Читать книгу Better Than Perfect - Kristina Mathews - Страница 7

Chapter 3

Johnny went for a run down the Embarcadero, dodging seagulls and skaters and street performers. He was really dodging his feelings. His past. And the realization that he needed to start thinking about his future. He usually started his preseason workout sooner, but with the cross-country move he was behind schedule. He finished his run but failed to clear his head.

Long drives, cold showers and intense workouts had been his go-to distractions. Had he really believed he could brush away the memories like an umpire dusted off home plate? He’d spent the last fourteen years shutting down his emotions like he’d shut down his opponents’ lineups. Not quite—his career Earned Run Average was 3.28. His emotional response averaged more like zero.

Johnny headed over to the training room at the ballpark. When all else failed, he would do what he did best—focus on his game. His best friend was gone. He’d lost him fourteen years ago. But now it was final. First Mel had taken Johnny’s girl. Then he’d mailed that announcement, making sure he knew it. So Johnny had closed the book on their friendship. And Alice? He’d tried to forget her. But he had a better shot at the American League batting title. Even though they used a designated hitter and he only got to hit when playing interleague games at a National League park.

He sat down at the weight machine and tried to work out the stiffness in his shoulders. Stress had begun to settle into his muscles. Not good for someone who made a living with his body. Signing autographs wasn’t much of a workout, and while just thinking about Alice got his heart rate up, it wasn’t exactly cardio.

Bryce Baxter sauntered into the weight room about a half an hour after Johnny started lifting weights. He wore dark sunglasses and had the slow movements of someone who’d spent a late night out on the town.

“Mornin’.” Bryce eased himself onto the machine next to Johnny. “How’s it going?”

“Good. Trying to keep busy these last couple of weeks before spring training.” Johnny glanced at the clock. Morning was pretty much over; it was almost noon.

“I could have used you last night, man.” Bryce stretched his arms overhead and rolled his neck side to side. “That brunette had a friend.”

Johnny took a swig of his water. “You took on both of them?”

“Nah. I’m not that talented.” He laughed like they were old friends, sharing an old joke. “Maybe when I was a rookie five—okay, eight years ago. Of course, back then I was excited to have even one chick into me, you know what I mean? No. I guess you don’t know what I mean.”

“I’m not really a monk.” Johnny had spent half his career explaining himself. “I’ve been known to swear, have a beer. I’ve even had relationships with women before.”

“No, man. I didn’t mean anything.” Bryce rubbed his temples. “Except you seem to be smarter than the rest of us.”

“I doubt that.”

“You’d think I’d learn. She wasn’t interested in me. The real me. She was just looking for another jock to add to her collection.” He laughed again, mostly at himself. “I came out of the bathroom and she was typing into her phone. Couldn’t even wait for me to get dressed before updating her blog with her latest conquest.”

“How’d you find this out?”

“She sent me the link.” Bryce uncapped his water bottle and drained it. “I did get a ‘Homerun’ rating. So that’s good. I guess.”

“She’s got a rating system?”

“Sure. Single, Double, Triple, Homerun and Strikeout.” Bryce rested his forearms on his knees, not ready to work out anytime soon. “So I guess I should be proud of hitting one out.”

Johnny didn’t exactly know what to say about that.

“She’s coming to Arizona.” Bryce stretched. Rolled his neck from side to side. Then he exhaled loudly.

“You going to meet up with her again?”

“Hell, no.” Bryce laughed as if Johnny had told a dirty joke. “I’ve got a one and done rule. Besides, she’s got her sights set on you, big guy.”

“I’m not interested.”

“Exactly. That’s the challenge.”

“She’ll have to find someone else. I don’t play that game.”

“She was pretty hot, though…” Bryce leaned back on the weight bench. “But I guess you’re more into blondes.”

“I’m only interested in getting ready for the season.” Johnny pulled down on the machine he’d been working on, thinking the conversation was over.

“I don’t know about that.” Bryce started his reps. “There was that one woman, in the blue sweater. She was there with her kid.”

Johnny concentrated on lifting and lowering the weights. Maybe if he ignored Bryce, he would do the same.

“She was married to your roommate, huh?” Not working. Bryce was a chatty fellow. Oblivious to the fact Johnny didn’t want to talk about it. “I get it, now. It’s not a religious thing. Or a…gay thing. You’ve got a thing for your college buddy’s wife. That’s the secret behind The Monk.”

Johnny’s weights slipped, crashing down with a bang.

Bryce sat up.

“So, you are in love with her.”

“No. I’m not.” Damn.

“Hey, she’s not married anymore.” Bryce grinned.

If he’d had a ball in his hand, Johnny would have thrown it at him. Wiped that smug look off his face

“I got a vibe…she was just as into you.”

“She’s not interested in me. Not anymore.”

“Oh, so she knew you were hot for her?”

“We dated three years in college.” Why did Johnny share that?

“And she married your roommate? Harsh.”

“You have no idea.”

“Most guys in your situation would have gone the opposite route.” Bryce leaned in, fully engaged in the conversation now. “Banged anything that moved. Hell, most guys would do that anyway.”

Johnny had always known he wasn’t like most guys.

“When my wife left me…” Bryce let out a low chuckle. “I took advantage of every opportunity that came my way. She didn’t want me anymore. There were plenty of women who did.”

“Must be the uniform.” Johnny was only half joking.

“Yeah. Sometimes I feel like a baseball card with batteries.” Bryce started lifting again.

Johnny took that to mean the conversation was finished, so he got back to work. He couldn’t remember how many reps he’d done, so he started over.

They worked out in comfortable silence for the next hour, only the sound of the clanging machines and grunts as the two men pushed their bodies through the exercises.

“You work with kids much?” Johnny asked, feeling the need to talk to someone. Anyone. Even bad boy Bryce Baxter.

“A little. Why?” Bryce rolled his neck and shoulders.

“Javier asked me to fill in for this charity thing. A minicamp.”

“Yeah? You’ll be fine. Just teach ’em what you know.” Bryce stretched his arms overhead and leaned forward. “Clinics are easy. Hospital visits are tough. Visiting kids you know probably won’t be around next season, that sucks.”

“Yeah. I hate those, too. I feel so helpless.” And insignificant.

“So when is this camp? It’s gotta be soon, since we have less than two weeks before we head down to Arizona for spring training.”

“Tomorrow.”

“Doesn’t give you much time to prepare. But you’ll do fine. “ Johnny wished he had Bryce’s confidence.

“My ex is running it.” Johnny had no idea how much time he’d be forced to spend with her. She’d emailed a bunch of information to him last night. Along with a very impersonal message about how she was looking forward to working with him and his teammates. She’d agreed to meet with him this afternoon, so that was something.

“Awkward.” Bryce seemed to think the situation was amusing. But then he was the kind of guy who found most things amusing. Baxter’s reputation was pretty much the opposite of Johnny’s. Enthusiastic. Fun-loving. Charismatic. Always happy to be the center of attention, especially when the attention came from attractive and willing females.

“You have no idea.” Johnny was starting to like him, in spite of their differences. As much as Bryce liked to goof around off the field, he was all business once he stepped onto the diamond. He seemed like a happy-go-lucky kind of guy, but he was serious about his game. Johnny was looking forward to having him behind him on the field.

“Who knows? This could be your chance to rekindle the old flame.” Bryce gave him a wink.

“Not going to happen.” He’d given her his heart once. She hadn’t wanted it. He wasn’t good enough for her. “I’m going to be there for the kids. That’s all.”

“Sure. The kids.” Bryce chuckled as if he knew something Johnny didn’t.

* * * *

Alice arrived to find Johnny already seated at the restaurant. He stood to meet her and she needed to remind herself to breathe. His bio listed him at six-five, two-twenty, but he seemed so much bigger. Stronger. More there. He’d been a little thinner in college. Lankier. Not yet sure of his power as a man.

He pulled out her chair and his arm brushed her shoulder. She became all too aware of Johnny’s power. He was a fully grown man, now. One who made his living with his body. He returned to the other side of the table, and she was able to draw a breath. To draw her attention back to why they were there.

She pulled a thick folder from her tote bag. “Most of the information in here is a hard copy of what I already sent you.” She slid the folder across the table. “But I added a brochure detailing the foundation’s mission statement, program offerings and a list of major donors. There’s also a booklet on coaching youth sports, focusing on positive player progression. I’ve included some icebreaker games for getting the kids’ attention. And of course, a copy of the schedule for the week.”

“Thanks. I did take a look at the website links you sent me.” Johnny’s voice was warm, almost friendly. It would be so easy to believe they could slip into that easy companionship she’d taken for granted. A unique combination of passion and camaraderie that she now knew was one-of-a-kind. “I like that you keep the focus on skills development and teamwork.”

“I’m pretty proud of this program. It’s more than just a game for some of these kids.” Alice felt a small surge of pride. She’d seen what baseball had done for Johnny. What it was doing for Zach, although thankfully, Zach had plenty of other opportunities. For Johnny, baseball was all he’d had. “We’re developing skills they can use on or off the field. Teamwork being one of them.”

“So, are we a team?” To anyone who didn’t know their history, the question would have sounded perfectly innocent.

“I hope we can work together. For the kids.” She missed him. Missed them. They’d been quite the team. And Johnny’s skills went well beyond the baseball diamond.

“Sure. The kids.” Johnny flipped through the folder. If he was overwhelmed by the amount of information she’d provided, he didn’t show it. “Wow, you went to a lot of trouble.”

“I remembered how much you liked to prepare before a game.” Maybe she’d gone a little overboard. But she wanted it to be perfect. “And you always did pretty well cramming before a big exam.”

“I got lucky a lot.” He glanced down at the information in front of him. But not before she saw the barest trace of a smile that hinted he was referring to more than his grades. She’d been a big part of the reason he’d needed to cram in the first place.

He hesitated when he got to the back page of the brochure. He stared at the photo of Mel and Zach, taken not long before the accident.

“Were you happy?”

It was a simple question. But she didn’t have a simple answer.

“Hi, I’m Tiffany and I’ll be taking care of you today.” The waitress’s appearance gave her a minute to compose her response. “Can I start you off with something to drink?”

“I’ll have an iced tea.” Alice could answer that one easily enough.

“The same.” Johnny took his gaze off Alice just long enough to be polite to their server.

“Do you need more time?”

“I know what I want.” Johnny stared at Alice. Once upon a time he would have been hinting at something more than a sandwich.

“I’m ready to order.” Alice closed her menu and smiled at their waitress. She ordered the French onion soup with a Caesar salad.

Johnny chose the clam chowder and a sourdough turkey melt.

“So, you didn’t answer my question.” Johnny watched her pour three-quarters of a sugar packet into her tea. He took his plain. Some things hadn’t changed. But so many things had. “Were you happy with Mel?”

She stirred her tea long after the sugar had dissolved.

“He was good to me.” For the most part. “He was a good man.”

“I used to think so.” Johnny balled up the straw wrapper, rolling it between his fingers. “I never thought he was the kind of guy to fool around with my girlfriend behind my back.”

“We weren’t fooling around behind your back.” She played with her straw, stirring the ice in her glass. Anything to avoid looking at him. Seeing the hurt that was still there. “We weren’t together until after you left.”

Timing wasn’t the issue. She’d slept with his best friend. She could have slept with his whole team and it wouldn’t have hurt him nearly as much.

“So he just swept you off your feet?” There was no mistaking the bitterness in his voice.

“Is this really what you wanted to talk about?” So much for the illusion of a potential friendship.

“No. Not really.” The waitress arrived with their meal. “I don’t think I’d ever seen him that happy.”

He pointed to the picture. It had been a difficult decision, choosing the photograph that would represent Mel in all their promotional materials. Their wedding photo seemed a little too formal. Too staged. There were a few family photos taken at holidays and such, but she never liked the way either of them looked. As if one of them was trying too hard. Or not hard enough.

In the end she’d selected the candid photo of a trip to Golden Gate Park. She’d snapped the picture when they took a break from the aquarium to grab a bite to eat and let Zach run around on the grass. He’d come up behind Mel to surprise him, and put his skinny little arms around Mel’s neck. At that moment, Mel had been truly happy.

“He was good with Zach.” Alice smiled, remembering how hard he’d worked at fatherhood. How much effort he’d made to be a good husband to her. “He really wanted to be a good dad. When he was around.”

Johnny nodded, taking a bite of his sandwich.

She hadn’t meant to imply Mel was too busy working to spend much time with her and Zach. But that had been the case. And in some ways, she’d preferred it that way. She’d been happy raising Zach. Making a home. Trying to be a good wife. But when they were alone, just the two of them, Alice couldn’t deny something was missing from their marriage.

A connection. A passion. A spark she’d only felt with one man.

“Do you miss him?”

She nodded, unable to put it all into words. “Do you?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I do. I hadn’t realized it until I found out he’s gone.” Johnny wiped his mouth with his napkin. “I was too busy being pissed off at him.”

“And you can’t stay mad at a dead man.” She should know. At least, it was impossible to admit it. Even to your oldest, and once upon a time, dearest, friend.

“No. I can’t.”

“Are you still pissed at me?”

“A little.” He looked up at her. Gave her an honest half-smile. Broke her heart just a little.

“And yet, you’re here.” She swallowed, even though she hadn’t been able to eat very much.

“My boss asked me to do this.” Johnny shifted in his chair, making the metal groan. Making her all too aware of his size. His strength. His power. “I’m the new guy on the team. I can’t very well tell him no.”

“So that’s the only reason you’re here? Sucking up to your new boss?” She knew better. Johnny didn’t suck up to anyone. He might deflect attention away from himself, but he didn’t suck up. He stood up for his teammates. Gave them more credit than they might deserve. But it wasn’t because he wanted something for himself.

“I think you’ve got a good program.” Johnny lifted his gaze to meet hers. “You can make a big difference for some of these kids. It’s important. And I’d like to be a part of that.”

“Thank you.” For the praise of her program. For wanting to help. For not letting their history get in the way of doing a good thing.

The conversation was getting a little too personal, so she was grateful when the waitress came by to refill their iced tea. They finished their meals, while Johnny looked over the packet she’d created for him. He asked a few questions about the camp, and she did her best to fill him in on the details that would help him feel as confident teaching his game as he was playing it.

“Thanks for going over this with me. It helps to have a game plan.” Johnny reached for the bill.

“I’ve got it. It’s foundation business. Let me take care of it.”

“No. I can actually afford to pay for lunch.” Johnny gave her a teasing grin. They’d both struggled financially in college. It led to some very creative dates. Or letting Mel tag along, more often than not, since he’d been the only one of the three of them who could afford luxuries such as pizza and hot wings.

“I’m sure you can.”

“Oh, yeah. I’m loaded. You should have held out for my millions.” Johnny leaned forward, a teasing glint in his eyes. “Do you know what they’re paying me?”

Yeah. She knew. And she also knew it was less than he’d have been offered almost anywhere else. Just for the chance at chasing a World Series title. Or did he have other reasons to come to San Francisco?

No. Of course not. He’d thought she and Mel were still married when he’d signed the contract. He’d given up probably a few million dollars to come here. And long-term security. It had nothing to do with his feelings for her.

“Do you think I married Mel for his money?”

“I gave up a long time ago trying to figure out why you chose him over me.” He said it casually, as if it didn’t matter to him. But it did. She didn’t miss the underlying hurt. The bewilderment. And the barely contained anger.

“I didn’t choose him over you.” She leaned back into her chair. As if the extra few feet could lessen the blow. “It just happened. We were both missing you. And...”

He looked at her. Searching her face for some part of it to make sense.

“I got pregnant.”

She waited for him to ask for more details. To ask the one question she hadn’t been able to answer. Hadn’t wanted to know for sure. Not when she’d needed to make a quick decision. One that would change her life forever, but hopefully wouldn’t ruin Johnny’s.

“Look, Ali, I’m sorry…” He tossed a couple of bills on the table.

“Don’t worry about it.” She folded her wallet and put it back in her purse. “But I’m not your Ali. Not anymore.”

“I guess you’d prefer Mrs. Harrison.” His words were neutral. His tone was not. He was pissed at her. Extremely pissed.

“Excuse me.” She shoved her chair back and headed for the ladies’ room. She’d hurt him. And neither one of them had forgiven her for it.

* * * *

Johnny followed Alice to the ladies’ room. Why couldn’t he be the calm, cool, always-in-control guy he was on the mound?

Because this was Ali. She’d always made him a little crazy. She had a way of lighting him up like post-game fireworks on opening night. She still did. Even though she’d moved on. Had a life without him. She even had a kid.

But that didn’t stop him from wanting her. From missing her. Even more now that he knew she was no longer married.

She emerged with her head down and she nearly bumped into him.

“Oh, Johnny. I didn’t see you there.” She looked up.

Her mascara was smeared. Her eyes were red and shimmery. He’d made her cry.

Damn.

“Ali.” He wiped away the smudge with his thumb.

She leaned into his palm and it would have been the most natural thing in the world to kiss her. To lean down and press his lips against hers like he’d wanted to do since that day at the ballpark. Like he’d wanted to do since she walked out on him. Since the first time he’d seen her.

He took a step back. As far as he could go in the narrow hallway.

“Ali…” He cleared his throat, since he sounded like the oxygen in the air had been replaced by helium. “Alice, I’m sorry. I was out of line. It won’t happen again.”

“It’s okay.” She tried to sound brave. But the mascara streaks gave her away.

“No. It’s not.” He stepped closer. He couldn’t help himself. “I hurt you.”

“I hurt you first.” She glanced up at him, her eyes shimmering with regret. And maybe a little bit of longing.

Yeah. She’d hurt him. More than he could ever admit.

“It was a long time ago.” He should get over it already.

“Johnny, I never meant to hurt you.” She sounded almost convincing. “I was just…scared.”

“Afraid I’d sleep with other women.” They’d had that argument enough times. She’d worried about the women who hung around trying to score with a ballplayer. Groupies. Oh, how he hated that word. And everything it stood for.

“A little.” She smoothed her hair back, twisting one strand before tucking it behind her ear. “But mostly, I was afraid of holding you back. Of being too much of a distraction.”

Johnny didn’t know what to say. He shoved his hands in his pockets, so he could control his urge to touch her.

“I knew you had what it takes to make it to the majors.” She leaned closer, placing her hand on his chest. Sending his heart rate up. “I had to love you enough to let you go.”

“Look at me now.” Johnny tried to smile. Did she expect him to be grateful? He was no expert, but he didn’t think love meant abandoning someone when he needed her the most. When he was sent clear across the country, scared and alone, competing with guys from bigger schools. Guys with private coaching, fancy summer camps, and all the advantages Johnny never had.

“I am so proud of you.” She hugged him, nearly knocking him into the wall before releasing him. “And I know you’re going to be great with these kids.”

“Yeah. Sure.” The kids. That’s why they were here. “Thanks again for meeting with me. For preparing the folder.”

Which he’d left on the table.

“Well, thank you for lunch.” She smoothed her hair back again. “I should get going.”

He let her go. Watched her walk away. Again.

Retrieving the folder, he flipped to the page with the brochure of the Harrison Foundation. He stared at the picture of the man who used to joke about being jealous of Johnny. Johnny had the height, the athleticism, the good looks.

But Mel, at five-eight with bad skin and a slightly receding hairline, had ended up with the girl. He’d been the one to offer her security, financially and otherwise. She never had to worry about Mel hooking up with some stranger on the road. She didn’t have to wait to see if he’d be successful. He had a job at his father’s investment firm waiting for him upon graduation. And Mel had given her a son.

Johnny looked closely at the picture of a younger Zach. He didn’t look anything like his father. He didn’t look very much like his mother either. But there was something familiar about him. Maybe he took after his grandparents. Most likely his grandmother, since Mel was a junior in every way.

He needed to keep his focus. Get through the minicamp. Then get his head in the game. He had a season to prepare for. It might even be his last. He didn’t need the distraction of Alice. Or her kid.

Maybe she’d been right all along. He was better off without her. He’d just need a World Series ring to prove it.