Читать книгу A DREAM OF LIGHTS - Kerry Drewery, Kerry Drewery - Страница 13

“But it must be,” I said. “It must be Pyongyang. There are signs for cinemas and shops and rooms to let in hotels. People, loads of people, all sorts of people, wandering around, smiling and chatting, some on phones that they carry, some with wires in their ears for music.”

“Where did you see that? How do you know about it? It’s not Pyongyang. It’s not this country. It can’t be.”

“But…” My face fell.

“Your father told you about it? Said you were going there? Going to live there? But that would mean… that would mean… he’s thinking of leaving the country. He’s planning an escape. That would mean he’s a traitor, that he disrespects our Dear Leader. Yoora…”

I shook my head. What had I done? What had I said? “No, no, no, he’s not. It was Pyongyang, it must’ve been. Maybe it was a part you weren’t near.”

“Yoora, what you described is not Pyongyang. I lived there all my life until I came here. That place that you’re describing, however you know about it, is not in this country, it can’t possibly be. And if your father—”

“He loves our Dear Leader. He bows to Him every day. He… he never says anything against Him… ever… he… he’s a good citizen, my father. He’s loyal… and devoted and… and…”

We both fell silent, and I realised how loudly we’d been talking. I felt my eyes prickle and I was scared, wished I could take back what I’d said, wished my stupid mouth hadn’t emptied out all of that rubbish. But he was my friend, Sook, my best friend, and I could trust him not to say anything. Couldn’t I?

I felt sick.

“Yoora.” He lowered his voice, leaning close to me. “Tell me the truth. Tell me what’s going on. What’s your father planning? What’s he told you? Maybe it’s something you should report. You’d be rewarded.”

I stared at him. I thought of what that reward might be. Food? A better job? Living in that city? I thought of my father, my mother, my grandparents. “Don’t do this to me,” I whispered. “Don’t make me choose.”

He shuffled closer and rested his hand on top of mine, and his eyes, so deep, stared at me as if they were looking right into my soul. “You know, I wish we didn’t have to hide away, only meeting at night, an hour here and there. I wish we could have a future together…”

I smiled at him and all thoughts of Father were gone. “I try not to wonder what will happen to us any more,” I replied. “You know, if this will all have to end, us meeting like this, because I don’t want to think that it has to. I want to believe in it and ignore that your family are a better class than mine, but… but really it can’t happen… not even friendship. It wouldn’t be allowed, Sook. I know that. So do you.”

“But maybe,” he said, squeezing my hand, “maybe if you tell me what your father said, then it could change things for us. We could tell my mother, she could help you…”

“What?” I stared at him, shaking my head. “No. That’s ridiculous,” I spat. “There’s nothing to tell anyway. And even if there was, your mother would never do anything to help me or my family. She’d just have an excuse to get rid of me.”

“She wouldn’t do that.”

I lifted a hand to dare to touch his cheek. “She would,” I whispered.

And I knew she would. Honestly. Truthfully.

And I knew that one day this would have to end. I just never wanted that day to arrive.

“You should go in. Check on your mother. But please, Sook… please don’t say anything… not about my father… he’s not what you’re thinking… he’s just…” But I couldn’t find the words.

I looked up to a lightening sky, morning approaching, and we motioned our silent goodbyes with no hint of a smile, but with the briefest touch of hands, and I turned away.

I headed home feeling sad and scared and worried. The conversation playing over in my head, what I’d said, what I hadn’t meant to say, what he thought, what he might do. And then, through the silence of the village, I thought I heard something behind me and I stopped, listening, turning towards the noise. It came from Sook’s house. Voices strained and mingling together, or early morning birdsong? Was that Sook standing at the window, watching me? Should I wave? Or shadows playing tricks on me in the half-light?

I turned and walked away. I didn’t know I would never be back.