Читать книгу The Santina Crown Collection - Кейт Хьюит, Пенни Джордан - Страница 18

THE sound of Sophia’s laughter, warm and spirited, but soft with underlying tenderness, filled the private courtyard she had made her own, and had Ash hurrying towards her, eager to bring her up to date with the results of the soil tests he had just received with a view to enhancing the variety of crops the land could grow. The breaking down of his self-imposed barriers when it came to talking openly to Sophia about his first marriage had brought profound changes to his life, changes which all had their roots in his relationship with Sophia. Maturity had brought a confidence to the natural warmth of her nature, and the courtyard garden had become an oasis to which others seemed naturally drawn when it was occupied by his wife, as they brought her their concerns and their hopes.

As he himself did?

It was only natural that as a husband he should turn to his wife to discuss those issues that affected them both so closely, especially when they were also responsible for the welfare of his people. There was no law that said such discussions had to be held in the solemnity of a grand council chamber rather than discussed in the relaxed atmosphere Sophia had created so skilfully.

As he approached her the sound of the running water of the fountain fell soothingly on his senses, but it was Sophia herself who was responsible for the swift uplift of his heart and the need he felt to smile.

The sound of Sophia’s voice had his heart lifting. Because he knew he had made the right decision in marrying her, and because their marriage was working. There was a new atmosphere in the palace. The effects of their shared purposefulness with regard to the people, and the harmony between them, was reflected in the smiles and manner of those who lived close to them. He had much for which to be grateful. He had made the right decision. That decision had been based on logic without emotion just as the passionate intimacy he and Sophia shared in their bed together at night was based on a mutual natural physical desire that was also without the dangerous, potentially damaging effect of emotion. And yet if he was so sure that the decisions he had made were the correct ones, why did he so often feel the sharp sting of anxiety when he thought of Sophia? Why could he not relax until he had heard her laughter and seen her smile with their reassurance for him that she was content with their marriage? Those were emotional reactions after all.

He was simply concerned that she should not overdo things, that was all. She had thrown herself into the new role she had taken on with so much enthusiasm and diligence that it was only natural that he should be concerned.

Sophia tried to still the frantic, giddy, dizzy race of her heartbeat as Ash came towards her. It was just her body’s way of reminding her of the pleasure he gave it; it meant nothing else. It happened every time she saw him and she should be used to it by now after these past busy weeks of them working together for the future of his people, even if on this particular occasion there was a legitimate reason for her to feel happy to see him.

She didn’t give any indication to him of that, though, when he made an appreciative sound at the sight of the tea tray. She dismissed the maid to pour the tea for him herself, saying with a smile, ‘I ordered it when I heard you’d got back from your meeting. How did it go?’

‘Even better than I had hoped,’ Ash told her, accepting the cup she handed to him. Their fingers touched, Sophia’s skin flushing sensually as Ash maintained the contact in a silent promise of the way they would spend the night. The sex between them was a bonus in their marriage that benefited them both, Sophia acknowledged. A bonus which if she was right had already produced a bonus of its own. A happy smile curved her mouth.

‘The soil tests have shown that we will be able to grow a much wider variety of crops than even I had hoped for. If all goes well within the next few years the people will not only be self-sufficient in growing their own food, they will also have spare to sell.’

‘I’m so pleased, Ash,’ Sophia told him truthfully. ‘You’ve worked so hard on this project.’

‘No harder than you are working on your projects, Sophia.’

Now was her chance to tell him, Sophia decided. With a relationship like theirs, emotional displays were not the way of things, she knew, but it was impossible for her to keep the small breathless catch out of her voice as she bent her head to tell him meaningfully, ‘It seems that we are having the good fortune to progress with all our projects at the moment, Ash, although I cannot be entirely certain until Dr Kumar can confirm my hopes.’

When Ash put down his teacup to look at her, Sophia told him simply, ‘I think I’m pregnant.’

She’d known he would be pleased. It was what he’d married her for, after all. But the naked delight and joy that lit up his face caught at her heart, every bit as much as the way he got to his feet and came to her, saying her name in a voice that trembled slightly as he took hold of both her hands in his; it made her heart turn over inside her chest all over again. She had suspected for several days that she could be pregnant. She had known that Ash would be pleased if she was—she had known that she would be delighted herself—but this unexpected and unlooked-for tender act of husbandly intimacy could only be affecting her with such intensity because of the pregnancy hormones that had been released into her system, she assured herself as she battled against the need to cling to him and be held by him, held close in his arms as those arms bound both her and their child to him.

‘I shall send for Dr Kumar immediately,’ Ash told her. The news Sophia had just given him was so welcome and wanted that that was why he felt the way he did, elated, delighted and yet at the same time anxious for Sophia, proud of her and very, very protective of her. It was because their child was so important that he felt like this. So much of the future depended on them producing an heir, after all.

‘It’s still very early days,’ Sophia felt bound to warn him.

‘Then you must be even more careful not to overdo things. It would be more restful for you if you could curtail your duties here and perhaps go to Mumbai where you could rest more, but with the rainy season starting there …’

Ash was pacing the courtyard now, plainly concerned. A small smile softened Sophia’s mouth. Wasn’t this the universal reaction of new fathers-to-be to the creation of that new life they wanted so much and which they instinctively wanted to protect?

‘I have no desire at all to go to Mumbai, Ash,’ she told him. ‘I can rest perfectly well here if I need to rest, which I most certainly do not at the moment. I want to be here. This is our home and it will be our child’s home, and as for me overdoing things—Ash, I am a healthy young woman and pregnancy is a perfectly natural function.’

‘I don’t want you—’

‘You don’t want me taking any unnecessary risks for your child. I know that, and I promise you that I shan’t, but you mustn’t try to wrap me in cotton wool.’

‘I just want—’

‘To protect your child.’

To protect you, he wanted to say, but Ash knew as the thought formed that it was not one he was permitted. By his own rules. Rules he had put in place to protect their marriage and now their child.

She was in danger of feeling far too emotional, Sophia recognised, and that she could not and would not do. The best way to deal with such a situation as she was now learning was to concentrate instead on something practical, something achievable, something that did not involve her mourning what she could never have. So she changed the subject to say practically, ‘It was a good idea of yours to suggest that we donate Nasreen’s clothes to charity. We’ve had the most lovely letters from the various charities I contacted saying how grateful they are to receive such a donation in Nasreen’s name.’

He didn’t want to talk about Nasreen or her clothes or even the charities they were benefiting, Ash thought. He wanted to talk about them, about their child, about their future. But a newly pregnant Sophia must be protected and indulged, he decided, although he was unable to stop himself from pointing out, ‘Your idea to create scholarships in her memory was very generous, Sophia. By rights they should be in your name because Nasreen would certainly never have thought of doing anything so generous.’

‘I am happy to be generous on her behalf,’ Sophia assured him.

The truth was that she wanted peace for Ash more than she wanted to do something for Nasreen, especially now that she was carrying their child. And after all, wasn’t it only natural that as that child’s mother she wanted him or her to have the full commitment of his or her father without any darkness from the past overshadowing him? What she could not and would never ask Ash for, for her own benefit, she could and would, Sophia was beginning to realise very determinedly, work towards asking for their child. That was the nature of motherhood, was it not?

And the growing longing she was experiencing to feel emotionally closer to Ash, was that only because of her instinctive desire to secure a father’s love for her child? Why not? As a child herself she had known what it was to feel she had cause to doubt her father’s love for her and she certainly didn’t want that for her child. Wasn’t it only natural that she should be particularly anxious to ensure that her own child was loved by Ash? It was for their child that she wanted them to be close, not for herself. Ash, she felt, had been too hurt, too damaged, by what he saw as a failure within himself to ever come anywhere near risking breaking the vow he had made to keep their marriage emotion-free for its own safety. She would be a fool to allow herself to pin any dreams on that changing.

And did she want it to change?

The very fact that she couldn’t let herself answer her own question was a warning she needed to heed, Sophia told herself.

The gel that had been placed on her tummy by the radiographer in charge of the expensive new scanning equipment in Nailpur’s new hospital’s maternity wing felt cold, and Sophia gave a small gasp that had Ash looking sharply at her. She had been surprised but pleased when he had insisted on coming with her for her scan, but his protective concern wasn’t for her, she reminded herself. It was for their child, his child and heir. Not for her the tenderness of a husband who reached for her hand whilst the scan was in progress, sharing the special magic of the moment with her as it united them emotionally. Instead, Ash was standing slightly to one side of her, so that it was towards him and not her that the radiographer looked when she announced a little breathlessly, ‘Highness, the maharani is carrying twins—boy twins.’

There was no logical reason why the scent of Ash’s skin, as he leaned across her to look at the images on the screen being pointed out by the radiographer, should fill her with such an intense surge of emotional longing for the right to reach out and take hold of his hand and to have him look at her with the same mix of awe and disbelieving male pride in his gaze she could see he had for his sons. But she couldn’t deny the fact that it did. This should have been a special moment for them as parents but instead she felt as though she didn’t matter as herself, her only value in the room that was now rapidly filling up with medical personnel including the royal physician was as that of the woman who was carrying Nailpur’s precious heirs.

It made no difference either telling herself that she not only should have expected this but that as a royal princess in a convenient marriage she should also have been prepared for it. Her heart bumped heavily into her ribs. She was delighted to be pregnant, of course she was, but she also felt very alone just at a time when surely she most needed to feel valued and … And what? Cherished? Adored? Loved?

Her heart thumped again but no one else in the room including Ash himself seemed to notice or care. If only Ash would just look at her, just share this special time with her in some small private way, it would make all the difference, but instead he had his back to her as he talked with Dr Kumar. Could a man who could ignore his wife at such a special time give the sons he was so proud of creating right now the love that they would need, a true father’s love? The kind of love she herself had craved and been denied by her own father? Was it natural for a woman who had every reason to be on top of the world to feel so vulnerable and anxious, instead?

Ash didn’t dare allow himself to look at Sophia. That feeling he had of wanting to reach out to her and take hold of her hand instead of having to stand by and simply watch as the radiographer prepared her for the scan had unsettled him. It ran so counter to everything he expected from himself with regard to their relationship. It spoke of feelings he had no right to have. And then if that hadn’t been enough for him to have to deal with, there was his reaction to the news that they were to have twin sons. The surge of joy he had felt was natural and allowable. A man in his position would naturally feel such joy after all, but that other feeling … that surge of protective anxiety for Sophia herself? That was because he was concerned for her as the mother of his sons, that was all.

The medical staff were finally turning towards her, all beaming faces and delight for her, although it was to Ash that they spoke in answer to his brusque question about the risks attached to a twin pregnancy, as they reassured him that there was no cause for any concern, and that both babies were of similar, healthy weight and measurements.

On the face of it they could have been any couple confronted with the news that where they had expected confirmation of the conception of one child they were now having the double pleasure and excitement of realising that there were going to be two, Sophia acknowledged. She tried determinedly not to allow her own feelings of vulnerability to spoil what she wanted to be a happy moment for them both, even if she had to accept that it wasn’t going to be a moment that united them as a couple, as well as parents-to-be. It was just an upsurge of pregnancy hormones that was making her feel so vulnerable and so in need of Ash’s emotional support, a clever device invented by mother nature to ensure that a pregnant woman did everything she could to keep the father of the child she was carrying as close to her as she could. After all, in prehistoric times the survival of both her and her child would have depended on the willingness and the ability of the father to keep them safe and fed. It made her feel better to be able to give herself this rational explanation for feelings that had made her feel so vulnerable. And it stopped her wanting that physical and emotional closeness to Ash that had so caught her off guard, didn’t it?

She had her babies to think about now, not just herself. She was still learning what it meant to be Ash’s wife and to live by the rules he had imposed on their marriage, and the truth was that living by those rules didn’t come naturally or easily to someone who had always wanted to marry for love. Motherhood, on the other hand, and her feelings of maternal love and protection for the babies she was carrying, was as instinctive and as natural to her as breathing. Just like wanting to reach for Ash’s hand when she had had her scan. But that was forbidden.

How many other things would be forbidden under the complex barriers Ash had erected against love? Would those barriers come between him and his sons? Would they, too, be denied emotional intimacy with their father? Sophia gave a small shiver despite the sunny warmth of the airy room. She must not look for problems. She must be positive and she must be strong—for the sake of their babies.

‘There is no doubt that your people will welcome the arrival of your sons, Highness,’ the royal physician was saying.

Sons. Another unexpected pang gouged Sophia’s sensitive emotions. Had she been carrying daughters, how much of a solace might they have been to her as they grew up, members of her own sex with whom she might have had a special closeness that helped to alleviate the loneliness of being an unloved wife. Sons would be raised as future leaders of their people; sons would align themselves to their father. Sons would pattern themselves on that father. Another chill of dread shivered over her body. That wasn’t what she wanted for her sons. She wanted them to grow up knowing what love was and valuing it.

‘It is a gift indeed that there should be two children, for us and for them,’ said Ash to Dr Kumar.

Sophia was so delicately built despite her lush curves. The thought of her carrying two babies was causing Ash anxieties for which he hadn’t been prepared. Of course, it was only natural that he should be concerned for her well-being. He knew all about the loneliness suffered by a child who lost a parent, and it was equally natural therefore that there should be that core of anxiety within him for Sophia’s health and safe delivery.

Suddenly, as pleased as he was about the conception of his sons, Ash was also aware of a need to withdraw into himself so that he could put a safe distance between himself and the dangerous intensity of the emotions that were threatening to take control of him.

‘I have to go,’ Ash told Sophia abruptly, still not looking directly at her. ‘I have a meeting I have to attend. Dr Kumar will arrange for you to be driven back to the palace and I shall have a word with him about having a nurse on hand there—’

‘No. That’s ridiculous and unnecessary.’ Sophia stopped him, whilst the medical staff discreetly disappeared, leaving them alone in the room.

‘I’m not sick, Ash, I’m pregnant—and healthily pregnant, too.’

‘You are—’

‘—carrying your heirs, yes, I know, and I hope that you don’t think that I would do anything that would prejudice me carrying them safely to full term.’

Sophia’s feisty reaction warned Ash that she wasn’t going to allow him to wrap her in cotton wool.

‘I simply want to make sure that all three of you receive the best care possible,’ Ash defended himself.

All three of them, when he hadn’t even cared enough about her to understand how much she had needed some small show of physical affection from him earlier on whilst she had waited to see her scan?

She must not allow herself to become downhearted, Sophia warned herself later as she was driven back to the palace. It had been a shock for both of them to discover that she was carrying twins. Surely the knowledge that they were to become parents was bound to bring them closer? After all, it was what they both wanted.