Читать книгу Being Wicked - Lacy Danes - Страница 8

After trying several doors to apparently the wrong room, Lilly followed Grace into a well-appointed room with light blue and green cloth on the walls. She stood absolutely still a foot into the room. She inhaled a breath and tried to calm her rapidly beating heart. Her gaze darted around the bedchamber.

Off to one side was a large wooden bed, covered in deep bluish purple silk, and a swath of purple gauze hung by the headboard. In the middle of the room was a thick, circular grass-green pillow. The pillow was larger than anything she’d seen. Surely, it could hold five or so people lying down.

Lilly stared at the tufted cushion. After being cramped up in the blanket box for so long, stretching out on a divine pillow would be decadent. A sigh pressed past her lips.

What was she thinking? Her hands trembled and she shook her head. Silly, foolish girl. She needed to find her brother and then leave this house. Not nap here. She would be entirely ruined if it was discovered she attended this…this…ball? What a jest—could simply being here ruin her if no one knew of her folly?

She turned toward the woman who led her to this room. She stood, smiling at her. Grace. That was what she called herself. Lilly’s brow drew tight. She appeared nothing like a Grace. She was more of an Olivia or an Elizabeth or a Helene. She was something classic, simple but sophisticated.

Grace certainly was a lady and all those things her name suggested, but she also was scandalous…Lilly fidgeted with the fabric of her skirt.

Were many of the women who attended these events ladies of the ton? Women whom she would admire and see as mentors when she finally entered society?

Green pins held Grace’s brown hair away from her face. With each turn of her head, her hair shimmered red in the candle glow. Her eyes were not green and not blue. Beauty glowed about her, though not in a strikingly handsome kind of way. She radiated sincerity and goodness. Lilly’s brows drew together. What a puzzle Grace made.

“This, I surmise, is Emma’s room, Veronica.”

Lilly swallowed hard; she would burst into flames and be sent straight to hell. She stood in Emma Drundle’s bedchamber. Never, never, never in her life…she sighed as her stomach tensed in panic. Lilly, calm yourself. The situation is as it is. It could be much worse, you could be…. She closed her eyes. No, there was no worse. Society would outcast her and she would have to become an Emma Drundle. Her breath caught in her throat in shock and her hand flew to her mouth.

“Emma should have something here for you to wear, Veronica. Things are not as bad as you think. Though we certainly need to get you out of those clothes, you have mud spattered up your petticoats and you are dressed beyond proper for an event such as this.” Grace walked toward the large clothes chest set against the one wall. She opened the doors and pulled out a crushed red silk cape. “This shall do nicely. We will find a mask and one of Emma’s bloomers to wear with your corset and you shall fit in while you search for what you wish.”

Emma’s red cape? A corset and bloomers? Oh, no. Oh, no. Where was her soul about to head? “R-red b-bloomers? I have never worn such a garment.” Calm, Lilly. Calm. You have not burst into flames…and this woman wants to help you.

“Red will have to do. Emma wears so much of it. Besides, it will go lovely with your black hair and complexion. Bloomers are comfortable and becoming fashionable.” Grace pulled out a black-and-white mask made of fabric that had small crystals dangling from the eyes, as if tears.

It would cover Lilly’s eyes. Half black, half white, the mask shimmered theatrically. Maybe this would not be so bad.

A white set of bloomers came next, which was embroidered with small black flowers about the knees. “There is something every woman should know. It is and will be hard to understand at this moment, but I want you to be protected if you should try any of what you see this night.”

“Try? Oh, no. I could never partake in anything here. I will simply find my brother and leave as quickly as possible.”

“You may be surprised, Veronica. Some of what you see may fascinate you. It is perfectly normal to wish to watch. No harm beyond education can happen from you observing.”

That was true, and she did want to understand why her brother was here. Maybe, as she said, observing would be all right for a few moments.

“You said you have kissed a man. When you did so, I imagine your heart sped and you felt odd between your legs.”

Lilly nodded.

“Have you created that sensation on your own, Veronica?”

Heat washed Lilly’s face. My God, how did she end up here talking about her private acts? She fidgeted with her hands and bit her lower lip.

“I will take by the delightful rosy color that has infused your face that indeed you have. It is normal, and all part of how men and women find pleasure together. You need to understand, though, Veronica, men and women want to futter and the act is also pleasant for all involved.”

She turned around and walked to a table where a bowl of lemons resided. She picked one up and walked back toward Lilly. “What do you know of bearing a child?”

“I watched my maid in the woods, and a local farmer’s wife through the window once.” Goodness, what was she about to talk about? She simply wanted to find Brian and leave. “Grace, I simply wish to prove to myself my brother is indeed not who the townsfolk say he is, and rather who I believed him to be.”

Grace frowned. “Your brother is your brother. He is who you know him to be, as well as who he is here. Try to remember that as you venture into this house.” She walked the last bit that separated them and raised her hand. Grace’s fingers glided down Lilly’s cheek and under her chin in a gentle caress—like none Lilly had experienced before. “Lemons prevent children, Veronica. Remember that if you so choose to participate tonight. Simply place half of one of these in your private place to prevent any evidence of scandal. That is all I wish to say to you.”

“Lemons!” What was Grace talking about? “Pardon? I simply don’t understand.”

“I can show you if you wish. Or I can help you put one in and show you how to take it out.”

“What?” Lilly’s eyes widened.

“You will be touched here tonight, Veronica. If you don’t want to stand out, you should let go of some of what you feel is proper and wrong. This is a night to see what your body and emotions show you as being true.” Grace slid her hand down Lilly’s shoulder to her corseted stomach.

Lilly jumped and stared at Grace’s hands as she slid her fingers to her waist.

“It is better to be fully prepared than have regrets.” Grace leaned forward. “What do you think, Veronica?” Her breath warmed Lilly’s ear as she whispered.

A man would touch her as Grace’s hands had. “Ummm…I—I don’t know.”

Grace turned away from Lilly and went to the window, where she stood and stared out at the night. “I wish I had understood more about our nature when I was your age. What it was like to feed your soul and simply be happy being human. Not what society told you was proper, not what your family said was your responsibility.” Her breath came out loudly. “Our world is society, and even being here ruins you in our peers’ eyes. For some, even if they themselves are here. It is truly such a shame.”

Lilly stared at this woman. Her voice filled with longing, with compassion, with a desire for something that Lilly had no inkling what it was. Her legs wanted to carry her to Grace’s side, to put her hand on her shoulder and tell her all was not so complex. Lilly couldn’t move, though. She was grounded here in this spot by all the swirling fears and uncertainty about how she should act in such a place. She simply listened.

“I understand you look at all the people here and cast judgment on them. Most people do, but if you would simply open your mind a small bit for your brother’s sake, you will see that this is what being human is. This is where adults play games like children do.” Grace’s hand rose and brushed her own cheek.

Is she weeping? Lilly frowned and stared at Grace. What weighed so heavily about Grace? “What do you long for, Grace? I can feel sadness in your words.”

Grace didn’t speak, simply stood still and stared out the window into the night.

Grace’s words from the past hour floated in Lilly’s mind. Grace so wanted to teach Lilly…yet Lilly feared the knowledge she wished her to learn.

Come now, Lilly, you said what came is what came this night. Dress, find Brian, and see what will be.

Lilly reached down, pulled the bloomers up her legs, then tied them about her waist. She never wore such a garment, and without a skirt to cover her legs, she fidgeted a bit. If only they were longer. She held back a giggle. Surely, Lilly, longer bloomers would make all the difference. She shook her head and rolled her eyes.

“I long for the love of a good man. One who knows and can feed the passions within. A man who is not afraid to do and be who he is,” Grace declared.

Lilly stared back at her. Well, that certainly was a reasonable dream. Lilly tied the red cape about her shoulders and played with the edges. “That is not unusual, Grace. We all want passion and love. We should all strive for such things. I simply wish to achieve those in marriage, not outside it.”

Grace turned about, her blue-green eyes big and round and filled with shimmering tears.

Oh, no! Stupid, stupid, Lilly. You have made her cry.

“I—I apologize if I said something rash or mean. I simply know what I want and what I believe in.”

“No, it is not you. This is the first event I have been to since my husband’s death. It is the first time I have come to such a place as a widow, alone, unwed. I had hoped to simply put my dreams aside and have some fun. It is proving to be a bit difficult to forget love was all part of the fun for me.”

Lilly’s stomach sank. “I am sorry for making you feel ill.”

“It is not your fault. Our marriage was never what I thought a marriage would be. I did love him, though.” She reached up and brushed a tear from her cheek.

Lilly frowned. She had loved in her marriage, yet she came to places like this with her husband. Maybe she passed judgment on something she didn’t understand.

“Let’s look at you.” Grace stepped toward Lilly. “You are stunning. All the men assume you know what you are doing here. You need to be prepared to be touched.” She smiled a watery smile. “Be prepared to be shocked by the behavior you will witness this night, and if you feel you need guidance on how you might act, simply watch all the women about you.”

Grace flourished the mask and raised it. Lilly turned about and Grace placed it over her eyes. The cool, thick fabric came down to the tip of her nose and covered her cheekbones. The ties ran over the tops of her ears, and with a few tugs, her deception was fastened.

Lilly inhaled a deep breath. Who was she doing this for? She was doing this for Brian…for Grace…and for herself. If she was honest with herself, she was a bit curious to see what the night brought. Hidden behind this mask, she truly appeared not herself. She could simply play the part. She pushed her struggles with being here to the back of her mind.

“Shall I show you how to place the lemon?”

Lilly stared expectantly into Grace’s still-glossy eyes. Play the part, Lilly. “I see no harm in being prepared. I will not go as far as to need protection, but I should like you to teach me anyhow.” The information could be useful when she did wed.

Grace smiled. “Indeed, Veronica. Every woman should know how.”