Читать книгу Tempted By The Rock Star - Кейт Хьюит - Страница 17

IT BROKE WHEN it began.

Aurelie had said the words with such flat finality, such aching sorrow, that Luke knew she meant them. He just didn’t know what they meant.

‘I don’t understand,’ he said quietly, but she shook her head.

‘I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to ruin this perfect day by bringing all that up. And it has been perfect, Luke. Everything.’ She gazed at him with those wide rain-washed eyes and Luke felt everything in him twist and yearn.

He’d wanted to kiss her so many times today. When she’d planted her hands on her hips and given him an impish look, when she’d tossed him a teasing glance, when he’d held her in the water and longed to pull her close, their wet limbs sliding over each other, twining around.

Hell, he’d been in a permanent state of arousal, it seemed, for half the day. Yet he’d kept his distance, and he would now, because this wasn’t about desire.

It was about trust.

He’d meant what he said about earning it. He’d let her down before, but he wouldn’t again. He had, despite his instinct which insisted there was so much more, taken her at face value. Aurelie the go-to-hell pop star. And he’d allowed her to seduce him, allowed himself to give in to his own need because the desire had been so strong. Only when he had seen the pain on her face, written on her heart, and known he’d shown her he was just like all the others, had he been able to stop. Yet he feared the damage had been done.

It broke when it began.

What did she mean? Had some bastard abused her? The sudden strong urge to kill such a man with his bare hands surprised him. Aurelie aroused all sorts of feelings in him, feelings he hadn’t had in a long time. He had, he saw now, been skimming through life, never going too deep, using work as an excuse because this—this emotion, this intensity—was frightening. Reminded him of how much you could lose, how much risk and pain was involved in any real relationship.

Not pain for him—he didn’t care about that—but pain for her. He didn’t want to hurt her, and he was so afraid that he might.

How did your parents die?

For a second, no more, he’d wanted to tell her the truth. Yet honesty only went so far, and that secret was buried so deep inside him he didn’t think he could let it out if he tried. He tried not to think about it, yet being with this woman brought his own secrets swimming upwards to the light, just like hers.

They were both being real.

‘It has been perfect,’ he agreed. ‘But it’s getting late and we’ve got a mile trek through the jungle as well as a ride in the Jeep and a plane to catch.’

‘Back to reality,’ Aurelie said, making a face, and Luke reached for her hand.

‘Maybe reality won’t be so bad,’ he said quietly. This new reality, with the two of them in it together. One day at a time. Yet what would tomorrow hold?

They walked back to the Jeep in companionable silence, the jungle lush and vibrant all around them. As they emerged into the sunlight a brilliant blue morpho butterfly fluttered close to Aurelie’s face and briefly alighted on her hair. She laughed aloud, and Luke smiled to see her joy. Then suddenly, impulsively perhaps, she leaned over and brushed her lips against his.

He stilled under that little kiss, felt a flare of heat inside, the instant arousal, yet something more. Something precious, because he knew that little kiss hadn’t been calculated. It had been an expression of her heart.

‘What was that for?’ he asked, and she shrugged, smiling.

‘Just because I wanted to.’ She paused, bit her lip. ‘Do you mind?’

Mind? ‘No,’ Luke said. ‘I don’t mind at all.’

‘Good.’

And that, he knew, was a very good start.

By the time they got on the plane Aurelie was feeling sleepy. She curled up in a corner of one of the leather sofas, and when Luke came and sat down right beside her it felt amazingly natural to rest her head on his shoulder. Luke curved his arm around her, drew her closer so her cheek rested against his chest, and with a kind of wonderful incredulity Aurelie realised that felt natural too. It felt right. She snuggled closer, and by the time the plane took off her eyes were drifting shut.

They got back to the hotel after dark, and Luke walked her all the way to the door of her suite. Aurelie turned to him, felt her heart throw itself against her ribs. Should she ask him to come in? Did she want him to? Part of her did, desperately, and another part still felt that old fear.

She took out her keycard, hesitated and turned to Luke. ‘Well.’ She swallowed, smiled. Sort of.

Luke smiled back and cupped her cheek. The feel of his warm palm against her skin was both reassuring and exciting. Yet even so Aurelie felt herself tensing. She wanted this, she did, and yet …

‘Goodnight, Aurelie.’ Luke dropped his hand and turned to walk back down the corridor. Aurelie stared at him in disbelief, a little disappointment.

‘You mean you aren’t … you aren’t going to kiss me?’

Luke glanced back, eyes glinting. ‘No.’

‘But—’

‘You didn’t want me to.’

‘I did,’ she said, but she knew she didn’t sound that convincing.

‘Maybe,’ Luke suggested quietly, ‘you didn’t know what you wanted. And until you do, completely, I’m not going to touch you.’

Aurelie stared at him, her mind spinning. ‘Why not?’

‘I think the better question is, why would I?’ She had no answer to that one. With one last smile Luke walked down the hallway and left her there, half-wishing he’d kissed her and half-glad he hadn’t.

The next morning dawned hot and bright and Aurelie lay in bed, her mind tumbling over the events of yesterday—including Luke’s non-kiss—and then suddenly freezing on the realisation of what today was.

Today they travelled to Singapore, and she was giving another concert for the store opening tonight. Swallowing hard, she drew her knees up to her chest and hugged them tight. Somehow she didn’t think her fans in Singapore wanted to hear her new song any more than the ones in the Philippines had. Which left her … where?

She avoided the question as she got dressed and ate breakfast, meeting Luke down in the lobby at nine, as they’d agreed earlier. They were taking his private jet to Singapore, and from there going on to the Fullerton Bay Hotel on Marina Bay. They’d check in and go directly to Bryant’s.

By the time she’d boarded Luke’s jet Aurelie could no longer ignore the fluttering nerves that were threatening to take her over. She glanced at Luke sitting across from her, a sheaf of papers on his lap, his thumb and forefinger bracing his temple. He looked so serious and stern, and yet a lock of unruly dark hair had fallen across his forehead and Aurelie longed to brush it away, to savour its softness under her fingers. She’d been wanting to touch him more and more. Luke was awakening a desire in her she hadn’t thought she possessed, and all by not touching her.

Yet what would happen when he did?

He glanced up as if aware of her gaze, smiled ruefully. ‘You’re nervous.’

For a stunned second she thought he’d guessed the nature of her thoughts, then realised with some relief that he was talking about the concert. ‘Yes, I am.’

‘You’ll be fine.’

‘You don’t know that.’

‘True.’ He stretched his legs in front of him and put the papers back in a leather case. ‘What did you do when you had all those big concerts? To warm up, I mean, and get rid of stage fright?’

Aurelie shrugged. ‘Honestly, I don’t know. I didn’t really have stage fright.’

Luke arched an eyebrow. ‘Never? Not even when you played to ten thousand people in Madison Square Garden?’

She laughed, but the sound trembled. ‘No, because it was all an act. It wasn’t really me, and so I didn’t … I didn’t really care.’

‘And now it’s you, and you care,’ he finished softly, and she nodded, stared at her hands. Luke covered her hand with his own, twined his fingers through hers. He didn’t say anything, didn’t offer false promises about how they’d all love her, and she was glad. Silence could be honest too.

Yet her nervousness came back as they landed in Singapore and took a limo to the hotel. Aurelie barely registered the sumptuous suite with its view of the bay from one balcony and the city skyline from the other. All she could think about was how in just a few hours she would walk onto that stage and bare her soul.

Why had she written the damn song, anyway? And why had she ever played it for Luke?

‘It doesn’t matter what they think, you know,’ Luke said. She turned and saw him standing in the doorway of her suite. ‘It doesn’t mean anything if they don’t like it.’

‘Doesn’t it?’

‘No. What matters is what you think of it. How you think of yourself.’

How she thought of herself? She couldn’t answer that one. Being herself still felt so new, so strange. She still wasn’t sure she even knew who she was.

‘We’d better get going,’ she said, and slipped past him out into the corridor.

Luke stayed with her as they toured the store, five floors on Orchard Road, and showed her the new café, the glittering beauty hall, the department for crafts and clothing all supplied by local artisans, clearly his brain child.

‘Don’t you have important people to see?’ she asked, half-joking, as he escorted her to the dressing room where she was to get ready. Already people were milling about the marble lobby, waiting for the official opening.

‘I’ll check in with a few people now, and come back before you go on.’

Aurelie swallowed. Luke had done a good job of distracting her with the tour, but the fear—the terror—was now coming back in full force.

‘Okay,’ she said, still trying for insouciance and failing miserably. He put his hands, strong and comforting, on her shoulders and smiled down at her.

‘Forget about the crowd,’ he said quietly. ‘Forget about me. Sing your song for yourself, Aurelie. You need that.’

Somehow, despite the tears now stinging her eyes, she dredged up a smile. ‘I knew this was pity,’ she joked, and he pressed his lips to her forehead.

‘You can do it. I know you can.’

And then he was gone, and Aurelie sagged against the door, completely spent from that small encounter.

By the time Luke returned half an hour later she was ready—or at least as ready as she’d ever be. She wore a sundress this time, in a soft, cloud-coloured lavender, and cowboy boots. Her hair fell tousled to her shoulders, and she carried her guitar.

Luke smiled. ‘You look fantastic.’

She smiled back, wobbly and watery. ‘I feel like complete crap.’

‘You can do it,’ he said, and this time it wasn’t an encouragement, it was a statement. He believed in her. More, perhaps, than she believed in herself.

A few minutes later she was miked and ready to go, and then she was on. She heard the hiss of indrawn breath as she walked onstage. Another surprised, perhaps even outraged, audience. She sat on the stool, stared into the faceless crowd. Swallowed. Her heart hammered so hard it hurt, and she felt a blind panic overwhelm her like a fog. She couldn’t do this.

Then she felt Luke’s presence on the side of the stage, just a few feet away. Strange, impossible even, to feel someone when he didn’t move or speak, yet she did. He felt warm, and his warmth melted away the fog. She glanced sideways, saw his steady gaze, his smile. She took a breath. Blinked. And started to play.

Distantly she heard the rippled murmur of confusion as she began to play a song they didn’t recognise. Her song. But then the song took over and she knew it didn’t matter what anyone in the audience thought. Luke had been right; she wasn’t doing this for them. She wasn’t doing it just for herself, either.

She was doing it for him. Because he was the one person who had believed in her, more than she’d been able to believe in herself. Already he’d given her back her soul; he’d shown her how to reclaim it. She played the song for him, for her, for them.

And when it was over and the last note faded away, you could have heard a pin drop on the marble floor of the lobby. You could have heard the tiniest sigh, because no one did anything. No one clapped.

They didn’t, Aurelie knew numbly, know what to do with her. How to react.

Then, from the side of the stage, she heard the sound of someone clapping. Loudly. Luke. And the sound of his clapping was like the trigger to an avalanche, and suddenly everyone was clapping. Aurelie sat there, her guitar held loosely in one hand, blinking in the bright lights and smiling like crazy. And crying too, at least she was as she walked offstage and straight into Luke’s arms.

He enveloped her in a tight hug, his lips against her hair. ‘You did it. I knew you could.’

She tried to speak, but there was too much emotion lodged in a hot lump in her throat, too many tears in her eyes. So she did what she wanted to do, what she needed to do. She kissed him.

This wasn’t a tentative brush of her lips against his. She kissed him with all the passion and hope, the gratitude and joy that she felt. She dropped her guitar and wrapped her arms around him, and Luke took her kiss and made it his own, kissing her back with all he felt too.

It was, Aurelie thought dazedly, the most wonderful kiss.

The rest of the evening passed in a happy blur. Luke kept her by his side, introducing her to various officials and dignitaries, and for once in her life Aurelie didn’t feel like the pop star performing for another sceptical crowd. No, with Luke next to her, she simply felt like herself. A woman whose hand was being held by a handsome and amazing man.

She was, Aurelie thought distantly, halfway to falling in love with him. It didn’t seem possible after such a short time, and yet she felt the truth of it inside her, like a flame that had ignited to life. She never wanted it to go out.

And yet what did she want? The memory of that passionate kiss by the side of the stage had seared itself into her senses, but she still felt her insides jangle with nerves at the thought of what else could happen. What she wanted to happen … and yet was afraid of, both at the same time.

Despite her wonder and worry about what might happen later, she still enjoyed every minute of the evening spent by Luke’s side. A dinner for the VIP guests had been arranged in the conservatory on top of the store, with the lights of Singapore stretched out in a twinkling map on three sides, and the bay with its bobbing yachts and sailing boats on the other. A silver sickle moon hung above them, and she felt the warm pressure of Luke’s hand on the small of her back.

‘Are you having a good time?’

‘Very.’ She turned to smile at him. ‘You’ve done an amazing job with all these openings. I’ve heard a lot of great things about the new design of the store.’

‘I’ve heard a lot of great things about your new song.’

She let out a little laugh. ‘If you hadn’t started clapping, I’m not sure anyone would have.’

‘They would have. They just needed a little nudge.’

‘Maybe next time you should hold up cue cards. Flash “Clap” in big letters as soon as I finish.’

‘Next time they’ll know. There were a lot of media people out there in the audience tonight. Word will get around.’

She drew a deep breath and let it out rather shakily. ‘That’s a scary thought.’

‘Is it?’

‘I don’t know what the response will be.’

‘Does it matter?’

She stared at him, surprised, until she realised it didn’t matter. She hadn’t written or performed the song to impress people or even make them change their minds about her. She didn’t even want a comeback. She wanted … this.

Acceptance and understanding of who she was, not by a faceless crowd or the world at large, but by Luke—and by herself. And somehow he’d known that even before she had.

‘Come on,’ he said, ‘I have some people I want you to meet.’ And with his hand still on her back he guided her through the room.

Luke watched Aurelie chat and laugh with the CEO of the Orchard Bank of Singapore and felt something inside him swell. He loved her like this, natural and friendly and free. He loved her.

The thought, sliding so easily into his mind, made him still even as he attempted to keep involved in the conversation. He was trying to negotiate a new deal with a local clothes retailer to design exclusively for Bryant’s. It would be an important agreement, and he couldn’t afford to insult the CEO across from him.

And yet … he loved her? After just a few short days? When he still couldn’t really say he knew her, not the way he’d known the three women with whom he’d had significant relationships. They’d dated for years, had known each other’s peeves and preferences, had run their relationship like a well-oiled machine. And yet now he felt he could barely remember their faces. Had he loved them? Not like this, maybe not at all. He’d been emotionally engaged, certainly, although it hadn’t hurt that much when they’d mutually agreed to end it.

But this? Her? It felt completely different. Completely overwhelming and intoxicating and scary. Was that love? Did he want it, if it was?

Did he have a choice?

And could she love him, when there were things he hadn’t told her? Failures and weaknesses he hadn’t breathed a word about? His insides clenched at the thought. She’d been slowly and deliberately baring herself—her soul, her secrets—while he’d kept his firmly locked away.

Could love exist with that kind of imbalance?

‘Mr Bryant?’

Too late Luke realised he hadn’t heard a word the man in front of him had said. He swallowed, tried to smile.

‘I’m sorry?’

Several hours later Luke found Aurelie laughing with the wife of a foreign diplomat and placed a proprietorial hand on the small of her back. He liked being able to touch her in this small way, even if the ways he really wanted to touch her—had been dreaming of touching her—were still off-limits. He’d told her he wouldn’t touch her until she wanted him to, until she was certain, and he knew she wasn’t yet. He saw the shadows in her eyes even when she was smiling.

‘I’m sorry to steal Aurelie away from you,’ he told the woman, ‘but we have a full day tomorrow and she needs her rest.’ He smiled to take any sting from the words, and the woman nodded graciously. ‘Been having a nice time?’ he asked Aurelie as they headed down to the limo he had waiting.

‘Amazing, actually. I thought it would be completely boring, but it wasn’t.’

‘That’s refreshingly honest.’

She laughed, the sound unrestrained, natural. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to be insulting. It’s just I’ve gone to so many parties and receptions and things and it’s always been so exhausting.’

‘Another performance.’

‘Exactly. But it wasn’t tonight. I was just able to be myself.’ She shook her head slowly. ‘I never thought that playing my song would give me anything but a kind of vindication that I could be something other than a pop star, but it has. It’s made me feel like I can be myself … anywhere. With anyone.’ She paused before adding softly, ‘With you.’

She gazed up at him with those wide stormy-sea eyes and Luke felt that insistent flare of lust. He wanted her so badly. His palms itched with the need to slide down the satiny skin of her shoulders, fasten on her hips. Draw her to him and taste her sweetness.

She must have seen something of that in his face because her tongue darted out to moisten her lips and she took a hesitant step closer to him. ‘Luke—’

He didn’t know what he might have done then, if he would have taken her in his arms just as he’d imagined and wanted, but then the doors pinged open and a crowd of guests moved aside to let them pass. Luke let out a shaky breath and led Aurelie towards the limo.

They didn’t speak in the intimate darkness of the car, but he felt the tension coiling between and around them. Felt her thigh press against his own when the limo turned a curve, and the length of his leg felt as if it had been dusted with a shower of sparks. He heard, as if amplified, every draw and sigh of her breath, the thud of his own heart.

He hadn’t felt this overwhelmed by desire since he’d been about eighteen. He let out another audible, shaky breath and stared blindly out of the window.

They remained silent as the limo pulled in front of the hotel, and then in the lift up to their separate suites on the same floor. Luke took out his keycard; it was slick in his hand. His mouth had dried but he forced himself to speak. To sound as if he were thinking of anything other than hauling Aurelie into his arms and losing himself deep inside her.

‘So. Another big day tomorrow.’

‘Is it? What’s the schedule exactly?’

Was he imagining that she sounded just a little breathless? Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes bright. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, and Luke’s gaze was irresistibly drawn to the movement, the curve of her ear and the elegant line of her neck.

He swallowed. ‘We fly to Hong Kong, spend a day touring the city with some officials and then have the opening on the following day, along with a reception. Then two days’ rest and on to Tokyo.’

‘Right.’ She glanced away, and the lift doors swooshed open. Luke walked down the corridor, conscious, so conscious, of Aurelie by his side. The whisper of her dress against her bare legs, the citrusy scent of her, the way each breath she took made her chest rise and fall.

She stopped in front of the door to her suite, and he stopped too. She waited, her hand on the door, her eyes wide. Expectant. But he’d promised himself—and her—that he wouldn’t touch her until she asked. Until no uncertainty remained.

Standing there, he knew that time had not yet come. Unfortunately for him.

‘Goodnight, Aurelie.’ He cupped her cheek, just as he had the night before, because despite all his promises he couldn’t resist touching her, just a little. Aurelie closed her eyes. Waited. It would be so easy to brush his lips against hers, to deepen the kiss he knew she wanted. But it was too soon, and he’d still seen the shadows in her eyes.

With a supreme act of will he dropped his hand from her face. He smiled—at least he thought he did—and walked down the hall towards his own lonely suite of rooms.

Aurelie stepped inside her empty suite and leaned against the door, her eyes closed.

Damn.

Why hadn’t he kissed her? He’d wanted to, she knew that. She’d wanted him to, had willed him to close that small space between them, but instead he’d pulled away.

Maybe you didn’t know what you wanted. And until you do, completely, I’m not going to touch you.

His words from yesterday reverberated through her, made her think. Wonder. Was he waiting for her to take the lead? To say she had no more uncertainty, no more fear?

Did she?

No. She was still afraid. She’d been telling Luke the truth when she said she’d never enjoyed sex. If she’d been totally honest, she would have told him she dreaded it. Hated it, and yet used it because at least then she had some control.

And now? She wanted sex—sex with Luke—to be something different. Something more. And that terrified her more than another bout of unenjoyable coupling.

She opened her eyes, paced the room, her mind racing. She wanted this. She wanted Luke. And, just like with her song, with the trust, with the intimacy, she knew she needed to push past the fear. For her sake as much as Luke’s.

So … what did that mean, exactly? Right here, right now? She ran her now-damp palms down the sides of her dress. Brushed her teeth and hair, applied a little perfume. And then before she could overthink it and start to get really nervous, she went in search of Luke.