Читать книгу Homegrown Hero: A funny and addictive thriller for fans of Informer - Khurrum Rahman, Khurrum Rahman - Страница 23

14

Imy

I had some making up to do. Damn‚ I had some making up to do. Jack was a sensitive soul; it happens when you grow up without your old man. It was the kind of thing that could make you feel like the whole world was against you; the kind of thing that could make you hard as steel. I knew a little something about that.

I was already beyond late when I pulled up outside Khala’s house. So I left the engine running and hoped for a swift extraction.

‘Crazy boy racer‚ what is wrong with you?’ Khala exclaimed. ‘Did you leave gas on? Is your house burning down?’

‘Sorry‚ Khala. I have to be somewhere.’ I kept my foot firmly on the brake and slipped the gear into first.

‘Switch the car off‚ you are wasting petrol.’

‘Khala... Really‚ I have to go.’

‘What is more important than your future? I am sure Shahzad can wait five minutes more. We need to talk.’

‘I’m not seeing Shaz‚ Khala.’

‘Then?’

Rather than explain‚ I stuck the car into neutral and switched off the engine. ‘Okay‚ Khala‚’ I sighed‚ scratching the hell out of the back of my head.

‘Are you using the coconut oil that I gave you for your hair? It will stop all this itching. You look like a homeless person when you scratch your head like that. Have you seen Doctor? You could have nits.’

I couldn’t help but smile. Yes‚ she was frustrating the hell out of me and yes‚ she was overprotective‚ even for an Asian parent‚ but all her annoying qualities were full of love. I dropped my hands and forced them to stay on my lap.

‘So‚’ she said‚ her eyes sparkling. ‘What did you think?’

‘She was alright‚’ I said.

‘Just alright?’

Rukhsana may possibly have been the most perfect girl that I had ever met. Her baby pink embroidered kameez hid her modesty‚ but it also revealed a little untouched paradise. Her lips were full and red and when she broke out of playing the shy Muslim girl and met my eyes‚ they were full of mischief and promise. With a silvery tone‚ she spoke well‚ able to hold her own in a variety of subjects. She moved us with her considered view on the recent Paris attack and made us howl with laughter with a joke about a Pakistani politician that I’d never heard before. The way she moved across the room made me want –

Damn! I was so late.

‘Yes‚ she was... She was cool‚’ I said‚ as precious seconds ticked away.

‘I know what cool means‚ Beta. Your Khala knows!’ She wobbled her head from side to side. ‘She is cool. Okay I will tell them. You like her‚ yes.’

‘She seems nice‚ but it’s early days‚’ I sighed‚ loudly. ‘Just don’t go buying any gold sets yet‚ okay.’

Khala smiled at me as though she had heard something altogether different to what I had told her. I didn’t have the time or the heart to tell her it could never happen. That was a different conversation for a different day. She put her hand on mine‚ wobbled her head again and finally left.

*

Jack probably didn’t know that his mum was at her bedroom window waiting for me. Stephanie probably didn’t know that her son was at his bedroom window‚ waiting for me.

I killed the engine as I parked in the driveway. Jack beamed down at me and left his station at the window. I got out of the car and waved up at Stephanie‚ but her smile wasn’t as bright. I could hear the scrape of a chair being dragged and I knew Jack was pulling it to the front door to give him height so he could remove the safety chain. The door flung open and he flew at me‚ head down‚ arms pumping‚ bare feet against the cold paving‚ I swept him up in my arms and peppered him with kisses.

Over his shoulder‚ Stephanie was leaning against the door frame. In the photo that she had sent me of them both in the makeshift camp‚ her dark hair was curled‚ and she was wearing a turquoise dress. Her hair was now tied back‚ the dress replaced with jeans and a faded Stone Roses T-shirt.

‘How much trouble am I in?’ I whispered to Jack‚ my eyes trained on Stephanie.

‘Mummy went to the hairdressers today and her hair was curly-wurly.’

‘Wow‚ that much‚ huh?’

I carried him inside and kissed Stephanie‚ she turned her head away and my lips grazed her cheek.

‘It’s past his bedtime‚’ she said.

‘Do you mind if I...?’ I asked‚ and she nodded.

*

I had just finished reading Dear Zoo under the lamp light in Jack’s camp. He was too in and out of sleep throughout to enjoy it‚ and I cursed myself for making him wait so long for me. I lifted the duvet up to his chest and held him from behind‚ waiting for his breathing to settle.

‘Imy?’ he whispered.

‘Jack‚’ I replied‚ pleased in a way that he was still awake.

‘You know Sammy Murphy from Year two‚ he’s in Mrs Stevens’ class?’

‘Sure‚ what about Sammy Murphy?’ I waited for a response. It seemed as though he was weighing up how to say what was on his mind.

‘His dad never plays with him.’

‘Oh‚ I see.’ My heart fell‚ I could already feel what was coming next. Jack never ever talked about his own father‚ but on occasion he would use a proxy to discuss how he was feeling.

‘He’s always late home and then one day he didn’t come home at all.’

I held him a little tighter‚ my face touched the back of his head‚ and smelt the wave of innocence coming off him. I struggled for a response. He fidgeted a bit and then shifted his body around so he was facing me‚ our noses nearly touching.

‘Do you think that Sammy Murphy’s dad doesn’t love him?’

‘I don’t know‚ Jack‚’ I answered truthfully. ‘But you know I love you‚ right? To infinity and beyond‚ and I’ll always be here for you.’

That was the whole truth. I’d fallen in love hard with Stephanie‚ but I loved Jack with a ferocity that frightened me.

‘I love you too‚’ he said and then scrunched his nose. ‘You smell of Indian food.’

‘Yeah‚ I‚ um... I may have had a kebab or two.’

‘Is that why you were late?’

‘Yes. I’m sorry.’

‘Don’t be late again.’

I watched him sleep for a moment and left him with a kiss on his cheek before crawling out of the camp. The kid had tried not to show it‚ but he was disappointed in me for messing up his plans and it damn near broke my heart. I didn’t want to be that person. He’d been through enough heartache with his father.

It was time to buck up my ideas. I’d been happy enough to be smothered by Khala‚ picking up freshly cooked meals that would last me the week‚ having my clothes washed and pressed‚ whilst living it up in that crummy flat that a student would have been ashamed of‚ blowing my not-that-great income on getting wasted with Shaz. And now I had to play the arranged marriage game‚ keep Rukhsana sweet‚ keep Khala sweet‚ keep dodging the consequences of telling them the truth. Making my life more complicated than necessary.

When really‚ all I needed was right here.

*

Stephanie was watching a reality TV show‚ sat on one end of the sofa‚ perched forward with both feet planted on the floor as if she had just sat down and not yet got comfortable. I knew that she would’ve been at the bottom of the stairs listening in on my conversation with Jack. Checking to see how I handled him. I positioned the foot stool in front of her and lifted her legs on to it. I stretched out on the sofa and placed my head on her lap. I looked up at her. She was beautiful at any angle.

‘Let me guess‚’ she said. ‘Your Khala?’

I smiled tightly. She ran her hand through my hair and waited for me to explain. I did‚ the lie coming easy to me. ‘Her arthritis was bad today. Actually it’s been like that for a while now. So I offered to do the weekly shop for her. I did text you.’

‘No‚’ she said‚ confidently‚ as though she’d checked her phone a thousand times. ‘You didn’t.’

I slipped out my phone and scrolled to the text message that I had prepared earlier whilst I was at the Rishta. I frowned at it.

‘What is it?’ she asked of my troubled expression. I showed her the message. ‘You didn’t press send.’

I exhaled as I pressed my forehead and I laid it on‚ lie after lie. ‘I’m so sorry‚ Steph‚ I was off my feet. After the grocery shop‚ she had me disassemble and take some old furniture up to the loft. Then she made me dinner afterwards and I couldn’t not stay. Seriously Steph‚ I thought I texted you.’

We sat in silence for a moment‚ her eyes fixed on the television.

‘Imy‚’ she said.

‘Hmm‚’ I said‚ searching for holes in my lie.

‘You have to tell her.’

‘I know‚’ I said. ‘I will.’

She stood up abruptly and my head slipped off her lap and bounced harmlessly on the seat. I sat up as Stephanie stood over me and I waited for her to let loose.

‘Imy‚ believe me‚ I don’t want to be the kind of girlfriend that questions your every action. I refuse to be one of those women. I fully understand that you have to think about your Khala‚ I know she’s like a mother to you. And‚ trust me‚ I know about your culture. But you can’t hide this‚ us‚ from her any longer. She doesn’t deserve that‚ Imy. We don’t deserve it. We’re not your dirty little secret!’

I opened my mouth‚ she lifted a finger before I could counter.

‘I need to know where this is going. You can’t just pick and choose to play the big family man whenever it suits you. It’s not fair on Jack.’

‘That’s not fair‚ Steph. You know how much I love –’

‘I know‚’ she said‚ her voice loud and abrupt. Her eyes travelled up to the ceiling‚ beyond which Jack slept. She waited for the inevitable.

‘Mummy.’ Jack’s muffled voice came back at her through the baby monitor that she still insisted on using.

‘When are you going to understand?’ she said‚ softly. ‘Love is not enough.’

I heard her tired footsteps padding up the stairs. I looked up at the ceiling and I could just picture her‚ holding Jack in her arms‚ running her fingers down either side of his spine‚ rocking him gently back to sleep.

I inhaled deeply and held it‚ then exhaled. I didn’t know how I could prove to Stephanie just how much she and Jack meant to me. They needed more; I needed to give them more. I needed to commit and show Stephanie what she and Jack truly meant to me.

My eyes moved around the room until they landed on a small ball of play-dough.

I went upstairs and entered Jack’s room. Through the sheets that made up the walls of the camp‚ I could see their joint silhouette. I crouched down and crawled through the makeshift cushioned entrance. Jack smiled at me over Stephanie’s shoulder.

‘Room for one more?’ I said‚ knocking my shoulder on a chair leg and almost bringing down the whole structure. Jack separated himself from his Mum and we all sat‚ legs crossed‚ in a tight triangle within the camp.

I nodded at them both‚ grinning stupidly. They both looked at me with curiosity‚ and then at each other. It wasn’t exactly Paris‚ but I could not care less. The romantic setting of the Eifel Tower had nothing on this beautifully crafted kid’s camp‚ splattered with toys and comic books‚ put together by a five-year-old.

It was the perfect setting.

I winked at Jack and then I took hold of Stephanie’s hand. I dug into the top pocket of my shirt and pulled out a play-dough ring.

‘Stephanie‚’ I said. ‘Will you marry me?’

That night we all moved out of camp and into Stephanie’s bedroom and‚ with Jack in the middle‚ we spent the night there. It was‚ quite possibly‚ the happiest I had ever been.

From downstairs‚ as I was drifting off to sleep‚ I heard my phone alerting me to a notification.