Читать книгу The From Paris With Love And Regency Season Of Secrets Ultimate Collection - Кэрол Мортимер, Кэрол Мортимер - Страница 87

CHARLOTTE KNEW SHE was alone even before she’d surfaced from sleep enough to open her eyes.

Had it been a dream?

Her memories certainly had a dreamlike fuzziness to them. Sensations rather than clear thoughts, and the gentle rocking of the train beneath her seemed to encourage her to close her eyes and explore them. She could feel each one as clearly as if it was happening all over again.

The surprise of finding Nico in the cabin when she’d finally got Gran settled, so closely followed by a breath-robbing fascination generated by seeing him with his shirt buttons undone and his tie hanging loose. As if she’d interrupted him in the process of getting completely undressed…

The explosion of that sensation that had sent shafts of desire into every cell of her body when she’d seen the reflection of her own desire in Nico’s eyes. When she’d felt his fingers steadying her head for the kiss that had sent her straight over the edge.

Into that abyss of fear and self-loathing. The feeling of falling without a parachute, knowing that death was inevitable, as she’d uttered the words that had been her confession of her inadequacies as a woman.

The soft cloud that had gathered and cushioned that fall…first with Nico’s words of reassurance and then the physical invitation to see how right they’d been.

And…oh…Charlotte had never known it could be like that. Maybe she’d had fragments of glimpsing it from haunting, erotic dreams but this had been reality.

Or had it?

Shifting a little in her bunk, Charlotte could feel the sweet, inner tenderness that could only be the result of having been passionately loved. With a small sound that was almost a groan, she let herself sink into the last sensation she remembered. Of falling asleep in Nico’s arms again but this time feeling as though it was the only place in the world she could ever want to be. Falling asleep with the utter bliss of knowing those arms would still be around her when she woke.

Except they weren’t.

How had Nico managed to extricate himself from this tiny space without waking her? He must have been very determined not to, which meant that he’d wanted to be alone.

Why? Did he regret what had happened between them?

Well…why wouldn’t he? For heaven’s sake, he’d been sucked into her private life because of her meltdowns in front of him. She’d cried all over him. Twice! He’d seen her with her panda eyes and he’d heard all the sordid details of her mortifying past. He must think she was needy and pathetic virtually all the time.

Did he think that she might remain clingy? That she would try and keep him in her life longer than the period they’d agreed on? Ask him for more than he was prepared to give?

It was odd but the notion of being seen as pathetic and clingy was worse than revealing herself as physically frigid. Nico had shown her that what she’d believed about herself had been so not true.

What she needed to do was show him that any fears about how else she might behave were also untrue. She was in love with him, certainly, but that was her problem. It didn’t need to be Nico’s and he didn’t deserve it to be. Not after giving her a gift so far beyond price by restoring her self-esteem.

Creating the magic that had been her night on the Orient Express.

She would have to thank him, of course, but she had to do it in a way that let him know he was not under any further obligation to her. And she needed to make him believe it. To present herself in a way that showed confidence and independence. The way she presented herself at a conference might be a good start.

With a determined shove Charlotte got rid of the bed covers and climbed out of the bunk. Finding herself naked was a reality check that made her blush. She’d never slept naked in her life and the comfort zone of well-fitting clothes had to be her first priority. Washing her face in the tiny corner basin a short time later, she eyed herself in the mirror. The smudged make-up and rat’s-nest hair that advertised a night of totally wanton behaviour were the next things she had to take control of. Only then would she be able to face her day.

And Nico.

He was going to have to face Charlotte at some point. Having caught a few hours’ sleep on the seat in the daytime area of the suite and making sure he was not there when Charlotte woke up, Nico had successfully whiled away a good portion of the morning with coffee and newspapers in the bar car.

Brunch was being served already in the dining cars and there was still no sign of Charlotte or Lady Geraldine. It wouldn’t be that long before they reached Calais and would have to board the buses for travel to England via the channel tunnel. There would be no private cabins on the train leg to London, during which they would apparently be served afternoon tea, and they would be going in different directions as soon they reached Victoria.

Nico could well imagine how chaotic it was going to be in that huge station on Christmas Eve. It probably wasn’t going to be much less private from the time they had to share a bus with dozens of other people. If he wanted a conversation alone with Charlotte, he would have to do something about it now. Clearly, she wasn’t planning to come and find him this morning.

Their suite was empty and Lady Geraldine’s door was closed but Nico tapped on it anyway. It was after ten a.m. Surely Jendi would be up and about by now?

Charlotte opened the door. For a long moment they simply stared at each other. Nico had to process the startling change from when he’d last seen Charlotte, asleep with her glorious hair spread across the crisp, white pillowcase, her lips devoid of any artificial colouring and swollen from so many kisses.

He was facing Dr Highton right now. Dressed in that power suit he’d first seen her in when she’d been on her way to the symposium. She had her hair scraped back into that complicated knot arrangement that gave her the look of an air hostess and her make-up was perfect. No smudged mascara from tears being shed and her perfect lipstick made it look as though her lips had never been licked, let alone kissed.

And, apart from a flash of something that was gone too quickly to analyse, even her gaze looked professional. Impersonal enough to make Nico take a mental step backwards, at any rate.

‘Is everything all right? It’s…getting quite late.’

Charlotte wasn’t meeting his gaze now. ‘I can’t believe I slept so late,’ she said, loudly enough for her grandmother to overhear. ‘No wonder you went off to find some breakfast. There’s something about the motion of a train, isn’t there? It makes you sleep so well.’

Nico raised an eyebrow. Surely Charlotte would realise that he’d had virtually no sleep.

‘Is that Nico?’ Lady Geraldine called. ‘Bring him in, Charlotte Jane, for goodness’ sake.’

There wasn’t room for three people to sit. Charlotte remained standing as well.

‘How are you this morning, Jendi?’ Nico enquired politely. ‘Did you sleep well, too?’

‘Not bad.’

Nico could feel the tension emanating from Charlotte. She didn’t believe that and she could be right. Lady Geraldine did look rather pale and she was gripping the windowsill with one hand, as though the movement of the train was making her uncomfortable.

‘Apparently there was a baby boy born on the train last night, have you heard?’

‘No…really?’ Lady Geraldine turned and was unable to disguise her wince of pain. She ignored it, however, and her expression suggested that everybody else had better follow her example. ‘How do you know?’

‘The steward in the bar told me when he gave me the newspapers. He said that we’d be reading about the unexpected event on the Orient Express very soon. I actually heard it crying late in the night when I was walking through the carriage. Apparently the young girl had disguised her condition very well, by wearing a large, old-fashioned coat.’

‘Oh…I think I saw that girl at the station in Venice,’ Charlotte said.

‘What on earth were you doing, walking around the train in the middle of the night?’ Lady Geraldine asked.

‘I needed to stretch my legs,’ Nico said, after a moment’s awkward silence. ‘The bunks are…rather small, aren’t they?’

‘Depends on what you’re doing.’ Lady Geraldine managed a smile. ‘I’m delighted that Charlotte felt the need to sleep in, I must say. It’s probably been years since she hasn’t been up at the crack of dawn.’

There was a very noticeable flush of colour on Charlotte’s cheeks now and when she flicked a glance towards Nico the shutters were down. She was most definitely thinking about what had kept her awake last night. The relief at seeing what he now knew to be the real Charlotte peeping out was enough to make him try and hold that gaze. And convey the message in his smile that he agreed it was well worth remembering. Unforgettable might be closer to the mark.

‘Oh, for heaven’s sake…’ lady Geraldine flapped a hand at them. ‘Go and make sheep’s eyes at each other in your own cabin and leave an old lady in peace.’ The tone was authoritative but she was still smiling as she delivered the order.

Charlotte looked as though she was about to refuse but then shook her head and signalled Nico to go ahead of her. He stepped into their suite and she barrelled in straight after him, closing the door behind her.

‘I don’t want to leave her too long,’ she said. ‘I’m pretty sure she’s not feeling nearly as well as she’s trying to make out.’ Biting her lip, Charlotte stared down at her hands. ‘I think she wants me out of the way so she can take another dose of her painkillers.’

‘Is there anything I can do to help?’

‘I don’t think so.’ Charlotte shook her head. ‘But…thank you…’

Nico had the distinct impression that the hesitation meant that Charlotte had something else she wanted to say. So he waited. Sure enough, her chin rose as she took a very deep breath.

‘I don’t mean just for offering to help with Gran…’ The movement of Charlotte’s facial muscles suggested acute embarrassment. ‘Thank you for…you know…’

Nico raised an eyebrow. Was this it? So much for fearing that Charlotte might think she’d fallen in love with him! Was last night going to be a polite ‘Thank you’ and ‘You’re most welcome’ kind of exchange?

He felt distinctly piqued even though he knew he should be relieved. But it deserved something more than that, surely?

He stepped closer. Close enough for them to be breathing the same air. He bent his head as if he was about to kiss her but stopped halfway there.

‘I can assure you it was very much my pleasure.’

Her eyes widened and he heard her catch her breath but then she stepped back. Only a tiny step, admittedly, but it was enough to send a very clear message. Charlotte didn’t want to be kissed again this morning. And there was enough tension in the air to make Nico wonder if she was trying to get back into her old comfort zone. That might explain the way she was dressed and the hairstyle that defied anyone to try and run their fingers through those long tresses.

‘Don’t… .’ The word escaped from him as a whisper. A soft groan almost.

‘D-don’t what?’ she stuttered.

Nico had to close his eyes for a heartbeat. He hadn’t intended saying this but maybe it needed to be said. ‘Don’t dismiss last night as a one-off.’

Oh…Dio…would she think he was asking to see her again?

Maybe he was…

With a mental shake Nico forced a smile to his lips. ‘Don’t ever stop believing that you’re special. That what you have to offer would be more than enough for any man you chose to be with.’ He straightened his spine and tried to keep his smile from faltering. ‘There’s a whole world of men out there, Charlotte. You’ll find someone one day and you’ll know he’s the person you want to share your life with. Don’t let your past hold you back.’

She was nodding. Blinking hard as though determined not to cry. And when she spoke, her voice was remarkably strong.

‘Back at you, Nico Moretti.’ Okay, her smile was a bit wobbly. ‘Don’t be afraid to fall in love in someone or let your past hold you back. You need to trust yourself and find someone who can appreciate all you have to offer because…it’s a lot.’

Find someone?

Someone else, she meant.

It was Nico’s turn to nod. To smile. This extraordinary connection they had was because they’d shared things they’d never shared with others. It was a new experience—much as this train journey was new. Totally unrelated to normal life and it couldn’t be expected to continue. They both knew that. At least, this way, they could part with special memories of their brief time together.

Charlotte was twisting the ring on her finger. ‘I should give this back,’ she said.

‘There’s no rush.’ Nico shrugged. ‘Despite your wise words, I’m not about to go hunting for a wife. And even if I found someone, I don’t really think she’d want to wear such an old-fashioned ring.’

‘It’s a beautiful ring,’ Charlotte said immediately. ‘A family heirloom. A symbol of what’s held you back even. I’d wear it.’

‘You are wearing it.’ He had to smile. ‘Not that I gave you much choice about that.’

Charlotte’s breath came out in a huff. ‘I mean, you’d have to make sure that whoever you really give it to understands its significance. The promise. You’d have to tell her everything you told me.’

As if he was ever going to find someone to share soul-deep secrets with again. Once was enough. Like this train journey.

They were both staring at the ring.

‘I’ll have to take it off as soon as I get back to work,’ Charlotte said. ‘I wouldn’t be able to wear a ring like this even if I was engaged.’

‘There’s no rush,’ Nico said again. ‘Just see how things go with your nonna. You know where I work.’

Charlotte nodded again. ‘At the Hammersmith, yes?’

‘Yes. And it doesn’t matter if I’m not there for some reason. You could just leave it with my secretary.’

‘But…’ There was a lot not being said here. About how long she might want to keep up the pretence. How long it would take for her grandmother to die. Her lips trembled. ‘But it’s precious…’

‘I trust you.’

It wasn’t hard to sound sincere. He’d trusted Charlotte with far more than a family heirloom, hadn’t he?

The only sound for a long moment was the clack of the train wheels. Rhythmic and steady. Like a heartbeat. And then Charlotte raised her eyes.

‘I trust you, too,’ she whispered.

That was a lot bigger than the trust he’d placed in her, even by confessing what he knew could be seen as an inadequacy. Being a commitment-phobic male was far more socially acceptable than the stigma of having been labelled a frigid woman. Or having been raped. He was holding a secret that could potentially wreck her carefully ordered world. It was huge.

A gift that no one else could have given him.

Like the one he’d given her by showing her that it wasn’t true? Being the man who’d had the privilege of holding her as she’d come apart in someone’s arms for the first time?

They were even. Equals.

And, as long as he didn’t do something stupid and make a fool of himself, they could keep this respect for each other. Part as friends. They would get back to reality and their own lives soon enough.

It was time to lighten the atmosphere.

‘I’m hungry,’ Nico announced. ‘Would you care for breakfast in the dining car?’

‘Gran’s ordered cabin service. I need to stay with her and see if she actually eats anything. You go.’

So the separation was to begin already. The countdown was on.

Fine. Nico knew that was sensible. What they both wanted. There would be plenty to distract them for the rest of the day because it was unlikely that they would be alone again together. They would probably never be alone together again. This was it. The last intimate moment he would have with Charlotte Highton.

He had to kiss her. Just a soft farewell.

‘I won’t forget.’ It was a promise. A deliberately ambiguous one. Charlotte could assume he was talking about her wise words regarding his future. She didn’t have to know that he meant her.

Her quiet words followed him like an echo that seemed to be picked up by the train wheels as he made his way to the dining car.

‘I won’t either.’

The rest of the journey seemed interminable.

Lady Geraldine was keeping up a brave face but she ate virtually nothing of her brunch and didn’t touch the champagne or afternoon tea on the English leg of the trip. The weather was cold enough to make her look pinched and it was clearly a struggle to join the excited conversations around them that were predicting a genuine white Christmas as fat snowflakes began to fall more and more heavily.

‘I’m just tired, love,’ she told Charlotte. ‘But I wouldn’t have changed anything about the last couple of days. Not a thing.’

And Charlotte had been able to smile back and tell her grandmother that she felt exactly the same.

Victoria was heaving with people desperate to get to where they wanted to be for Christmas Day. It was Nico who helped collect their luggage and carve a pathway through the crowd to where Lady Geraldine’s chauffeur had arranged to meet them.

They offered Nico a lift but he declined with palpable regret.

‘I’ve made an appointment with a colleague at the Hammersmith,’ he told them. ‘You need to go in the opposite direction and it’ll be bad enough already. I hope you don’t get caught in a traffic jam or the snow. If I can’t find a cab, I’ll take the tube.’

He took Charlotte in his arms to say goodbye. For her grandmother’s sake? Was that why he said that he was going to miss her and that seeing her again couldn’t be too soon for him?

It wasn’t why Charlotte returned his kiss and agreed that it couldn’t be too soon for her either.

She meant every word.

The bleak feeling of watching the crowd swallow Nico only got stronger as they inched their way out of London.

Lady Geraldine took her hand and gave it a squeeze.

‘I know it’s hard, darling. It’s such a shame that Nico’s going to be so busy for a while.’

‘Mmm…’

‘You’re lucky, though.’

‘Oh?’ Thank goodness her grandmother couldn’t possibly have any idea of just how lucky her granddaughter had been.

‘Yes. Much luckier than back in my day. You’ve got your mobile phones and…and Scope.’

Charlotte smiled despite herself as she sighed. ‘Skype, Gran.’

‘Whatever.’ Her hand got another squeeze. ‘It’s not quite the same as the real thing, though, is it?’

‘No. It’s not.’ There was an odd pain in Charlotte’s chest as she tried to draw in a new breath.

Her heart starting to break perhaps?