaina,” I began quietly. “Get these people out of here, please. I need to talk to you and Debbie.”

Debbie must have heard me, because before Alaina could approach her, she immediately turned off the television, then began to speak in her I’m-the-boss tone. “All right, everyone. Show’s over. We have a business to run here. Back to your desks.”

When Debbie spoke, people listened. She was that kind of boss. My coworkers started for the conference room door, some more slowly than others, all glancing back over their shoulders to shoot looks of pity at me.

Will appeared holding a wet cloth, and glanced around in confusion as people moved past him.

“Will, back to work,” Debbie told him. Not saying a word, he raised the cloth, and she continued. “Forget the wet rag. Just get back to work!”

Will knew better than to piss Debbie off, so he whirled around and disappeared. With him gone, she shut the conference room door to give us some privacy.

“What is it, honey?” she asked when she reached my side again. Debbie, though she could be a total bitch when necessary, did have a soft side for the people she liked. “You sort of freaked out when I said you should go home.”

My stomach tightened with the reality that, because Eli was dead, so much in my life would change. “The condo…we’ve got a mortgage. With Eli gone, I can’t afford the payments—not on my own.”

The thought of having to move had me on the verge of hyperventilating. Only three months earlier, Eli and I had purchased the gorgeous apartment in the heart of Miami Beach. It was a place that both Rayna and I loved, in a location that was ideal.

“If I can’t afford the payments, I’m going to have to move,” I moaned. “And I don’t want to leave South Beach! I can’t move to…to Kendall!”

“What’s wrong with Kendall?” Alaina asked, sounding a tad defensive. “It’s quiet, beautiful, a great place to raise a family. Not everyone can live on South Beach.”

“Alaina,” Debbie began, “don’t take everything so personally. We know Kendall is a beautiful place. It’s just that if it were any farther west, it’d be in Naples.”

Despite my misery, I cracked a smile at Alaina’s shocked look. If there was one topic that got Alaina riled, it was the subject of Kendall being too far from the center of Miami.

“I love Kendall,” I said, then misery gripped me again. “But my perfect sister and her perfect family live there. I’ll lose my mind if I have to move in with them. And I love the penthouse Eli and I bought. But I wouldn’t be there if it weren’t for Eli. I’ll have to move, and Rayna…how many changes does my little girl have to deal with in her short life? Carla’s been the best babysitter ever. And Eli…” My voice cracked, forcing me to finally slow my rant. “She loved Eli so much.”

“And now we know that Eli was a no-good piece of shit,” Debbie said frankly. “However, let’s hope he had the good sense to have a will written.”

“Yes!” Alaina exclaimed, excited. “He played for the Braves. He’s got to have a will. And I’m sure he’ll have left you enough money to pay off the mortgage.”

My heart lifted with hope. “Lord, I hope so. But he hasn’t played in seven years. We never really discussed it, but I don’t think he’s got millions in the bank anymore.” I caught myself talking about him in the present tense, as though he were still alive, and my stomach tightened with the sickest of feelings. I wondered when I’d ever get used to referring to him in the past tense.

“And life insurance,” Alaina continued. “He must have had life insurance.”

“Forget life insurance,” Debbie said. “At the very least, you both must have gotten mortgage insurance from the bank. In the event that one of you dies, the mortgage should be paid off.”

I heard what Debbie and Alaina were saying, but my brain—and my heart—were stuck on the reality that I’d have to refer to Eli in the past tense.

Dead. Gone. Was my fiancé.

Killed while screwing his lover.

A tear rolled down my cheek, and both Debbie and Alaina stopped talking. “I can’t believe he was cheating on me,” I said as they stared at me. “I can’t believe he’s dead. I can hardly fathom this. What do I tell my daughter?”

“I don’t know,” Debbie admitted, her shoulders drooping. “I really don’t.”

“You’ve talked to her about heaven, haven’t you?” Alaina asked. “When my kids’ hamster died, I told them that he’d gone to hamster heaven, where he was running to his heart’s content. That brought them a sense of peace.”

I didn’t see how the fate of a family pet could even compare to the death of a father, but didn’t say so. Instead I said, “No, I haven’t talked to Rayna about heaven. I figured she’s a little young to understand the concept.”

For several moments, no one spoke. What was there to say? Eli was dead, and nothing either of them said would make that reality any easier to deal with.

“I know I need you here,” Debbie said, breaking the silence, “but you go on home. I meant it when I said you could take as much time as you need. Paid leave, of course.”

I sighed. The idea of going home frightened me more than staying at the office. Going home meant I’d have to deal with Rayna, and I was not in the least bit ready to throw her little world into upheaval.

“Do you mind if I stay here for a while?” I asked Debbie. “Maybe just to rest in my office—if I can. Going home means…I’m just not ready.”

Debbie squeezed my hand. “Of course. You do whatever you need to do.”

“I think I’ll just sit here for a minute, if you don’t mind.”

“You need anything?” Alaina asked. “Coffee? Water?”

“No.” I shook my head.

“All right, Alaina,” Debbie said. “Let’s give Vanessa some peace and quiet.”

Moments later they were gone, the heavy conference door closed behind them.

And I was alone.

The way I would be from now on. Vanessa Cain, single. No significant other.

Except for my baby, of course. She was and always would be my world.

With that thought in mind, I forced myself to stand. As Debbie had so eloquently said, Eli was a louse. Even if he hadn’t been murdered, I would have suffered heartbreak when I learned he’d been cheating on me. This way, I’d been spared the agony of marrying him and then having to deal with a messy divorce.

I was better off—even if it didn’t feel that way at the moment.

I headed to my office, not turning to acknowledge the people who were throwing curious glances my way. I’d lost it once. I didn’t plan on having another meltdown. Not over Eli, when he so clearly didn’t deserve my tears.

In my office, I closed the door and grabbed the bottle of Advil I kept in my desk for the days when the stress at work became too much.

This definitely counted as one of those times. I downed two capsules with my now cold coffee, then made my way to the small love seat near the window. I had a great view overlooking the Port of Miami and Bayside, a trendy area filled with shops and restaurants along the waterfront. It was a view that normally lifted my spirits, but I didn’t even peer outside as I plopped down on my sofa and closed my eyes.

I lay there wishing that I could rewind this morning and start over. Actually, I’d rewind to the night before and erase the dumb fight I’d had with Eli. Then he wouldn’t have left, and he wouldn’t have ended up in another woman’s bed.

And he wouldn’t be dead right now.

I closed my eyes, tried to force sleep to take me away from this nightmare. It wouldn’t come.

I couldn’t stop thinking about Eli, trying to imagine the man I’d last seen very much alive suddenly dead. My mind simply couldn’t comprehend this information in a real way. It seemed inconceivable that I wouldn’t see him when I went home later. That I would never see him again.

He was with another woman.

Had Eli been killed in a car crash, or gunned down at an ATM, I think I wouldn’t have had such a hard time dealing with the news of his death. But the fact that he’d been cheating on me when it had happened was the ultimate bitter pill to swallow.

Who was this woman? Had Eli been involved in an ongoing affair with her? Or had he picked her up in a bar last night after he’d left our place? Had Eli truly been in love with me? Or had I been so blinded by my feelings for him that I’d missed all the signs that he was going to break my heart?

Replaying our life together in my mind, I couldn’t think of any signs I’d missed. Eli had chased me. Eli had been the very definition of a romantic. After a whirlwind courtship, he had proposed to me under the stars while we strolled on the beach.

We were engaged, for God’s sake. Why propose to me if he didn’t love me? And why be such a great father to Rayna? I could see Eli lying to me, breaking my heart—but not my daughter’s.

My sister, Nikki, said that what attracted me to Eli was his money, but that wasn’t it. It was his smile. I vividly remembered the day I’d met him. The exact moment, actually.

I had been at a diabetes fund-raiser at the Eden Roc Hotel, a wine-tasting event that brought out Miami’s movers and shakers. Built in the 1950s, the Eden Roc is one of the landmark resorts on South Beach’s famous Collins Avenue. It is right on the beach, a definite plus, and has one of the best spas in South Florida. Once, the exterior had been completely white, but with the recent renovations, it had been painted a pale shell-pink with green accents, giving it more of an art deco look.

Debbie knew someone working for the American Diabetes Association, and the organization had needed volunteers for the event. I gladly offered to help out. Free wine and possibly a few bottles to take home—it was a no-brainer.

Even before Eli approached the table I’d been manning, I noticed him among the crowd of happy, stylishly dressed people. I’d finished pouring two glasses of merlot for an older couple, glanced across the room and saw him instantly. He was with a beefy-looking black man in an expensive mustard-colored suit, a man I recognized immediately as Christian Blake, a former Miami Dolphins running back. Christian had retired two years earlier and now appeared in commercials promoting weight training products for men.

Christian Blake was all flash, and yet the man who caught my attention was the one he’d been with. Eli. Eli looked sharp in a loose-fitting black blazer and crisp white shirt. And unlike Christian, he hadn’t been sporting a pair of dark sunglasses, so I could easily see his eyes when his gaze met mine. Met and held.

His eyes lit up like he’d just seen the most beautiful woman in the world. Then his lips had curved into a stunning smile, and for that moment, it felt as if we were the only two people in the place.

I know that sounds corny, but it’s really the way it happened. Eli didn’t stop looking at me as he approached me from across the room, and I tried to be nonchalant, fiddling with one bottle of wine after the next, acting as if I wasn’t as instantly smitten with him as he appeared to be with me.

We both knew it was a game, however. Cat and mouse. Hunter and hunted. He was on the prowl, and I was his prey.

“Can I tell you something?” Eli had asked when he’d reached me. “And I hope you won’t think I’m crazy.”

I made a show of putting an empty bottle under the table, but said, “Sure.”

“You have got to be the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life.”

Now, I’ve heard that line before, but from Eli’s lips, I wasn’t compelled to roll my eyes and laugh. Maybe it was because he looked so polished, so damn delicious. Maybe it was because after my last breakup, I needed a good distraction.

Or maybe it was because I couldn’t deny the instant attraction between us.

“Would you like some merlot?” I asked, deliberately not responding to his comment. I began uncorking a new bottle, even though there were two open ones on the table.

“I’ll take anything you want to give me.”

My hands stilled on the cork, and once again I’d looked into his eyes. The charge between us sent a jolt of heat through my body.

I cleared my throat. “One glass of merlot coming right up.”

I fumbled to get the cork out of the bottle, all the while making sure not to look at him. He was over six feet tall, strikingly gorgeous, and had an incredible smile; in other words, I needed to keep my guard up around him. Heck, he was friends with Christian Blake, a man who publicly dated women like it was a new sport he’d taken up after football. And you know what they say about birds of a feather….

I’d already fallen for a smooth-talking pretty boy named Lewis, the guy I had been trying to get over at the time. I didn’t want to go down that road again.

“Here you are,” I announced, my hand shaking slightly as I passed him the glass of wine.

“My name’s Eli,” he said.

“That’s nice,” I replied.

“Ouch.” He winced. “So it’s like that?”

I should have said yes, that it was like that, making it clear that I didn’t want to get to know him. But I couldn’t bring myself to reject him, even if my brain told me to send him away. He was too fine, with his smooth, dark skin and that dazzling smile. My heart wanted him to stay exactly where he was.

“I hope you like the wine.”

“I couldn’t care less about the wine. It’s you I like.”

My heart fluttered at his bold statement. I glanced across the room at his friend, who now had a woman on each arm. “I see you’re here with Christian Blake.”

“I might be here with him, but I’m not like him, if that’s what you’re getting at. I’m a one-woman man.”

I couldn’t help laughing sardonically, a bitter memory of Lewis and his player ways popping into my head. “I’ve heard that before.”

“Yeah, but not from me.”

Damn the man, he sounded completely sincere. And to his credit, he was talking to me—not one of the groupies tailing Christian. Was it fair to compare him to Lewis? Probably not. Right from the beginning, I knew Lewis saw me as a plaything, and I didn’t care. It was my own fault that after six months of hot sex, I’d fallen in love with him.

Eli sipped his wine, eyeing me as I served merlot to another couple. It was clear he wasn’t going to leave my station. When the couple walked off, he said, “You gonna tell me your name?”

“Vanessa,” I stated. “And before you say anything else, I’m a single mother, raising my baby on my own.”

“That supposed to deter me?”

I shrugged.

“You can tell me all about the fool who let you go, over a drink later tonight.”

“I get out of here at eleven.” My easy answer surprised me. Then I realized that I’d made up my mind about getting to know Eli a little better. A drink was just a drink. I didn’t have to see him again if I didn’t want to.

We ended up heading to the Delano Hotel, a very chic and trendy South Beach spot. The lobby is beautiful, with two rows of white pillars down the center and interspersed white drapes that billow as the breeze flows through the hotel’s open front and back doors. We took a seat on one of the sofas on the large back terrace, also enclosed with drapes, and had a couple of drinks. We talked easily for an hour and a half.

Eli asked about my baby’s father, so I told him. I went on and on about Rayna’s deadbeat dad, Byron, and how I didn’t understand how a man could walk away from his children. Then I talked about Lewis and how he’d broken my heart because he was a player. When I realized I’d bitched for twenty minutes straight, I thought for sure that Eli would be ready to call it a night. But he wasn’t. I let him talk, and that was when I learned he used to play for the Atlanta Braves, which didn’t surprise me. Even if he hadn’t been with Christian Blake, I would have figured him for an athlete. He’d played nine years as an outfielder before a torn rotator cuff had put an end to his career. He said he’d been married before, and that it had ended badly, but didn’t offer more information. I didn’t ask.

We moved on to more neutral topics, like movies and music, and our favorite places to eat. It had been a perfectly enjoyable evening, and I really liked Eli, but a little voice in my head had told me I shouldn’t see him again. That I should remember my vow to concentrate on my career and put men on the back burner.

Only Eli started sending a dozen roses to my office every day when I didn’t return his calls. The attention had been as intoxicating as the roses’ sweet scent. Still, I was determined to stand my ground. I didn’t want to set myself up to get hurt again, as I’d been with Lewis.

With every flower delivery came a note that included Eli’s name and number, and the instruction to call him. I didn’t. But with the sixth bouquet of roses, the message had been different. It included his name and number as before, with the added note: “I won’t stop sending flowers until you call me back.”

So I caved and called him. Wouldn’t you?

I loved Eli’s sense of humor, the way he’d chased me. Lewis was used to women doing the chasing, and I think if he’d spent two days sending flowers with no response, he would have moved on. With Eli committing a solid week to his chase, I decided he was worthy of giving a chance.

Man, how he’d wooed me. Romantic dinners at Miami’s top restaurants, gifts of jewelry and adorable toys for Rayna…I’ve got to say, there wasn’t much to not like.

He won me over, and more importantly, won my daughter over. Who wouldn’t fall for a man who seemed absolutely perfect?

I’m not sure how long I lay curled up on the plush love seat in my office, but when there was a knock at my door, I didn’t move. When I heard it open, I turned my head and saw Trisha, Debbie’s assistant, peeking her head through the door.

“Hey, Vanessa,” she said.

“Hi,” I responded weakly.

She entered the room without waiting for an invitation. “I’m so sorry for your loss,” she said. “If there’s anything you need, please tell me.”

“Sure.”

Trisha paused at the door, and I expected her to leave, but she didn’t. After a moment she asked, “Do you want me to pick you up some lunch?”

“Lunch?” I asked, surprised. “It’s already noon?”

“It’s almost one, actually. We gave you some time, like you wanted, but we were starting to get worried about you.”

Sitting up, I glanced at my watch. Where had the time gone? I must have drifted off to sleep, after all.

“Whatever you want,” Trisha said. “My treat.”

“I’m not hungry,” I told her.

She stepped fully into my office and closed the door behind her. “I know what you’re going through. You remember my father died a couple months ago. You need to keep your strength up.”

“I’m really not hungry,” I reiterated, now getting to my feet. I wasn’t in the mood to hear that I’d have to keep my strength up, that I was about to deal with the hardest thing in my life. I already knew that. “I appreciate your concern, Trisha, but I’ll get myself something to eat when I’m ready.”

She nodded, then silently left the room.

I was still standing before my window, staring outside but seeing only a blur, when I heard the door open again. I didn’t know if Trisha said a word to anyone, or if they simply saw her coming from my office and decided that was their cue to enter. But person after person came in to check on me after that, in a steady stream, offering to get me food or whatever I needed, offering to lend me their shoulder to cry on, sharing stories of how they’d learned their lovers had cheated on them, but how they’d gotten over the heartache.

I swear, they drove me nuts with all their sympathy, to the point where I finally left the office to get food, just so I’d have some peace.

I made the short walk from my office to Bayside, where I wandered back and forth along the scenic walkways and perused the two levels of fashionable shops. I was trying to pretend I was a normal woman out for a normal, carefree stroll. When I passed the Hard Rock Café for the seventh time, I realized I couldn’t go on like this forever. I couldn’t wander around aimlessly like a tourist, pretending everything was right in my world.

Sooner or later, I had to face reality.

Eli was dead.

It suddenly dawned on me that I hadn’t called Carla back after I’d watched CNN. Now, I wanted to assure her that grief hadn’t caused me to jump out of my office window.

I dug my cell phone out of my purse, turned it on and punched in Carla’s home number. She answered on the first ring, exclaiming, “Vanessa!”

“Hey,” I said.

“Where are you? Every time I call your office, the phone goes straight to voice mail! I have been totally worried!”

I didn’t even remember setting that up, though I must have. Just as I’d obviously turned off my cell phone. “Sorry I didn’t get back to you. I just wanted some time.”

A moment passed, then Carla said, “When I saw the news, my heart just froze. You had no clue?”

“That Eli would get himself killed one day because he was having an affair with a married woman? No, I had no clue.”

Carla tsked. “Sometimes life seriously sucks. I know how much you loved Eli.”

“How’s Rayna?” I asked, changing the subject. I didn’t want to think about what I’d felt for Eli, because I would likely fall apart, right here in front of countless strangers.

“Great. She’s having a blast here.”

“Good, that’s good.” A heavy sigh oozed out of my body. At least that was positive news.

“When are you going to be home?” Carla asked.

“Between five-thirty and six, same as usual,” I answered.

“What? Tell me your boss isn’t that much of a bitch that she’s making you stay.”

“No, of course not. I chose to stay.”

“Why?”

“It’s not that I didn’t want to head home—I’m definitely no use at the office today—but…I just couldn’t. I guess I needed some time to pull myself together. To deal with the shock of all that’s happened. And, my God, Carla, I’m afraid I’m going to break down the moment I see Rayna. She’s going to ask where Eli is, and how do I tell her…” My voice cracked.

“Oh, sweetie. I’m really sorry. I don’t know what else to say.”

A weird feeling suddenly passed over me, the kind you get when you sense you’re being watched.

It stopped my tears in my eye ducts, because up until that moment, I was certain I’d been about to start crying.

Spinning around, I surveyed the crowd. I saw happy lovers strolling hand in hand, girlfriends carrying multiple shopping bags, people standing near the railing at the edge of the water.

In other words, I saw nothing out of place.

But still, that odd feeling didn’t leave me.

“Carla, I’ll see you later,” I said hastily, then closed the phone.

One more quick glance around and I assured myself I was being paranoid. Who would be following me in this very public place?

I stuffed my cell phone back in my purse and headed for the street. Once again, it hit me that I wasn’t in the middle of a nightmare.

Actually, I was—only this nightmare was real.

I pushed that thought aside and forced myself to think about Rayna, how I had to be strong for her.

She was going to need me, and I wouldn’t let her down.