Читать книгу Star Wanderer writes. A soft whisper on the lips. Contemporary Prose - - Страница 49

Sweet words, like leaves from an oak branch in an autumn park, whirling under my feet, make my heart happy. Time is remembered by good moments, and 2013 was no exception, although it did not bring a good storm…

– Do not be angry, for you understand me. Today with a friend we decided to go for a walk in the park. Talking about our favorite men. I go crazy like a little girl! And I like this state. Alive, I can still love! You were not chosen by chance, I knew everything. Kisses!” After I told the virtual man about my plans and desires, I felt peace of mind.

Writing every day and feeling embarrassed has been my destiny for a long time. Naivety is sometimes glorified as a certain virtue, and I thank God for it. All the paths in the park are littered with yellow leaves. Shrubs creep between the slender aspens and birches, only the majestic oaks do not tolerate such surroundings.

– Untouched by the centuries, the same age as the universe, they amaze with their immortal destiny, like the greatest miracle of the world” – wrote the ancient Roman scholar Pliny the Elder.

Yes, this place is incomparable, you can always come here and rest your soul. Sweet mothers with their children in strollers. Athletes jogging in sweaty beacons and, of course, kids on bikes. There’s something for everyone. But I’d rather tease the pigeons with bread crumbs. No matter how hard life is, it is still beautiful and tends to go on without rules we make up. The fall season shines with its splendor, painting with all its colors.

– We are going to sit on this big rock! – I laughed and offered my friend the wonderful option.

– What else is there to do! All the benches are occupied by mothers. Why are there so few benches? – she said indignantly.

– Yes, in what century was it that dared to take the bold step of fooling around and talking a lot? Well, it was not there, we must be modest! – I went on and on.

– For example, grandmothers near the door feel comfortable! Opened a tablecloth and sang songs almost until morning! I had to close the windows! – My friend was very persuasive.

– The cocktail we had was on the level and tasted good! – said a rather decisive conclusion aloud.

– Let’s drink a cocktail to achieve what we dream of! – said her friend.

After a while we remembered: there were little tangerines waiting for us. There was no limit to our consternation. We looked at each other seriously and realized that small mandarins were preferable to small bananas, which we refused to buy. Women’s logic is indestructible. The whole thing turned into loud laughter. The tangerines were tasty, and the slightly groggy ladies were a bit vulgar. We hadn’t laughed so much in a long time!

– A woman should remain a happy secret! – was another toast.

And neither of them doubted the truth of those words. Sometimes the right time comes along and a man who wants to hear you. So why not take advantage of it? Then maybe there is no such desire. Strangely enough, all my inner feelings tend to spill out. Today I’m confused, and the reason is the relationship, with one person. I can’t imagine what exactly is causing the pain? More like the realization of a meaningless life with him. We have to silence the emptiness with decisions, even if they are unpredictable. Life is incredible, strange, and people are unwavering in their decisions to be just a little happier.

“I’m still kicking the yellow leaf. Dreaming, smiling naively, but I am no longer in childhood. I am only an observer. A baby’s first tentative step, a girl’s first jump on the ‘classics’, on the painted asphalt. A first-grader’s first rhyme, told in line. The first words of love, spoken on a date. With sadness for the past, but no regrets in my soul. Even though the years have passed, I’m still the same, I’m still a different girl! I’m still thirty-nine today.”

Tomorrow, after work, as usual, I will rush home to my children. Later, behind my laptop in the kitchen, I will continue to write about the woman who dreams of happiness. I will remember the smell of morning dew. And the grass that hasn’t woken up yet. I will remember how everything dissolved. Just walking with the morning dream. You don’t have to be terribly smart, you don’t have to be terribly beautiful to know that everything is resolved. You just have to take an early morning walk and not think about anything. Just the smell of damp leaves and clover growing in bunches on the path, and the voice of the early cuckoo, which gives me longevity on the way. I have so many more paths like this to walk…

– Time will pass, and we will surely regret that we remained faithful to some unknown tradition. We have not done the deeds given from above! – continued to argue with her friend.

The words hurt her soul and her already wounded heart. Dear readers, if you are reading my creation have reached these words, I hasten to say, “I am already another, what infinitely glad, and I wish you the same!” This is how a woman who has crossed the border of her fear of the unknown can declare herself. Yes, yes, no matter how corny it may sound. Fear is the first thing she has to face, and courage is more than appropriate at this stage. Sometimes a blind step forward, bordering on madness, is better than trampling in place, because the very understanding of the significance and strength of her decisions is worthy of self-respect. After everything has been turned upside down, to remain on one’s feet, even if a little lost, sick with tears, with one’s soul open to all winds, is an act, and for a woman it is more than fateful and incredible for the patterns of life. It is a strange influence of the majority to realize the rightness of action without the constraint of any morality. It is easier and easier to go unnoticed. The opinion of the majority is an inadequate understanding of reality. The human need for something is natural. But at what price? It is not easy to be yourself, to think aloud and about everything, without having to humiliate others. There is no need to play it up, the role of good dancers in the theater, who should not be hindered by anything, is a bad idea.