Читать книгу The Complete Red-Hot And Historical Collection - Ким Лоренс, Kelly Hunter - Страница 29

SCOTT REELED BACK in his chair. ‘What’s he got to do with anything?’

‘I don’t know, Scott. Why don’t you tell me what he has to do with you, with us, or indeed with anything? Because you’ve told me precious little so far. So—Hugo.’

‘Oh, I get it. Is this—? This is about…about Play Time. Stopping Play Time, right?’

‘Yes, Scott, it is.’

‘But…why? What was so bad? Do you want to…to go back and start again?’

‘No.’

He blinked. ‘Okay, then, let’s skip it altogether and just go upstairs and—’

‘Hugo,’ Kate said again.

He tried to smile, but didn’t nail it. ‘You don’t know what I was going to suggest.’

Kate didn’t bother even trying to smile. ‘The fact that you said we should go upstairs—to bed, no doubt—tells me all I need to know. It tells me we don’t have a relationship.’

‘Sure we do.’

‘No, Scott, we don’t. We have a contract.’

‘You’re the one who wanted the contract.’

‘Semantics. With or without the signed piece of paper, we have an arrangement. An arrangement is not a relationship. And if you’re happy with that then I’m calling “Hugo”. As in enough. No more Play Time. No more anything.’

Scott shoved a hand into his hair. ‘Kate, if it’s the subject of my brother that’s bothering you—’

‘Didn’t you listen? Hugo—as in I’m finished.’

‘—he has nothing to do with us.’ Right over the top of her. ‘I never thought you’d meet him.’

‘Well, I did meet him, Scott, so how about you explain now?’

Silence. Scott’s jaw tightened.

‘Scott?’

‘You’re the smartest person I’ve ever met, Kate. I’m sure you worked it all out the night of the architect awards. Why do you need to wring the words out of me?’

Kate stared at him.

He stared back.

And then he shoved both his hands into his hair. ‘Dammit—all right. It’s no big deal.’

He took a moment. Placed his hands on the table, palms down. Very specific. Controlling them.

‘Very simply: my brother was the perfect child. Better than me at school, better than me at sport, better than me at everything. My parents let me know it in a thousand ways when we were growing up. And when Hugo hit the doctor target…? Big bonus points, there. Now he’s hit all the personal targets too—getting married, providing grandchildren. Long story short—Hugo is family all the way. And I’m…not. I’m number two. All the way.’

Kate reached for his hand but Scott pulled it back, out of the touch zone.

‘All the way,’ he repeated. ‘Want an example, Kate? What about that time I was in the Whitsundays, goofing off, teaching holidaymakers to sail, making a fool of myself over a girl who didn’t love me? What do you think my brother was doing?’ But the question was rhetorical. ‘He was one-upping me spectacularly by sailing solo around the world.’

‘So what?’ Kate asked, but it was hard to get that out because she wanted to cry.

‘So what?’ Scott laughed—harsh and awful. ‘So sailing was my thing. Why did he have to take that too? I swear, if he knew I liked cooking he’d go and get himself a publishing deal for a cookbook.’

‘Hugo didn’t win the architecture prize. You did.’

‘Wait until next year’s awards,’ Scott said. ‘He’ll pull a rabbit out of someone’s hat.’

‘Exactly, Scott! Out of someone else’s hat! Unlike you, wearing your own hat. Because you can’t tell me you simply follow blindly—not your parents, not your brother, not anyone. Otherwise you’d be a doctor like the rest of your family—you’re certainly smart enough.’

‘There’s no mystery there, Kate. I just wanted to be an architect.’

‘I know that. And I know why. Because it’s you. Creativity—and order. The perfect career for you! And I think your brother hates how good you are at it. Because you can bet that although you could be a doctor if you wanted to—’

‘Not as good as Hugo.’

‘Maybe…maybe not—but you could be some kind of doctor. Hugo, however, could never be any kind of architect.’

‘You can’t possibly tell that.’

‘Sure I can—because he wasn’t the one in the navy blue tux that night. He doesn’t have it. It. That thing you have. And what does it tell you that he didn’t even have the grace to come over and congratulate you when you won that award?’

Scott said nothing.

‘That he was jealous,’ Kate said. ‘Is jealous. Of you.’

Scoffing laugh. ‘He has nothing to be jealous of.’

‘Really? Because the way I see it, you have something Hugo wants badly but will never, ever have. I’ll bet your parents don’t have it either. I’ll bet none of them even understands it—which is why it’s three against one in the Knight family. You have creativity, and charisma, and wit, and decency, and…and adventure in your soul, and so much more. That’s why you went to the Whitsundays, and why Hugo had to make do with what he thought was one better. Except it wasn’t one better. He had to follow you to one-up you. And he had to one-up you because that’s the only way he can feel better than you. He can’t bear your success because he wants it all—all for himself. He can’t be you, so he steals from you. But he can’t steal the one thing he really wants because that would make him…you. And, no matter what he tries, he never will be you.’

Scott shook his head, wearing one of those smiles that meant nothing.

‘And the sailing thing?’ she said urgently. ‘I’d tell you to make it your thing again, if it bothers you, but you don’t have to make it your thing. Because it is your thing. It always was—and it will be waiting for you when you’re ready to let it all go and just be, Scott. Just be. Without comparing yourself to anyone.’

‘I’ve given up comparing myself, Kate.’ Scott took a deep, visible breath. ‘Number two is fine with me.’

Heart. Breaking.

‘You’re not number two. Not with me, Scott.’

‘Not yet. But give it time. Someone else will come along. Someone older, like that Phillip guy. Someone smarter, like Hugo. Someone not as stitched-up and closed-off and conservative, like Brodie. That’s why you danced with him. Why you went sailing with him. I’ll bet you even told him about your custody case.’

She was silent.

‘Did you, Kate?’ he asked, and she heard the edge of danger in his voice.

‘I don’t talk about my cases. Not in…in detail.’

‘Obfuscation? How very…legal.’ He shook his head, disgusted.

‘You sound like my mother. She really would like you, Scott.’

‘Did you tell him, Kate? It’s a simple question—one of those simple questions you say you don’t have a problem with.’

She took a quick breath. ‘Then, yes. That’s the answer. I did. I told him.’

Scott’s hand fisted, banged on the table, and Kate flinched.

‘Why?’ The word shot out like a bullet.

‘Because he asked. As a friend.’

‘I can’t believe this.’ Scott shot to his feet, paced away, then back. ‘What the hell am I, Kate? I’ve been trying to talk to you about it for a week.’

He banged both fists on the table this time.

‘Tell me!’ Another bang. ‘Tell me, Kate, dammit!’

Kate’s heart had jumped right into her throat as his fists hit the table, and for a moment all she could do was stare at him. He looked a heartbeat away from breathing fire.

Out of control—at last.

And now she had to find words, when all she wanted to do was fling herself at him and wrap herself around him and beg him to let her love him, to love her back.

She realised she’d left it too long to speak when, cursing, Scott started to pace away again. One step…two.

‘Wait,’ she said, standing, grabbing his swinging arm so fast her chair toppled backwards. ‘I’ll tell you.’

He was shaking his head as he turned, wrenched his arm free. ‘Don’t bother, Kate. Just…just don’t. It’s too damned late.’

‘I’m representing the father,’ she rushed out. ‘Who’s been sitting on the sidelines going slowly out of his mind while his ex-wife’s new boyfriend slaps his three-year-old son around. Something he’s reported over and over and over. But nobody believes him. Because there’s been enough mud slung to cast all sorts of doubts about him. His little boy screams and begs every time he has to go back to his mother after a scheduled visit.’

Kate’s breaths were heaving in and out and she’d started to shake with the fury of it.

‘My client ended up so desperate he kidnapped his own child to protect him. And what did he get for caring like that? No more visits. At all. That’s what.’

Her throat was clogged and swollen. The injustice of it was raging out of her, even though she’d won. Why? Why did it still get to her? No answer—it just did. And it was all too much. The case… Scott…her damned life.

‘So you want to know why I didn’t tell you, Scott?’ she asked as the tears started. ‘Because you didn’t sign up for deep and meaningful, remember? And that’s deep and meaningful to me. I needed you. But how could I tell you? What could I say? When you said—made it clear— Oh, God. I can’t. I…can’t. I…’

But she couldn’t go on. She was choking on tears. And suddenly she gave in to them, sobbing into her hands.

And then she was in Scott’s arms, held tightly against his chest. ‘Shh, shh, Kate… I’m here.’

‘No, Scott, you’re not,’ she sobbed into his shoulder. ‘You’re not here. Your body’s here—that’s all. Just your body.’

She tried to pull away but Scott held on. ‘I’m not letting you go, Kate, so stop struggling.’

‘And if I do? If I stop struggling?’ She looked up at him. ‘Then what? You’ll ask me to spit out a few legal terms and take me to bed?’

‘Yes,’ he said simply.

‘That’s not enough,’ she cried, and buried her face in his shoulder again. ‘I want more.’

‘So do I. That’s why we’re rolling it over.’

‘No, Scott, we’re not.’

‘You just said you wanted more.’

‘Not more sex! More…more.’

‘I don’t— I don’t—’

‘No, you don’t’ she cut in, half-despair, half-rage, as she pulled out of his arms. ‘That’s the problem. Well, I’m not hanging in limbo any more, like a suspended piñata, waiting to have the crap beaten out of me.’

‘A piña—?’ He stopped. Incredulous. ‘I’m not beating anything out of you. I would never hurt you.’

‘Oh, you’re hurting me, all right.’

‘I’m not hurting you,’ Scott said furiously. ‘I won’t hurt you. You won’t hurt me. That’s the whole point!’

‘And I’m telling you—you are hurting me. Because I love you. And you don’t love me back.’

The shock of it was plain on his face. ‘You don’t love me. Kate, you know you don’t.’ Pleading, almost. ‘You can’t. You don’t want love.’

She laughed, shrugged, helpless.

Waves of panic were emanating from Scott. ‘You said you’d never give someone that kind of power over you.’

‘Except that now I would give it to you.’

‘Cynical. We’re both cynical. It’s what made us perfect. Makes us perfect.’

‘I’m not cynical, Scott. Or if I am it doesn’t last—not if I have someone…’ she swallowed ‘… someone who’ll say to me, “Shh, I’m here”, like you just did. Putting things right for people is what I do, what I want to do, even if sometimes it gets too much. And perfect…? I don’t want to be perfect. And I don’t want you to be perfect either. I want to be imperfect—with you. I want children who are perfect or imperfect—who are anything as long as they’re yours. And I want to say to you, Shh, I’m here, when things get too much for you. Because I’m in love with you. And I would do anything—anything—for you to love me.’

His eyes were wild. ‘I…can’t do this.’

‘Why not?’

‘I don’t. Do this.’

‘You loved Chantal. Why can’t you love me?’

‘I didn’t love Chantal, Kate. And I don’t blame her for choosing Brodie. I never did. Anyone would choose him.’

‘Not me. Because I chose you. I’m choosing you. No—it wasn’t even a choice. It just happened. Love. I didn’t even know I was waiting for it. But I was. I was waiting for the right man to come along. Then there you were. And suddenly you were mine. The perfect imperfect man. The right man for me. Uptight…beer not cocktails…hell, no, to dancing…sport and poker games…with a kitten on your backside…wearing a blue tux and driving a red Mini…baking for two little girls. How could I not love you? And now, Scott, I want us to just…just be.’

He was shaking his head. His face was white, stark fear in his eyes. ‘I’m not the right guy for anyone, Kate. I’m the “friends with benefits” guy, with a bulging black book. I’ve never had a relationship—don’t you see? Never! And there’s a reason for that—because I know what I’m good at. Sex—no strings. My speciality. I’ve got more tail than I know what to do with. That’s me. And I’m fine with that.’

It was like a punch direct to Kate’s heart, killing it—that was how it felt. As if her heart was dead. A swollen lump she wished she could rip out of her chest.

‘T-T-Tail?’ Kate stammered over the word, her teeth chattering with reaction.

He looked at her, all hard-eyed. ‘Tail,’ he repeated.

God, the ache of it. Crushing. Ravaging. ‘So here I am, opening myself to you, telling you I would move heaven and hell and everything in between—everything—to have you—you, Scott. Not Brodie, not Hugo, not Phillip, but you. And your response is to tell me I’m a piece of tail?’

He stood there like a block of granite, silent.

‘Right,’ she said, and swallowed. ‘Right.’ She looked blindly around, head spinning. ‘Right.’ Was the blood draining out of her? That was what it felt like. ‘Saturday is the twenty-eighth of February. End of contract. We’ve had one session this week—Sunday. And we have tonight. We’ll make this the last one, because I’m not inclined to negotiate any extras for the week. Cadit quaestio—a settlement for our dispute has been reached. Sex—once more—and the issue is resolved.’

‘It’s not resolved.’

Agony twisted through her. He didn’t love her, but he wouldn’t let her go either. ‘What more do you want from me?’

‘I want… I want…’ His hands were diving into his hair again. But no more words emerged.

Kate took an unsteady breath. ‘Well, given everything you’ve just said to me, and all the things you can’t seem to say, I finally know what I want. I want out. I’m saying no to the rollover option. No to everything.’

‘You can’t do that.’

‘Now, you see, you should have read the contract when I told you to. Because I can do that. I am doing that. I’m not going to turn into one of those bitter people I see in court—hating you, trying to punish you because you don’t love me or need me the way I love and need you. If you don’t love me then I don’t want you.’

‘You do want me. I know you do.’

Kate started removing her clothes.

‘What the hell—? Kate, what are you doing?’

‘Getting undressed.’ She was down to her underwear in record time. ‘I’m taking back my “Hugo” and we’re restarting Play Time. As I recall, it was a dining experience you offered me—you bent the fifty-fifty rule to get it…clever you. So I’ll get on top of the dining table, you can put those whoopie pies all over me, and then—’

But whatever she’d been about to say was whoomped out of her as Scott grabbed her by the arms. ‘You’re not lying on top of anything except my bed.’

She greeted that with a nice, brittle laugh. ‘How conservative of you.’

‘Yes, I am conservative. And I’m over all this Play Time stuff. I don’t want you on your knees in alleys, or stripping for me like a hooker, or blindfolding me like we’re in a B&D room, or any other kooky stuff.’

‘That’s exactly what you wanted—why do you think I was giving it to you?’

‘Well, I don’t want it now. Got it, Kate?’ He shook her, once. ‘Got it? I. Just. Want. You. As agreed. In bed. Okay?’

‘As agreed,’ she repeated. And the tears came. ‘No, Scott, it’s not okay.’

‘Why not? Why not, dammit?’

‘Because I love you. And loving you hurts like hell.’

He let her go, stepped back as though she’d struck him.

‘Come on, Scott. Look on the bright side. You never liked all those rules. Anais is going to make you a much more beneficial friend.’

‘I don’t want Anais.’

‘And after tonight I won’t want you. So here I am, offering you one last time. Take it…or leave it.’

‘They’re the only two options?’

‘Yes.’

‘Then I’m taking it. Get on the table, Kate. Let’s say goodbye in style.’