Читать книгу A Family Come True - Kris Fletcher - Страница 12
ОглавлениеTEN MINUTES AFTER saying goodbye to Xander, fifteen minutes after Ian had bestowed the third surprise in her hat trick of shocks for the day, Darcy pulled down the shade in Cady’s room and started the recording of acoustic covers that passed for lullabies chez Maguire. With all the routines accounted for, she turned on the monitor and tiptoed out of the room, closing the door behind her and leaning against it while she breathed.
“Dear God, Maguire, when you mess up, you don’t hold back, do you?”
So much for her carefully organized life. So much for those daily affirmations reminding herself that she was strong, she was independent, she could handle whatever the universe threw her way. In a little over an hour, that had all been blown to hell.
Xander was back.
Which she had been dealing with until she’d found out he’d been in freakin’ jail.
And then Ian had kissed her.
Her fingers rose to her lips and she gave a shaky laugh. Yes, everything else was crumbling around her, but her brain kept tugging her back to that moment in the yard when Ian’s mouth had brushed hers. For one second, maybe two or three, her worries about Xander and custody agreements and criminal acts had been banished by the soft play of warm lips against hers. It had been reassuring and comforting, a welcome reminder that she wasn’t alone, which was, she was sure, the only reason he had done it. And she really hoped that was the only reason she kept coming back to it. It was nothing more than her touchstone, a moment of peace and sanity when everything else was whirling.
A nice story. Too bad her treasonous brain also insisted on reminding her of the infrequent but oh-so-vivid dreams she’d had over the past few months. Dreams in which Ian played a highly significant and usually shirtless role.
Every time she woke from one of those dreams, she spent the next few days staring at the ground or at Lulu or praying that his work would take him out of town for an extended period. Because, seriously, lusting after her best friend?
At least she’d pulled away from the kiss before her long-denied hormones had kicked in. She could not, would not, upset the balance of their lives more than had already been done. Especially not at a time such as this when she could really use a friend.
But how was she supposed to look at him now?
Not that she had a choice. He was in her kitchen waiting for her, as he’d done so many times over the past year. She had to tell him the truth about Xander and find out what kind of criminal DNA was swimming in Cady’s genes, all while feeling as if she’d been plugged into an outlet and was being hit by bolts of electricity at random times and in the worst possible places.
And what kind of parent was she that of all the things that had happened, she continued to fixate on the one that had made her feel better for a minute, the three seconds that had served her?
Dear Lord, she was turning into her mother after all.
She squeezed her eyes shut and shook away the thought. She would get through this. She would talk to Ian—talk, Maguire—and send him to his apartment. She would sit at the computer and come up with a strategy. Later, if she was still this...unsettled, she would put Cady to bed and have herself a private film festival. One featuring Harrison Ford in his prime, fully whipped. Tomorrow, she could wake with a clear head and focus on what mattered—getting Cady through this change without turning her childhood into the same kind of convoluted mess Darcy’s had been.
All she had to do was get through the next hour.
* * *
LOOKING IAN IN the eye as she descended the stairs took about as much intestinal fortitude as telling Xander that he had hit the conception jackpot, but Darcy made herself do it. She was rewarded with a glimmer of his usual smile.
Crap. She had forgotten the hurt she’d spotted in his face right after Xander’s arrival. The conversation ahead was shaping up to be as complicated as the ones she’d just navigated.
She rubbed her temples. Couldn’t anything ever be simple?
“Headache?”
It was as good an explanation as any. “Yeah.”
“Need anything?”
This was the Ian she knew—helpful and supportive. The caregiver. The trusted friend, not the Lust Igniter.
“I’ll be okay after I grab something to eat. Thanks.” She glanced around. “Lulu?”
“I think she’s worn-out. Last time I saw her she was heading for her basket.”
“I’m jealous.”
There was nothing but the usual amount of concern on his face when he studied her. The inner caveman that had shown up while they were outside must have departed with Xander. Thank heaven.
“We should talk,” he said slowly. “But if you’re not up for it right now...”
“No. I mean, yes.” She blinked and dredged up a smile. “I’m fine. But I think, maybe, this calls for a beer. Want one?”
“God, yes.”
She pulled bottles from the refrigerator, grabbed a jar of salsa while she was there. “Can you get the chips?”
He didn’t hesitate before opening the correct cupboard and snagging a bag of tortilla chips from the top shelf, where she stored them out of her everyday reach. It hit her as he moved with easy confidence around her kitchen how thoroughly entrenched he was in her life. He knew his way around her kitchen, he dragged the trash to the curb every Thursday, he changed her daughter’s diapers, all without asking how or where or when.
She really couldn’t blow this.
“Let’s go out on the porch,” she said when he pulled a chair from the table. The front porch. Public. Less chance of her breaking down. Or, worse, reliving that kiss and feeling tempted to do something truly stupid.
He raised an eyebrow but picked up the monitor and followed her outside.
She set the food on the small wicker table and climbed into her favorite hammock swing suspended from the roof. Ian settled in the oversize chair he had added to the porch last summer, the day he’d announced he was signing up for baby rocking duty.
After a scoop of salsa on a chip and a long, welcome draw on her beer—damn, she had needed that—she was as ready as she would ever be.
“Okay.” She ran her nail beneath the label on her bottle. “I have a million questions, and I bet you do, too, but first and most important, thank you. You got me through something I kind of knew would have to happen someday, but I sure wasn’t looking forward to it. Having you here made the whole situation— Okay, so it got kind of screwy there for a while, but I—”
“I shouldn’t have kissed you.”
She blinked. He was jumping straight to that?
“I don’t want you to think— I mean, it was all for Xander,” he said in a rush. “You know that, right?”
“Of course.” Stop weeping, stupid hormones. “It’s fine. We were winging it, and, okay, maybe I wouldn’t have done that, but it worked, and that’s what matters.”
“Good.” He grabbed a chip but instead of eating it, he stared at it as intently as if a secret code were printed there. “I had no idea that you and Xander— But I wasn’t planning to pull the whole act out there, especially not if you’d been glad to see him. But when I came outside you looked scared when I said I would leave, so I... I don’t know. Reacted.”
She thought back, replaying the sudden appearance of Caveman Ian. Now it made sense. “Ohhh. Yeah. I was kind of spooked. Xander had just told me where he spent the last— Jeez, I don’t even know how long he was in jail. Or what for.” She peeked at Ian. Good. He’d lost the pinched look around his eyes. “Do you?”
“He didn’t go into detail, but based on his past run-ins—”
“Past run-ins?” It was a miracle she still had enough air to speak given the way her breath had flown from her lungs. “You mean this wasn’t the first time?”
“Easy, Darce. He’s not a hardened criminal, okay? He had some brushes with the law when we were in university, but never anything that led anywhere. And nothing violent. It’s all cyber stuff. Breaking into corporate accounts, things like that. As far as I know, he never does anything against individuals. I’m sure in his mind he’s some kind of modern-day Robin Hood.”
“Oh.” Some of the tension seeped from her shoulders. “Thanks. That helps.”
He nodded and stuffed the chip into his mouth. She had a feeling it was her move.
“Here’s the story,” she said at last. “Xander and I never had a real thing. So you weren’t interrupting a reunion of long-lost lovers or anything like that.”
The relief on his face told her that he had indeed been wondering. But was he glad to know he hadn’t intruded, or relieved that there wasn’t anything to interrupt in the first place?
Not that it mattered, of course.
“Remember when Xander was here and you went away over Labor Day weekend?”
“Right. For Hank’s wedding.”
Now, why did the mention of his brother’s wedding make him tense up again? Maybe it had something to do with his ex-fiancée. From what Darcy had gleaned from the bits and pieces Ian had let drop, the ex had continued living in Comeback Cove.
“Well, that Friday night was when Jonathan and I broke up.” She snagged a chip and snapped it in half.
“Jonathan.” There was a hint of a question in his voice when he mentioned her ex, and she knew what he was asking.
“I know. You thought he was Cady’s father. I’m sure everyone thought that, but fortunately—or not—he isn’t. That night—well, let’s just say it didn’t end gracefully.”
Call her the Queen of Understatement. On their six-month anniversary she had thought it might be safe to ask what he saw in their future. What she had ended up seeing was his back as he’d run as far and fast as he could.
“Anyway, I made a horrible scene, then came home and went out in the backyard and got rip-roaring drunk. When I got to the maudlin stage and decided I needed a babysitter, I went up to the apartment looking for you, forgetting you weren’t there.”
“But Xander was.”
Oh, if his voice were any more neutral, he would have been beige. “Yep. I bawled all over him, and when I was cried out he said he’d help me get back to my place. I think his intentions truly were honorable, but by then I was starting to sober up and I didn’t want to, so I grabbed some vodka and convinced him to join me. And things kind of...escalated.”
Silence hung between them. On the street, a car cruised past, bass thumping out the windows. A kid shouted to a friend on the other end of the block.
“It was one night,” she said, leaning forward, praying with everything she had that he would believe her. “One stupid, drunken night when all I wanted was to forget.” Forget Jonathan’s heavy sigh when she’d screwed up her nerve and had posed the question, forget the disgust on his face when she had started to cry, forget her panicked drunken certainty that she would never be held again. “I woke up the next day and thought of everything that could have happened and had a major freak-out.”
“And Xander?”
“Was already gone.”
He eased back into his chair. “That’s no surprise. I mean,” he added hastily, “not to say anything about you. Or your... Crap.”
“Are you blushing?”
As if she’d unplugged a dam, he turned even redder. “This isn’t the easiest conversation.”
No. But considering he had watched her stomach explode during her pregnancy, seen her nursing nonstop in those first weeks when she was too exhausted to make more than a token attempt at covering up and listened to her complain about every oozing, aching body part, his reaction was unexpected. And surprisingly sweet.
“I’m sorry. I won’t tease. I know what you mean.”
“All I was trying to say is that Xander isn’t one for the long haul. As I’m sure you noticed.”
Which brought them straight to her biggest fear regarding Cady.
“I don’t care that he took off the next day. Frankly, if I had been able to lift my head without feeling like I’d been shoved into a tornado, I might have done the same thing. It wasn’t my finest moment.” She leaned forward, arms resting on her knees, trying to decide how to ask what she needed to know without revealing too much. “But it’s different now. You’ve known him longer than I have. Do you think he has it in him to stick around, or would he be one of those guys who, you know, only stays long enough to mess up everything?”
Ian studied her for an unnervingly long moment. At times she swore he could read her mind. This was one of the moments when she longed for a way to shield her thoughts from him. It was one thing for him to know that he was her most trusted friend. It would be quite different if he figured out that to her, what they had was the closest thing she could imagine to the family she’d lost when she was too young to appreciate it.
“Ah. Gotcha.” At last he lifted his beer for a long draw. She’d seen him do that hundreds of times over the past couple of years. Why, this time, did she have to force herself to stop gazing at the lines of his neck? Why did she find herself swallowing in tandem with him?
Why did she suspect she was now the one blushing?
He finally lowered the bottle. “I don’t know,” he said. “Back in school, Xander was a goof but basically a straight-up guy. Since then...I don’t know. He changed.”
Not the answer she wanted, for sure.
“I got the feeling you wanted some time to figure out what should happen next with him,” he said. “That’s why I said what I did about us going to Comeback Cove.”
Oh, holy crap. Yet another twist that had slipped through her grasp. Thank God Cady was safely tucked into her crib. At this rate, Darcy wouldn’t trust herself to keep a hamster alive.
“Yeah, about that.” She sat back in the hammock, watching him carefully for signs of hedging. “Where did that come from?”
“I dunno. We were pulling off the ‘we’re a couple’ thing, and Lulu growled, and I thought, damn, what if Xander comes back when I’m not around? Remember, I didn’t know what was making you so skittish. I thought maybe you were afraid of him for, well, for more than just Cady’s sake.”
It took a moment for his words to register. “You thought he raped me?”
“Not really. But I thought there might have been some...coercion.”
Her indignation melted. No wonder the poor guy had let his inner caveman fly.
“No,” she said softly. “Nothing horrible happened.” Nothing especially mind-blowing, either, from what she could remember, but no way was she going to say that. Ian was already flashing as red as the fire in his forge. “Things got lousy and complicated, and, yeah, I’m not looking forward to refiguring everything now that he’s back. But Cady is the best part of my life. No matter how much I curse my own stupidity, I have absolutely no regrets.”
He nodded and rocked back in his chair, but didn’t look as though he believed her.
“What?” She snagged another chip. “You’re trying to say something but you don’t know how. I can tell.”
“Jeez, Maguire, can’t I hide anything from you?”
Ah, that was more like it. Teasing, complaining, fake indignation—everything she usually associated with Ian. That post-kiss lust—okay, that had been interesting, but she wasn’t going to let it ruin their easygoing swing.
“Don’t tell me you were serious about me going to Comeback Cove with you?”
She hadn’t thought it was possible for him to turn any redder. She was wrong.
“Here’s what I’m thinking,” he said, setting his beer on the table. “One, we—I—led Xander to believe we’re a couple. So if I go without you it might look strange.”
“Because people who are together never do anything separately. Right.”
“To paraphrase Indiana Jones, I’m making this up as I go, okay?”
Boom! She had a sudden image of Ian in a leather jacket and fedora, a whip in his hand and a smile that could melt a thousand Arks on his lips.
Looked as if she was going to have to come up with an alternate plan for the evening.
“If you come with me it would give you time to figure out what happens next. Maybe talk to a lawyer. Have you done that yet?”
“No. I should have, I know, but when he vanished off the face of the earth, it kind of slid down the priority list.”
He nodded. “You need legal advice, and we need to decide what to do when Xander shows up expecting to see us as a couple. Since I was already planning to go home—”
“Not until Thursday.”
He shrugged. “So I’ll go a day early. My mother will be ecstatic. At the time, saying that you were coming along seemed like the best solution.”
“Hmm.” It seemed pretty caveman to her, but, she had to admit, it was nice to know he’d been trying to help.
“Besides,” he added so casually that her skin prickled in warning, “your grandmother is there, and she would love to see Cady.”
She’d always known that renting to the grandson of her grandmother’s best friend would come back to bite her someday.
“Did Nonny pay Moxie to make you say that?”
“Get real, Darce. You could use some time. I’m going to Comeback Cove anyway. And Helene would give her eyeteeth to have you and Cady under her roof for a few nights.”
Did he have to sound so reasonable? Getting pissed off at him would be so much more satisfying than understanding him.
Except he had a point.
She dipped a chip into the salsa, focused on creating the perfect blend of tomato, onion and peppers. It took a lot of effort.
“You gonna eat that or hang it in an art gallery?”
She glared. “Don’t interrupt my stalling tactic to discuss your stalling tactic.”
His laugh, low and reassuring, was like having someone pour warm water over her—soothing and welcome and oh so comforting.
“I know your intentions are good.” She swirled the chip through the salsa again. “But going to Comeback Cove? That seems extreme.”
“What’s so extreme about it? One phone call, a few hours packing, a few more to drive, and there ya go. Instant breathing space. You have time to sort things through, and when we come back, you’ll be ready to do...whatever you decide is right. But you won’t be making it up as you go anymore.”
He had a point. Again.
“I don’t want to upset Cady’s schedule. She’s already wonked with this tooth. I think she needs to stick to familiar places and faces right now.”
“Good point. But you know sometimes a distraction is all she needs to get herself back on track.”
Must he always be right?
“What about work? You’re not off tomorrow, and I’m swamped.”
“Everyone’s out of my office tomorrow anyway. Training. As for you—” his eye roll would have made a teenager proud “—you work from home, remember? Take your laptop with you.”
“And how much will I get done without being able to drop Cady at day care? I know she’s only there part-time, but I get a heck of a lot done in those three hours.”
“Hello? Doting grandmother?”
Damn him. “But...Ian, look. You have a close family. It’s nothing for you to call and say, ‘Hi, Mom. Change of plans. I’m coming home early.’ It’s not like that for me and Nonny.” At least it hadn’t been lately.
“Actually,” he began, but then gave an impatient sort of shake. “Whatever. It was just a suggestion.”
“Wait a minute. Actually what?”
“Nothing that matters right now. You would really rather stay here?”
“Yes, I would rather stay here.” At least, rather than go to Comeback Cove. “What are you hiding?”
“Me?”
“Yes, you. You’re hiding something and you know it.” About his family? Or was it the ex?
Nonny had alluded to some issue back when she’d called to ask Darcy to rent to him. At that point, Darcy had simply wanted someone to keep the grass cut and the house safe when she was traveling for her job as personal assistant to her mother—something that used to happen a lot, since Sylvie juggled careers as an actress, an author and a coach at the Stratford Festival. All that had mattered at that point was that he be polite, solvent and not inclined toward murder. The fact that he was one of the North brothers—part of the big, noisy crew that had both terrified and fascinated her on her childhood visits to the Cove—had been a happy bonus.
It wasn’t until he’d been around for a while that Nonny had mentioned a broken engagement. It was only in the past few months that Ian himself had said anything about it, and then only an occasional, casual reference—“Taylor and I went there”—the way he would talk about an old friend. Never any details. And try though Darcy might, she had never been able to get Nonny to spill. It was Ian’s story to share, she’d insisted.
Damn her moral code.
He stretched long legs out in front of him. “Sorry, Darce, but when it comes to hiding things you kind of won that round.”
Busted. “Okay. I’m not one to talk. If it matters, I can’t count how many times I was tempted to tell you the truth. About Xander, I mean.”
“I believe you.” He paused. “For the record, I was kind of tweaked that you hadn’t said anything. Not that you owed me or anyone an explanation, but I thought... Anyway, having heard the whole story it makes sense. In your shoes I would have done the same thing.”
“That’s good. I’m glad.” She smiled before pouncing. “So...actually what?”
“Actually, I’d better call my mother and tell her I won’t be coming home for Father’s Day after all.”
“Wait— Who— What?”
He stretched his arms high overhead, reaching toward the robin’s-egg blue of the porch ceiling. “You heard me.”
“You’re not going.”
“That’s right.”
“Because of me?”
“No. Because of Xander.”
“But I told you, he never... I mean, damn it, Ian. I appreciate everything you did today, believe me, but I don’t need a babysitter. This is my mess and I will get through it.”
“I know you will.”
“So?”
“So maybe I want to hang around and see what happens.”
Oh, no. The caveman was supposed to be gone.
“What are you gonna do, Ian? Shadow me for the rest of my life in case Xander catches me all alone?”
“Nope.”
She waited. Nothing else seemed to be forthcoming.
She eyed the beer. Maybe if she shook it up and sprayed him...
“Why are you so determined to do this?”
He shrugged and grabbed the bottle—jeez, it was as if he really could read her mind—and rocked back in his chair. “Honestly? I don’t know. But it feels right.”
“Because you don’t trust Xander? Or— Wait. Do you think I’m dumb enough to get drunk and pregnant again?”
“No!”
The shock on his face reassured her. No one was that good an actor, and, having spent much of her life haunting stages waiting for her mother, she should know.
“Then what’s the problem? Ian, I’m a big girl. I don’t like this situation, but I’ll manage. I know I was a total basket case when I first had Cady, but on the whole, I’m organized, competent and reasonable. I can handle this.”
“I think that’s it.”
“What’s what?”
“I know you can handle this. Alone.” He leaned forward, quietly serious. “But what kind of friend would I be if I made you do that?”
Oh.
She had no comeback for that one. Maybe because it was so unexpected.
Maybe because she couldn’t remember the last time someone had made her feel that her happiness mattered to them.
“Make you a deal,” she said softly. “You want to be a friend to me? I’m all for that. But it’s about time I returned the favor. See, I have this suspicion that I’m not the only one who’s been dealing with things solo for too long.”
“What’s that mean?”
“It means that sometimes you get this look like...” Almost like the way he had looked when she had handed Cady to him and told him she had to talk to Xander. “Like someone just pushed you over a cliff.”
He tipped the chair back. The soft creak of the rocker made her wince and wonder if she had pushed too far.
“Fine,” he said at last. “Since you’re coming with me anyway—”
“If I go with you,” she reminded him, though it was pretty much an auto-response. She wasn’t at all surprised when he waved it away.
“Everything will come out one way or another. You might as well hear it from me.”
He drummed his fingers on the arm of his chair and stared out at the road. She gave him the time it took to eat one chip. As soon as it was gone she stretched out her foot and nudged his leg.
“You falling asleep on me, North?”
“Trying to figure out where to start.”
“Well, you know what the song says. Start at the beginning.”
“The very beginning,” he corrected.
“Details, details.” She bit her lip, debated and decided to go for broke. “Is it about Taylor?”
“Yeah.” But the way he drew out his reply told her there was more to it than that. “Okay.” He blew out a short breath as if readying himself for a race. “You know that I spent some time working in Tanzania.”
“Right. A year, right?”
“Not quite. Well, it was just before I came home that Taylor ended things between us.”
“So much for absence making the heart grow fonder,” she said softly.
He grimaced. “In a way that’s what happened. Me being away gave her time to realize that her heart was actually fonder of someone else.”
The word that slipped out of Darcy’s mouth was one she never would have let herself utter in front of Cady.
He shrugged. “It sucked, but it happens. And even though I didn’t think so at the time, we were lucky that she figured it out when she did.”
“You have a strange definition of luck.”
“Hey, lemons, lemonade. It’s over. It’s in the past. It was rough, but then it got better.”
“And yet you still miss her.” Which really shouldn’t bother her as much as it did.
“Actually, I don’t.” He raised a hand before she could give voice to any of the retorts bubbling inside her. “I know. If I’m over her, then what’s the big deal?”
“Thank you for being the one to say it. I don’t think I could have managed without more swearing.”
“Yeah, well, you might want to save the bad words for when they really matter.”
“When they really matter? What could be worse than having your fiancée leave you for someone else?”
“Easy,” he said. “When the someone else is your brother.”
