Читать книгу And Father Makes Three - Kim Watters - Страница 11

Chapter Three

“You should really wait for Dr. Randall before you do this.” Eric stopped beside Blake outside room 403. “All it takes is one look and bam, she’ll nail you to the wall. I’ve seen her reduce interns to tears.”

“I’ve met worse. Her bark couldn’t be any worse than my dad’s. I can handle Dr. Randall.”

“Yeah, well, your dad wasn’t so good-looking.”

Blake looked at Eric, surprised. Dr. Randall was a looker, he couldn’t deny that.

“Didn’t think you ever noticed women anymore, Eric. You always have your head in a book or worse, glue all over your hands from your model kits.”

Eric grinned. “I have my eye on one of the nurses in the E.R.”

“Maybe you should live on the edge a bit and ask her out, then.”

“Maybe you should call Dr. Randall instead of asking me to sneak you into the Children’s Wing.” Eric folded his arms across his chest and leaned against the wall.

“We didn’t exactly sneak in. I asked and you delivered.” Blake flexed his hands as he stood outside of his daughter’s room. Getting the visitor badge had been the easy part. The receptionist downstairs hadn’t even batted an eye when Eric told her their destination. “My guess is we weren’t even in the elevator before the receptionist called the E.R. and told Dr. Randall I was here. I suspect she’ll be joining us momentarily.”

“Still. This doesn’t feel right. What are you going to say to Jordan?”

“Look, I’ve waited three days for Dr. Randall to call. I’ve got to force her hand. I deserve to at least see my daughter.”

“Maybe she’s been busy.”

Like Blake’s father always had been. Some people should have never been parents.

Did Blake fall into that category? Tessa thought so. Why else had she given Jordan up without consulting him?

Leaning back, Blake allowed the unforgiving wall to bite into his back. Inside the room he heard the drone of the television tuned to some kids’ channel.

What did girls like to do? What did they watch? What did they talk about? Blake hadn’t thought this through. He couldn’t just barge in and say, “Jordan, I am your father.”

“Maybe you’re right. This wasn’t one of my most brilliant moves.”

“Look, I’ve got to get back downstairs. Don’t do anything that’s going to get me in trouble. In fact, if you’re smart, you’ll wait for Dr. Randall to call.”

“We all know I’m not smart. That’s why I dropped out of med school.”

“Stop being so hard on yourself.”

“I will if you go ask that nurse out.”

Eric smiled and headed down the hall. “Good luck, man,” he said.

A band of sweat broke out on his forehead despite the air-conditioned temperature inside the hospital. He hovered, unsure of his next move. Just inside the open doorway to his left Jordan Randall lay in a hospital bed, her body ravaged with leukemia. Unlike in his childhood, this time around he understood what cancer was and knew the implications.

What if she didn’t make it?

He’d spent most of his adult life running from emotional commitment because he didn’t want to feel the pain of abandonment again. Still, he had to see the child he and Tessa had created, and be a father even though he had no example to work from. William Crawford would never have won a father of the year award.

Inside the room he heard Jordan cough.

This was crazy. Could he deal with her sickness?

Yes. He had no choice. He’d been given an opportunity. Somehow he knew this was where he was supposed to be, except it would be better if Elizabeth were here.

He should leave.

In a few minutes.

Once he took a peek.

No interaction. Just one tiny glance to see what she looked like, then wait for Elizabeth to call. Which she would once she found out he’d been up to the fourth floor.

Do it. He commanded his body. He’d pretend he’d walked into the wrong room, see her and leave.

A bead of moisture meandered down Blake’s cheek as he remained plastered against the wall. The rapid sound of footsteps caught his attention.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Elizabeth asked.

His plan worked. “I came to see my daughter.”

“How did you manage to convince Dr. Stevens to get you in?”

“Eric and I go way back. If it makes you feel any better, he was against the whole idea.”

“At least someone had sense. I need to ask you to leave.” A chill descended around them.

“I’ve waited days without a word from you. I’m not going away, Elizabeth. Not until I meet her. I’m her father, I think I have that right.”

“You have no rights. The adoption was legal.” But the hesitation and doubt in her eyes told another story.

“We’ll see about that.”

He watched the color drain from her cheeks. The invincible Dr. Randall had disappeared, leaving behind the mother of a sick child struggling for control. Instinctively, he reached out to make sure she didn’t fall down. The cool, crispness of her lab coat contrasted the warmth permeating from her skin.

“Is that a threat, Blake?” she whispered harshly as panic twisted her features. Her gaze darted from him to Jordan’s room.

He felt like a cad, but he had no choice. “It’s a promise.”

When she turned to step away, he put his hand out again. His gaze traveled slowly over her as if he were memorizing her in detail. Keeping his voice low, he ground out the words. “Don’t shut me out, Elizabeth. Please.”

“You can’t meet her. Not now. Not yet.”

“Why not? Doesn’t she know she’s adopted?”

Defeat flickered across her face. “No.”

The knowledge sucker punched him in the gut. “I don’t understand. Tessa—the letter—”

“There’s so much you don’t know, but I don’t feel comfortable talking about it here.”

“Then where would you suggest we go?”

The awareness that his hand lingered on her arm made it difficult for her to breathe or come up with anything to say. All she knew was that she felt inadequate and unworthy of the gift God had given her when the obstetrician placed Jordan in her arms, especially now.

Elizabeth felt the weight of everyone’s stares on the fourth floor even though she knew it to be a figment of her imagination. The kids on the floor would be oblivious to them, and their parents too occupied to care. The staff might notice Blake, who was sure to set the hospital gossip mill into action, but there was nothing she could do about it now.

Inhaling sharply, she held her breath for a few moments to calm the storm raging inside her. She’d get through this as she had every other uncomfortable incident in her life—by sheer force. She gave Blake a fractured smile and found her voice. “We’ll go to the staff break room. This way.”

Once inside the small room, her gaze swept over the hands that knew how to cradle, knew how to comfort, knew how to help. Would they help his daughter? Or was this just an act before he decided to rip Jordan from the only home she’d ever known?

What if he tried to contest the adoption? What if he actually sued for custody? Fear and anguish shredded her composure. Why had her attorney suddenly decided to take an extended vacation? She needed to get Arturo’s phone number from Marcella.

Elizabeth sank down into one of the plastic chairs. “So, where should I start?”

“How about at the part where Jordan doesn’t know she’s adopted? Who made that decision?”

“Tessa. She never told me why, but she was adamant. Even though she remained a part of Jordan’s life until the end, she was always Auntie Tessa. Even after she died, I kept my promise. Jordan can’t find out. I mean, how would you feel if you found out your whole life was a lie? That the mom raising you—” Elizabeth clenched her hands into fists. “I have to protect her. At any cost.”

Blake acknowledged her words but remained silent.

Elizabeth reached for his hand. His warmth permeated her skin and an unexplainable energy passed between them. “Please. If you have any feelings for your daughter, you won’t challenge me on this. I’ll find a way to tell her. Soon.”

Elizabeth was grateful Blake blinked, breaking the connection. He extracted his hand and rubbed it across his face. “I can’t believe I’m going along with this.”

“Thank you.”

“I’m not doing it for you. Now tell me about Jordan.”

Inhaling sharply, Elizabeth breathed in the clean scent of soap underneath Blake’s aftershave. She turned away from his probing eyes and ran her fingers up and down her stethoscope. “Why don’t you tell me what you know and I’ll fill in the blanks.”

“You adopted Jordan at birth. She doesn’t know that she’s adopted. Her birth mother was my ex-wife and she has leukemia. For someone who’s been alive for almost ten years, that’s not a lot.”

Elizabeth nodded. There was so much to tell, but they only had minutes because her break was almost over. “Her birthday is May 8. She loves animals, cats especially, and wants to be a vet when she grows up.” Elizabeth’s voice hitched. Would Jordan grow up? “She’s normally a fun-loving, active girl, who plays soccer and volleyball.”

“If she needs a bone marrow transplant, I want to be tested to see if I’m compatible.”

His generosity moved her and time stood still as her gaze traveled over Blake’s face, settling on his crystal blue eyes.

Sometimes family members were a match. Some of the time.

“But—”

“Don’t try to talk me out of it. You got tested, didn’t you?”

“Of course I did, but—”

“I have to do something.” At the desperate look in his eyes, Elizabeth kept her thoughts to herself. She’d tested because she wasn’t biologically related to her daughter. He’d find out soon enough the odds were against him, no matter that she would pray for a positive match.

“Then, thanks. I appreciate it, because this time around, she needs a bone marrow transplant.”

Elizabeth bit down on her lip. “When she got leukemia the first time when she was eight, we got it into remission. It came back right after the new year before Tessa died. She’s not responding to chemo this time. She needs to be healthy to get a bone marrow transplant but she’s already had three infections. Each one has made her weaker, which is why I can’t tell her about you. It would be detrimental to her precarious health. I can’t lose her. I won’t—not without a fight.”

Elizabeth fought hard to keep her tears at bay—losing it in the hospital wasn’t an option. But a tear slipped from her eye, and once that one managed to break free, another followed. Within seconds, Blake was by her side, pulling her from her seat, gathering her in his arms.

“We’ll get through this, Elizabeth. We’ll find a match,” Blake murmured as he held her gently. His shirt bunched under her fingers as she freed the emotions that had built up since she’d first gotten Jordan’s diagnosis. It felt good, as if she were purging herself. Hope flared deep inside her as he continued to hold her until she had no more tears to cry.

She needed his optimism.

Lifting her head, she stared at him as his thumbs brushed the moisture from her cheeks. She pulled away from him, reaching for a napkin to wipe the remaining tears. “Thanks, Blake. I—don’t normally break down like that.”

“Don’t worry, your reputation is safe with me.”

“As yours is, too.” She gave him a hesitant smile. His actions spoke of a caring person, one who could have a positive influence in Jordan’s life. Someone who could help her get through each day with support and companionship.

Yet Elizabeth stood there afraid, knowing she couldn’t postpone the inevitable. Blake would meet his child, with or without her, as she’d just seen earlier, but it would be better on her terms. “I’ll introduce you to Jordan as an old friend. Just until I can tell her the truth, okay?”

“Fine. After all this time, a few more days aren’t going to matter. I don’t want anything to affect her health either.” Blake stepped away, which helped the confusion lingering in the recesses of her brain.

“Thanks, Blake.” Hope and wonderment filled her expression as she reached for his hand and squeezed it gently. “Okay, let’s go.”

As they walked down the hall toward Jordan’s room, Blake prepared himself. Most fathers had months to adjust to the idea of fatherhood, not days. Still, he couldn’t wait to take a healthy Jordan to the zoo or the bowling alley, or even one of those girly-girl places. Even if they did something as simple as a picnic in the park, he could do the things he’d missed out after his mother died, but with his own child.

“Here we are.” Outside room 403 again, Elizabeth turned to face him.

“Here we are,” Blake whispered. With his free hand, he pulled at his shirt collar. He stared into her eyes—light blue with flecks of gray. Yet in their depths, he saw a blaze of hope.

Fighting for breath, Blake faced the stark reality of his lonely existence, a reality that could change when he stepped inside the room. She gave him an encouraging smile. “I’ll go inside first. Please wait out here.”

Before he could stop her, she stepped over the threshold of Jordan’s room.

“Hi, sweetheart.” Elizabeth was amazed her voice didn’t tremble as she approached Jordan’s bed. Her daughter greeted her with a smile that lit Elizabeth’s world.

“Hi, Mom. What are you doing here? Are you done with your shift already?”

“Well, not yet, but Dr. Jim told me you were feeling better, so I just had to come and see for myself.” Sitting on the edge of her daughter’s bed, Elizabeth placed her hand on Jordan’s forehead, relieved to find it cool and dry.

“Cool. How long can you stay? The Boston Brothers will be right back on. They’re singing a new song today.”

“The Boston Brothers? Hmm. Have I heard of them?” Teasing Jordan, Elizabeth tucked a thin strand of hair behind her daughter’s ear.

“Mom, they’re only the hugest, cutest band on the planet. They’re coming to Phoenix, you know. I just saw the commercial.” Wistfulness filled Jordan’s eyes.

Elizabeth knew her daughter wanted to go to the concert but going to a place with thousands of screaming fans wouldn’t be good. A normal immune system could fight off all the bacteria and viruses, but a compromised one only invited them to set up shop, which would delay Jordan’s treatment even more.

“We’ll see, sweetheart. I can’t make any promises, okay?” Elizabeth watched the light fade from Jordan’s eyes and wished there was something she could do. Even if her daughter were healthy, tickets had probably sold out months ago. “Maybe next time.” Elizabeth squeezed her daughter’s hand. “Jordan, there’s someone I’d like you to meet. Is that okay?”

“He’s not going to poke me or stick me with needles, is he?” Jordan’s bottom lip trembled and tears filled her eyes.

Her child had been through so much, and they had so much more to get through to beat the leukemia. Elizabeth forced a smile.

“No. He just wants to say hi.”

“Sure. As long as he does it before Tyler, Justin and Shane start singing.”

“I’ll see what I can do.” Elizabeth pushed herself from the bed and went back for Blake. “Okay, are you ready?”

When Blake nodded, she wove her arm through his and guided him into his daughter’s room. Silence between the three permeated the small area, broken only by the commercial running in the background. Beside her, Blake stiffened.

Inner turmoil made speaking difficult as her daughter eyed them quizzically. Despite the air-conditioning, the room grew warm. She’d love to take off her lab coat, but without it, she’d feel even more vulnerable and exposed. She inhaled sharply and spoke before she lost her nerve. “Jordan, I’d like you to meet…my friend, Blake Crawford.”

“Friend?” Jordan shifted in the bed, careful not to upset her IV. Her eyes widened as she stared at Blake and grinned. “Are you going to get married?”

“Married?” They both spoke at the same time.

Releasing his arm, Elizabeth inched away, her heart thumping furiously inside her chest. Jordan must have gotten the wrong impression. Tom had been the love of Elizabeth’s life, but he’d died almost six years ago when Jordan was four—her daughter didn’t remember him. She didn’t know who wore the more dazed expression, but she felt Blake’s almost immediate withdrawal.

Jordan’s smile added more tension inside the room. “I saw it on The Miriam and Teddy Show. When one of the parents introduces a friend, that means they’re getting married. Plus, I’ve been asking God for a new daddy. He is good.”

Everything had backfired. She couldn’t tell her daughter the truth about the adoption, or that her real father stood a few feet away from her. Not yet. Not until they beat the leukemia.

Elizabeth sat on the edge of Jordan’s bed and pushed what was left of her daughter’s long bangs from her eyes. Now she knew why Blake’s were so familiar. There was no mistaking that Jordan was his. She looked back over her shoulder, but he deftly avoided her gaze.

“In this case, Jordan, Blake is just an old friend. He’s come to see if he’s a bone marrow match, just like all my other friends who are being tested.”

Jordan crossed her arms, her lips curving down, disappointment on her face. “That’s all? Well, I don’t see why you can’t get married. I want you to be happy.”

“But I am happy.”

“Then why do you still cry when you see Dad’s picture? People only cry when they’re sad.”

“That’s not true. People also cry when they’re happy. Like at weddings and such.”

“My point exactly.”

When Jordan stuck out her bottom lip, Blake’s heart skipped a beat. Tessa used to do that, and it had driven him nuts because he couldn’t resist and he’d always given in. But Tessa was gone now, leaving him only with memories and a daughter who was definitely his. A daughter he was afraid to love and possibly lose. The image of another hospital bed rose in his mind’s eye.

Forcing his memories back, he let his gaze skim over the doctor again as she sat on Jordan’s bed, patting her daughter’s hand. In that moment, Dr. Randall disappeared, leaving behind a caring, warm and beautiful woman. It scared Blake worse than running into a burning building without his protective gear.

Elizabeth tweaked her daughter’s nose. “We can’t get married because we don’t love each other.”

Relief coursed through him when Elizabeth didn’t encourage this conversation. Yet he found himself wanting to know more about her. Not good. This is how it had started with Tessa when he’d literally run into her outside biology class. That had ended up with a date. And from there, a whirlwind courtship and marriage, which resulted in his daughter’s birth. The same daughter who wanted him to do it all over again.

“So why don’t you learn how to love each other?”

A strangled cough forced its way out of Blake’s lungs over the sound of some boy band. Music. A much-needed distraction right now. He’d eavesdropped on their conversation and knew they’d been discussing this group. “Isn’t that The Boston Boys playing?”

“The Boston Brothers,” she corrected. But his daughter had a one-track mind right now. “So why don’t you go out on dates, fall in love and then get married?”

“Because it doesn’t work that way.” Elizabeth rushed the words out as she rubbed her daughter’s hand again.

“Maybe God isn’t real after all.” Tears welled in Jordan’s eyes.

This conversation wasn’t going according to the plan. Blake forced himself to cross the room and stood on the opposite side of Elizabeth, trying to formulate some sort of response. Dread pounded in his heart as he stared down at Jordan and saw the look he’d worn too many times growing up reflected in her blue eyes that were so much like his own. She missed her dad. He’d lost his mom at a young age, at a time when he’d really needed her.

He wanted to tell Jordan the truth, but now that he’d met her, he realized Elizabeth was right. In this fragile state, his daughter probably couldn’t handle the news of the adoption.

But something monumental shifted inside him. Blake had been given a chance to come into his daughter’s life from this point forward, even if he couldn’t tell her the truth. He thrust his fears of blowing it aside as an old saying of his mother echoed in his head. He didn’t really believe in the words, but Elizabeth looked as if she needed some help.

“Sometimes God answers prayers in His own time, not yours.”

“Well, He’d still better hurry up.” Jordan coughed, and concern flashed across Elizabeth’s face. There was so much he didn’t know about his daughter’s leukemia, but he planned to find out.

His gaze met Elizabeth’s and he found himself lost in the depths of her blue eyes. Breaking his gaze away, Blake picked up his daughter’s other hand. Unfamiliar emotions bombarded him as he held her small, delicate and cold fingers. He tried to infuse a bit of warmth into them while he stared at the child he and Tessa had created.

“Your mom and I are just friends. Nothing more,” he said, trying to make things as clear as possible for her. And for himself.

Another frown formed on Jordan’s lips, but her attention wandered past Blake’s shoulder to the television on the wall. The Boston Brothers were finishing up their latest hit. The light gone from her eyes, Jordan pulled her hands away and resettled herself in her sheets. “Okay. I just thought it would be cool to be a bridesmaid.”

Blake’s startled gaze met Elizabeth’s stoic one. Her lips creased into a ghost of a smile, yet he sensed her dismay.

“Not only will you be a bridesmaid, sweetie, you’ll be a bride.”

The forced brightness in her voice told Blake that Elizabeth seemed to have lost hope, too. He fought the urge to wrap his arms around her because it would send the wrong message to Jordan.

Seconds ticked by, sliding toward an uncertain future. From somewhere deep in his brain, a distant memory surfaced and he almost felt the urge to pray. Too bad he didn’t believe in God. That had been his mom’s thing and look where it had gotten her. He shoved his thoughts back where they belonged. Today was what mattered.

And tomorrow.

And the day after that.

“Pinky promise?” Jordan opened an eye and stared at her mom.

“Pinky promise.” Elizabeth tucked her pinky through Jordan’s and tugged gently. “Now, Mommy’s got to get back downstairs before someone misses me. I’ll be back after my shift.”

Jordan’s gaze shifted back to Blake. A tiny bit of color infused her cheeks now and a shimmer of moisture touched her eyes. Blake wove his finger through hers as he’d seen Elizabeth do. “Pinky promise.”

He had no idea if he could keep that promise, but he knew he would die trying. He’d do anything to make Jordan happy.