Читать книгу The Wedding Party And Holiday Escapes Ultimate Collection - Кейт Хьюит, Aimee Carson - Страница 105

CHAPTER TWELVE

HE’D SCREWED UP. Big time. It was nearing midnight and Sandro sat in his study, gazing broodingly into space.

Every word Liana had spoken was true.

He had given her an ultimatum, been testing her and the truth of her feelings. It had been an arrogant and appalling thing to do, and, worst of all, he’d been so self-righteous about it.

And while he hadn’t had the courage to be honest with her, she’d possessed more than enough to be honest with him. He thought of what she’d admitted about her sister and felt tears sting his eyes.

He was such a bastard.

It had taken him all of ten seconds to realise just how wrong he was, but ten seconds was too long because Liana had already locked her bedroom door, and she wouldn’t answer it when he hammered on it and asked her—begged her—to let him in.

He’d hated feeling as if he was begging for love or just simple affection from his parents, hated how as a child he’d always tried to get his father to notice him. But he didn’t care now how desperate or foolish or pathetic he looked. He’d go down on his knees to beg his wife to forgive him. He just wanted to be given the chance.

He heard the door to his study open and lurched forwards, hoping against all the odds that it was Liana.

It wasn’t. It was Leo.

‘Sandro,’ he said, unsmiling. ‘What the hell did you do?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Half the palace could hear Liana shouting at you. And she doesn’t shout.’

‘I told her I was abdicating.’

Leo stared at him for a long moment. ‘Sandro,’ he finally said, ‘you are a damned idiot.’

Sandro tried to smile, but it felt as if his face were cracking apart. ‘I know.’

Leo stepped forward. ‘And so am I.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I don’t want you to abdicate, Sandro. I don’t want to be king.’

Sandro shook his head. ‘I saw it in your eyes—’

Leo shook his head impatiently. ‘Oh, screw that. Yes, as I told you before, there is a part of me that feels hard done by. Disappointed. I’ll get over it, Sandro. I’m a big boy. So are you. And you have spent the past six months working yourself to the bloody bone to prove what a good king you are. A great king. You’re the only one who doesn’t think so.’

‘No, I don’t,’ Sandro said in a low voice. He closed his eyes briefly. It was the first time he’d admitted it out loud.

‘And why is that? Why don’t you think you’ll make—you are—a good king?’

Sandro didn’t answer for a long moment. Admitting so much to anyone, especially Leo, who had once idolised him, was painful. ‘Because,’ he finally said in a low voice, ‘I shirked my duty, didn’t I? I ran away.’

‘And you came back.’

‘After fifteen years—’

‘So? Is there a time limit? And running away—if you really want to call it that—seemed like your only choice back then.’ Leo’s voice roughened with emotion. ‘I believe that, Sandro, even if I’ve acted like I didn’t because I was hurt. I know you wouldn’t have left me like that unless you felt you had to.’

Sandro felt his eyes fill. ‘I wouldn’t have,’ he said, his voice choked as he blinked hard. ‘I swear to you, Leo, I wouldn’t have.’

They stared at each other, faces full of emotion, the air thick with both regret and forgiveness.

Finally Leo smiled, and Sandro did too. ‘Well, then,’ he said. ‘You see?’

Sandro dragged a hand over his eyes. ‘I’m not sure I see anything.’

‘Leave behind the bitterness and anger, Sandro. Forget about how Mother and Father raised us, how they treated the monarchy. Usher in a new kingdom, begin a new era. You can do it.’

‘And what about you?’

‘Like I said, I’ll get over it. And to be honest, I’m a little relieved. I admit, when you first came back, I was shocked. Hurt too, if I’m honest, because after fifteen years of working myself to the bone to prove myself to our father, he cast me aside at the first opportunity. But I’ve already promised myself not to live steeped in bitterness or regret, Sandro, and in their own way things have worked out for the best. I’m happy not to be in the spotlight. So is Alyse. We’ve spent a hell of a long time there, and it wasn’t very pleasant.’

‘And what of your ambitions? Your plans?’

With a wry smile Leo gestured to the papers scattered across the desk. ‘Feel free to use them. And consult me anytime. My fees are quite reasonable.’

Sandro felt something unfurl inside him, a kind of fragile, incredulous hope. ‘I don’t know,’ he said and Leo just smiled.

‘No one does, do they? No one knows what’s going to work, what’s going to happen. But you have my support, and Alyse’s, and the cabinet’s.’ He paused. ‘And you have Liana’s, but you might have to grovel a bit to get it back.’

To his amazement Sandro felt a small smile quirk his mouth. ‘There’s no might about it,’ he answered. ‘That’s a definite.’

‘So what are you waiting for?’

‘She won’t see me.’

‘She’s angry and hurt. Give her a little time.’

Sandro nodded, even though he didn’t want to give her time. Didn’t want to wait. He wanted to break her door down and demand that she listen to him. Tell her what an ass he’d been and how much he loved her.

He just needed to find a way to make her listen.

* * *

Liana stood in her bedroom with its spindly chairs and feminine décor and stared out of the window at the gardens now in full, glorious spring. The roses were just beginning to unfurl, their petals silky and fragrant. Everything was coming to life, and she felt as if she was dead inside.

She had barely slept last night, had tossed and turned and tormented herself with all the what-ifs. What if she’d said something when Sandro had wanted her to? What if she’d let him back in when he’d knocked on her door and asked her to talk to him?

But she couldn’t talk; she felt too empty and grief-stricken for words. She’d given Sandro everything. Everything. And he hadn’t loved her enough to wait five minutes—five seconds—to explain. Say something. Do something.

And what had he done but judge her and jump to conclusions? Was that what love was?

If so, she was better off without it. Without him.

Even if her heart felt like some raw, wounded thing, pulsing painfully inside her. It would heal. She would. She didn’t want to go back to numbness, but maybe she’d go back a little. Feel a little less. Eventually.

And as for her marriage? Sandro was right; if he wasn’t king, she didn’t need to be queen. They certainly didn’t need to stay married for convenience’s sake. He didn’t need an heir, after all, and maybe he wanted to return to his life in California. Maybe he didn’t want her anymore. Maybe her confession about Chiara had made him despise her.

Yet the thought of actually divorcing was too awful to contemplate. Maybe they would simply live as strangers, seeing as little of each other as possible, just as she’d envisioned a lifetime ago. Just as she’d wanted.

The thought was almost laughable, ridiculous; she certainly didn’t want it now. But after the debacle of their confrontation last night, she wasn’t sure how they could go on.

Behind her she heard the door open and she drew a shuddering breath. She’d asked Rosa to bring her breakfast to her room because she couldn’t face seeing everyone—much less Sandro—in the dining room.

‘Liana.’

Everything in her tensed at the sound of Sandro’s voice. She turned, saw he was carrying her breakfast tray. She shook her head.

‘Don’t, Sandro.’ Although she wasn’t sure what she was asking him not to do. Don’t break my heart, fragile thing that it is, again.

‘Don’t what?’ he asked quietly. ‘Don’t say I’m sorry?’

She drew a shuddering breath. ‘Are you?’

‘Unbelievably so. More than I’ve ever been, for anything, in my life.’

She shook her head. It wasn’t that simple, that easy. ‘Why did you do that to me?’

‘Because I’m a stupid, selfish idiot.’

‘I’m serious, Sandro.’

‘So am I.’ With a sad smile he put the breakfast tray down on the table by her bed. He gestured at one of the silver dishes on the tray. ‘Strawberries. No chocolate, though.’

Liana just folded her arms. ‘I want answers, Sandro.’

‘And I’ll tell you. You know how you thought you looked like Cinderella last night?’

She eyed him warily; she had no idea where he was going with this. ‘Yes....’

‘You are Cinderella, Liana. You came to the castle to marry a prince, except in this case the said prince was a king and he wasn’t all that charming. He was kind of an ass, actually.’

A smile twitched at her mouth even though she still felt heavy inside. ‘Was he? Why?’

‘Because he was so consumed with how frustrated he felt and all the things he wanted out of life that he didn’t have and how no one loved him. Pathetic, whingy little so-and-so, really.’

‘I think you might be being a little hard on him.’

‘No, he definitely was. He never thought about what other people might be feeling, especially his Cinderella.’

Her mouth curved again in a tremulous smile, almost of its own volition. ‘I wouldn’t say he was quite that self-absorbed.’

‘He was worse,’ Sandro answered. ‘Cinderella couldn’t find that pointy glass slipper because it was stuck up his ass.’

She let out a sudden, startled laugh. ‘Sandro—’

‘He had no idea what he was doing or how much he was hurting people.’ He took a step towards her, a sad, whimsical smile on his face. ‘Seriously, Liana, he was a mess.’

‘And what happened?’

‘Cinderella woke him up with a good old slap. Yanked her shoe out and made him realise just how self-important and stupid he was being—about a lot of things. Her. His family. His past. Himself.’

‘And?’ she asked softly.

‘And he only hopes he can still make it right.’ He took another step towards her, and he was close enough to touch. She almost did. ‘I hope I can make it right, Liana, by telling you how wrong I’ve been. How unbelievably, unbearably stupid and selfish.’ The smile he gave her was shaky, vulnerable, and it made her yearn. She shook her head, not ready to surrender even though another part of her ached to.

‘You hurt me, Sandro.’

‘I know. I was so afraid of being pushed away again. Rejected. And instead I did exactly what you said. I set up a situation where I’d force you to fail, because it was better than feeling like a failure myself. I’m so sorry.’

Liana felt the burn of tears beneath her lids. ‘I forgive you.’

‘Enough to take me back?’

She wanted him back. Wanted his arms around her, her head on his shoulder, the steady thud of his heart against her cheek. ‘You can’t ever do that again.’

‘I won’t.’

‘I know we’ll argue, Sandro, I’m not saying we can’t disagree or get angry or annoyed or what have you. But you can’t—you can’t set me up like that. Make me feel like a failure.’ Her throat clogged and she blinked hard. ‘Because I’ve felt like that before, and I don’t ever want to feel it again.’

‘Oh, Liana. Sweetheart.’ He took her in his arms then, and she went, pressing her cheek against his shoulder just as she’d longed to. ‘I’m sorry for what you endured with your sister,’ he whispered, and the first tears started to spill.

‘It was my fault.’

‘No, it wasn’t.’

‘Didn’t you listen—?’

‘I listened, Liana. And I heard a woman who has been torturing herself for two decades about something that was an accident. You were eight years old, Liana, and you were in shock. Where was that nanny anyway?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘If anyone should feel guilty—’

‘But I should have done something. I could have—’

‘Did you love your sister?’

‘More than anything—’

‘Then how can you blame yourself for something that was out of your control? If you could have saved her, you would have. The fact that you didn’t meant you weren’t able to. You didn’t know how. You panicked, you froze, yes, but you were eight, Liana, a child. And someone else should have been there.’

She shook her head, her tears falling freely now. ‘It’s not that easy.’

‘No, it isn’t. But if you can forgive me, then you can forgive yourself. For your own sake, Liana, as well as mine. Because I love you so very much and I can’t stand the thought of this guilt eating away at you until there’s nothing left.’ He eased back from her, gazed down at her with eyes that shone silver. ‘I love you. I love your strength and your grace and even your composure that terrified and annoyed me in turns when we first met. I love how you’ve stepped so beautifully into being a queen my country—our country—is starting to love, just as I love you.’

His words dazed her so much she could hardly speak. Finally she fastened on to the one thing that seemed least important, least overwhelming. ‘But I’m not queen anymore.’

‘Yes, you are.’ The smile he gave her now was crooked and he reached out to brush at her damp cheeks. ‘I’m not going to abdicate. I spoke to Leo, and he talked some sense into me. I realised I was thinking of it because I’ve felt so much guilt and regret about leaving. Running away. And then I was about to do it again.’ He shook his head, his thumbs tracing the lines of her cheekbones, wiping away her tears. ‘Do you think you’re willing to stay married to such a slow learner? A slow learner who loves you quite desperately?’

‘Of course I am.’ Liana’s lips trembled as she tried to smile. ‘I’m a bit of a slow learner, myself. I love you, Sandro, but it scared me for a long time, to feel that much, never mind admitting it. But I do love you. So very much.’

He framed her face with his hands, brought her closer to him so her forehead rested against his. They stayed that way for a moment, neither of them speaking, everything in Liana aching with emotion and a new, deeper happiness than she’d ever felt before. A happiness based on total honesty, deep and abiding love.

‘We’re quite a pair, aren’t we?’ he murmured. ‘Wanting love and being afraid of it at the same time.’

She pressed one hand to his cheek, revelling in the feel of him, and the fact that he was here, that he’d come back and he loved her. ‘Love is pretty scary,’ she said, a smile in her voice, and Sandro nodded, his forehead bumping against hers.

‘Terrifying, frankly.’

She let out a shaky laugh and put her arms around him. ‘Definitely terrifying. But I do love you, Sandro.’

‘And I love you.’ He kissed her gently on the lips, a promise and a seal. ‘And since it seems that we’re both slow learners, it will take us a long time to figure this love out. I think,’ he continued as he drew her closer and deepened the kiss, ‘it will take the rest of our lives.’