Читать книгу Kimberley Chambers 3-Book Collection: The Schemer, The Trap, Payback - Kimberley Chambers - Страница 33

‘How do I look?’ Marlene asked, as she walked into Marge’s lounge and did a little twirl.

Marge stared at the over-the-top outfit and laughed. Marlene was clad from head to foot in black, and even though the skimpy minidress, fishnet stockings, thigh-length boots, fake-fur coat, oversized hat and dark sunglasses were probably, in most people’s opinion, way too over the top for a funeral, the film-star look suited Marlene to a tee. ‘You really do look the bollocks, mate. Does this look OK, what I’ve got on?’

Even though Marge was classed as obese, she had a bubbly personality and a pretty face, therefore could get away with being fat to some extent. ‘I love the trouser suit, and that scarf really sets it off,’ Marlene replied, honestly. She was thrilled that Marge had agreed to attend Jake’s funeral with her, as she was dreading facing his family alone.

‘What time’s Barry picking us up? Is he still at your Chantelle’s?’ Marge asked.

Apart from the first night they had arrived back in England, neither Marlene nor Barry had stayed at Chantelle’s house. Marlene had once kept a frowsy home herself, but since living in Spain and having a cleaner do all the hard graft, she had got used to cleanliness. Chantelle lived in squalor, which is why she had chosen to stay with Marge instead of her daughter. ‘Barry’s staying in a hotel in Brentwood. He’s hired a car as he said he’s gonna stay in England for a few weeks. You’ll never guess where he went the other night. Do you remember that bird he was knocking off over the road in Dagenham? Used to live bang opposite me – Stephanie her name was. Her mother was the fat, stuck-up bitch that I used to call Porky the Pig.’

‘I don’t think I ever saw the girl, but I remember you mentioning her and I remember Porky. Didn’t the girl run off with one of his mates or something?’

‘Yeah, that’s the one. She got with that Wayne Jackman, he was Barry’s old pal from Bethnal Green. Horrible family they were, the Jackmans. The mother was an old bag and the father knifed her to death after catching her at it.’

Unable to stop herself, Marge burst out laughing. Over the years, her and Marge had had more pricks between them than a second-hand dartboard, yet Marlene still had the front to call other women old bags.

‘What you laughing at?’ Marlene asked, in a cross voice.

‘You! It’s the way you tell a story, mate, you do make me laugh,’ Marge said. She daren’t say what she was really thinking as, unlike Marge, who was fully aware of what she was, Marlene liked to class herself as a lady.

‘Well, that’s where Barry went the other night, round that Wayne and Stephanie’s house. I couldn’t believe it when he told me, Marge. That girl broke his fucking heart and he was in bits over her for a long time in Spain. The dirty little whore wants shooting if you ask me.’

‘Knowing your Barry, that’s probably what he’s planning to do,’ Marge joked. Marlene had once proclaimed that Barry had tried to murder her by strangulation, but knowing what a drama queen her friend was, Marge had never actually believed her.

Marlene raised her eyebrows. ‘If I tell you something, swear you won’t say a word to anyone.’

‘Go on, you know you can trust me, mate.’

‘Well, I have no proof of this, but I’ve got a gut feeling that it might have been Barry that killed Jake. They had an argument and never spoke for a few days before his death. The day before Jake got shot, I went out for a drink with Barry and told him how unhappy I was with the old cunt. I said that I’d be really elated if he keeled over one day. I also said that I was positive he’d left everything in his will to me.’

‘Christ, that’s heavy stuff, Mar. Do you think Barry actually shot Jake himself, then?’

‘No. He had a good alibi the night Jake was shot. He was in some posh restaurant with his girlfriend, Jolene, and her parents. Convenient, don’t you think?’ Marlene replied.

‘Why don’t you just ask him outright, mate?’

‘No! Barry tells me nothing. He thinks I’m fucking silly, Marge, but I ain’t. My Barry’s absolutely cakeo and I’m sure he’s involved in drugs out in Spain. He’s a little fucker, always has been.’

Hearing a car engine, Marge looked out of the window. ‘Barry’s just pulled up, mate. We’ll continue this conversation later.’

Seething that Wayne had asked Barry to their wedding without first asking her permission, Stephanie had barely spoken to her husband for the past thirty-six hours.

‘We can’t carry on like this, babe. Let’s call a truce, eh? How about I skip work today and take you out for a slap-up lunch to say I’m sorry for being such a dickhead?’ Wayne asked Stephanie.

Steph glared at her fiancé. A slap-up lunch wasn’t the answer to this particular problem. Uninviting Barry to the wedding was the only way to solve it. ‘You’re gonna have to ring Barry up and tell him he can’t come, Wayne. You’ll have to say that we rang the venue and they said that we can’t have any more guests.’

‘I can’t do that, babe. I’ll make meself look a right mug.’

‘Please, Wayne, I’m sure he was taking the piss out of us the other evening. You were too drunk to notice, but I clocked it. I don’t trust him one little bit.’

Wayne put his arms around Stephanie’s waist. ‘Bazza’s all right and I would have noticed if he was taking the piss. You’re just being paranoid because of what’s happened in the past, that’s all.’

Stephanie nuzzled her face into Wayne’s neck and took in his sweet-smelling aftershave. She loved him so much, he always seemed to get his own way with her. ‘Where you gonna take me for this posh lunch, then?’

Wayne grinned. ‘I take it that means Barry can come to the wedding then?’

‘I suppose so.’

Marlene had thought it an insult that she wasn’t invited to travel to Jake’s funeral in one of the cars behind the coffin. Jake’s family had organized everything, and she only knew the date and time of the service because one of Jake’s friends had informed her. Because of the snub, Marlene decided it best that she go straight to the crematorium in Streatham and, as she got out of the car, she felt that all eyes were on her.

‘Shit, I can see Donkey Dave staring at us. Trust my luck to spot that pervert immediately,’ Marge hissed.

Remembering her pal’s night of debauched passion with Donkey Dave, Marlene wanted to laugh, but couldn’t. She had to play the grieving, loving partner. It was what today was all about. She held Barry’s arm one side, Marge’s the other, and promptly turned on the waterworks.

‘You OK, Mum?’ Barry asked.

‘Of course I’m bloody OK. I’m acting, you idiot. Where’s the family? Can you see ’em anywhere?’ Marlene spat.

Barry shrugged. ‘None of us know what they look like, do we? I doubt his ex-old woman is here anyway, Jake always said she fucking despised him. Most people are going inside the chapel now, so we’ll have to clock the front row to work out who’s who.’

‘I should be sitting in the bloody front row. I’m the poor bastard that had to suck his sweaty little cock for years,’ Marlene whispered in Marge’s ear.

When Marge burst out laughing, Barry looked at her and his mother in horror. ‘For fuck’s sake, yous two, show some respect. You’re at a man’s funeral, not his birthday party.’

Marlene let out a huge racking sob and pretended to almost faint as she walked into the packed chapel.

‘Stand up straight, Mother, everybody’s looking at us,’ Barry hissed.

Aware that she had definitely now got everybody’s attention, Marlene continued to sob loudly throughout the whole service.

‘That’s gotta be the daughters, ain’t it? Front pew on the right,’ Marge said.

Marlene nodded. She had spotted the two women scowling at her a few minutes ago. Both were skinny, plain and had great big noses just like Jake’s. They were definitely their father’s daughters, all right. ‘Do you reckon that’s his ex-wife next to ’em?’ Marlene whispered, dabbing her eyes with a hankerchief.

‘Dunno, but she looks a right old dragon, whoever she is,’ Marge replied.

As the service ended and the curtains closed, Frank Sinatra’s ‘Fly Me to the Moon’ came blaring out of the speakers. Sinatra had been Jake’s favourite singer and he used to regularly croon his songs on stage in their bar over in Spain. The senile old sod had even thought he sounded like his idol.

Marlene walked out of the chapel, acting as though she was being physically supported by Barry and Marge. Once she started a bit of role play she had always found it very difficult to switch back off. ‘I need to see if my beautiful wreath is here,’ she said loudly, in an overly dramatic voice.

‘Tone it down, Mother, you’re making yourself look a right cunt,’ Barry whispered in her ear.

‘Marlene! How wonderful to see you again, though what a shame it has to be under such awful circumstances. How are you bearing up? What happened must have been the most awful shock for you?’

Marlene squeezed the tall, thin man’s hand. Slippery Joe had been one of Jake’s lifelong friends. He had visited her and Jake out in Spain a couple of times every year, and Marlene had always found him quite charming. Unlike Jake, Joe was quite handsome and extremely charismatic and Marlene had never forgotten Jake telling her how he had earned his nickname. ‘Back in the old days, when banks were easy to get into and rob, Joe was the master of it. He was so skinny and agile he used to slip through the hole in the vaults that people would dig, then he would pass the money through and slither back out like an eel,’ Jake had explained.

‘I miss my Jakey boy so much, Joe. He was my life: I don’t know how I’m going to cope without him,’ Marlene said, her voice full of sorrow.

Unable to listen to any more of his mother’s crap, Barry lit up a cigarette and walked over to where the flowers lay.

‘Marlene’s been in a terrible state, Joe. She’s been staying with me, bless her,’ Marge said, joining in with the deceit.

‘And do you know what hurts the most, Joe? Ten wonderful years I spent with my Jake, yet I never had any say in his funeral and I only found out when and where it was because Eddie Spurling rang me up to tell me. For years I told Jake we should get married because I knew one day something like this would bloody well happen,’ Marlene wept.

Slippery Joe put a comforting arm around Marlene. Jake had never had any intention of marrying Marlene, he knew that for a fact, but it was neither the time nor place to say so. ‘Jake loved you very much, Marlene. You made him very happy,’ he assured her. The last time Joe had spoken to Jake, he had been anything but happy with Marlene, and had even spoken briefly about leaving her.

‘I take it that’s Jake’s daughters over there? Who’s that woman and man with them?’ Marlene asked, spotting the people who had been sitting in the front pew on the left.

‘That’s Jake’s ex-wife, Anne, and her brother, Thomas.’

‘What’s she doing here? I thought she hated his guts,’ Marlene spat.

‘Anne probably came to support Miranda and Isabelle.’

‘But Jake always said that his daughters hated him an’ all. Two-faced bastards,’ Marlene mumbled.

‘Some people have got no morals, mate – but to turn up here, lapping up all the attention when they haven’t spoken to the poor man for years, is beyond belief if you ask me,’ Marge said, supporting her friend.

‘I must go and say hello to a few old faces now. I take it you are both coming to the wake, girls?’

‘Wake! What wake? Eddie Spurling said that all Jake’s pals were just doing their own thing back at one another’s houses or in their local pubs.’

Realizing that he had just put his foot in it, Slippery Joe had no choice but to tell Marlene where the wake was. ‘It was a last-minute change of plan, Marlene. We were just going to have a drink at a pal’s house, but the numbers got out of hand. The wake is now being held in a pub not far from here called the Bedford Park. You must come; in fact I insist you come.’

‘Yes, we will bloody come, won’t we?’ Marge said, nudging her friend. She guessed that the drinks would be free, and missing out on a good piss-up was not in Marge’s nature.

‘I’ll see you there,’ Joe said, keen to make his escape.

Marlene linked arms with Marge and dragged her over to where Barry was standing.

‘Are we gonna go?’ Marge asked her pal.

Marlene smirked. ‘I wouldn’t miss it for the fucking world.’

Stephanie and Wayne had just enjoyed a first-class lunch in Smith’s fish restaurant in Ongar. It had been ages since they had been out as a couple and Steph had thoroughly enjoyed herself. ‘We must do this more often once we’ve got the wedding out of the way, Wayne. I can’t remember the last time you and I went out without the kids, can you?’

Wayne squeezed Stephanie’s hand. ‘It’s my fault, I’m always working lately, but I promise you faithfully, once we’re wed, we’ll do shit like this at least a couple of times a month.’

Stephanie looked lovingly into her man’s eyes. Because of Wayne being a workaholic and the children’s presence, it had been ages since they had made love. Apart from the odd late-night fumble, their sex life had suffered from the stresses of everyday monotony over the past year or so. ‘I’ve got a fab idea,’ Stephanie suggested.

‘What, babe?’

‘Why don’t I get Dannielle’s friend’s mum to pick her up from school, so we can go home and have a bit of me and you time? I told my mum that I wouldn’t pick Tyler up until sixish, so what do you think?’

‘Why didn’t your mum go to work today? Is she ill?’ Wayne asked.

‘No. Both her and Cath booked a day off work so they could watch the comings and goings across the road for Jake’s funeral. Gutted, my mum was when I dropped Tyler off. She reckons Marlene must be stopping elsewhere,’ Steph said, laughing.

‘Serves her right for being so bleedin’ nosy. Shall we go mad and order another bottle of champagne?’ Wayne asked.

‘Don’t you fancy a bit of us time?’ Stephanie asked, slightly dismayed that Wayne hadn’t done somersaults over her romantic suggestion.

‘Yeah, course I do. I just thought, if we ain’t in no rush, we could have a bottle of champagne first.’

Stephanie smiled. ‘OK, whatever.’

Within five minutes of arriving at the wake, Marlene and Marge clocked Donkey Dave heading towards them.

‘Nice to see you again, Marlene. I’m so sorry for your loss. How have you been coping?’ Dave asked, completely ignoring Marge’s presence.

‘Fucking brilliantly! Her partner gets his brains blown out right in front of her, so how do you think she’s coping?’ Marge asked, sarcastically. Dave had nearly ripped her insides in half, so how dare he bloody blank her as though she were invisible?

‘You look well, Marge. Have you lost some weight?’ Dave asked, mockingly. She looked even more obese than when he had shagged her.

‘No I ain’t, you cheeky bastard. Look, we don’t wanna talk to you, so why don’t you go and nuisance somebody else?’ Marge replied, glaring at him.

‘I don’t particularly want to talk to you either, but I was asked to come over here by the family to politely ask the pair of yous to leave.’

‘I beg your fucking pardon?’ Marlene asked. She was absolutely astounded.

‘Jake’s family arranged this wake as a private function for their close friends and family, and yous two are neither,’ Dave said bluntly.

‘You cheeky fucking wanker,’ Marge screamed.

Dave held his hands up, palms facing outwards. ‘Listen, this has nothing to do with me, I’m just the mug that’s been asked to give out the orders. If it were up to me, you could both stay, but it ain’t.’

‘Go and find my Barry, Marge,’ Marlene ordered. Barry hadn’t wanted to attend the wake, but Marlene had begged him to. Now he had disappeared, which was just like her son. He was never there when you needed him. When Marge stomped off, Marlene turned back to Donkey Dave. ‘You can go back over there and tell Jake’s family of grim reapers that I ain’t going fucking nowhere.’

Marge returned a couple of minutes later with Barry in tow and two large glasses of wine in her hand. Marlene snatched at the wine, downed it in one and grabbed another off a nearby table. ‘I have never been so insulted in all of my life. I’m fucking going over there in a minute to give them cunts a piece of my mind. Who do they think they are, eh?’ she said to Barry.

‘Why don’t we just go, eh Mum? I said it was a bad idea us coming here, so why don’t I take you and Marge for a nice meal somewhere? We can have a toast for Jake there, can’t we?’

‘If I’m gonna leave then I’m leaving in style,’ Marlene announced, pushing her son out of the way.

‘Go with her, Marge,’ Barry ordered. He knew what an acid tongue his mother possessed and there was no way he was embarrassing himself by standing in on one of her little slanging matches. A man of his ilk did not get involved in crap like that.

Miranda and Isabelle, Jake’s daughters, and his ex-wife, Anne, looked at Marlene in horror as vulgar words and insults spewed out of her mouth. They had never seen or met Marlene before, but every vile description they had ever been given of the woman was actually worse in the flesh.

‘I want you to leave now. You’re upsetting my daughters and making a complete show of yourself and us at the same time,’ Anne said coldly.

‘Making a show of myself! You’ve got some brass neck, you have, and so have them two ugly fuckers,’ Marlene said, pointing at Jake’s daughters. ‘None of you would give my Jakey the time of day when he were alive, you all hated him, so what you making yourself busy at his fucking funeral for, eh?’

‘How dare you call my daughters ugly, you tasteless old tart, and for your information, my daughters spoke to their father regularly, way before his death. Whenever he was over in England, Jake would visit them and me. For my girls’ sakes, I decided to put any grievances I had with Jake to one side. He was their dad, after all.’

‘You lying fucking whore. My Jakey would have told me if he had visited you or them. I ain’t stupid, you know. I know exactly why you’ve reared your ugly, venomous heads now. It’s because you’re hoping to cop some money in his will, that’s why.’

‘I want you to leave this very minute,’ Anne’s brother demanded, grabbing Marlene by the arm.

‘Get off her,’ Marge screamed, throwing a right hander Thomas’s way and catching him full on the chin.

When Thomas went sprawling, all hell broke loose, and Barry had no option but to run over to the fracas to try and rescue his mother.

‘I loved my Jakey with all of my heart and I’ve been treated worse than a leper today by everybody. I hope you’re all ashamed of yourselves,’ Marlene screamed, as her son dragged her out of the building.

‘Marlene will have the last laugh, you bunch of no-good cunts,’ Marge shouted, before Barry bundled her out through the door as well.

‘What is the matter with yous two? I have never felt so embarrassed in all my life,’ Barry said.

‘Shut it, you soppy bastard. You might think you’re upper class now, boy, ’cause you have a few bob in your pocket and a posh tart on the go, but you ain’t. I’m your mother and I know exactly what you are.’

‘And what’s that meant to mean? On second thoughts, don’t even bother telling me. Just get in the car, will you?’ Barry said. He hated his mother in drink; she was an arrogant cow and he couldn’t be bothered arguing with her, today of all days.

Marge got into the back of the car with Marlene. ‘Well, you said if you had to leave you were going in style, and you sure did that, mate,’ she said, laughing.

Marlene wasn’t in a very jovial mood. All she could think of was what Anne had told her and she didn’t like it one little bit. ‘Did you know anything about Jake being back in contact with his daughters, Barry? I know he used to talk to you.’

‘He never said anything to me about it. His ex-old woman was probably just trying to wind you up.’

‘That woman was a fucking liar, mate. Don’t be listening to anything she said,’ Marge assured her friend.

‘Well, she had better be lying, because if I find out that shrivel-cocked, good-for-nothing old bastard has left his family one penny in his will, as God’s my judge, I will go ballistic.’

Back in Chigwell, Stephanie and Wayne had just finished making love. ‘I don’t arf love you,’ Stephanie said, as Wayne rolled off her.

‘And I love you too,’ Wayne replied, getting out of bed and putting his jeans on.

‘Don’t get up yet. Let’s have a cuddle for a bit,’ Stephanie said, grabbing Wayne’s hand.

‘I need to shoot down the gym, babe. I just wanna check that everything’s OK.’

‘But you said you were taking the day off,’ Steph replied miserably.

Wayne smiled, leant across the bed and kissed his wife-to-be. ‘I have taken the day off, you dopey cow. It’s nearly five o’clock and you need to pick our kids up. I’ll be back by the time you get back.’

Stephanie grinned. She’d had such a fabulous day alone with Wayne, she didn’t want it to end. ‘Go on then, sod off and leave me,’ she joked.

Wayne laughed. ‘You should be so lucky. You’re stuck with me for the rest of your life, sweetheart.’