Читать книгу Always in My Heart - Kayla Perrin, Kayla Perrin - Страница 11

Chapter 3

Nigel Williams could count on one hand the number of times in his life that he’d been speechless. He wasn’t the type to find himself at a loss for words. But when he opened the door to his home and saw who stood there—a few minutes shy of eight in the morning—he couldn’t think of one thing to say.

He stared, and so did she. He couldn’t help wondering if his mind had conjured her, it had been that long.

“Hello, Nigel,” came the soft voice of the woman Nigel had once loved. He still didn’t speak. He could hardly think, much less form words.

“I know you’re surprised to see me,” she went on.

Callie Hart was standing on his doorstep. Surprised was an understatement.

Callie looked into Nigel’s eyes, then glanced away uncomfortably. His own gaze went to the big white bandage on her forehead. Then he looked lower, noticing that she was hunched into a light jacket that was thrown over her shoulders, as though to protect herself from the chill that had come after the rain. The late May weather had been odd lately, and the recent heat—which had caused the rain—had been followed by a cold spell this morning.

Meeting his gaze once again, Callie asked, “Can I come in?”

Nigel’s stomach clenched. Here she was, after not being in touch for ten years, and she was asking to come in as if the request was completely normal? He didn’t want to let her in. Not in the least.

“Please,” Callie repeated, her voice catching slightly. “It’s…it’s important.”

What could be so important to talk about now, ten years after she had left him?

“Did you walk here?” he asked, looking behind her and seeing no car.

“Yes.”

Nigel wanted to turn her away. He really did. No explanation for her behavior would matter at this point.

“Can we please speak inside?” Callie asked. “Because you need to hear me out. Once you do, you can send me away and I’ll never return, if that’s what you want.”

His heart pounding, Nigel contemplated what to do for a moment. Then, he stood back and held the door open wide. As Callie stepped over the threshold, he noticed the sling Marshall had mentioned, which explained why she was wearing the jacket over her shoulders. Marshall had suggested that maybe Callie had fallen, but these injuries looked more serious than that.

“What happened?” Nigel asked, indicating her injury with a jerk of his head.

“A fender bender. Nothing serious.”

“You…you seem cold,” Nigel found himself saying. “Would you like some tea?”

“That sounds great. Whatever you have.”

Nigel closed the front door, then made his way off to the right where the kitchen was. Old habits died hard. He didn’t particularly want to offer Callie tea, as if she had come on a social call, but she was shivering, and Nigel could hear his mother telling him that you should always offer your guests a drink.

Guest…Callie Hart was hardly a guest.

As he turned on the flame beneath the kettle, he paused at the counter and closed his eyes. And then he pinched himself to make sure that he wasn’t dreaming.

He wasn’t.

Glancing over his shoulder, Nigel looked at Callie, who was now standing in the living room. She had her good arm wrapped around her body. She was looking around the house with interest, obviously taking in all the changes.

“I hardly recognize the house,” she said. “These hardwood floors are beautiful. Are they original?”

“Yeah. Once I ripped up the carpet, I found those floors. I refinished them.”

“Beautiful. And I love these upscale light fixtures.”

“Thanks,” Nigel muttered, wondering why she was talking about the house. “What kind of tea do you want? Orange pekoe, something flavored?”

“Orange pekoe is fine.”

Nigel opened the cupboard and took down the box of tea. He got a tea bag and put it into a mug as the water warmed.

“I assume you did all the work?” Callie said.

“Yeah.”

“I really like how you opened the place up by knocking down the wall that used to be between the living room and kitchen.”

Nigel said nothing. Just gritted his teeth. As if he expected Callie to be here after all this time, complimenting him on the renovations he’d done to the house.

As the kettle began to boil, Nigel watched Callie move toward the pictures on one of the walls. She seemed to take a keen interest in the photo of him in his police uniform on his graduation day.

“Do you live here alone?” Callie called out.

Nigel didn’t answer. Instead, he poured boiling water into the mug. Then, leaving it there to sit, he went back out to the living room.

“Do you live here alone?” Callie repeated.

“If you don’t mind, Callie, I’d like you to get to the point of why you’re here,” Nigel said instead of answering her. “Because I don’t understand why, after all this time, you’re here at my house.”

He saw something flash in her eyes. And he got the distinct sense that all her chatter had simply been a way to break the ice, to ease the tension.

“Maybe you should sit down,” she suggested.

Nigel groaned his frustration. “Are you here to apologize, Callie? Because for the life of me, that’s the only thing that makes sense. You came back to town for your aunt’s funeral, and you’ve been attacked by a bout of conscience. Well, guess what—you’ve shown up ten years too late.”

“You’re angry,” she said.

For some reason, the comment irked Nigel all the more. “You’re damn right I’m angry.” Pausing, Nigel drew in a slow breath. “I mean, I was angry. But what happened was a long time ago.”

“I know.”

It hurt to see her, he realized. More than it should given how much time had passed. Suddenly, he didn’t care if she had that cup of tea. He was ready for the visit to be over.

“You know what, Callie—there’s no need to apologize.” If she was truly sorry, it wouldn’t have taken her ten years to show up at his door, so any apology she gave him now would ring hollow.

“I’m not here to apologize.”

That got his attention. One of his eyebrows shot up. “Then why are you here?”

“Because I need to tell you something. Something I should have told you a long time ago.” Callie drew in a deep breath. “Nigel…when I left Cleveland…” Her voice trailed off.

He studied her, wondering what on earth she had to say. Surely she wasn’t going to tell him that she regretted leaving, that she wanted him back.

The idea was laughable. But the fact that she was here meant hell had already frozen over, so anything was possible.

“You’re here, Callie,” he said. “Just spit out whatever it is that you have to say.”

“When I left here, I was pregnant,” she began slowly, not looking into Nigel’s eyes.

Nigel was confused. “I don’t understand.”

“When I left Cleveland, I was pregnant,” she repeated, her eyes now meeting his.

“What are you saying? That you were seeing someone else? Is that why you left without an explanation?”

“No, I wasn’t seeing anyone else.” Callie spoke emphatically. “What I’m saying is…I was pregnant with your baby.” Nigel saw her chest rise and fall with a shaky breath. “Nigel, you have a son.”

Seconds passed. Seconds in which it seemed as though a bomb had gone off, shattering his world.

In fact, he was certain that Callie had not said what he thought she’d just said. It didn’t make sense. If she had been pregnant with his baby, surely she wouldn’t have taken off without telling him.

“What did you say?” he asked. He needed to be sure.

“I was pregnant, Nigel. I…I had your baby. A boy. He’s here with me—”

“You’re telling me I’m a father?”

Callie nodded. “Yes. Your son’s name is Kwame.”

The simple words hit Nigel with the impact of a kick to his stomach, so much so that he exhaled all the air in his lungs in a huge gush.

“I have a…” Son? He couldn’t even say the word, it was that unbelievable.

“I know you’re surprised,” Callie went on.

“Surprised?” Nigel laughed, but it was a hollow, mirthless sound. Surprise was the least of it. He was dumbfounded. If someone had told him that his best friend was actually a robot, he would have been less surprised.

He was a father.

It seemed inconceivable. Sure, he knew that he and Callie had made love enough times to create a baby. But though they’d been young, they’d been smart enough to use protection.

“How?” Nigel asked. “How is this possible?”

“I know it’s hard to believe because we were using protection,” Callie began. “But condoms aren’t always foolproof.”

This couldn’t be happening. Surely Nigel had been transported to the twilight zone. Because what he was hearing was too bizarre to be true.

Get this—she’s got a child. Marshall’s words sounded in his mind. A young boy was getting out of the car with her. Maybe eight.

“How old is he?” Nigel asked.

“Nine.”

Nine… If the kid was nine, it certainly could be his son. His heart was racing, but with each passing second, he was becoming convinced that he wasn’t in the twilight zone.

This was really happening. This was true.

Callie had said that condoms weren’t always foolproof, and Nigel couldn’t help remembering at least a couple times that the condom had broken when they’d been together. At the time, he hadn’t been overly concerned about it. Because he had planned to spend his life with Callie, so if they’d created a child together, Nigel would have been fine with that, even if a baby had come along sooner than he had planned.

Callie, the condom broke, Nigel remembered telling her the first time it had happened.

Do you think we made a baby? Callie had asked, stroking his face, smiling as if the idea pleased her.

Nigel stiffened his jaw now, pushing the memory of that happier time from his mind. Clearly, he and Callie had created a baby one of the times that the condom had broken.

Kwame. His son.

“So you got pregnant and you didn’t tell me,” Nigel said, stating the obvious.

“I know I should have.”

“Yet you didn’t.”

“Yes,” Callie said, sounding ashamed.

It didn’t make sense that she was here. Why tell him about this now?

“So what happened to bring you here now? You had some sudden epiphany that you should finally clue me in?”

“Something like that.”

He supposed what he really wanted to know was if Callie had ever planned to tell him. “Was that your plan all along?” he asked. “To not tell me about this?”

“No, that wasn’t my plan,” Callie explained. “I never thought I would have your baby and not tell you about it.”

“Then how could you? After what we meant to each—” The words died in Nigel’s throat. Obviously, he hadn’t meant as much to Callie as he’d thought.

“I just…I felt that if we weren’t working as a couple, then why burden you with a child?”

Nigel gaped at her, then steeled his jaw in anger. “Are you serious?”

Callie looked somewhat hurt by the question, but for goodness’ sake, he was the one with the reason to be upset. For ten years, she had kept him in the dark. Starting with her pregnancy and then the birth of their son.

“I know it’s not easy to understand,” Callie said. “I’m not asking for you to forgive me. I know that would be unrealistic. I’m just asking…I’m here because I know it was time for me to do the right thing.”

“Because of what happened to you?” Nigel asked, gesturing to her injured arm. “That bandage and sling have something to do with you wanting to do the right thing? Did you get hurt in some…some crazy protest?” He would bet money on it. Callie, the fireball of passion he had known and loved, ready to speak out against injustice at every turn.

Callie looked away, pausing briefly before answering. “No, no protest. I’m not the same person I was years ago. But yes, getting hurt made me see the light. I realized that if I died, Kwame deserved to be with his father.”

“So if not for your accident, you wouldn’t be here.”

“And Auntie Jean’s death as well,” Callie said softly. “A death in the family put things into perspective.”

Nigel gritted his teeth. He wanted to hear Callie say that after all these years, nagging guilt was why she was finally here at his place. He didn’t want to hear that he was the fallback plan. That if something tragic happened to her, he would then be good enough for his son.

“A lot of holes with that plan, I can tell you,” Nigel muttered.

“I know it wasn’t the best pl—”

“For example, let’s just say something happened to you and suddenly Kwame was transferred to my care without knowing who I was. How damaging do you think that would be? Don’t you think it would’ve been better for me to forge a relationship with him ahead of time, not in case of emergency?” Nigel knew that he sounded angry, but damn it, he had a right to be.

Callie closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. “That’s why I’m here now. What happened to me was a huge wake-up call, and thankfully the worst didn’t happen. Thankfully, you can now forge that relationship with your son. I’m here, Nigel, ready to do the right thing. But if you don’t want to be a part of your son’s life—”

“Don’t you dare say that to me,” Nigel said. “You’re the one who took my son away from me. You took away my choice to be a father.”

“I’m sorry. I…”

“I know. You were hoping I would give you an excuse.” When she met his eyes with a questioning expression, he continued. “Give you an excuse to run again.”

Callie said nothing, and Nigel nodded. “I know you too well, don’t I?”

“I’m here because I want you to get to know your son.”

“How generous of you.” Nigel turned, began to pace. He needed to move. He needed to do something to help calm his frayed nerves.

He heard the soft breath that escaped Callie’s lips, and hated himself for even feeling a measure of empathy for her. He knew how hard it was for her to be here, admitting the truth. But the bottom line was, she was the one who had lied to him.

Ten years ago, if she had made a soft little sound like that, he would have curled her into his arms and held her until everything was all right.

But there would be no holding her now.

“I’m sorry,” Callie said.

Nigel faced her again. “Yeah, well, that apology is ten years too late.”

He began to pace again, and silence fell between them, the only sound in the room their heavy breathing.

When he faced her again, he saw that her eyes were filled with tears. And damn it, there was that empathy again. Empathy that she didn’t deserve.

Pausing, Nigel drew in a deep breath, one he hoped would help calm his ire. “Look, you can’t show up nine years after our son was born and expect me to jump up and down at your news.”

“I didn’t say that,” Callie said softly. She wiped a tear that had fallen down her cheek. “You think this is only hard for you? Being here is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. In many ways, it would have been easier to keep you in the dark. But I know how wrong I was, and that’s why I’m here now, realizing that you’ll likely hate me forever for what I did. Yes, it took a life-altering event for me to realize exactly what’s important in life. And I know that now. My son has a father. It’s time he get to know him. What I need to know is if you’re willing to get to know Kwame.”

“Of course,” Nigel quipped. “I have a son. I won’t turn my back on him.”

Callie nodded. “I know you’re angry. I also know that I have to deal with whatever reaction you have to this, because this is completely my fault. But I’m figuring you probably need a day or two to let this all sink in, and then maybe we can set up a time for you to meet Kwame—”

“Today. I want to meet him today.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Nigel said. Then he groaned. “Damn it, I completely forgot that I have court this morning. Then I have to work this evening. Today isn’t the best day.”

“We can set up another time,” Callie said softly.

“I’ve missed nine years of his life. I need to meet my son as soon as possible.”

Callie nodded. “Good. Because I’m not sure when I’m heading back to Florida, but it’s fair to say that time is of the essence. And I’d like for Kwame to spend as much time getting to know you before we leave.”

“When’s his birthday?” Nigel asked.

“November twenty-eighth.”

Nigel processed the information. That would make Kwame’s birth just about six months after Callie had disappeared from his world.

“Does he know about me?” Nigel asked.

Callie didn’t look at him as she spoke. “No. Not yet. I wanted to wait to see what you would say before I told him.”

“And if I didn’t want to see him, you would let him continue to live in the dark? Not know about me?”

“No,” Callie said slowly. “If you didn’t want to see him, then I would have found a way to explain that to him. But I didn’t want to get his hopes up about you and the fact that you lived in Cleveland if you didn’t want to see him.”

Nigel was silent for a long moment, weighing the validity of her answer. He stared at her, and she held his gaze, not flinching.

“Fair enough,” he finally said. “As much as I want to meet him today, it’ll have to be tomorrow morning. Around ten? If you’re going to spring it on him that I’m his father, he might need a little time to process the information. Maybe it’s best that I won’t have adequate time until tomorrow.”

Callie nodded. “Sure, we can come by at ten.”

“Good.”

Callie offered him a weak smile. Then she turned toward the door.

“Your tea,” Nigel said. “You didn’t drink it.”

“Um, I’ll be fine. It’s probably best I get back to the house, talk to Kwame.”

She made her way to the front door, and Nigel followed her. His heart was beating a mile a minute, he realized. But how could it not be? His life had just changed, in an instant.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then,” Callie said as she opened the door. “We both will.”

“Sure. Now, are you going to tell me what else is going on?”

Callie’s eyes widened. “What are you talking about?”

“Call it a cop instinct,” he said.

Callie didn’t speak right away, just looked at him with that wide-eyed expression. He’d been a cop for nine years, and over that time had honed his senses. Every sense within him told him that Callie was keeping something from him.

“Besides, I don’t believe you came here simply because you had an attack of conscience,” he added.

Callie wrung her hands together, a sign that he was right on the money. But she didn’t speak.

“Does it have to do with the fact that your arm is in a sling?” Nigel asked. “Because that’s what my senses are telling me.”

“Your senses are off in this case,” Callie said. “My aunt died. Like I said, that’s the reason I’m here. It made me realize life is too short.”

Nigel shrugged. If that was how she wanted to play this, then fine. Why should he care whatever personal mess she might be in?

What mattered was that he had a son.

A son… The gravity of the situation hit him anew.

The woman he had loved more than any other had not only left him, she’d left him and kept their child a secret.

Nigel had always believed that Callie had loved him, loved him as deeply as he loved her, but it was glaringly clear now that she hadn’t loved him that much at all.