Читать книгу Too Clever by Half - Lang John - Страница 6

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GEORGE HARROWAY, was duly presented to Mrs. Newsham and her daughters, by Sam Freeport. The exchange of horses that had taken place between Anne and Sam was soon brought in as a topic of conversation.

"Don't you think Captain Freeport was rather green, Mr. Harroway?" asked Anne.

"That's a charming little animal of yours which my friend now possesses," replied Harroway.

"I would not part with him for all the horses in the county," said Sam; "I never rode such an easy graceful creature in the whole course of my existence."

"Why, you have never been upon his back yet," observed Harroway.

There was a general laugh against Freeport, in which he could not help joining.

"You are fond of the chase, I understand?" said Harroway to Anne.

"Yes, we are all fond of it," she replied.

"I am rejoiced to hear that; as we shall meet in the field. Captain Freeport has been good enough to sell me his chesnut, and he is almost as good as your grey."

"We shall see in a day or two," said Anne. "The hounds meet on Thursday. Captain Freeport, I hope to see you on Mazeppa."

"Most assuredly," said Sam. "Who'd be absent?"

* * * * * * * * *

"Are they not jolly girls, George?" inquired Freeport, when they got into the street.

"Very," was the laconic reply. "Anne is a remarkably fine girl."

"And she's gone, sir!"

"How do you mean, gone?"

"Why, she's head over ears in love with me, sir. The governor is a wealthy man, I fancy; but then there are four of 'em, and people have a dislike to divide their property during lifetime. I am afraid I can't afford to marry her, George: I wish I could. No, sir, I must have an heiress. Nothing short of an heiress will do for a man in my circumstances."

At this moment a brass plate bearing the words, "BLINK, SURGEON," in large letters, met Freeport's eye. "What a queer name?" he exclaimed. "I wonder what sort of a fellow Blink is, George? Blink! Blink! I have a curiosity to see Blink. I'll bet you a crown I will describe Blink nearer than you do."

"Done!" cried Harroway.

"How are we to decide it?" asked Harroway.

"That's easily done," said Sam. "I can be sick, and go to consult him. Come along!"

Freeport told Harroway to rap at the door, and keep from laughing.

Blink was a good looking, well made young man, who had just commenced practice. He was politeness itself: and he listened to Sam's symptoms with a very patient ear.

"When did the pain first come on?" said Blink.

"About a week ago," said the patient, in a feeble voice. "Our doctor pronounced it to be liver; but I am certain it is no such thing."

"Decidedly not liver," said Blink—"Have you any difficulty of breathing!"

"Very considerable." (Sam gasped.)

"How is the appetite?"

"None at all. Can't touch a thing. I sicken at the sight of food."

"Have you any depression of spirits?"

"Yes—especially as the evening approaches." (Sam looked wretchedly sorrowful.)

Blink promised to send Sam a draught that would do him good; and to call upon him next day. Sam then informed George Harroway, in a broken tone of voice—loud enough for Blink to hear him—that he had forgotten his purse, and George must give Blink a guinea.

Harroway felt compelled to pay Blink, and having done so, he led Sam Freeport out of the room, at a snail's pace.

"That's a drawn bet, George," said Sam, as soon as they got a short distance from Blink's door.

"And I suppose I may say the same of my one pound one? You are the most, expensive companion that ever lived, Sam"

"I never knew a fellow who cared so much about money. What's the use of your wealth to you, if you don't enjoy it?"

"Now then, you have saddled yourself with a doctor—I'm not going to pay him any more."

"How 'saddled?' Can't I say his one dose cured me, and I feel as well as ever I did in my life?"

Blink thought it a very great compliment, that an officer, who had two doctors in his regiment, ready to give advice gratis, should come to consult him in a case of difficulty. He looked upon this as a good sign; and in order that it might be made the most of, Blink paid a round of visits, and incidentally introduced the circumstance to every one whom he saw. Amongst other friends, on whom Blink called, were the Newshams. He did not see the ladies, but he mentioned Freeport's name to Newsham, and the dreadful state of health—in short, precarious condition in which he then was. Newsham was astounded, as well he might be. The inquiries made, and the replies given, placed it beyond all doubt that Sam was Blink's Freeport, even if there were another in the regiment of that name.

When Mrs. Newsham returned, her husband said, "You will be very sorry to hear that Captain Freeport is in a very precarious condition."

"What?" exclaimed Anne, loudly.

"How do you mean?" said Mrs. Newsham.

"He was here not an hour ago," said Jessie.

"And seemed very well," added Jane.

"No accident, I hope!" said Maria.

"When you have done conjecturing," said Newsham, "I'll enlighten you. But with so many people all talking at once, it is quite impossible to make oneself heard."

Newsham then narrated the particulars of his interview with Blink.

"If he is in Blink's hands," said Anne, "he certainly is in a very precarious state. What could have induced him to go to Blink?"

"Blink is not very bright," remarked Newsham.

"Bright?" said Mrs. Newsham. "No, I should think he was not?"

"I wonder," said Newsham, "if he has made a will, and arranged all his affairs?"

Anne was horrified at the idea. And she ran up stairs, and wrote to Freeport:—

"Saturday. "MY DEAR SIR,—I am very sorry to hear of your sudden illness. Take my advice and have nothing to say to Blink. He is the greatest fool I ever met in my life. I wouldn't trust a cat to his judgment. Now pray get rid of him. You have no idea how surprised we were to hear of this. I am afraid you suffered more from your fall than you were willing to confess. "Believe me, very sincerely, "ANNE NEWSHAM."

Sam and Harroway had just returned from a billiard room, when this note was put into the former's hand.

"Didn't I tell you, George, she loved me?" said Sam, handing the note to Harroway. "Look at her anxiety when she hears I am ill."

Harroway was vastly amused when he perused Anne Newsham's favour, and the recollection of the scene with Blink made his sides to shake with laughter.

"What am I to say, George?" asked Sam. "How shall I reply to the dear girl's epistle?'"

"Tell her the truth," replied Harroway. "Say it was a lark. She'll enjoy it. For evidently Blink is no favourite of hers."

"Do you think I am a fool, George?" responded Freeport. "No, no. If I were to tell the truth, the old governor would fancy that my £20,000 in the funds was all moonshine, and that our acquaintance originated in one of those larks. That'll never do, George."

"Here goes," said Sam. "I'll write her a letter which will entail a lengthy correspondence; and there's nothing on earth so delightful as writing to, and hearing from, a girl that you really like—unless it be talking to her."

Sam then wrote as follows, and read out to Harroway as he proceeded.

"Saturday. "MY DEAR MISS ANNE NEWSHAM, Your note has occasioned in me surprise and delight. Surprise that you should hear I am ill, delight that my supposed sufferings should awaken your sympathy. I am happy to say that I never felt better in the whole course of my life. "I shall see you in church to-morrow morning, but as we have to walk there and back like so many children, I shall not be able to speak to you before noon. "With regards and compliments to Mrs. Newsham, believe me very sincerely yours, "S. FREEPORT."

It was nearly nine, when from his dressing-room window George Harroway espied Blink, asking questions of a sergeant, evidently as to the whereabouts of Captain Freeport's quarters.

"Sam! Sam!" roared Harroway, "here's Blink, by all that's beautiful!"

"Blew!" cried out Sam. "Mind if the doctor asks you how I am this morning, say I'm as right as a trivet. The medicine was magic."

"Faith, I will, sir," said Blew.

"There's a step on the stair. Show him in, Blew," said Sam.

Blew met Blink on the landing. Sure enough he put the very question which the foxy Freeport anticipated, and he received the prepared answer.

"How are you, Mr. Blink?" said Sam. "Sit down; take a chair, and a cup of coffee—and a weed."

"I am glad to see you so much better," said Blink.

"Better!" cried Sam; "I never was so astonished in my life. I took the draught last night, went to bed at eight o'clock, and slept like a top till five this morning, and awoke feeling strong and hungry; and if you'll stay till breakfast, which is on the very point of coming on table, you'll see me make away with half a dish of beefsteaks."

"It was witchcraft," said Harroway.

"It was some craft or other," continued Sam. "Here's a man one day not fit to crawl, and the next in robust health, and able to walk a mile and a half. What system do you call that, Blink? Curing a man slick off with one dose—Homœopathy, or what?"

"Oh dear, no! The Homœopathic system is the reverse of my system."

"What! Do you mean to say the Homœopathic system kills a fellow the first dose? By Jove, what a system! Harroway, do you hear that? Here are the steaks, hissing hot. Blink, a steak?"

Blink drew his chair to the table. He had already breakfasted; but the gravy and Harvey sauce looked so tempting he could not refuse.

"How the deuce did you manage it?" said Sam, eating and talking as fast as possible.

"What?" asked Blink.

"To cure me in that extraordinary way."

"I knew what was the matter with you," responded Blink, "the moment I looked into your eye."

"The deuce you did! What—was there a greenish hue spread over the surface of the pupil? You are sure it was not the liver?"

"Quite sure."

"Well, what was it?"

"Why, it's an entirely new disease."

"Well, but what? I think a man has every right to know what has been the matter with him."

"It was fever in the gizzard."

This conversation was more than Harroway could listen to without laughing, so he made a hasty retreat to the next room.

"Have you got out a patent for that medicine?" asked Sam.

"No, but I mean to do so."

"And I'd lose no time, if I were you. I'll give you a certificate of the effect it had on me. But there's one thing; I should not like you to mention that I have consulted you, as our doctors would be jealous. You must know what jealous fellows all professional men are!"

Blink agreed to maintain silence, and shortly after took his departure.

Freeport got ready for church, and was on the point of going down stairs, when an enormous Newfoundland dog, called "Sailor," the property of Harroway, jumped up, and placed his dirty paws on the breast of Sam's jacket.

"Here's a business," said Sam. "Look here—d——n the dog—I can't go to church in this condition; and the hooking and eyeing of this affair is a matter of twenty minutes at least."

"Come as you are," said Harroway. "Nobody will take notice. It will be dry before we get to church. Come along."

"The brute ought to be taught better manners," said Sam. "He ought to be cured of these tricks by a single dose. He's got fever in the gizzard, George. Let's give him Blink's specific. Blew, bring the bottle!"

Harroway was curious to see the effect the medicine would have upon the animal, and therefore made no objection to Freeport's administering it, as he did through the wine funnel. They then marched to church with the regiment.