Читать книгу normalcy - Kimberley Paul - Страница 4

I guess you could say I matured into the person I am today when Daddy died. I was 17 when it happened. I was waiting in my room one night in daddy’s favorite outfit anticipating my special time with him but he didn’t come home. I waited up all night and in the morning I went in to mother’s room to look for him. The bedroom was empty and so was everything else. I went toward the kitchen and I found mother sitting at the dining room table just staring at the wall with a blank look on her face. Her cheeks were wet with tears but she did not appear to be crying. In fact, she had half a smile on her face as the tears rolled down and collected in the corner of her mouth.

“Mother, where’s Daddy?” I asked

She turned her head toward me and her facial expression instantly changed into a look of rage. “You little whore!! You killed him!”

I felt my heart and my whole inside turn instantly black and drop with a deafening thud inside of me. “What?”

My mother began to yell “That’s right, you heard me, I said you killed your father! Because of you and your special time with him he was rushing home and got careless and hit a telephone pole. You fucking little whore!!” By this time she had risen from her chair and came toward me. “I know he loved you more than me because he reminded me on a daily basis that I could never compare!” WHAM…… her fist made direct contact with my jaw before I even saw it coming. She hit me fast and hard, I had never felt anything like that in my life. I heard cracking and popping from my neck and jaw when my head whipped around from the blow. In (what felt like) slow motion, I fell to the floor and she began kicking and screaming at me.

“Please mother STOP! I was only being a good girl and doing what I was told!” The force of the next kick she delivered threw me about three inches to the left. I instantly felt excruciating pain whail through my ribs along with cracking noises. Next she kicked me in the head numerous times while screaming over and over, “This is all your fault you bitch!” Then suddenly… the lights went out.

When I awoke I didn’t know what day or time it was. It even took me about five minutes to register where I was. I tried to stand and came crashing back down. My whole side hurt so bad that I thought I was dying. My arms were black and blue, my legs were black and blue, my ribs hurt, and my head was throbbing. I felt wet in my pants and with the smell I realized that I had pissed and shit myself. I tried to think but couldn’t, I tried to move and couldn’t do that either so I just sat. When the whole incident with my mother and father began slowly coming back to me, I looked around the room for her and could not see her anywhere. A sudden urge surged through me and all I could think about was getting to my feet and getting to the bathroom. It took me a while but I was finally able to muster the strength it took to get to my feet. Even though I was very strong for my age, I could hardly walk but I used counters and walls to help me get there. I was very cautious looking out for mother the whole time, luckily, I never saw her. When I made it to the bathroom I took my clothes off. I stood looking in the mirror at the monster in front of me and I didn’t even recognize myself. One whole side of my face was almost black with bruises. My jaw and cheeks were so swollen that I looked like I had elephantitis. Looking at this enraged me and I began to cry uncontrollably. I was not crying because of the pain and unrecognizable person looking back at me in the mirror. I was crying because of the rage I felt that my mother was able to take that kind of control over me. I fed off of control and thought I was very powerful up until that point. That bitch was able to take all that away from me, and I couldn’t even look to Daddy to make it all better. I had no one and nothing at that point in my life and when I realized that, the rage took over me and I felt like I was reborn. I began cleaning myself up and even though every one of my movements hurt me, something inside of me was feeding off of that hurt and oddly enough making me stronger by the second. All I could think about was finding that bitch and showing her who has the power over who.