Читать книгу Secret Heirs Collection - Кейт Хьюит, Коллектив авторов - Страница 19

SUSIE’S FIRST THOUGHT when she felt a cramping in her stomach was to ignore it. Firstly, she didn’t want to overreact and be labelled a hysterical hypochondriac by the hospital into which she had been booked. Secondly, Sergio had just left and she didn’t want to summon him back on what would probably be a fool’s errand.

Things had been ticking along between the two of them for the past four months.

The bigger she’d grown, the more she had tried to hide her body under an ever-changing assortment of shapeless clothes. He had rebuffed her that one time, and she wasn’t going to risk falling into the trap of thinking that he might still find her sexy. He didn’t. Somehow wearing attractive maternity clothes or, worse, non-maternity clothes with a high, stretchy Lycra content, would have made her feel vulnerable. She didn’t want to feel vulnerable. Not on top of everything else she was having to deal with—namely the fact that her feelings towards him hadn’t lessened in the slightest over time.

He wasn’t around all the time, but he was around too much. He telephoned her every day without fail. She assumed to make sure that she hadn’t fallen down the stairs in a state of pregnant idiocy. And he showed up every weekend, and usually once or twice during the week. Sometimes just for a cup of coffee, and to make sure that everything was working properly in the house. Occasionally he swept aside her objections and made her go out with him for a meal.

Every second in his presence was sweet torture. She wanted to step back, had braced herself with little lectures on the healing aspect of his frequent visits, told herself that the more she saw him the easier it would get to be in his company without feeling the need to find some smelling salts just in case she came over dizzy and passed out.

But none of her mini-lectures had worked and she was just as susceptible to his presence as she had been from the very first second she had laid eyes on him.

While he… He did everything befitting a man whose sole concern was the welfare of his unborn baby.

He had made sure to employ a gardener, so that she wouldn’t have to do anything remotely manual for herself outside, even though she’d tried to tell him that it wasn’t necessary. He roamed through the house, making sure that everything was working, that no lights needed changing—presumably because the thought of her actually getting onto a ladder to change a lightbulb was far too risky.

He treated her like delicate porcelain and she hated it—because it was a parody of domesticity when she yearned for the real thing. She longed for the days when he hadn’t been able to look at her without wanting her…when he hadn’t been able to be in the same room as her without touching her, and when the sight of a bed had always led to a passionate, inevitable outcome. She wanted his attentiveness to be for her, and not just because she was a vessel for his baby.

Her whole body yearned for his touch. She couldn’t imagine how much of a turn-off she must be for him now, with her prominent belly and her pregnant waddle, and her assortment of unappealing clothes which, as the weather had become increasingly colder with the approach of winter, were all in various shades of black or grey.

And she still wondered whether there was another woman in his life—some frisky lawyer he was keeping under wraps because he didn’t want to unsettle her.

Wild horses wouldn’t have dragged the question out of her. She wasn’t sure whether it was because there was no way she would let him see just how deeply her feelings for him ran, like an underground torrent waiting to burst through given the slightest opportunity, or whether she feared how she would feel if he ever confirmed her suspicions.

She clung to the thought that once the baby was born they would be able to formalise some kind of arrangement. She would no longer need supervision as the woman carrying precious cargo and they would be able to work out visiting rights—a loose arrangement which would give her the freedom to get on with her life without him constantly intruding.

A sudden sharp twinge made her wince and she looked uncertainly at the mobile phone on the sofa next to her.

It was dark and cold outside, and a brisk wind was whipping a sharp drizzle against the windowpanes.

Inside, it was cosy and warm. Another twinge drove her from the sofa and she breathed deeply, tried to stay calm, because the baby wasn’t due for another two and a half months and she didn’t want to start panicking over every little twinge.

Neither did she want to ignore something that could be serious…

With a stifled gasp as another sharp pain in her stomach drove her from the sofa, she picked up the telephone and dialled through to Sergio. Just hearing his voice when he answered filled her with strength, and for a few seconds she almost regretted calling him.

‘It’s probably nothing…’ she began.

About to manoeuvre across a roundabout, Sergio swung the car left, heading away from his apartment. He had picked up the fear in her voice with an ease that surprised him—although why it should, he had no idea. He seemed able to read nuances in her in a way he had never been able to with any other human being in his life before.

‘What’s probably nothing?’

‘You’re annoyed that I called, aren’t you?’

‘I’m annoyed that you’re not telling me why you’ve called, but it doesn’t matter because I’m already on my way and I’ll be with you in twenty minutes.’

‘No rush,’ she managed through gritted teeth, knowing that he would rush. And in under fifteen minutes she heard the urgent ring of her doorbell.

‘Tell me,’ he commanded, staring down at her pale face and the brave smile she had pinned on it. Fear tore inside him. ‘Okay, tell me on the way to the hospital.’

‘There’s no need…’

‘I’ll come back for that bag you packed. Come on.’

He was at his finest. Strong, calm…utterly in charge of the situation and knowing exactly what to do. She felt safe.

‘Talk to me,’ was the first thing he said once they were both in the car.

For the first time he wished that he had bought her somewhere with less of the illusion of being in the country and more of the reality of being in the hub of things—maybe even next to a hospital.

‘I… Just a bit of pain,’ she said faintly. ‘My stomach.’

‘Contractions? Like Braxton Hicks?’

‘Sorry?’

‘I thought it might be a good idea to do some background research,’ Sergio told her gruffly.

She stared at his fierce averted profile in amazement.

‘It’s not that big a deal,’ he asserted, without glancing in her direction. ‘I like to know what I’m dealing with.’

‘I don’t know what it is, Sergio,’ she whispered, ‘but it just doesn’t feel right.’

‘Don’t talk,’ he urged in a low voice. ‘Try and breathe evenly. The last thing you want to do is hyperventilate because you’re panicked. I’m sure it’s nothing to be unduly concerned about.’

‘They hate you doing this.’

‘What are you talking about?’

Susie leaned back against the headrest and closed her eyes. She was doing as he had told her to do, breathing evenly and thinking calming thoughts.

‘The hospital. They hate it when you show up and they have to send you away again because it’s a stupid false alarm. They’re always rushed off their feet. It’s a waste of their time when they have to pander to some pregnant woman who gets twitchy at the slightest…ouch…cramp…’

‘No one would dare send me anywhere unless I was ready to go.’

He rested his hand on hers and gave a gentle squeeze, and she blinked back a flood of tears because right now she just loved him so much she wanted to shout it from the rooftops.

This felt so much like the real thing that she could almost believe it was.

‘We’re nearly there,’ he said, removing his hand and leaving a cool, empty space where it had been.

Busy with trying to stave off the bursts of abdominal pain, Susie was actually only aware that they had arrived when the car stopped and she opened her eyes to find that he had pulled up right outside the hospital entrance. From then on, everything seemed to move very quickly.

He took charge. People obeyed. Nurses who were accustomed to giving orders fell into line with mesmerised obedience. A consultant was summoned.

‘I should have made you go private,’ he muttered at one point through gritted teeth. ‘I should never have let you talk me into using the NHS…’

‘Don’t be silly. It’s as good as…probably better…’

‘You’re as white as a sheet.’

‘I…I’m a little scared, to be perfectly honest…’ she admitted.

Voicing the fear suddenly made her realise that she was, in fact, terrified. What if she lost the baby?

Being established in a bed in the hospital, with people rushing around and someone urgently gathering the necessary team to do a scan in order to establish what was happening, really brought home to Susie just how much a part of her present and her future this unborn baby had become.

Sergio had temporarily disappeared, and a new and scary thought hit her with the force of a sledgehammer.

If she lost this precious possession, then he would disappear from her life faster than a speeding bullet.

There would be no need for him to stick around.

She would return the house she had fallen in love with, pack her bags and leave—because even though the house was in her name he would want it back. Why wouldn’t he? It had been bought for his child, and for her as an afterthought.

She looked at him feverishly when he reappeared a few minutes later. She would have to make it clear that she understood the ramifications of what was happening and what might happen given a worst-case scenario.

‘They’re ready for you—and don’t look so terrified.’ He slanted a crooked smile at her. ‘It’ll be just fine.’

Susie nodded dumbly. And if it’s not?

‘It may not be,’ she mumbled unsteadily. ‘There are a thousand different things that could go wrong.’

‘It isn’t helpful to start looking for everything that could go wrong. Let’s just hear what the consultant has to say. We’ll know better how things stand once they scan you.’

Sergio was realising that he had lived a charmed life, casually assuming that whatever he wanted, he would get. The life of someone in complete control. He was realising that he had never felt afraid. He was feeling afraid now. She didn’t have to tell him about all the things that could go wrong. He knew them all. He had done more than peruse that book he had bought. He had read it from cover to cover and could have written a thesis on mishaps that might occur.

‘I can’t help it,’ Susie whispered. He had taken her hand in his and his fingers curled reassuringly around hers. ‘I meant to ask you something…’

‘What?’

Where the heck were these people? Shouldn’t they be rushing around, taking care of this situation? Instead of slacking off at some workstation somewhere, gassing and telling jokes?

He forced down a sudden surge of anger and held on to what the consultant had told him: that in the absence of bleeding there was almost certainly no need to worry, that they would move as quickly as they could but that several unexpected emergencies had recently occurred, ensuring that all the available rooms for scanning were occupied.

‘Have you found someone else?’

For a few seconds Sergio was dazed by the irrelevancy of that question, but she was staring at him with wide-eyed earnestness, waiting for an answer.

‘Where the heck did that come from?’

‘It’s just something that’s been playing on my mind,’ she said, breathing unevenly. ‘And, while we’re on the subject, I just want you to know that if you have there’s no need to try and hide it from me.’

And no need for him to feel any responsibility or pity towards her if this pregnancy failed. Her thoughts were chaotic, but she had a sudden, pressing urge to make him understand that.

‘This is not the time or the place to be having a nonsensical conversation like this,’ Sergio told her roughly. ‘Just concentrate on staying calm and optimistic.’

‘I’m very calm and optimistic.’

‘You’re the most infuriatingly stubborn woman I’ve ever met. I don’t suppose you’re going to put this conversation to rest until I give you an answer, so I might as well oblige. Even though you do pick the most ridiculous moments to launch into your “Meaningful Conversations”…’

But maybe this was her way of distracting herself from negative thoughts about losing the baby—who was he to argue with her? He wasn’t the one lying on a narrow, hard bed waiting for a scan…

He ran his fingers through her fine, silky, unruly hair and then cupped her face in a curiously tender gesture that made her feel as weak as a kitten.

‘When the heck do you imagine I would have the time to find another woman?’ he asked.

‘Is that a no?’

‘It’s a no.’

‘Because it’s okay—you’re a free man,’ she pressed on feverishly.

‘I get what you’re saying.’

‘I hope so, Sergio. Because if…if…’

Her voice wobbled, and there was no chance to say what she felt she had to say because they were interrupted by the arrival of a brisk nurse and the consultant. In the doorway, another nurse was waiting at the ready.

A room was now vacant but would not be for long, they were told on their way down in the lift.

‘Never rains but it pours,’ the consultant said wryly. ‘Three heavily pregnant women with sudden complications and a couple of tricky caesareans—in addition to the usual range of deliveries. And Siamese twins tomorrow.’ The consultant’s face brightened at the prospect of that. ‘You might have read about it recently? Right… Here we are… Nothing at all to worry about, Miss Sadler…’

He patted her hand kindly as she was transferred to a bed in the darkened room, but his attention was already on the scanning machine, caught up in the routine of what he needed to do.

Susie was keenly aware of Sergio next to her as she was prepped for the scan. She had not allowed him to go with her to any of her appointments. She wasn’t sure why, but somewhere in the back of her mind she thought that it would have felt like another little surrender to the overwhelming love she felt for him. She had to keep some precious distance between them—had to preserve a little bit of neutrality or else get completely lost.

And she had always made sure to keep herself well covered. In fairness, she had increased in size, but not dramatically. But now, as her gown was opened so that the scan could begin, she was acutely conscious of the body she had so carefully hidden from him over the past few months.

She sneaked a glance at him and he caught her eyes in the darkened room and held them.

Now that she was lying on this bed it dawned on her that her pains had subsided considerably. Typical.

He leaned down so that he was speaking quietly into her ear. ‘Stop thinking and just focus on the scan, Susie.’

Susie reddened and looked away. She stared at the monitor and tried hard to ignore her protruding, rounded belly.

Sergio, his gaze firmly fixed on the screen which had now been swivelled in their direction, marvelled that he could counsel her to stop thinking when he himself was caught up in a series of unwelcome thoughts.

What the heck did she mean by telling him that it was perfectly okay for him to entertain another woman? Was it her way of reminding him that she, likewise, was entitled to the freedom to entertain other men?

His eyes dropped briefly to her stomach, his first glimpse of her changed body, and possessiveness ripped through him.

She wouldn’t look at another man now, but what about after the baby was born…?

She was swollen with his child—was she already contemplating the prospect of getting back into shape and meeting his replacement?

No. He refused to entertain that notion. Not here and not now.

He fixed all his attention on the picture presenting itself on the monitor and forgot all about the nagging anxieties playing at the back of his mind as the consultant took them through everything they were looking at—including the strong heartbeat which announced that everything was all right and there had been nothing to worry about after all.

‘Always a good idea to get to hospital if you feel anything out of the ordinary,’ he said kindly when, half an hour later, the lights were switched on and the gown, thankfully, was put back over her stomach.

‘I panicked,’ Susie confessed.

‘Perfectly understandable,’ the consultant told her. ‘But everything seems to be in order. I should take it easy for the remainder of your pregnancy, though. Is there anyone staying with you—?’

‘I’ll be there,’ Sergio interrupted, and Susie looked at him, open-mouthed.

He didn’t look at her. He didn’t have to in order to know exactly what she was thinking. That she wanted to preserve her independence and having him living with her under the same roof would be an appalling prospect.

Tough.

The consultant, already glancing at his watch, thinking ahead to his next appointment, was nodding and filling them in on the importance of making sure that she took it easy, didn’t do anything that required too much exertion. Telling them that everything was fine, but that the human body had a cunning way of letting people know when things might be wrong.

And then, as fast as they had been swept up in the drama of the moment, they were on their own—free to leave the hospital.

‘What did you mean when you told the consultant that you would be staying with me?’ Susie asked abruptly.

For a while, when she had been focusing on the grainy little image of the baby, she had been wholly consumed, but now she was back to her anxious thoughts. She folded her arms and stared at him.

He might not have found someone else yet, but he would sooner or later—and how was she going to build up the strength to deal with that if he now intended to move in? She needed respite from his suffocating presence! The last thing she needed was to have him around all the time, reminding her that their relationship was not really a relationship.

But of course he would want to move in. Anything to protect his unborn child.

‘Before we start on this conversation,’ Sergio said, anticipating her mulish rejection of his offer, despite what the consultant had said, ‘let’s do the next patient a favour and vacate the room. We can talk about it on the way back to your house—and before you tell me that you’re fine, and that there’s no need for me to drop you home, forget it.’

‘I wasn’t going to say that.’

‘Good. In that case, apologies for wrongly jumping the gun. And instead of thinking about my staying with you, and getting hot and bothered about the prospect, maybe we should both be happy that everything’s okay?’

‘Of course I’m happy.’ Susie flushed, aware that he was right. ‘Overjoyed. Even though I still feel like an idiot for rushing down here.’

‘Like Mr Wilkins said, it’s good to not take chances.’

‘He was being polite.’

Heading towards the exit, Sergio controlled a frustrated smile. She always had an answer for everything. No one could ever accuse her of not being an everlasting source of challenge. If he pointed to the sky and told her that it looked blue, she would, given the right mood, argue that it was yellow, and she would continue arguing until she got bored and abandoned the conversation.

He had long ago congratulated himself on having reserves of patience that far surpassed anything he might have expected. Especially since now that she was pregnant she could be prone to being argumentative about nothing in particular.

‘He’s probably cursing at having to waste his precious time,’ she rambled on, taking her time as she manoeuvred herself into his car. ‘Pandering to a hypochondriac…’

As soon as they were both in the car, and he was slowly threading his way through the car park out into the busy road, she turned to him.

‘I realise, Sergio, that you’re worried I might end up back in hospital because I’ve done something to overtire myself, but there’s no cause for concern. I really am going to take things easy.’

‘What do you mean, you really are going to take things easy? I thought you already were?’

‘I’ve recently been doing some spring cleaning…’

‘Spring cleaning a new house? What the heck is there to spring clean?’

‘I brought some pictures down from Mum and Dad’s house a couple of weeks ago,’ she said vaguely. ‘I’ve had a burst of energy lately so I’ve been putting them up here and there. In my studio and such. You know… Getting things homely.’

Sergio raked fingers through his hair and spared her a glance of pure frustration. ‘Did that involve climbing on ladders?’

‘Pregnant women climb on ladders all the time! In fact it’s practically all they do.’

‘And have you been eating when I haven’t been there?’

Accustomed to living a life of complete independence—a life of frankly not giving a damn what other people thought of him—he was brought up short at the way it had been whittled away at the edges ever since she had announced that he was going to be a father. On the other hand, strength lay in the ability to adapt. He had adapted. It was a means to an end.

‘Of course I have.’

But in between the sudden burst of spring cleaning energy and tying up the final bits of her commission she realised that food had taken a back seat. Or at least robust meals had—because when she was on the go crackers and cheese or sandwiches were always a faster option.

‘I’ll be moving in tomorrow. You’ve been overdoing things. And you may be prepared to take chances but I’m not. Let’s get something clear right now. This isn’t just about you. You’re going to have to deal with that whether you like it or not.’

‘But it’s not necessary for you to move in!’

‘I’ll drop you back home and you can get some sleep. I’ll be with you first thing in the morning to make sure that you eat your breakfast.’

‘And do you intend to take time off work to supervise my lunches?’

‘Now that you mention it, I can work from the house—so, in answer to your question, quite possibly. You want to behave like a child, then expect to be treated like one, Susie.’

‘I haven’t been behaving like a child and I don’t want you around all the time, getting under my feet!’

Was that what he thought? That she was like a kid who needed to be told which road to follow because she was too simple to choose the right one? She hated the thought that she had gone from being the woman he wanted to someone he felt he had to look after. All his consideration for her over the past few months, she thought, had removed her sexuality.

‘Too bad.’ Sergio’s voice hardened. ‘Needs must.’

They drove the remainder of the way in silence. It was a quick drive, because at this hour the roads were clear. She knew that he would see her into the house, as indeed he did, and all the while she thought about him being there with her, living with her, sharing space with her, sitting in the little snug with her watching television.

She thought about the way they had been with one another before her pregnancy had forced him to put things into perspective. And then immediately her thoughts turned to when she had been lying on that narrow, uncomfortable bed in that room, being scanned, her stomach exposed to his gaze.

What had been going on in his mind then? Relief that they were no longer lovers? Impatience that he had had to come to the rescue because she was not independent enough to look after herself? Frustration that he had embarked on a light-hearted fling with someone out of his comfort zone just because he had liked her novelty value, only to find himself trapped with her for ever? Was he being forced to have her as an ongoing concern because of a child he hadn’t wanted in the first place?

‘So what time shall I expect you in the morning? Perhaps you could let me know how this arrangement is going to pan out?’

She contemplated him lurking in the house, materialising from dark corners, turning her on and distracting her, treating her like someone who couldn’t look after herself. Treating her the way her parents and her sister treated her. When she thought like that she felt sick.

‘Here’s how it’s going to pan out.’ Sergio looked at her evenly. ‘I’m going to set up camp in the downstairs den. There’s a desk there already. It’ll do for when I want to use it. I’ll transfer over my desktop computer so that I have both my desktop and my laptop handy, and I’ll arrange for a dedicated line to be put in so that you won’t be plagued with calls coming through for me on your landline—although I can use my mobile well enough. How’s it sounding so far?’

‘Constricting,’ Susie said with utter dejection.

He frowned at her. ‘You have the night to get used to the prospect.’

‘I’ve become accustomed to peace and quiet.’

‘I’ll make sure not to play my trumpet too loudly. You’ll thank me when this baby is delivered fat and healthy.’

And then? she thought. What happens then? She would have become accustomed to having him around. She knew that because she was already accustomed to having him around now and he wasn’t even living with her.

‘And shall I…er…? Well, I feel I ought to ask this…what about sleeping arrangements?’ she asked in a rush.

They found themselves in the kitchen and she sank into a chair and looked at him.

‘What about them?’

Just like that his mind swung back to the sight of her on that bed, the bigness of her stomach, her belly button slightly protruding—the essence of the rounded, fertile woman. His woman.

Except she wasn’t, was she?

Currently she was a woman who was trying to have a conversation about the boundaries she could put into place to spare herself the discomfort of having him under her feet. His mouth tightened, but he wasn’t going to get involved in a row with her. Stress came in different guises, and he wasn’t going to stress her by arguing with her—especially not now.

Marriage was no longer a subject under discussion. It had been efficiently and silently removed from the menu. Should he have pressed home his point in the beginning? Left her with no wriggle room? Because if they had got married he would have been able to keep an eye on her…they wouldn’t have ended up racing to the hospital in a state of flat-out panic.

But a reluctant, bitter and resentful wife…? No, the answer did not lie there.

Nevertheless, reluctant and resentful as she might be at his intrusion into her happy, solitary and peaceful existence here, it was still going to happen.

‘There are four bedrooms in this house, Susie…’ He couldn’t veil the simmering frustration that had crept into his voice at the thought of, for the first time in his life, planting himself somewhere where he wasn’t wanted. ‘I don’t think it will be an insurmountable problem if I use one of them. And if memory serves me right there are two en suite bathrooms, so there will be no danger of our crossing paths first thing in the morning with toothbrushes in our hands.’

Susie blushed, guiltily aware that he was putting himself out for her and doing it without complaint. It would be a far more laborious commute for him to get to work in the mornings, and if he chose to work from the house, that too would be a huge sacrifice.

Why did she always emerge feeling like the villain in the piece?

Because she wanted so much more from him, and wanting more made her edgy…made her sound ungrateful for the little things he did…even for the big things he did. Because, however big they were, they weren’t big enough.

‘Just relax about it, Susie. It’s no big deal and it won’t be for long.’

‘Because when the baby’s born you’ll clear out?’

‘What else would you want?’ he asked brusquely.

For a heartbeat, she played with the idea of throwing caution to the winds and telling him that actually what she wanted was a ring on her finger and him in bed beside her every night, for them to grow old together. What she wanted was for him to be madly in love with her, and it would be weak and stupid ever to think of settling for anything less.

But when she thought of him tonight…the way his safe, solid presence had taken away all her fears and made her feel secure…

‘Good. Okay.’

‘I’ll even take the load from your shoulders by helping with the cooking,’ he said, and shot her a slanting smile that set her whole body alight.

‘Is that a threat or a promise?’

‘You have my solemn word that I’ll consult recipe books before I decide to fling a few things into a pan.’

‘I guess it would be nice to have somebody cook for me.’

She was a woman built to share her life with someone, and that fact was brought forcibly home to him when she said that, her voice wistful. Hard on the heels of that thought came a less pleasant one, and that was that the person she would end up sharing her life with wouldn’t be him—even though between them they had created the new life growing in her stomach.

‘No stress. Remember what the consultant said? And I don’t like the thought of you spending hours in that studio of yours, doing painstaking work.’

‘I move around a lot,’ Susie confessed. ‘I draw and paint a little, and then I stretch my legs and wander around the house to make sure my muscles don’t decide to seize up on me. Besides, I’m nearly finished with my commission, and the next one is for a children’s book so it’ll be far less detailed. In fact I shall probably be able to do a lot of it in front of the telly. Sergio, there’s no need for you to feel that you have to micromanage every single aspect of my life because I’m pregnant.’

Sergio ignored that. ‘Are you all right to stay on your own tonight?’

‘Of course I am—and that’s just what I’m talking about!’ She took a deep breath. ‘In fact,’ she said evenly, ‘I’m so tired I shall probably fall asleep the second my head hits the pillow.’

Unlike all those other times, when bed had signalled a lot more than falling asleep.

A rush of jumbled thoughts crowded into her head, jostling for space. Memories of being touched by him combined with the stress of the past few hours, the security she had felt at having him at her side, the relief at having received the all-clear…the sadness of realising that he truly saw her as nothing more than a responsibility, the helplessness at wanting more and knowing she would never have it.

Her eyes darkened and she licked suddenly dry lips. He was staring at her and she was rooted to the chair, unable to move a muscle. Except for her heart. Her heart was the only thing moving, beating inside her so fast and so hard that she wanted to faint.

‘Don’t,’ Sergio warned her gruffly.

She blinked at him in an attempt to clear her head. ‘Don’t what?’

‘Don’t look at me like that.’ He shook his head, broke eye contact briefly, but then was compelled to look at her again.

‘Like what?’

‘Like you’re issuing an invitation.’

Or maybe he had misread that expression on her face? Before he had always had complete and utter confidence in his ability to have whatever woman he wanted, but she had managed to instil in him a healthy vein of self-doubt.

‘You’re tired,’ he continued. ‘We’re both exhausted after tonight.’

‘Which means…’ she was angry with herself again, because she had only just managed to catch herself before she fell headlong into what would have been a stupid mistake ‘…that it’s time for you to leave.’

She hazarded a smile, which seemed to do the trick, breaking the spell between them and allowing her to breathe as though something heavy wasn’t sitting on her chest. She stood up and began walking him to the front door, keeping her distance.

It was bad enough that she would have to fight her feelings for him without the luxury of having time out when he wasn’t around, but how much worse if she had given in? If she had done what her body had been urging her to do? If she had just…stepped towards him, laid her palm on his hard chest, stripped off her jumper and her thick thermal vest and her sensible bra so that he could swirl his tongue over her sensitive nipples…?

How uncomfortable would that have made the situation? Because he would have responded. She had glimpsed the flare of hunger in his eyes. And maybe he was just horny because he hadn’t had sex in a while, or maybe he was curious to find out what it felt like to make love to a woman who was big with his child, but he would have responded…

And then in the morning he would no longer have been horny, and would no longer have been curious, and where would that have left them?

She heard herself talking normally to him as she showed him out, even though her mind was in a whirl, and when he had gone she leaned against the front door and finally allowed herself to breathe evenly.

How the heck was she going to survive the next couple of months? she wondered.