Читать книгу The Wedding Party Collection - Кейт Хьюит, Aimee Carson - Страница 72
ОглавлениеLEO STRODE ACROSS the beach, knowing that, just like last night, he had nowhere to go and hating it. Damn this island. Damn Alyse. Damn himself, for caring about what she’d done—and who she’d done it with.
He didn’t feel merely betrayed, which was what made him so angry. He felt hurt.
Stupid, because it had happened years ago, and it wasn’t as if they’d actually loved each other. So what if she’d loved someone else? Given herself to someone else? What did it really matter?
And yet it did.
He knew he was overreacting; knew he should be at most surprised, and a little annoyed, perhaps, by her infidelity during their engagement, but he shouldn’t actually care.
Not like this. Never like this.
‘Leo?’
He turned and saw her slender form framed in the doorway of the hut, now clothed in one of those ridiculously frothy robes, the candlelight silhouetting her slight yet still lush curves, curves he remembered the feel of under his palms. Leo turned his face away.
‘Please don’t storm off,’ she said, the desolation in her voice reaching him in far too many ways. ‘Talk to me.’
Leo didn’t reply. He didn’t want to talk to her, didn’t want to explain the feelings that churned inside him, the feelings he wasn’t sure he understood—or wanted to understand—himself.
‘Please, Leo.’
Wordlessly he stalked back to the hut, his back to Alyse and the all-too-tempting image she presented in her ridiculous robe. Fine. They would have it out. She could spill all the gritty details and then he would never let her close again. Not as a friend. Not as a lover. He’d take her body and use her popularity and their marriage would be exactly what he’d always wanted and intended it to be. Nothing more.
She stood by the bed, the candlelight silhouetting her figure so she might as well have been naked. He tried not to gaze at the dip of her waist, those high, pert breasts, the shadow between her thighs, but still his groin ached. He’d been unbearably close to burying himself so deep inside her he would have forgotten who he was. What he actually wanted.
‘I know I should have said something, maybe this afternoon,’ she continued, her voice low, her fingers toying with the sash of her robe. ‘But I didn’t want to bring it up, to ruin what was between us—’
‘There was nothing between us,’ Leo cut her off harshly, too harshly. His words were loud and ragged in the hushed stillness of the night. They were emotional, he thought furiously.
Alyse stared at him, her eyes wide. ‘Please don’t say that.’
‘I knew this would happen,’ he continued relentlessly, remorseless now. ‘A single day of barely enjoying each other’s company and you’re building castles in the air. Friendship never would have been enough for you.’
He saw the hurt flash across her face but she lifted her chin and managed a small smile that touched him with its bravery; he didn’t want to be touched. ‘Maybe not,’ she said quietly. ‘And I admit, I have a tendency to build those kinds of castles. I’ve been doing it ever since I met you.’
He stilled, every nerve tautening with sudden apprehension, even alarm. ‘What are you talking about?’
Alyse drew a shuddering breath. ‘I’ve been in love with you since I met you, Leo. Since my eighteenth birthday party.’
She really didn’t choose her moments well. Alyse saw the shock blaze in Leo’s eyes, followed quickly by something that looked almost like fury.
She shouldn’t have told him now, should never have told him. Yet how could she keep the secret of her feelings any longer? How could she make him understand what had driven her recklessly into another man’s arms—if only for one unfortunate night—if he didn’t know how much she loved him?
‘You love me,’ he repeated, and she heard derision.
‘I do,’ she answered steadily. ‘I fell in love with you at my party...’
He arched an eyebrow, his mouth twisting unpleasantly. ‘Did you fall in love with the way I danced? Or perhaps the way I drank champagne?’
‘I just fell in love with you,’ she answered helplessly. ‘I can’t explain it. Trust me, I’ve tried to explain it to myself many times.’
‘Such a conundrum,’ he drawled, his contempt evident in every taut line of his face.
He didn’t believe her, Alyse realised. She hadn’t expected that. Surprise, perhaps, or even horror—but incredulity? She spread her hands. ‘Why do you think I agreed to the engagement? To our marriage?’
‘Not because you loved me.’
‘I couldn’t imagine life without you,’ Alyse blurted, the words spilling out of her. ‘And I knew—of course, I’ve always known—you didn’t love me back. But I hoped, like your father had said, that love or at least affection might come with time. That’s why I kept at it, at the pretending—because I hoped—’
‘And did that hope lead you into another man’s bed, Alyse?’ Leo cut her off, his voice wintry. ‘Because I can do without that kind of love, thank you very much.’
‘It was a mistake,’ she whispered. ‘A terrible mistake.’
His expression only grew colder. ‘Clearly.’
She swallowed, hating that she had to rake this all up, yet knowing she needed to come clean. She’d hidden this heartache and shame for too long already. Maybe confession would help her—and Leo—to move on. ‘It was one night, Leo. One awful night. That’s all.’
‘Is that supposed to make it more excusable?’
She felt the first flicker of anger. ‘For someone who doesn’t believe in double standards, you’re sounding like a bit of a hypocrite.’
‘A hypocrite?’ He raised his eyebrows. ‘How do you reckon that?’
‘It’s not as if you’ve been celibate for the last six years,’ she answered, and she watched his mouth form a smile that held no humour or happiness at all.
‘Haven’t I?’ he asked softly, his words seeming to reverberate through the room, through the stillness of the night and of her own soul. He couldn’t actually mean...?
‘But—but six years...’ she stammered, and his smile turned hard.
‘Yes, I’m well aware of how long a period of time it was.’
She shook her head slowly. ‘I never thought—or expected— The engagement wasn’t real...’
‘On the contrary, our engagement has always been real. So is our marriage. It’s the emotion you insist you’ve been feeling that isn’t, Alyse. You don’t love me. You don’t even know what love is. A schoolgirl crush? A shaft of desire?’ He shook his head, the movement one of both dismissal and derision. ‘That’s all love ever is. And, in any case, you don’t even know me. How on earth could you think you loved me?’
She shook her head again, drew in a shuddering breath. She still couldn’t believe he’d been celibate for so long. For her. ‘But the magazines—they said you were with Liana Aterno.’
‘You believed them? You know how they stir up gossip. You’ve experienced it yourself.’
‘I know, but I thought— I expected you’d have some discreet liaisons. The Queen—’ She stopped abruptly and Leo narrowed his eyes.
‘The Queen,’ he repeated softly. ‘What did my mother say to you?’
‘Only that I shouldn’t expect you to—to be faithful.’
‘Only?’
Alyse gave him a watery smile. ‘She did the whole “men have needs” spiel, and how I was to turn a blind eye.’
‘My mother was basing her experience on my father,’ Leo answered shortly. ‘And their marriage, which has been nothing but unpleasant and acrimonious. I wouldn’t ever listen to marriage advice from her.’
‘I was only eighteen. I didn’t know any better, I suppose.’
Leo nodded, his expression still cold. He hadn’t softened in the least towards her, or her indiscretion, no matter what his mother might have said. ‘Well, you clearly used my mother’s advice as a justification for your own behaviour.’
‘It wasn’t like that, Leo.’
‘I don’t really want to hear.’
‘And I don’t want to tell you, but you’ve got to understand.’ She was stumbling over her words in her haste to explain, to reach him. ‘It was one awful night. A friend from university. I was drunk.’
‘I really don’t need these details.’
She stared at him miserably. ‘I know, but I just want you to understand. I’d seen a photo of you with that duke’s daughter, Liana, in a magazine. There were articles all over the place about how you were dumping me for her.’
‘And you never thought to ask me about it?’
‘I never asked you about anything! We never talked. I didn’t even have your mobile or your email address.’
‘I think,’ Leo said coldly, ‘you could have got in touch if you’d wanted to. In any case, it doesn’t even matter.’
She blinked, stared. ‘It—doesn’t?’
‘No. Admittedly, I’m disappointed you thought so little of the agreement we’d made, the vows we would say. I know we’ve been pretending to be in love, Alyse, but we weren’t pretending that we were going to get married. The rings on both our fingers is a testament to that.’
‘I know,’ she whispered. She felt the first sting of tears and blinked hard. ‘I wish it had never happened.’
‘Like I said, it doesn’t matter. Naturally, I expect you to be faithful to me during our marriage. What happened in the past we can forget about. Thank God the press never found out.’ He turned away from her, towards the bed, and Alyse watched him miserably. She’d never felt as far away from him as she did now...and it was her own fault.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said quietly.
‘Like I said, it’s in the past. Let’s go to bed.’ His meaning was clear as he slid beneath the sheets, his back to her: they would not be consummating their marriage tonight.
Swallowing, Alyse slid into bed next to him. They lay there silently, the only sound the ragged draw and tear of their breathing and the whoosh of the waves on the sand. She could feel the heat of his body, inhaled the scent of his aftershave, and her body still pulsed with longing. Yet she’d never felt farther away from him, or from hope, than she did in this moment.
She knew it was her own fault. She thought of that single night four years ago and closed her eyes in shame. It had been a terrible lapse of judgement, a moment of weakness she’d tried to block out since.
She’d been revising for exams and had caught sight of that awful photograph of Leo laughing with Liana, a gorgeous icy blonde, in a way he never had with her. Jealousy had sunk its razor-sharp claws into her soul, bled out her heart.
She’d been just twenty years old, engaged to Leo for two years, having seen him only a handful of times and spoken to him even less—yet firm, so firm, in the belief she loved him. And in that moment she’d felt certain he would never love her. Never even laugh with her.
It was the closest she’d ever come to breaking off the engagement, but even at her lowest point, halfway to heartbroken, she’d known she couldn’t do it. Didn’t possess the strength to call a halt to a romance that had captivated the world and still didn’t want to.
Yet her despair at feeling that Leo would never love her, never even like her, had led her to go out with a casual friend—Matt—and get far too drunk on cheap cider.
Even now the details of the evening were fuzzy; they’d gone back to her flat and started talking. She’d been drunk enough to be honest, too honest, and she’d said something about how Leo didn’t actually love her.
Matt had laughed and said that was impossible; everyone knew how they loved each other madly. Alyse had been just sober enough to keep from insisting on the truth, but she’d stared at that picture of Leo with the lovely Liana—she’d bought the magazine, if only to torture herself—and something in her had broken.
Without thinking about what she was doing, she’d reached for Matt and kissed him clumsily. She still didn’t know what had driven that impulse, perhaps just a desperate need for someone to want her.
He had responded eagerly, both alarming and gratifying her, and somehow it had all got out of control. In her drunken state she hadn’t been able or even willing to stop it.
The next morning Matt had been sheepish and she’d been stricken. She’d felt ashamed and dirty, yet also strangely defiant, imagining Leo with the lovely Liana. Hating the thought of it, and hating what she’d done too.
Just as Leo hated it. He believed her one indiscretion showed her love for the flimsy fairy tale he thought it was—and lying there, wide awake and restless, she felt the first seed of doubt burrow deep into her heart, its shell cracking apart all her certainties.
What if Leo was right?
Too restless to lie still any longer, Alyse slid from the bed and headed out to the beach. The sand was cool and soft beneath her bare feet and the sky above was inky black and spangled with stars. The air was cooler now, and in only her nightdress she felt goose bumps rise on her arms.
She sat on the sand, as miserable as she’d ever been when she’d believed herself to be hopelessly in love with Leo. And this time it was because she had a sudden, sneaking fear that she wasn’t, and perhaps never had been.
What did that say about her? Could she really have been so childish, so deluded, so wrong to convince herself she loved a man she barely knew? And to have kept believing it for so long?
Resting her chin on her knees, Alyse thought back to that first fateful night when Leo had come to her birthday party. Her mother had been almost as excited as she was, telling her that she’d been friends with Sophia in school, and how Leo was such a handsome prince... She’d reminded her too, of course, of the way she’d fallen in love with Alyse’s father Henri at a party just like that one, across a crowded room...
Just like she’d convinced herself she had with Leo.
Had she wanted her parents’ fairy tale for herself? Was that why she’d convinced herself of her love for Leo, because in her loneliness and uncertainty she’d longed for something more, had half-believed she could have it with Leo?
Everyone else had seemed to think she could, and in her innocence and immaturity she’d allowed a girlish attraction to become something so much bigger and deeper in her own mind and heart. And had continued to believe it, because as time went on and the media frenzy had grown, not to believe it took more strength and courage than she’d ever possessed.
Alyse let out a soft groan and pressed her forehead against her drawn-up knees. She didn’t want to believe she’d been so deluded, didn’t want to let go of her love so easily, so awfully.
And yet the derision on Leo’s face had cut her to the bone, to the soul. You don’t even know me.
No, she didn’t, although she was starting to know him now. And, despite her parents’ love-at-first-sight story, she wasn’t sure she could believe it for her and Leo.
But that didn’t mean she couldn’t love him now. Learn to love him, the real him, the man she still wanted to believe hid underneath that mask, that armour of cold purpose and ruthless efficiency. He was there; she’d seen glimpses over the years and even more in the last few days. Glimpses that had stole through her soul and touched her heart.
He was there...and farther away from her than ever.
Sighing, her body cold and aching now, Alyse rose from the sand and headed back to the hut. She didn’t know what tomorrow, or any of her tomorrows, would now hold. How Leo would feel or act. How they could get back just a little bit of the camaraderie they’d shared.
And as for love?
Her mouth curved in a humourless smile. She didn’t dare even think about that now.
* * *
She must have slept, although she didn’t remember doing so as she’d lain next to Leo’s hard body. But when she next opened her eyes sunlight was flooding the little hut and Leo was gone.
Alyse rose and dressed quickly, tossing the lavender silk dress Leo had stripped from her body into one of her cases with a wince. If only the night had ended differently and she’d woken up in Leo’s arms...
‘Good morning.’
She glanced up, her heart rate skittering as he came into the tent. He was showered and dressed and he looked coldly impassive, no expression at all lightening the navy of his eyes or softening those impossibly stern features. Even so all Alyse had to do was look at him to remember the way his lips had felt on hers, hard and soft at the same time, and how his hands had felt on her body...tormenting her with such exquisite pleasure.
She swallowed hard and looked away. ‘Good morning.’
‘Sleep well?’ he queried, his voice holding a slight, mocking edge, and Alyse shook her head.
‘No.’
‘Pity. Breakfast is in the pavilion again. I’ve already eaten.’
‘You have?’ He’d turned away from her and she stared at his broad back, the stiff set of his shoulders. ‘People will talk, you know,’ she said, even though she hated using that excuse. She didn’t care what people said. She cared only what Leo thought. What he felt...or didn’t feel.
‘I told them you were having a lie-in after a busy night, and made all the waitresses blush.’
‘You didn’t.’
‘No, I didn’t.’ He turned around then, his eyes snapping with suppressed anger. ‘I’ve developed a distaste for lying, even to the staff. But they assumed it anyway, so don’t worry, our cover isn’t blown.’
‘Leo, I want to talk to you—’
‘And I want to talk to you,’ he cut her off coolly. ‘But you might as well eat first.’ And, reaching for the newspaper he’d brought from the pavilion, he settled in a chair and snapped it open, managing to ignore Alyse completely.
Without another word she left the hut.
* * *
Leo stared unseeingly at the newspaper in front of him, amazed at the amount of rage that poured through him in a scalding river. Why on earth was he so angry? He couldn’t remember feeling this much emotion before, and it infuriated him—and frightened him. He was honest enough to admit that at least to himself.
No matter what he’d just told her, he wasn’t about to admit it to Alyse.
And, when she returned from breakfast, he’d tell her exactly what he had in mind: a return to Maldinia and to their earlier arrangement, an arrangement that had satisfied him exactly. Their marriage would be a matter of business and convenience, nothing more. He’d been a fool to allow her to entertain ideas of friendship or affection. Both were pointless and had only raised ridiculous hopes in Alyse.
And in himself.
That annoyed and angered him most of all—that he’d actually enjoyed their time together, their banter, and of course their kisses... Just remembering how close he’d been to being inside her made Leo shift uncomfortably in his chair, a persistent ache in his groin.
He still wanted her, and he’d have her, perhaps even tonight. There was no longer any need to wait. He wasn’t going to concern himself with her feelings, her fears. They’d return to the firm footing he had thought they’d been on when they’d both said those wretched vows.
To have and to hold, from this day forward...
Yes, from this day forward he would know exactly what to expect. And so would Alyse.
She returned to their sleeping quarters half an hour later and Leo glanced up as she approached, forcing himself not to notice the tender, bruised-looking skin under her eyes or the way her lush, pink mouth turned down at the corners. She wore a silky tee-shirt in pale green and a swishy skirt that blew around her long, slim legs. He yanked his gaze upwards, found it settling on the rounded curve of her breasts and determinedly moved it up to her face.
‘Leo, I wanted to—’
‘Let me tell you what I want to say,’ he cut her off, his voice clipped. He had no wish to hear her stammered, desperate apologies or excuses. Neither mattered. ‘This whole idea of friendship was a mistake,’ he stated flatly. Alyse stilled, her face carefully blank so he couldn’t tell at all what she was thinking or feeling.
Not that he cared.
‘It was against my better judgement in the first place,’ he continued. ‘It just complicates matters. It was much simpler and easier before.’
‘When we pretended all the time?’ Alyse filled in.
‘We’ll always be pretending,’ he answered, his tone deliberately brutal. ‘The public expects to see us wildly in love—and, as I’ve told you before, that will never happen.’
‘And here I thought you’d developed a distaste for lying.’
He had. Lord, how he had. He’d been doing it his whole life, just as his parents had been doing it with him. And he’d hated it all, hated how it hurt him, yet he’d thought with Alyse it would be different. It had been his choice and he would be in control.
And so he would. Starting now.
‘Sometimes needs must,’ he said brusquely. ‘But at least we won’t lie to each other.’
‘So what exactly are you proposing, Leo? That we ignore each other for the length of our honeymoon? Our marriage?’
‘Our honeymoon is over,’ he answered, and he watched her pale.
‘Over?’
‘We head back to Maldinia this morning.’
‘This morning.’ Alyse stared at him, her face white. Then she rallied, a spark of challenge firing her eyes so Leo felt a reluctant surge of admiration for her spirit. ‘So we had a honeymoon of all of two days. How do you think the public—the press—will react to that?’
‘It’s up to us, isn’t it? If we return to Averne with faces like a wet weekend then, yes, they might suspect something. But if we smile and present a united front—royal duty must come first, after all—then I don’t think we should have a problem.’ He raised his eyebrows and smiled coolly. ‘I trust that after six years your acting ability is up to the challenge.’
‘And what about our scheduled visits to London? Paris? Rome?’
‘We can fly from Maldinia. They’re not until next week.’
Alyse just shook her head. ‘Why do you want to return to Maldinia?’ she asked quietly.
‘Because I’d like to get our marriage on its proper footing,’ Leo answered, his voice coming out in something close to a snap. He strove to level it. ‘And that doesn’t involve romping around on the beach or playing at being friends on a boat.’
Alyse gazed at him thoughtfully and it took all of his effort not to avert his gaze, to hide from it. ‘You’re scared,’ she finally said, and Leo let out an abrupt, incredulous laugh.
‘Scared? Of what?’
‘Of me—of what was happening between us. Intimacy.’
‘Please.’ He held up one hand. ‘Spare me your fanciful notions. I had enough of them last night, when you tried to convince me you loved me.’
‘I thought I loved you.’
‘You’ve since been disabused of the notion? How convenient.’ He felt a flash of hurt and suppressed it. ‘I’ll go tell the staff to come fetch our bags.’ And without a backward glance he stalked out of the hut.
