Читать книгу A Step In Time - Kerry Barrett - Страница 20

1945

I tugged at the top button of my uniform skirt. No. There was no way that was going to do up. I’d have to pin it. Trying not to think about what my swelling shape meant, I rooted around in my sewing box for some safety pins and secured my skirt. Thankfully my jacket was long enough to cover it for now, but I couldn’t keep doing this. Plus my costumes had very little give in them and the seams on one outfit were already stretched to their maximum.

I threw myself onto the narrow bed and stared at the ceiling, trying to muster up the energy to go to rehearsal. I glanced at the clock on the wall. I still had half an hour, thank goodness. I could lie here for a few minutes longer …

‘Cora, wake up.’ Audrey shook me gently by the shoulder. ‘Rehearsal in five minutes.’

I blinked wearily. Audrey was sitting on my bed, while Fat Joan – the other occupant of our cramped attic bedroom in the boarding house that was our home for now – leaned against the door. She wasn’t fat, Joan. In fact she looked like a film star, with long blonde hair and deep brown eyes. Now she narrowed those eyes at me.

‘Have you been sick again?’ she said. ‘I heard you this morning.’

I sat up.

‘I think it was last night’s tea,’ I said. ‘Corned beef has never agreed with me.’

Fat Joan tossed her hair over her shoulder, looking decidedly lacking in concern for my innards.

‘Want me to tell Henry that you’re ill?’ she said.

I shook my head.

‘No, I feel better now,’ I said. ‘Could you just say I’ll be there in five minutes and apologize?’

Languidly Joan straightened up.

‘Fine,’ she said. ‘Make sure it is only five minutes.’

I forced a smile.

‘I’ll be right there,’ I said.

As soon as Joan’s footsteps died away, Audrey jumped off the bed and locked the door; then she turned on me.

‘What is going on?’ she hissed. ‘Are you ill?’

‘No,’ I said slowly. ‘Not ill.’

Audrey looked at me, realization growing in her grey eyes.

‘Oh, Cora,’ she said. ‘Oh, Cora.’

‘Do not breathe a word of this to anyone,’ I said.

‘Have you told Donnie?’

I swung my legs off the bed and stood up.

‘No,’ I said in horror. ‘Of course not. I can’t tell him in a letter – Dear Donnie, I’m pregnant, Yours, Cora.’

Audrey shrugged.

‘Can’t imagine it’ll be less of shock to hear it out loud,’ she pointed out.

‘I’ll tell him when he comes to London,’ I said. ‘He’ll be here soon.’

As planned, Donnie’s division was off to France and they had some time in London before they left for the coast. We’d planned to meet up as soon as we could and Donnie was still talking about getting married if we could arrange it.

Audrey came over to me and helped me arrange my hat on my head.

‘So what are you going to do?’

I closed my eyes.

‘I have no idea,’ I admitted. ‘I’m not going to Africa with the rest of you, that’s for sure.’

A glimmer of a smile crossed Audrey’s face.

‘Well, that will please your mum,’ she said.

She was right. My mum had been desperate to keep me at home in Worthing, dancing in the end-of-the-pier show and teaching toddlers. But I’d been equally desperate to join up, to see the world, and as soon as I’d turned eighteen I’d been off. So far we’d only done the rounds of the bases in Britain with a short trip over the sea to France, but we were scheduled to leave for North Africa in the summer, when our time in London was done. I had been giddily excited at the prospect – until I met Donnie. And now this.

‘How far along are you?’ Audrey said, staring at my stomach.

‘Don’t,’ I said, nudging her. ‘Don’t make it obvious.’

‘How far?’ she said.

‘About three months, I think,’ I said. ‘I’m not sure exactly.’

Audrey looped her arm through mine.

‘I can ask around,’ she said. ‘See if anyone knows anyone.’

‘What do you mean?’ I said, naively.

‘You know,’ she said. Audrey was from London and since we’d been in her hometown her accent had become more pronounced. ‘My sister knows someone in Camberwell. I can find out how much it is?’

‘No,’ I said. ‘No. Not yet.’

‘Have you tried a bath and gin?’ she said. ‘I’ve heard that does the trick.’

I grimaced with the frustration of trying to make her understand.

‘No,’ I said again. ‘It might be all right. Donnie might …’

Audrey gave me a pitying look.

‘He might still want to marry you?’ she said. ‘Yeah, and I might be queen of bloody England.’

‘We’ve got plans,’ I said, thinking of our trip across America. ‘He’s going to take me to Hollywood.’

‘What, with a great big bump or a babe in your arms? I don’t think so, sweetheart.’

Her face softened as tears filled my eyes.

‘Look,’ she said, putting her arm round me. ‘Donnie’s a lovely bloke but that’s all he is at the end of the day, isn’t it? A bloke. Look at you. You’re gorgeous. Nice hair, good tits, great legs. You’re young. You’re lively. You’re a catch. No wonder he’s full of talk now. But will he still be so interested when you’re fat, and your legs are puffy and you’ve got a nipper hanging off your breast?’

She sucked her lips.

‘Unlikely, I’d say.’

‘Audrey,’ I said, appalled. ‘Not all men are like your dad, you know? Donnie loves me whatever I look like. He wants to marry me.’

Audrey squeezed me tighter.

‘It’s not their fault,’ she said. ‘It’s the way they’re made – to only see pretty faces and long legs. And it’s just a shame we’re left to pick up the pieces. I’ll write to my sister, see what she says. It’s best to be prepared.’

I felt overwhelmed with exhaustion. I’d been terrified when I realized I was expecting, but I’d assumed everything would be fine. I’d tell Donnie, and we’d just get married a bit ahead of when we’d planned. I’d stay in London, or go to the country with the baby – anywhere as long as it wasn’t going home to Worthing and my mother – until the war ended, then we’d go to America. But now Audrey had made me wonder if I was just being naive. Maybe she was right. Perhaps Donnie would run a mile when he heard.

I slumped against Audrey, tearful and tired.

‘I really don’t feel very well,’ I said. ‘I feel awful, in fact. I think I need to go back to bed. Can you tell Henry that I’m poorly?’

Audrey nodded.

‘Of course,’ she said. ‘Have a rest and you’ll feel better tomorrow.’

Like a mum – not my mum, but how I imagined mothers to be – she helped me take my uniform off and slipped my nightie over my head. Then she tucked me into bed and pulled the curtains closed.

‘Rest up,’ she whispered.

I cried myself to sleep.