Читать книгу Dr. Destiny - KRISTI GOLD - Страница 9

A rough tongue abrading Cassie’s cheek woke her with a start. She opened her eyes to a gray furry feline curled up on her chest eyeing her expectantly.

A sudden sense that something wasn’t quite right niggled at her muddled mind. Then she remembered. Brendan’s kiss. The no-big-deal kiss. What a joke. Even though she’d said otherwise, it had been a big deal. It still was.

She rested one hand on the cat’s head and the other over her eyes. While she scratched the tabby behind his ears, she relived every moment of the kiss in feature-film clarity—the soft feel of Brendan’s lips, the silken glide of his tongue, the strong yet careful way he had held her. She shouldn’t be surprised that he’d kissed her with the same gentleness he practiced with his tiny patients. She should be surprised that she had so actively participated and so willingly enjoyed it.

No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t fathom what had happened between her and Brendan. A momentary lapse in sanity? A glimmer of chemistry? A mutual need?

All of the above?

She couldn’t let that happen. Long ago she had learned that intimacy did not lead to love. At one time she had made that mistake only to learn that giving in to physical needs only led to heartache. Giving all of yourself to someone didn’t mean that that someone would give themselves emotionally to you.

Cassie uncovered her eyes and checked the bedside clock. Although it wasn’t quite time for her to get up, she might as well since the hungry cat and thoughts of Brendan’s kiss wouldn’t let her go back to sleep.

‘‘Okay, Mister. Time for tuna.’’

She picked up the cat, who gave a meow of protest and a nice love scratch down Cassie’s neck as she carried him into the kitchen to feed him. She opted for a diet soda instead of coffee after doling out disgusting kitty tuna. Then she went into the bathroom and began applying her makeup only to poke herself in the eye with the mascara wand when she couldn’t keep her mind on what she was doing.

Now she was an absolute mess—bloodshot eyes, a red welt compliments of the kitty, and too-fine hair that refused to do anything but lie flat against her head.

She added drops to her eyes before applying her contacts, tried to hide the unsightly scratch with a turtleneck and twisted her uncooperative coif up into a plastic clip, sprigs of hair sticking out on top of her head like random wheat.

Cassie feared this was only the beginning of a daylong battle for control with Brendan invading her brain. How was she going to face him? Like a mature adult, of course. The spontaneous kiss would ruin the relationship only if she let it. She wouldn’t do that. Brendan’s friendship meant too much to her. Neither of them wanted to take the relationship to another level. Or did they?

As Cassie climbed into her car and headed for the hospital, she wondered whether that kiss was only the beginning of something more. Something unexpected and maybe even welcome. Maybe even something wonderful.

‘‘Cassie, you’ve got to come see him!’’

Cassie turned from the In box on her file cabinet and regarded her unexpected visitor. Michelle Lewis Kempner stood at the office door, all smiles and elation, not a strand of shimmering dark hair out of place, her makeup applied to perfection.

Cassie felt like road kill in Michelle’s presence. ‘‘I’ve already seen your husband. Passed him twice this morning as a matter of fact.’’

Michelle rolled her blue eyes. ‘‘Not him, silly. My new nephew. He’s all dressed and ready to go home. Hurry before Jared and Brooke leave.’’

Cassie suddenly remembered Brendan telling her that the Granger baby was going home. Not surprising she had forgotten that bit of welcome news considering the events from last night. She certainly didn’t want to miss seeing the family off. But if she followed Michelle up to the fifth floor neonatology ICU, chances were she would run into Brendan. Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad. After all, the entire Lewis clan would be there, the attention focused on the Granger baby. A good place to get lost in the crowd. Besides, she enjoyed being around the close-knit family even if the matriarch, Jeanie Lewis, was a bit on the flighty side. At least Michelle and Brooke had a mother, despite her flaws.

Cassie did want to see little Matthew Granger finally free from the constraints of IVs and other equipment that had brought him to this moment. If Brendan happened to be there, she would simply deal with it.

‘‘Okay, give me a second.’’ For some reason Cassie felt the need to do a quick touch-up. She pulled a mirror and a tube of lipstick from her desk drawer. Unfortunately, her hair looked like the product of a screwdriver rammed into an electrical outlet. Not much she could do about it now.

‘‘Hurry up, Cassie.’’

Cassie shoved the drawer closed on the reminders of her bad-hair day and followed Michelle out the door. Michelle’s husband, Dr. Nick Kempner, joined them on the elevator along with two teenage girls.

‘‘Hey, where have you been all my life, beautiful?’’ Nick gave his smile and a kiss to Michelle. The girls giggled; Cassie grinned. She couldn’t help it. The couple’s joy over seeing each other was contagious, serving as fuel for Cassie’s fantasy that someday she might be as lucky as Michelle.

The elevator seemed too small to contain Michelle’s overt enthusiasm. She rocked back and forth on her heels and muttered, ‘‘This thing is so slow.’’

‘‘They’ll wait for you, Auntie Michelle,’’ Nick teased.

‘‘I know. But I can’t wait to get my hands on him.’’

After the teens exited on the second floor, leaving only Cassie and the Kempners, Cassie regarded Michelle with a curious stare. ‘‘Are you getting some maternal urges, Michelle?’’

Michelle and Nick exchanged a look. ‘‘I have some urges all right,’’ Nick said. ‘‘Cassie, mind getting off on three and walking up to five? I was thinking maybe I’d take advantage of my wife in this empty elevator.’’

Michelle sent him a playful look. ‘‘Nick, we just got back from our honeymoon yesterday.’’ She turned her grin on Cassie. ‘‘The man is greedy.’’

A bite of envy mixed with embarrassment fired up Cassie’s face. She felt like an intruder horning in on two lovers’ private moment.

‘‘Cut it out, you guys,’’ Cassie said when Nick buried his face in his wife’s neck. ‘‘This isn’t a nice thing to do to a single woman with no prospects.’’ She immediately thought about Brendan and fought back a rush of excitement and apprehension about seeing him again.

Nick looked at her with surprise. ‘‘Hey, Cassie, I happen to know more than a few guys—’’

The elevator pinged and the doors slid open, saving Cassie from Nick Kempner’s offer to rescue her from the cesspool of self-imposed celibacy by finding her ‘‘a man.’’ They traveled down the hall and pushed through the double doors and into the area immediately outside the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. In the nearby waiting room they found Dr. Jared Granger standing over his wife, Brooke, who was seated in a chair holding a bundle of soft blue blanket. Next to Jared stood Jeanie and Howard Lewis, proud-grandparent smiles plastered on their faces.

Cassie released a breath of relief when she noted that Brendan wasn’t anywhere around. That fact also brought about disappointment. Just as well, she supposed.

Michelle hovered over the baby, cooing like a mourning dove. Cassie made her way to Brooke who pulled back the blanket, revealing the tiny baby boy with a small cap of downy blond hair and one hand curled against his cheek, his eyes struggling to focus against the harsh fluorescent light.

Warmth flooded Cassie’s chest, and longing gripped her heart. ‘‘He’s beautiful, Brooke. I know you’re thrilled to finally be taking him home.’’

Brooke looked from her son to Cassie, her eyes misty. ‘‘Two months is a long time to wait. But it was worth it.’’ She gazed at her husband with adoration. ‘‘We did good, didn’t we, Daddy?’’

‘‘No, we did great.’’ Jared leaned down and brushed a tender kiss across Brooke’s cheek, then did the same to his son.

A few people might overdose on all the love radiating from this family, but not Cassie. She craved being a part of something so special. Thoughts of the mother she had never known filtered into her consciousness as she watched the group gather round to discuss who little Matthew Granger favored. The general consensus was Howard Lewis, due to the baby’s sparse hair and chubby cheeks.

Cassie shared in the laughter while wondering what her own mother had been thinking when she’d left three days after Cassie’s birth. Had she realized that her careless disregard had left her then-husband a bitter man who’d never been able to make an emotional commitment to his only child? And in turn, Cassie had tried to find love in all the wrong places, a mistake she still paid for even after years of trying to right that wrong by being a success in her career, a faithful daughter. Futile attempts to earn her father’s respect, even if she couldn’t earn his love. She never had, and she’d finally come to realize that she never would.

She had also come to terms with the fact that she’d never know her mother after learning through relatives that the woman who’d borne her, then deserted her, had died two years ago.

At least the Granger baby would never have to experience such heartache, never lack in the love department.

‘‘You ready to go, Brooke?’’ Jared asked, drawing Cassie out of her melancholy remembrance.

‘‘Sure, but I want to thank Dr. O’Connor first.’’

‘‘No thanks needed. Just send me a picture now and then to add to my collection.’’

Cassie looked from the baby to Brendan, and her heart took a plunge. She routinely came in contact with him on a daily basis, but today was different. He looked the same, still gorgeous with that even-tempered aura everyone had come to respect and admire. His staff adored him and so did his patients’ parents. Though the stress level in the NICU was off the scale, morale was high on that unit, all because of Dr. Brendan O’Connor’s grace under fire.

Brendan shook Nick and Jared’s hand then his gaze met Cassie’s. He gave her a slight smile and a guarded look that told her he was remembering last night, too. Or maybe she was reading too much into it.

After handing Jared a vinyl case, Brendan said, ‘‘Here’s the apnea monitor. Any questions?’’

‘‘Millie gave us instructions,’’ Jared said. ‘‘We’ll let you know if anything comes up.’’

Jeanie Lewis stepped forward, wringing her hands. ‘‘Doctor, do you think he’s well enough to go home? Since his lungs—’’

‘‘He’s fine, Mrs. Lewis.’’ Brendan sent her a reassuring smile, revealing his little-boy dimple. ‘‘The monitor’s a precautionary measure. It’s only for a little while to make sure everything’s okay. Try not to worry.’’

Howard Lewis laughed, taking Cassie by surprise. The man rarely got a word in edgewise with his wife’s penchant for chatter. ‘‘That’s like telling a politician not to make promises.’’

They all laughed then, except for Jeanie Lewis. But the laughter died when a nurse rushed through the NICU doors. ‘‘Dr. O’Connor. The Neely baby’s crashing.’’

Brendan spun around and said, ‘‘Good luck,’’ then disappeared through the unit entrance.

A heavy silence settled over the group until Jared said, ‘‘Let’s get out of here.’’

Cassie followed the party down to the lobby and said her goodbyes, then returned to her first-floor office. She made a few necessary phone calls, all the while worrying about the Neely’s critically ill baby, and Brendan.

An hour later she received the news that Brendan had pulled the baby through the latest crisis and that the Neelys were waiting on five, in dire need of some consolation.

Cassie returned to the fifth floor and spoke with the frazzled parents, doing her very best to assure them that their daughter was receiving excellent care under Dr. O’Connor’s expert guidance. She encouraged them to go to the cafeteria for some coffee; they would be paged if anything changed. When they insisted on staying nearby, Cassie set out to find Brendan.

She donned a paper gown and entered the NICU. Once inside, she conducted a visual search and encountered the usual flurry of activity among the staff, several she acknowledged with a brief greeting. Sounds of periodic alarms and the hiss of ventilators rang in her ears. In the most critical area, rows of transparent incubators held babies of all sizes and conditions, some so small they were barely visible among all the lines and tubes. A few parents sat near the tiny beds, touching with care in an attempt to bond with their babies, infants who could not be held because of the detriment to their fragile conditions.

Time suspended in this place of heartache and hope. Cassie had seen it all before, the sadness, the joy, the precious battle for life from the smallest of warriors. She had dealt with disheartened parents and provided bereavement counseling when necessary, all facets of her job. Yet she didn’t know if she could deal with the stress of caring for sick babies on a daily basis. How did Brendan do it, day in and day out?

When she didn’t immediately see Brendan, Cassie approached one of the nurses crouched in front of a supply cabinet. ‘‘Excuse me, Millie.’’

The woman looked back, and recognition dawned in her expression. She smiled. ‘‘Hi, Cassie. What can I do for you?’’

‘‘I just finished speaking with the Neelys. How’s their little girl doing?’’

Millie glanced at a nearby crib where another nurse and respiratory therapist stood close by monitoring the baby girl. ‘‘Okay, for now. Dr. O’Connor worked like the devil to bring her around. That guy is amazing.’’

Cassie couldn’t agree more. ‘‘Do you know where he is?’’

‘‘He left a while ago after talking to the parents.’’ She nodded toward a man at the end of the aisle. ‘‘Dr. Segovia’s relieving him.’’

‘‘Did Dr. O’Connor say where he was going?’’

Millie shrugged. ‘‘Home, I guess. He wanted to stick around but Segovia told him to get out of here.’’

Cassie’s concern increased ten-fold. ‘‘Is he okay?’’

Millie’s brows drew down beneath the blue cap covering her salt-and-pepper hair. ‘‘I probably shouldn’t mention this, but he really did need to go. Normally he’s pretty calm under pressure, but today he was a wreck, barking orders at everyone. He’s got the whole department in an uproar. In the year that he’s been here, I’ve never seen him like that before.’’

‘‘For some reason he’s taking this one hard.’’

‘‘Maybe the whole atmosphere is finally getting to him. This place can be a hotbed for burnout, I tell you.’’

Cassie intended to find out exactly what was going on with Brendan and what she could do to help. ‘‘I’ll see you around, Millie. If anything happens with the Neely baby, have someone call me at home or on my cell phone. I’ll come back in.’’

‘‘Sure thing, Cassie.’’

Bent on a mission, Cassie hurried back to her office and gathered a few files she could work on at home. She picked up the phone and dialed Brendan’s number. No answer. Although she’d never been to his apartment, he’d told her that he lived not more than ten minutes away. Maybe he stopped somewhere to have a drink or dinner. She hated to think about him doing either alone.

After she pounded out his cell phone number, his voice mail kicked in. Cassie opted not to leave a message. She would go home and try again. And again and again until she reached him, even if it took all night.

He kicked the dumpster twice in an attempt to expend some of his anger. Not finding any relief, Brendan turned the anger on his car, pounding his fist into the door. The shooting pain in his knuckles did nothing to alleviate his frustration, his fury.

He braced his palms on the top of the sedan and lowered his head, relieved that no one was in the outdoor parking lot to play witness to his stupidity.

The emotions were no strangers. They came calling the same time each year. Today had been worse than before, compounded by his efforts to save an infant barely hanging on to a slender thread of life, knowing that it might be only a matter of time before the baby lost her battle.

Even though he fought against his own well-guarded memories, they came rushing back on a surge of bitter recollections, his experience as fresh in his mind as if it had happened yesterday.

Thirteen years ago he had lost his baby son.

That loss had led him to his career, driven by a powerful need to never let anyone suffer the same anguish of watching their child die, if he could help it. But he wasn’t God, and although there had been many victories, the failures still ate at his soul like potent acid.

‘‘Brendan?’’ Cassie’s cotton-soft voice floated in on the breeze from behind him.

He was suddenly caught between wanting to tell her to go away and leave him to his misery, and an overwhelming need for her to stay. He could use her strength right now but he had no right to ask. Not after last night.

Slowly he turned to face her, the setting sun burnishing her blond hair, turning it to a rich gold. She looked beautiful in that moment, and worried.

Her eyes widened as she zeroed in on his hand. ‘‘You’re bleeding!’’

He hadn’t even noticed the trickle of blood trailing down his arm. ‘‘I’m okay. It’s only a scrape.’’

Her expression was grim. ‘‘No, you’re not okay. What are you still doing here? Millie told me you’d gone home.’’

He leaned back against the car and swiped his arm against his thigh, leaving a streak of blood on his scrub pants. ‘‘I locked my damned keys in the car.’’

She walked over to him and gently clasped his hand in hers to examine his wound. ‘‘And you decided to beat the door down?’’

‘‘Something like that.’’

‘‘Leave the car here and come home with me. I can clean this up for you.’’

He yanked his hand from her grasp and immediately regretted the action when he noted the hurt in her eyes. ‘‘I’ll take care of it. I’ll call security and get them to unlock the door.’’

‘‘I don’t care about your car. I do care about you. You look like you’ve lost your best friend.’’

No, he hadn’t, at least not yet. She was standing right in front of him. ‘‘It’s been a really sorry day, Cassie.’’

‘‘I know it has,’’ she said in that quiet counselor’s voice he’d heard her use on other people, and even at times on him. ‘‘That’s why you need to come to my place. I’ll fix you some dinner and we can watch one of those trauma shows.’’

‘‘Nothing like taking your work home with you.’’

She shrugged and smiled. ‘‘We can find some cable channel and watch dirty movies. Or cartoons. Doesn’t matter to me.’’

Watching dirty movies wasn’t something Brendan cared to do with Cassie. Not with the way he was feeling—frustrated and looking for a way to vent that frustration. Sex wasn’t an option, especially not with Cassie. Not that he wouldn’t like to make love to her, long and hard and all night. He wouldn’t risk it. He’d already taken one too many chances, made one too many mistakes. Enough to last a lifetime.

But he didn’t really want to be alone, either. Cassie had a way about her, the means to make him forget. Right now he needed to forget, if only for a while. ‘‘Okay, I’ll have dinner with you. After I call security and have them unlock my car. Otherwise, you’ll have to bring me back.’’

‘‘Suit yourself.’’ She rummaged through her purse and withdrew a business card, then scrawled something on the back. After she was done, she handed it to him. ‘‘Here’s my address. It’s easy to find. Just look for the smallest house.’’

He studied the card. ‘‘You live in a house?’’

‘‘Yes, why?’’

He met her gaze once again. ‘‘I don’t know. I figured you for the swinging-single-apartment type.’’

‘‘Well, you figured wrong.’’

‘‘Do you have a roommate?’’

‘‘No, it’s just little old me.’’

That both relieved and worried Brendan. An empty house and Cassie could be a lethal combination, especially with the way he was feeling. Not if he kept his wits about him, exactly what he intended to do. What he had to do.

‘‘I’ll see you in a while then,’’ she said as she turned away. After taking a few steps, she faced him again. ‘‘Oh, I do have a cat, in case you’re allergic.’’

‘‘No, I’m not allergic. But I hate cats.’’

She grinned. ‘‘Don’t worry. He hates everyone but me.’’