Читать книгу Under Pressure - Kira Sinclair - Страница 12
ОглавлениеHIS HEAD WAS so scrambled. Having Kennedy pressed against his body, her hands threading through his hair as her fingernails gently scraped against his scalp had been heaven. And torture.
Thank God no one seemed to notice the heavy bulge behind the zipper of his pants.
All around him there was a whirlwind of activity. People speaking to each other as if he wasn’t even there. The woman with the makeup brushes just walked up and started messing with his face without even giving him a heads-up.
The tech guys spoke back and forth in a language that sounded like something foreign, even though he was certain they were speaking English. He had no idea what a gyro camera was, but apparently it was supposed to counter the constant motion of the ship as they filmed.
Kennedy and Daniel had their heads together. She fit right in. The gleam of excitement in her eyes and slight flush to her cheeks were difficult to miss. She was enjoying this while he was fighting the urge to vomit.
The familiar helplessness churned in his belly. That fear and anxiety crawling up his skin, making it burn. If he thought there was any chance at all to get Kennedy banished from this room he would have done it. The cameras were going to be bad enough, but with her there... Asher wasn’t sure he’d be able to hold it together.
But just watching her, he knew nothing short of a hurricane would force her out of this room right now.
She’d spent months putting this project together. It meant everything to her.
Kennedy was completely oblivious to the effect she had on people. Which only made her more dangerous.
She wasn’t perfect. By the end of the day her makeup was often smudged, just enough to make her look adorable. When it was free, her hair usually rained down her back in reckless waves that refused to be tamed. And when she tried tying it into a knot on top of her head, pieces always escaped to curl against her neck and cheeks.
Like now.
Instead of using an elastic band like a normal woman, she’d found a couple of pens and stuck them in like sticks to hold the messy coil on her head.
“All right.” Daniel clapped his hands. The room went silent, everyone stopping what they were doing.
“We’re going to take our time here, folks. Asher is new to being in front of the camera, although Kennedy assures me he’s a natural.”
A natural. Jesus, could she have told a bigger lie?
Daniel smiled at Kennedy. Asher had no idea how she’d managed it, but the man’s earlier irritation had disappeared. Kennedy grinned back at him, her enthusiasm glittering and contagious.
For a minute he wanted to believe everything was going to be okay.
And then his gaze swung to the empty eye of the camera and panic seized him.
His tongue swelled. His chest tightened, one pound of pressure adding to two and then more, as if he’d gone fast beneath the waves without taking the time to pressurize. The heaviness settled deep, pressing on his lungs and making it difficult to pull in a full breath.
Closing his eyes, Asher tried to find a center of calm, but all he got was a memory of his mother. Her expression full of impatience, anger and disappointment. As if he’d been a reminder of everything that was wrong with her life.
He’d been young when she left, just six. Those were the only memories he really had of the woman, her presence in his life limited even before his father had died and she’d abandoned him for good.
Asher forcibly pushed the memories away. It had been years since his mother had invaded his thoughts, and he didn’t like her there. It bothered him that he’d let her in, especially when he was already fighting to keep his cool.
He remembered nights out in harsh environments with only the supplies he could carry and the men beside him standing against death and disaster. He hadn’t felt this kind of panic then, not even when they’d been ambushed, lost communications with their evac team and spent hours trading gunfire and trying to figure out an exit strategy.
“Asher.” Kennedy’s soft voice pulled him out of the mental tailspin. His gaze snapped to hers, zeroing in on those warm brown eyes. “Daniel wants you to just talk a bit about the Chimera. How did Trident get involved with hunting for the ship? Go into a bit about how you, Jackson and Knox met.”
Asher clung desperately to the excuse she’d given him. “You know I can’t talk about our missions with the SEALs.”
She shook her head. “That’s not what I mean. Or not exactly. Just...how did you guys become friends, start the business?”
“All right.”
Asher took a deep breath. With Kennedy close, he suddenly felt as if he was going to suffocate sitting in this tiny room.
She frowned at him, creases forming right between her eyes. He could imagine the disappointment that would fill them when she finally realized he was about to ruin everything.
“Are you okay?”
“Fine,” he gritted out, not meaning it at all. But he wasn’t about to tell her the truth.
Her whiskey eyes toured his face. Years of practice allowed Asher to clamp down on his reactions, forcing a calm he didn’t feel to settle over his features.
Her mouth compressed into a tight line, but before she could say anything more, Daniel squeezed between them.
“Kennedy has explained what I’m looking for?”
“Yes,” Asher answered, forcefully pulling his gaze away from Kennedy.
“Excellent.”
Everyone backed away from him, and for the first time since walking into the room, his personal space was his own. He’d wanted that, but the relief was short-lived when the people who’d crowded in scuttled off to the edges of the room.
They were lined up against the wall, out of the line of the camera, but available should they be needed.
And they were all staring at him. Silent. Waiting.
He’d lived through this nightmare before. Sitting in the middle of a classroom with all the kids around him playing witness to his humiliation and failure. Impatience oozing from them because he couldn’t open his mouth and get a simple goddamn word past his uncooperative vocal cords to answer the teacher.
The frustration and resentment.
But this was different than those moments. So much worse. Everything he said and did would not only be witnessed by these people, but recorded and reflected back. Every flaw and gaffe magnified for the entire world to see.
He’d faced down terrorists, bombers—men, women and, hell, children—who’d wanted to kill him merely because of who he was and what he represented. With the SEALs he’d gained a reputation for having ice in his veins, walking into the most chaotic situations with a confidence that bordered on insanity.
Because he trusted in his training, his skills and those of the men fighting beside him.
It was terrifying not to be able to trust his own body to perform the way it should. Not to have the skills to conquer the irrational fear roiling inside of him because of a stupid inanimate object—a camera.
He would not lose his shit now. Not over this.
Swallowing the gigantic lump that was trying to suffocate him, Asher’s gaze found the expectant eye of the lens...and Kennedy. She stood several feet behind the camera positioned on the large metal frame.
To her left the director said, “Action.”
To her right the camera moved. Asher’s system flooded with adrenaline. His senses, dialed up to a ten already, kicked into overdrive.
His fingers curled around the edge of the desk, the wood biting into his skin hard enough to leave marks.
His mouth opened, but nothing came out.
The director cut a glance at Kennedy, who frowned and shifted uncomfortably on her feet.
“Asher, why don’t you start by telling us who you are and how you got involved with Trident Diving?”
He nodded, swallowed and tried again. But nothing came out.
Shit.
The quiet that had descended over the room began to fade. Feet shuffled. Someone murmured. Somewhere paper fluttered.
He wasn’t going to be able to do this.
The memory of every humiliation he’d ever experienced because of his failures came flooding back to him. His struggle to be understood through the debilitating stutter that all the experts claimed was psychological, but that he couldn’t seem to stop. Each time he’d seen sorrow, frustration and disappointment in his grandmother’s eyes when therapy didn’t work. His inability to make his mom happy. Make her stay. Walking into his home, after being gone for months, to find it absolutely empty of everything but the divorce papers Krista had left for him.
“Fuck this,” he growled, shoving away from the desk and stalking toward the door. He didn’t need to add another failure to a list that was already plenty long.
No one tried to stop him. The crowd stared even as they parted to let him pass. He didn’t look at any of them.
He didn’t need to.
The expression of utter horror on Kennedy’s face was enough.
* * *
HOLY HELL, WHAT had just happened?
One minute Asher had been leaning against the desk looking all remote, brooding and eminently lickable, and the next he’d been cursing and storming out.
The second he disappeared every eye in the place turned to her. She had no clue what to say.
Daniel scowled at her. “What was that?”
She shook her head, at a complete loss. “I have no idea.”
“Ms. Duchane, I’m sure I don’t need to tell you how valuable our time is. Every minute we sit idle costs the company money. No one is going to be happy about this. Our entire show revolves around that man.” He pointed out the door.
“I’ll fix this.”
“You better. No one at Naughton Media was thrilled when your brother backed out.”
Yeah, neither was she, but there wasn’t much she could do about it.
“I have just as much invested in this as you do, Daniel.” Maybe more since her entire future hinged on this going well. If the documentary faltered her position in Seattle could be in jeopardy.
Kennedy pulled in some much-needed oxygen, hoping it would settle her own jangling nerves.
“Look, I just need a little time to figure out what’s going on.” Turning fully toward him, she placed her hand on his arm and pressed into his personal space. It was a calculated tactic, but one she didn’t feel a smidge of remorse for employing.
She’d do whatever she had to in order to fix this.
“It isn’t like you can just pack up and leave.”
She realized maybe those weren’t the best words she could have chosen when Daniel’s mouth went tight.
“I’ll take care of it,” she promised again.
She didn’t wait for Daniel to react before pushing through the people clustered at the doorway.
She stood in the hallway for several seconds, scrolling through a list of places in her head that Asher could have disappeared to. His room was a logical choice, but he’d realize that and probably avoid it. There was the upper deck, but it wouldn’t provide much in the way of privacy. The captain was in the wheelhouse steering the Amphitrite. The galley and mess were rejected pretty much before she’d thought of them because everyone went there when they had time off.
Where would he go?
In a flash, it hit her. When Jackson was frustrated, he turned to the water. When Knox needed to clear his head, he took his car out on to the open road. On more than one occasion she’d found Asher in an empty office at Trident, the guts of several guns spread out across the desk as he painstakingly cleaned each one.
The only problem was empty space was at a premium. Luckily, she knew a little secret.
Instead of heading toward the open deck, Kennedy strode farther down the hall, away from the fresh air and light. Down a tight set of stairs at the back of the hallway.
The noise of the engines rumbled louder and louder, but she ignored it. The vibration running through her chest was more difficult to dismiss.
The space was dark and damp and uncomfortably warm from the combination of tropical heat and running engines. Her clothes began to cling to her skin.
There was a small room that most people didn’t even know was down here. They stored spare parts for the ship, tools, equipment that was rarely used.
And a small table she’d never understood the need for. She did now.
Jerking open the door, she was pleased when her hunch proved correct. Asher didn’t even look up as he continued to break apart the piece in his hands.
She couldn’t help but watch his dexterous fingers sliding across the smooth metal with authority and familiarity.
What would those hands feel like on her skin?
Kennedy pushed the question away, refusing to acknowledge that it even existed.
“What the hell happened back there?” she asked.
His hot gaze flicked up to hers for a brief moment before dropping back to his task.
At least he didn’t try to pretend he had no clue what she was talking about...he simply ignored her. Kennedy thought maybe that was worse.
Her temper flared, which wasn’t anything new with this man. There was something about Asher that got under her skin, pulled a reaction from her that seemed too big to control.
What was it about him that drew her in even as she realized the only result would be pain, irritation and probably humiliation?
Today, she’d had enough.
Stalking forward, Kennedy stopped on the opposite side of the table from him. Without hesitation, she leaned over and snatched the gun out of his hand.
He reached after her, trying to grab it back. She might be small, but she was quick, and the table stood between them.
“Give that back,” he growled. “You could hurt yourself.”
“Please.” To prove her point, Kennedy studied the weapon for a moment, scooped up the missing parts from the table and quickly reassembled the piece.
She had to admit, his stunned, slack-jawed expression left her feeling rather smug.
“Do you really think my brother would let his little sister go without marksman lessons? I’ve been going to the shooting range with my dad and Jackson since I was in pigtails. I know my way around a weapon, soldier.”
For the first time in their abbreviated history, Kennedy felt as if she had Asher off-kilter. It was a heady experience. One that made her a little bolder than she normally would have been.
Skirting around the table, she stepped closer to him. She blindly set the gun on the flat surface behind her.
“Now that we have the distractions out of the way, why don’t you tell me what’s going on?”
His bright green eyes flashed, reminding her of cool spring forests and the scent of pine needles crushed underfoot. “The distractions are far from out of the way.”
For a second she thought his gaze caught and held on her mouth. But that couldn’t be right. And he obviously hadn’t meant his words the way her libido wanted to take them.
Maybe this was a bad idea. Her brain told her she needed to turn away and walk out the door. But she didn’t. Couldn’t. Kennedy stared up at him, her throat tight and heart hammering against her ribs for some unfathomable reason.
She wasn’t scared. She wasn’t even angry, not really. But her entire body was energized. Alive.
She always felt this way around Asher. It was exhilarating, not to mention exceedingly frustrating, considering on most days she wasn’t even certain she liked the man. Apparently, her body didn’t seem to care.
At his sides, Asher’s fingers flexed, curling into tight fists before relaxing and curling again.
“Ash,” she said in a calm, even voice. “I’m here to help, but I can’t do that if you’re not straight with me.”
He looked away. The edge of his jaw ticked.
“I told you already I can’t do this.”
She laughed. She didn’t mean to, but it escaped before she could help herself.
“This isn’t f-funny,” he growled.
No, she didn’t think it was, either. “You’re one of the most capable men I’ve ever met, Asher. It’s no secret that you and I rub each other the wrong way.”
His fists flexed again, his body looming a little closer.
“But that doesn’t mean I’m blind or can’t appreciate what you bring to the team. I honestly don’t think there’s any problem you couldn’t tackle. Anyone you couldn’t charm. You’re abrasive and irreverent, but even that can be endearing because it means you’re honest and forthright.”
Her own words were revving the exasperation simmering beneath her surface. Why the hell was he balking?
“So, I’m basically calling bullshit. You can do this. You just don’t want to, and I can’t for the life of me understand why.”
Asher stood inches away from her. He towered above her, those damn green eyes drilling deep inside her with an intensity that made her belly flutter.
“I have a problem.” Each word was clipped and deliberate, almost as if he was grinding them out like broken glass between his clenched teeth.
“Obviously. Why don’t you tell me what it is, so I can fix it?”
He shook his head.
She growled beneath her breath.
Asher glared at her for several seconds, the burden of their mingled frustration a physical weight pressing in on them both.
His lips drew tight, flattening into a harsh line. It didn’t take a genius to realize he wanted her to leave. Tough. She wasn’t going anywhere until this was solved.
“I don’t like being on camera. I have a st-st-stutter that gets worse when I’m under stress. Starring in your damn documentary pretty much pulls every trigger. I can’t do it.”
Kennedy’s eyes widened. She took in Asher’s grim expression. The way his shoulders had begun to hunch downward. She’d watched this man storm into their conference room. She’d seen him chew out one of the guys on their dive team because he’d been lax about his safety procedures. On several nights out with the team after work, she’d watched him deliberately, coolly and expertly seduce some bar bunny into going home with him.
For a brief moment she wanted to laugh again. But she couldn’t. Because she’d heard the hesitation in his words.
It wasn’t the first time she’d heard it, either, but it was the first time she’d really thought about it. It didn’t happen often.
She’d listened as he’d addressed boardrooms, led conference calls and shot the shit with her brother and Knox countless times without the hint of a problem.
In fact, in all the time she’d known him, she could count on one hand the number of times it had happened. Before, she’d dismissed it. Hell, sometimes her brain moved faster than her mouth and she stumbled over words.
But his scant flash of horror, concealed almost before it had a chance to appear, made her pause for the briefest moment.
Slowly, she said, “Okay.”
Her heart thumped erratically inside her chest. He hid it well, but Kennedy could see the edge of vulnerability that Asher’s admission had cost him. Could see the tension filling his body as he braced for her to verbally pounce on what he’d just revealed.
Because that was the relationship they’d shared for months.
But this wasn’t him ribbing her about the night he’d bailed her out of jail for indecent exposure or her teasing him about the revolving door he’d clearly installed in his bedroom.
One long look into his brilliant green eyes and her chest ached for him.
Damn the man for actually being human.
An expletive ran through her head. Kennedy’s knees buckled. Luckily, she was close enough to the table that her rear hit the edge instead of the floor.
Asher’s hands bracketed her hips, steadying her. “Easy.”
The imprint of each of his fingers burned into her skin. Kennedy registered her body’s reaction to his touch but pushed it aside. She didn’t want to notice how he made her feel. And she had bigger fish to fry.
Oh, this was a clusterfuck of immeasurable proportions.
“Why didn’t you tell me before now?” she finally whispered. If he’d been honest with her, she might have been able to find a way to fix this mess. Now they were both stuck in the middle of the Caribbean with a production team that expected a beautiful former navy SEAL as an expert, and she had none.
“Right, because there’s nothing humiliating about admitting that kind of weakness to a beautiful woman.”
Kennedy wasn’t sure which part of that statement to address first.
“But I’m not some woman, Asher. We’re colleagues. You’re my brother’s business partner and friend. What did you think I would do?”
He shrugged, looking wholly vulnerable and adorable all at once. It was unexpected and called to the quiet place inside her that liked being needed.
“I haven’t exactly made your life easy.”
“Jesus, Ash, we snipe at each other, like siblings.”
His fingers slipped beneath the hem of her shirt, grazing the bare skin at her hip. She couldn’t stop the involuntary inhalation of surprise that whistled past her parted lips.
Asher groaned. “Not like siblings.”
What the hell was going on? Had she walked through that door and into an alternate universe?
No, this couldn’t be happening. Not now. She’d ignored her attraction to Asher for two years. Gone out of her way to subvert it.
Given her sketchy history with men, the last thing she needed was to get entangled with her brother’s business partner and best friend. Not to mention a man who was technically her boss.
Placing her hands on Asher’s chest, Kennedy pushed. For several seconds, he resisted, an immovable wall of male flesh that made her feel itchy and needy and trapped all at once. Until he stepped back and cool air flooded her lungs.
“So,” Kennedy said, forcing determination and a calm she didn’t quite feel into her voice. “What are we going to do?”
