Читать книгу Expecting a Christmas Miracle - Laura Iding - Страница 10

WAITING was pure, interminable hell.

Jadon paced the small waiting room located near the delivery suites. Kim had insisted on keeping Alyssa in the labor and delivery area until she was certain she could stop Alyssa’s labor. Especially since Alyssa hadn’t fully recovered from her hypothermic episode.

Not knowing what was going on behind the closed doors was killing him. He was a man who liked to be in control. He didn’t know how to be patient. After he’d practically worn a path in the carpeting, he finally sat, dropping his head into his hands with a low groan.

There was no reason to dwell constantly on the potential complications. Alyssa would be fine. And even if the babies came early, they weren’t too small. Kim had estimated one twin to be about three pounds, the other about three and a half pounds.

About the same size he and Jack had been.

He closed his eyes on a wave of despair. He didn’t want to think about his twin brother, or about Jack’s problems.

Especially since he hadn’t been entirely truthful with Alyssa. She knew he had a brother, but she didn’t know Jack was his identical twin.

The lie of omission had stuck in his throat, even back then. But he’d gotten so used to hiding the truth over the years, especially where women were concerned. The stress of coping with his brother had destroyed too many relationships. The breakup of his own brief engagement was bad enough, but the failure of his parents’ marriage had driven the lesson home. Relationships didn’t work for someone in his situation and covering up the truth made it easier to avoid lengthy explanations.

No matter how much he wished otherwise, his life wasn’t his own. Jack would always have to come first. It wouldn’t be right to bring anyone else into his messed-up family.

But then he’d met Alyssa. He’d told himself to stay away, but he hadn’t seemed to be able to resist her. He had broken their rule of no strings by falling for her.

And now Alyssa was pregnant with his babies.

With twins.

Worry gnawed a hole in the lining of his stomach. If he could go back and do things differently, he would. He wouldn’t have left so abruptly, responding instantly to his mother’s panicked phone call the way he always had before. He would have talked to Alyssa first, taken the time to formally break things off between them.

But he still would have left Cedar Bluff.

Jack had needed him. There’d been no choice but to leave.

“Jadon?”

Hearing his name, he glanced up and rose to his feet. Kim’s gaze was warm, and relief flowed over him as he sensed good news. “Yes?”

“Alyssa’s labor seems to have slowed down significantly and her membranes are still intact. I’m fairly confident we won’t have to deliver the babies for a while yet, although we’re going to continue to watch her closely overnight, just in case.”

Thank God. Relief was overwhelming. “Alyssa’s awake? She’s feeling fine?”

“Well, she’s still pretty sleepy. I don’t know that she’s fully recovered from her ordeal.”

“I’d like to see her,” he said firmly.

Kim hesitated. “Jadon, Alyssa confided in me that you were the father of her babies, which is why I’ve kept you in the loop about her condition. But now, since it seems she’s stabilized, I think it’s best if we hold off on any confrontations until she’s stronger.”

Confrontations? “Give me a little credit, Kim. I’m not going to argue with her. I just want to know how she’s doing.” And let her know he was sorry he’d left without saying goodbye.

“Wait until tomorrow,” Kim advised. “Alyssa’s been through enough of a shock for the moment. It’s better if you give her a little time to rest.”

Leaving Alyssa without seeing her went against every instinct he possessed. Yet clearly Kim felt she was acting in her patient’s best interests. Knowing further arguments weren’t going to get him anywhere, he let out a deep sigh and nodded.

“All right, I’ll wait. But if she does wake up, please let her know I’m anxious to see her.”

Kim pursed her lips thoughtfully. “And if she doesn’t want to see you?” she asked.

Panic gripped him by the throat. Obviously he couldn’t force Alyssa to see him. To talk to him. To let him explain. And even if she did, what could he offer her? Nothing but heartache. Yet he had to help take care of his babies. “She will.” He forced a confidence he was far from feeling.

“All right, Jadon. We’ll see what tomorrow brings.”

He could tell Alyssa’s OB doctor wasn’t convinced. Heck, neither was he. All he could do was hope Alyssa would give him a few minutes of her time to explain, as best he could, without going into too much detail.

He didn’t want to add to her stress by disclosing the entire truth. She had enough to worry about at the moment.

He couldn’t believe she would ignore him completely, not when they both knew he was the babies’ father. They hadn’t wanted a future, but here they were anyway. Somehow they needed to find a way to get along, at least enough to provide a secure, loving environment for their children.

Feeling grim, he was forced to acknowledge it was a task much easier said than done.

Alyssa awoke feeling groggy and disoriented, as if she’d slept for days instead of mere hours. What time was it anyway?

She scanned the room, looking for a clock, but quickly realized she wasn’t in the ED. The bright yellow walls and the warm decor, including the snowflakes and “Merry Christmas” written on the windows in white spray-on snow, didn’t look at all familiar. She lifted her head, trying to find a nurse, instinctively placing a hand over her swollen abdomen.

She smoothed a hand over her stomach, searching for the familiar movements from deep within her womb. After a few moments relief washed over her as she felt the babies moving. She and the babies had managed to survive their swim in Lake Michigan.

And Ben, too?

Panic made her suck in a harsh breath. What about Ben? What had happened to Ben?

“Is someone there?” she called out, searching in her bed for her call-light. No wonder patients felt so helpless when they didn’t have their call-lights within reach.

“Yes, I’m here.” A pretty nurse entered the room and Alyssa recognized her as Marla, one of the labor and delivery nurses whose husband was also one of the anesthesiologists on staff. “Don’t worry, you’re doing well. And your babies are doing fine, too. We’ve been monitoring them through fetal heart tones.”

Good news about her babies. “But what about Ben?” Alyssa couldn’t relax, not until she knew what had happened.

“Ben?” Marla looked perplexed for a moment, and then her expression cleared. “Oh, yes, Kylie and Seth’s son, Ben. He’s doing fine. I believe they kept him overnight for observation as well on the pediatric unit.”

She relaxed against the pillows. “I’m so glad.”

“Alyssa, it’s good to see you’re finally awake.” Dr. Rayborn came into the room, standing beside Marla. “And of course you’ve been asking about Ben.”

“I don’t remember much once I called 911,” Alyssa admitted. “I must have been out of it for a while.”

Kim raised a brow. “You were. In fact, you’ve been sleeping all night. But don’t worry, Ben woke up much quicker than you did, and he’s been telling everyone who’ll listen how you saved his life.”

She flashed a tired smile, very glad to hear Ben was okay. She hoped Kylie would forgive her for putting Ben’s life in danger in the first place. It was her fault he’d needed saving.

Now that she knew her babies and Ben were safe, she relaxed against the pillows. Through her open door she could hear the lyrical sound of hospital carolers singing “Joy to the World”, one of her favorite Christmas songs. Just hearing the uplifting music made her smile.

“Alyssa.” Kim’s expression changed to one of concern as she reached for her hand. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

Her muscles suddenly tensed and her smile faded. “What?”

“Jadon’s here.”

“Jadon is here? In Cedar Bluff?” She stared, confused. She vaguely remembered dreaming about Jadon. Was it possible the image of his concerned face hovering over hers hadn’t been a dream?

“Yes. And he wants to see you,” Dr. Rayborn said. “He’s back from his leave of absence, and was actually doing an orientation shift in the ED when the paramedic crew rushed you and Ben in.”

Jadon was back. She hadn’t been dreaming his face near hers after all. She could hardly comprehend the news. Why had he returned? And why hadn’t he called, especially after she’d left him a message? Why hadn’t he at least bothered to let her know he was planning to come back?

Useless questions, as only Jadon could provide the answers.

She glanced at Kim. “I assume he knows about the babies?”

Kim nodded. “You told me he was the father. Is that true?”

She momentarily closed her eyes, wishing things had been different. For her and for Jadon. Resigned, she nodded. “Yes, it’s true.”

“He was extremely upset when you were brought in,” Kim said gently. “He was literally glued to your side during the rewarming process as we struggled to get your core temperatures up to normal. He was also very shocked to learn you were pregnant.”

“Yeah, well, all he had to do was answer my messages and he would have known about my pregnancy a lot sooner.” She couldn’t hide the note of bitterness that crept into her tone.

“I know you’re upset, but it might be good to at least hear his side of the story,” Kim pointed out.

His side of the story? There was a part of her that didn’t really want to know. She and Jadon hadn’t spoken much about their pasts. The last thing she wanted to hear was about some wife, or ex-wife, or ex-girlfriend. While he’d been gone it had been all too easy to think the worst. And it was very hard to believe Jadon had been glued to her side in the ED, especially when he’d left four and a half months ago without a word.

No, she couldn’t do it. She wasn’t ready to face him. Wasn’t sure she’d ever be ready.

Besides, what difference would it make to talk to him? She and Jadon didn’t have a future. Things had changed during the time he’d been gone. She’d grown accustomed to being without him. Had already planned on raising her babies alone. She didn’t need a man to be happy; she was more than content to focus her life on her children.

She wasn’t the same person who’d loved recklessly and lost so painfully. She’d gone into an intimate relationship with Jadon, thinking she could keep things light and fun. He was handsome and charismatic, reminding her very much of her father. And he’d told her up front that he wasn’t interested in anything long term either. Another factor that had reminded her of her father.

Which was exactly why she’d suspected Jadon wasn’t ever coming back.

So why was he here now? Maybe he needed to see her first, before he walked away one last time. Surely discovering the news about the twins would scare him away. Did he know they were his? Or would she have to convince him through blood tests? If so, she wouldn’t bother. If he didn’t want to acknowledge them as his, it was fine with her.

“I’ll see him later,” she said, avoiding the inevitable but unable to help herself. “Are you going to discharge me soon?”

Kim hesitated and slowly shook her head. “I can’t discharge you yet, Alyssa. I’ve had you on a continuous infusion of low-dose terbutaline to help stop your premature contractions. Once I wean you off the medication, we’ll see how you do. I may be able to discharge you within the next twenty-four hours, but I’d like you to stay on bed rest for a few days.”

Bed rest? Alyssa tried to hide her dismay. “I understand you’re trying to prevent premature labor, but I can’t work if I’m on bed rest.”

“I know.” Kim’s warm gaze focused on hers. “I realize you need to support yourself, but the health of your unborn babies must be the highest priority.”

Of course it was. Chagrined, she nodded. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’ll stay on bed rest as long as you tell me I need to.”

“Well, let’s plan on a couple of days at least,” Kim clarified. “Then we’ll see how it goes. You are fairly far along in your pregnancy, but every week you carry the babies, the better their chances of survival without complications.”

Alyssa knew her doctor was right. She’d make ends meet, somehow. “Okay, so when are you going to start weaning me off the medication?” she asked.

“Right now,” Kim said with a smile. “Marla? Start lowering the drip rate, a few milliliters per hour, while monitoring for contractions.”

“Okay.” Marla made her way to make the first adjustments on the IV pump.

“Dr. Rayborn?” Alyssa called when Kim moved as if to leave.

“Yes?” She turned back toward Alyssa.

“If Jadon shows up this morning, I’ll see him.”

Kim raised a brow. “Are you sure? I don’t blame you for needing some time.”

There wasn’t enough time left in all creation for her to be ready to face Jadon, and that was the God’s honest truth. So she’d be better off facing him now, since she fully expected he wouldn’t be sticking around much longer. He was reminding her more and more of her father, who certainly hadn’t stuck around for very long. Some men just weren’t meant for long-term relationships.

Once he understood she wouldn’t force him into playing the role of loving father to her unborn twins, she suspected he’d do his all-too-familiar disappearing act once again.

“I’m sure.”

“Jadon?”

At the sound of his name, he glanced up to find Kim standing in the entryway of the waiting room. He flashed a crooked smile. “Hi.”

She raised a brow and shook her head, raking a gaze over his rumpled clothes. “Don’t tell me you slept here all night?”

“Okay, I won’t tell you.” He stood and stretched, trying to work the kinks out of his back. “What’s up?”

“Alyssa is being weaned off the terbutaline, and so far the contractions haven’t returned. She’ll be in the labor and delivery area for a while yet, but she’s ready to see you.”

She was? Alyssa was willing to see him?

He’d waited so long he’d assumed she’d decided against it.

“She knows I’m here?” he asked, suddenly extremely nervous about seeing her.

Kim nodded. “Yes, although I didn’t tell her you slept here all night. But she did confirm you’re the father of her babies, although if you need a formal paternity test, that can certainly be arranged.”

“No. No tests. Unless Alyssa wants one.” He almost blurted out the truth, about how now that he thought about it, he knew exactly when they’d conceived. The one time he and Alyssa had gotten carried away and hadn’t used protection.

But this wasn’t the time, or the place, or the appropriate person with which to have this conversation. He needed to talk to Alyssa first.

No matter how difficult.

“She’s in Labor and Delivery room number five.” Kim smiled again. “Take your time. I have patients to see in clinic this morning so I won’t be back until later this afternoon, unless something changes.”

He nodded, feeling nervous. He made his way back down the hall of the labor and delivery suites. The door to Alyssa’s room was closed. He knocked, and then, when he couldn’t hear anything, opened the door. “Alyssa? May I come in?”

“Yes.” Her voice was weak, and he hesitated, wondering if his timing was bad. Maybe he should wait until she was fully recovered from her hypothermia episode.

Don’t be a coward, he told himself, pushing the door open and entering her room.

Her face was pale, framed by a cloud of her dark, curly hair spread out over the pillow. She looked better than she had when the paramedic unit had brought her icy-cold, limp body through the trauma room doors.

He’d never been so scared.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, tentatively coming closer.

She lifted a shoulder and smoothed a hand over her belly, as he’d often seen pregnant women do. There was something innately caring in her gesture. “Fine. They’re telling me the babies are doing well, which is all I care about.”

He didn’t necessarily agree, since her well-being was very important to him, but nodded anyway. She was so beautiful, especially now, with her body soft and round with child. His gaze dropped to her lush breasts, not entirely hidden by the shapeless hospital gown she wore. They were fuller than he remembered.

He swallowed hard and dragged his glance away. What was wrong with him? Alyssa wouldn’t appreciate his lustful thoughts. Especially after the way he’d left her so abruptly.

“Look, Jadon, I know you weren’t expecting this.” Alyssa, always direct, cut right to the heart of the matter. “But you need to know, I tried to call you. I left a message, but then the next time I called, your phone was disconnected.”

“I’m sorry,” he apologized, knowing she had every right to be upset as he pulled out his new cell phone. “My old cell phone was stolen.” And he wasn’t about to share the details of that story. At the time, he’d been lucky to have escaped with a mild concussion and a few cracked ribs. His cell phone and wallet had been the least of his worries. “I know it’s not an excuse, but I didn’t get your messages. See? New phone, new number.”

She stared at him with wide, solemn blue eyes. “You had a right to know about the babies, but please understand that, other than some financial support, I don’t expect anything from you.”

He scowled, annoyed with the way the conversation was going. “What do you mean? I’m their father.”

Her unblinking gaze bored into his. “Can you honestly tell me you’re here to stay this time? That you’ll be here for me and the babies no matter what? You’ll never need to take another unexpected personal leave of absence?”

For long moments he debated lying to her and reassuring her he was here to stay. But his life wasn’t his own. He had responsibilities. If his mother called, he’d have to drop everything to leave again.

And he couldn’t lie to Alyssa, even by omission.

Not about this.

“No, I can’t tell you that I won’t ever leave Cedar Bluff. But if I do have to leave, I’ll make sure to let you know first. And you can rest assured that, no matter what happens, I have every intention of being there to help support you and the twins. Emotionally support them, as well as financially.”

Her eyes widened in surprise, as if she hadn’t expected him to say that. “But you made it clear you weren’t interested in a serious relationship,” she protested, her eyes full of barely hidden anxiety.

“So did you,” he shot back.

She stared at him, unable to refute his claim. They’d blithely jumped into an intimate relationship, never considering the possible consequences of their actions.

“Obviously things have changed, for both of us,” Jadon continued. “I plan to be a part of my children’s lives, so you’d better get used to the idea.” She wasn’t going to get rid of him that easily. “I’ll give you some space now, because I don’t want to cause you any more stress while you’re supposed to be resting, but you can be certain I’ll be back later.”

She didn’t utter a word as he turned and walked away.